Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters; Stephanie Meyer does. I also do not own the words or music to "Time" those belong to David Gilmour, Nick Mason, Richard Wright, and Roger Waters.

A/N: Hmmm I think I might be back to the empty auditorium. I'd like to thank Rpatz-Wifey for forcing me out of my hermit cave by poking me with a sharp stick made out of flattery and encouragement. I tried to respond to your review with a pm, but ff said you'd disabled them, so I thought an up-date would be an appropriate thank you. Also thank you to Jessica who has put up with me saying "maybe I'll get around to up-dating this week" for far too long, you're a good friend and I'll try to be better. Incase it's been so long that you've forgotten, this story is rated M for a reason, so please don't read it if you're not old enough and just like before this chapter was only proofread by me, sorry for any mistakes you may find.

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
Fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your hometown
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. - "Time" by Pink Floyd

Epov

How dressed up did one need to be to party crash? Was it better to wear jeans that hugged my ass and a tee-shirt that showed off my well defined shoulders and arms, going for the casual 'Hey neighbor can I borrow cup of, oh you're having a party can I come in? Why yes I do look this good all the time.' vibe or maybe I should dress it up a bit and bring a six pack with me, since she seemed to enjoy the last one so damn much, and be all 'Yeah I'm crashing this bitch, deal with it.'?

Oh God, where the hell did all of my testosterone go? Had I really been staring into my closet for the last ten minutes trying to pick an outfit for a party I wasn't even invited to?

The sad and demoralizing answer was yes, yes I had been. It's just that judging by the number of cheerful people I'd spotted heading to Bella's apartment today, she was have a party and she hadn't even bothered to invite me. Bitch.

I really wanted to talk to her again. I knew that I needed to get started making up for my fuckups, but every time she'd left her apartment she'd given a big 'Fuck You' to my door and had been wearing a look that clearly made violent threats against my favorite part of my anatomy.

I sighed and tugged at my hair a little. I really need to pick something to wear and get my ass in gear. Shit why was this so hard? Goddamn Bella for turning me into a giant fucking girl and messing with my head like this!

I was seriously contemplating sticking my hand into my jeans to make sure that Mason and the Stone Twins were still there, when there was a thundering knock on my door. That's right I named my cock and balls, deal with it.

I quickly glanced down and decided that it was fine to answer the door in jeans and a clean wife-beater. Standing in the doorway was a monster of a man with curly black hair and a tall lanky guy with blond hair. They both looked familiar, but it took me a few long, awkward seconds to place them.

"Oh, hey guys. It's nice to see you and everything but if you're looking for weed, I don't really have the same connections I used to."

They both blinked at me before laughing in my face. Okay, well this was awesome.

"Dude" The big one said, "We're so not here about that, but it's nice to know that you're not a good connection anymore, I guess. We're here about Bella."

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! They were here to kick my ass for upsetting her earlier. For shit's sake, weren't we too old for that crap? Oh God, what if she told them that I was The Midget Porn Bandit? I knew I shouldn't have drunkenly confessed that to her. Okay clearly I was just going to have to tough it out, besides anybody who left their dorm room unlocked and their computer without password protection deserved to have their wallpaper and screensaver changed.

"Bella?" I squeaked. Fuck, sack up! I cleared my throat and tried again. Thankfully my voice came out normal. "What about her?"

"I'm not sure his connections are as dry as he wants us to think, he looks pretty paranoid to me." The blond one who used to have Alice attached to his face ninety percent of the time said.

"Well you know what a magnificent and intimidating specimen I am, Jazz. He's probably just reacting to my force field of awesomeness. "

Jazz? Oh right, short for Jasper that means that "the specimen" was Emmett. I probably should have remembered their names sooner, but while we'd partied together occasionally and I'd helped them replenish certain supplies when they were running low, we'd never really hung out. That and I'd always referred to them in my head as Alice's and/or Rosalie's boyfriend. That is how they'd been introduced to me "Hey this is Jasper Alice's boyfriend." and how they'd been referred to in conversation "Did I tell you that The Midget Porn Bandit got onto Rose's boyfriend Emmett's computer again?"

"It's alright Little Guy; I'll be leaving soon so you won't have to feel inferior for much longer." He winked at me. Little Guy? Really? I didn't remember him being this much of a tool in college. Now I was glad I'd messed with his computer on more than one occasion. He probably left the door open on purpose because he liked it, fucking freak.

Jasper seemed to sense that my mood was going south quickly and they were about to get a face full of door. He punched The Specimen on the arm.

"Emmett stop fucking with him. Look Edward, we just wanted to come over and ask you to keep an eye on Bella. You know since you'll be living down the hall from her now."

"Ummm guys I don't know if you've noticed, but she seems to have grownup plenty since the last time I saw her. Plus she made it pretty damn clear that she could take care of herself just fine when I talked to her earlier in the week."

Jasper tried to bite back a snicker but failed. I guess Bella had shared part of our conversation with Alice. Fucking super.

"It's true that she's come a long way from the clumsy co-ed of yore." Yore? Really Jasper? I cocked an eyebrow at that one and he flushed a little. I guess he was still playing Dungeons and Dragons on the weekends. Nerd. He cleared his throat before continuing. "Look the point is Bella has changed a lot since college, but she's still a single woman living alone. I'd hate for her to get mixed up with any assholes or bad situations."

He paused for a minute and gave me an assessing look. I could practically hear him thinking 'Yeah you were lumped into the asshole category years ago, Assward.' Great now I'm imagining that everyone is using Bella's new nickname for me.

"Here's mine and Emmett's cell numbers in case there's ever an emergency or something." He handed me a piece of paper.

"Okay, I guess I can do that for you guys." It's not like I wasn't going to be keeping an eye out for Bella anyway, not in the way they were asking but still this almost gave me a legitimate reason to be stalking, err looking out for her.

"Right, now that this shit is done let's get back to the party, I want to another brownie or two. Goodbye Little Man and don't fuck this up!"

I perked up a bit, since I was doing these guys a favor, clearly they could do me a solid and invite me to the party. Sweet, it looked like there would be no crashing for me!

"So about this party-"That was as far as I got before they both laughed in my face, again.

"No fucking way dude!"

"Not a chance, Bella's already a little pissy at the moment and I'm not bringing that shit down on me, just because you feel like party crashing. If I were you, I'd turn my ass around, go back into my apartment and forget that there's anything going on over there tonight. That is unless you want your baldheaded giggle stick ripped off and fed to her little dog." With that Jasper spun around, grabbing Emmett as he went and pulling him along back toward Bella's apartment.

Emmett smiled cheekily over his shoulder and waved at me. "See you around Assward!"

Mother fucker, she fucking told them!

Bitch.

I slammed the door and double-timed it across my apartment into my kitchen. I deserved a beer or three after that bullshit.

Bpov

Must. Not. Punch. Pregnant. Friend.

Be a grown up Bella, remember that Alice was just excited and wanted to share her news, not steal your thunder. Yeah I'd been repeating that and other similar phrases and mantras over and over to myself for the last twenty minutes or so but it hadn't really helped much. I was still feeling bitchy and shoved aside at my own damn party.

As soon as Alice had made her announcement, the attention had basically shifted to her and baby related talk. Chelsea and I were the only ones hanging back after the initial congratulations and hugs were given out. I think it had something to do with us being the only single people in the room. We'd spent most of the time trying to synch up our schedules so that we could go out on the town a.k.a. the prowl. We figured we were both free the Saturday after next, since I was going home to visit Charlie and Sue next weekend. I was already looking forward to it since Chelsea was always a blast and I knew I would need to blow off some steam after the orientation meetings I'd have to do for my new job that week.

I was thinking about how lucky I had been to be offered the position, especially with the economy being as craptacular as it was, when Angelia and Ben came up to me to say their goodbyes. They needed to pick up the little monsters, umm munchkins from her mom's house before it got too much later. Ange explained that Sophie was in a phase where she "had a lot of anxiety about sleeping anywhere beside her own bed." I tried to be sympatric about it but I couldn't really relate. I didn't even know kids could get anxiety about shit like that. I mean they took naps at school and stuff didn't they?

I walked them to the door and gave them each a hug goodbye. Ben's ranked at three out of ten, he's kind of scrawny and it was one of those awkward one arm side a-frame hugs. Blah! That shit was almost worse than getting no boy hug at all.

When I turned around Alice was right behind me. She had that look on her face, the one that told me she had noticed my attitude and we were about to sort our shit out.

"Your bedroom?"

I shrugged and led the way. 'Please let this be simple,' I prayed as I closed the door behind us.

"Why do you hate me and my baby?" Alice wailed and burst into tears.

Fuck. Of course this could not be easy. I didn't even know if the crying was a pregnancy hormone thing or just Alice. She was the queen of crocodile tears when it suited her, but if I called her out on it and she wasn't faking I'd have to deal with her getting angry on top of the tears. No fucking thank you.

"Ally, I don't hate you or your baby! I just don't understand why you felt like now was the best time to announce your happy news. I mean I just got back and this party was supposed to be about welcoming me back home, why the hell did you feel like you had to make it about you? Was it not a fun enough party for you is that it? I just do not understand why you couldn't let me have this. I mean if you wanted to announce it at my party then why didn't you just ask me ahead of time?"

Shit now I was starting to tear up, but at least Alice's had stopped. In fact, she was staring at me with her mouth hanging open a little bit. I guess my rant must have shocked her into silence. It wasn't the first time I'd managed it but it felt just as sweet.

The next thing I knew she'd launched herself at me and was crying again.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be selfish! I thought you wouldn't want the attention on you, plus everyone was here and it seemed perfect."

"Alice, I know that I hate to celebrate my birthday and I'm not a big fan of people staring at me, but this was something I had planned so I knew what to expect. I know we haven't spent tons of time together since I left for Florida, but you need to realize that I'm not the same person that I was before I left and you don't need to protect me anymore."

"I know! Really I do, I was just trying to help. It seemed like a good idea. I guess I should have listened to Jasper. Oh he's going to be such a dick about this. He just loves it when he's right and I'm wrong."

And now she's pouting, damn she's all over the place tonight. I giggled a little as we broke the hug and each took a step back.

"Well I'm not an expert but I'm guessing you can play the 'I'm pregnant with you baby, don't screw with me' card or the 'go ahead gloat but you're not getting any' card."

She thought about it for a bit and then actually looked a little deflated. "I don't think I can this time." She sighed. "I'm trying to save up the first one for midnight cravings and when we're shopping for the baby stuff or the nursery. The second one is totally out of the questions because these freaking pregnancy hormones are making me so horny! I'm like a panther in heat and he knows it! He'll never buy it."

"A panther? Really?"

"Well I'm sure as shit not a cougar Bella!"

"So you're saying you're like a jungle cat? What does that mean, you like pounce on him all the time? Or you hunt him down?" Okay I admit it, I was a little intrigued by this part of the whole pregnancy thing.

"In a word? Yes! Also, clearly I'm a panther because I have black hair."

Right.

"Alright well I feel like we can be done with this conversation now. Next time you want to hijack one of my parties just make sure to warn me ahead of time okay?"

Alice nodded vigorously and smiled up at me.

"Yeah I think we're good. Actually, I think it's time I grabbed Jasper and we got out of here before I go all 'panther' on him in your apartment." I cringed as she looked up at me with faux innocent eyes. "Unless you'd like us to christen your new apartment for you?"

"Two words Alice: Fuck. No. Let's go find your baby daddy."

We left the room and I immediately noticed two things. The first was that Emmett and Jasper were just coming into my apartment, which was weird but maybe they were looking for Alice. The second was that the party was definitely winding down. It probably had something to do with the hostess having disappeared for an indeterminate amount of time.

First Alice stole my party, then she killed it. I wasn't even pissed about it, since I was starting to get pretty tired. The move, unpacking, and party preparations had taken a lot out of me.

Jessica, Bree, and Chelsea took off pretty soon after my conversation with Alice.

Rose and Alice helped me wash and dry the dishes, while the boys made a trip outside to drop off the garbage and recycling for me.

They only hiccup in our cleaning was when Jasper, who was collecting the recyclables tried to remove my victory beer bottles from their place of honor on my shelf. I quickly stopped him and put the bottles back with the reverence they deserved. Of course then I had to explain to everyone I was "keeping random empty bottles." I don't think they understood, but were willing to go with it, after a few looks between themselves that clearly said 'don't upset the crazy lady.'

The foursome finally left after another round of hugs and promises to see each other soon. Emmett officially won my secret best guy hug contest with his goodbye hug. It was partially due to the fact that he'd whispered to be that he was glad I was home and that he was going to take me mini golfing soon, which was something that just the two of used to do during finals to blow off steam.

It took me a while to find Cooper so that I could take him out for the night before getting ready to go to bed. I thought I'd find him curled up in his kennel napping, but instead he was under the table licking a stray plate. I had no idea how it could have gotten under there unless someone had deliberately put it there. My money was on Emmett, at least if it was him he would have made sure that whatever treats were on were dog safe food since he had one at home.

After short scuffle that involved growling (on Cooper's part) and some snarling (on mine) I finally gained possession of the plate and got his leash on him.

As we walked past Assward's apartment I could hear Pink Floyd playing. Hearing it sucked me back into memories of us chilling in his dorm room, when he'd first introduced me to their music. We'd laid next to each other on the floor with the lights off while late afternoon light had filtered through the semi-open blinds and listened to Dark Side of the Moon all the way through without speaking. I'd loved it, all except for the woman's solo on "The Great Gig in the Sky" because I was sure she was being murdered or something.

I shook of the nostalgia and the urge to knock on his door so that we could listen together like old times and kept walking. I did give his door my now customary salute but I couldn't work up a good glare.

Thankfully Coop was relatively quick doing his business; I think the party must have tuckered him out too.

On our way back inside I started fantasizing about climbing into bed, I was so focused on my goal that I almost missed the paper that was taped to my door.

At the top it said "Dear Bella" then underneath was a surprisingly well done, considering the short amount of time we'd been outside, drawing of a hand giving the finger (well one of his majors had been art) with "back at you! P.S. You could have invited me to your party." written underneath. It was signed with a disgustingly fancy cursive "E" just so I would be absolutely sure who had put it there, as if there was any doubt.

I found myself laughing as I pulled the paper off my door and unlocked it to let myself in.

Game fucking on, Cullen.

A/N #2: I really hope that none of you were disappointed by this chapter, especially after having to wait so long for it. The Midget Porn Bandit was a real person that operated at my school, although I never found out their secret identity. Basically they would wander the dorms to see if people had left their doors unlocked (many of us did) and if you had a computer that wasn't protected they would change your wallpaper and screen saver to images of little people getting their groove on. They even left a nice little note behind, letting you know that they'd done it and it wouldn't happen again if you were just smart enough to lock your door when you left.

In other more serious news I'm sure many of you like me have been glued to your TVs the last few days watching the tragic images coming out of Japan. I lived there for three years and I can tell you it's an amazing country with a strong people and rich culture. This fandom is fantastic and I'm sure at this very moment there is some caring and well organized person setting up some kind of fundraiser, like the one we had for Haiti. If you hear about anything like this please let me know as I would dearly love to participate. Thanks.