Chapter 7 – Matthew Explains
So Matthew is home and he is anxious to talk to Mary to settle things between them, but first he needs to tell his mother. I had hoped to get more accomplished in this chapter. But Matthew needed his mother to understand and in that he has a lot of explaining to do….
As Mary and Sybil carried on with their duties, Matthew continued to roam the house and eventually he found himself walking the grounds of Downton. It was very soothing, his mind and body beginning the process of relaxing from the stress and intensity that was the front.
And as he relaxed, his mind wandered back specifically to Mary, and some very pleasant dreams.
I love you, I have loved you, and I did love you!
Oh how often he revisited those words, the declaration, and the clarification from Mary that she loved him. Oh God, it made him feel so wonderfully joyful. His heart pounded with anticipation as he once again recalled those words. It had always made him happy, but today, when he knew he would find a moment alone with Mary and be able to respond in kind, his heart soared and he was flushed with desire.
He heard the door and his Mother greeting Moseley. "Is Matthew here?"
"In the drawing room, Mrs. Crawley."
Isobel handed Moseley her things and went in to greet Matthew for the second time that day.
Matthew stood and greeted his mother with a kiss to her cheek. "Hello again, mother, how extraordinary this feels and yet so familiar."
"Shall we have tea?" Isobel said as she rang for Moseley and Matthew sat back down.
"It is so good to have you home my dear. I have missed you a great deal and have been so worried for your safety." Isobel said, controlling her emotions so that she did not cry, but tears welled up never the less.
"Mother..." Matthew reached across to her and gently squeezed her hand. "I know how you must worry, how could you not? But, I am here now, and I am safe, let us be thankful for that. If there is one thing war has taught me, it is to live in the moment."
"Quite right" Isobel agreed brightening.
"I am much in awe of the changes in Downton." Matthew said redirecting the conversation. "The opening of the house to care for those brave men is impressive. It appears to be quite the operation with everyone playing a role."
"It is quite impressive, isn't it?" Isobel beamed. "It requires much in the way of dedicated planning and execution. Cora has been most helpful in providing logistical support. Sybil is a very skilled nurse and has been invaluable to both Dr. Clarkson and me. Edith sees to it that the men have books, reads and writes their letters, and has a very empathetic ear. And Mary too has shown herself to be very giving and caring. She lends support and assistance wherever it is needed; indeed, she is quite a nurse herself." Isobel said earnestly.
"I am very proud of you Mother and my Cousins for embracing such a necessary enterprise." Matthew smiled warmly.
As Moseley served them tea, Isobel wondered about Lavinia. "And how is Lavinia, did you find her well in London. Of course, it was right of you to visit her first. I know she has missed you very much. Will she be coming to stay with us, now that you will be home indefinitely? I telegrammed her inquiring as to when she planned to arrive for Christmas. I had no reply, but I suppose that is because she told you of her plans when you saw her yesterday." Isobel queried.
Matthew stiffened slightly; he knew this was part of the process. As he had been engaged to Lavinia and now was not, he would have to explain in some detail as to the circumstances, at least to his mother. He expected her to understand, eventually, and to be supportive, but it was still an unpleasant task.
Isobel was watching him closely, noting his delayed response and that the air had shifted slightly. "Matthew" she said, breaking Matthew's thoughts, "I was asking about Lavinia."
"Yes, we should talk about Lavinia." he began, "I am afraid that Lavinia will not be joining us for Christmas or indeed coming to Downton at all. You see, we have broken our engagement." He said directly, his expression giving away nothing.
"What? I am quite surprised. Neither of you had given me any indication that your feelings had changed. Are you quite sure?" Isobel pressed.
"It is sudden; at least, it was for her. I understand your surprise and I will attempt to explain." He continued, "I do love Lavinia, and I would have married her. But I couldn't continue our engagement when I have lately realized that my affections, my dreams, my desires lie more wholly with another."
"With another?" Isobel questioned, "I am afraid that I am confused Matthew. Have you met someone else?"
"No. I haven't met anyone else." He repeated her phrasing, stalling. Understanding she wouldn't be satisfied with riddles, he clarified, "Mary, I am in love with Mary." His expression warmed, his eyes glistening.
"Oh, I see, but then I am not sure I do. You broke with Mary, she broke your heart." Isobel said pointedly.
"I remember," he said softly.
I love you, I have loved you, and I did love you!
"But, I am now in possession of new information that suggests I may have been rash. That my speculation as to Mary's reasons for not giving me an answer was wrong. And that we may indeed be happy together after all."
"I see and the source of the new information is Mary?" Isobel questioned.
"It is. She spoke to me just before I left last March. She wanted to make sure in case anything happened, that I knew her true regard. She had kept it from me you see and it was important to her that I understood."
Isobel could see the love and adoration on Matthew's face. She had seen it before, after Matthew has proposed to Mary so long ago. She also remembered how his despair had grown as Mary continued to delay accepting him… and his heartbreak when he determined to break with Mary.
"Are you quite sure?" Isobel pushed again. "Do you know why she didn't accept you then, when her feelings matched your own?"
Matthew considered, "No, I don't know. What I do know is that I love her and she loves me. And I do believe she will accept me this time."
Isobel understood. She knew the passion with which her son loved Mary. She knew his stubbornness and his will. She understood the path he had put himself on, she hoped this time it would end happily.