Princes for Paupers
Chapter Two: Limb From Limb.Ashes to Ashes
For the rest of the day and the next morning since my brief, yet striking, meet with Instructor Trepe I couldn't seem to stop thinking about the possibility of a romance between her and my injured friend, Squall. There was something so alluring and oddly sexy about a relationship like that. Master and pupil. Sitting in my classes I frequently flew out of my books and into my own little world and dreamt about their personal lives. I imagined him sitting in her class as she might occasionally give him looks that looked like mere glances to others but meant volumes to the two lovebirds. And with these random daydreams I began to embellish reality as well. I began to read heavily into Instructor Trepe's visit with Squall in the infirmary. Her morose yet powerful gaze at him through the pane of glass felt like so much more than anything I could have fathomed before. I wondered if Dr. Kadowaki had heard of any of this before. I wanted to ask but was afraid of any possible repercussions because I knew all of them would be negative. I didn't want to get the Instructor in trouble, just in case Kadowaki told the headmaster or any such thing. I was excited to see Squall again today at the Infirmary. I was expecting, for some reason or another, some great confession of sorts. An outburst along the lines of 'I love her and she loves me and no one will ever tear us apart!' That would be incredibly romantic, however random it might be and for some unknown reason, I really expected him to do just that. So as you might imagine when he came in to get a check up, I was incredibly disappointed. I kept throwing glances at him the whole time he was there, checking to see if he was about ready to belt out of his love for his teacher. But nothing of the sort even happened. I don't think he even opened his mouth save for the occasional 'yes' 'no' or 'I'm okay.'
I was filing papers half-heartedly, still keeping a close watch on the boy through the pane of glass he perpetually seemed to remain behind when Dr. Kadowaki walked from the room and looked at me, about to say something.
"Rinoa." She began as she looked at me expectantly.
"Yes." I answered, pretending like I was just so suddenly pulled from the world of my work and back into reality.
"Do you think you could keep Mr. Leonhart here company? I have to run to the Headmaster's office for just a moment." She asked as she began to move towards the exit. I became really excited for some reason.
"Oh, of course." I replied with so much poise and composure I thought I was having tea with the Queen.
"Good. I'm off then. I'll be back in a few minutes, tops." She said and hastened out the door. I nodded as she exited and pretended to carefully place the folder and papers I was filing back into the desk though I really wanted to just light them on fire and be done with it. Once I had successfully shoved them into the drawer, I smoothed out my uniform and entered the room with him.
His posture was sunken a bit as he played listlessly with a ring on his left hand. His relatively long hair covered most of his face, saving the chin and a little piece of his lips for my eyes. There was a cloud of intimidation that swelled around him like a storm, waiting to tear through anything in its path. I found myself feeling nervous. My hands found each other and I began to tug at my fingers, one of my many nervous habits. I took a slow step into the room, hoping he would notice me so I wouldn't have to make myself blatantly obvious to him and make things more awkward than they were already feeling. He didn't notice and just kept right on fiddling with his ring. I decided to take the initiative and say something.
"Um," I began stupidly in a mumbled and meek fashion. He looked up and pierced my eyes with his own. I found myself locked and frightened in the intensity of his eyes. He looked at ease while I'm sure I must have looked like a deer in the headlights, so afraid of being crushed by the car that was to come screaming at me. I couldn't focus on much of anything else about him except the way he stared into me. I could tell he wasn't digging for my soul, it was as if he was just reading the cover of the book. Though the scrutiny he had circulating in his eyes made me feel like running out of the room. But, was it scrutiny at all? There was something that felt like so much more than that. It felt mysterious and slightly dangerous to me. And when danger looms, instinct take matters into its own hands and I averted my eyes ever so slightly from his to end the uncomfortable feelings that were beating me up. "I was just wondering if you needed anything." I wondered how long the silence between my first mumble and that last structured sentence had been. Probably a millennia.
He shook his head, turned back to his ring and replied with a curt, "No."
I nodded and stood there for a moment, not knowing what to do. The realistic thing to have done would be to leave and probably never come back, but the gravity that my curiosity had kept me in the room with him. I pulled my hands away from one another and let them rest at my sides.
"Does it hurt still?" I asked, finding an ounce of brevity within the pit of my stomach. He looked at me and we locked eyes once more. I was pulled in again, but this time no longer shocked. Like jumping into ice water, the shock is harsh but brief and the adjustment is quick to take place.
"No." His answer was just as quick as it was last time. Straight to the point. Was he shy? No. He held too much presence to just be simply labeled a shy kid.
I moved to a chair in the corner of the room, the same one I had sat in last time I was here with him, but I didn't sit this time. I was facing his back now. He had stopped looking at me awhile ago and was back again to playing with his ring. I wanted to ask something. To say anything really. But my mind kept fumbling over ridiculous questions, my mouth waiting in frustration as it hung open more than ready to throw out whatever didn't sound dumb as hell. But all normal questions were looking as stupid as shit. 'How long have you been at Garden for?' No. 'How old are you?' No. 'What class are you in?' No. All simple introductory questions felt so useless and awkward. It's like he needed to be treated and talked with differently than the rest of Garden's population.
A long silence.
"Don't you have a class to be at?" He questioned, swiveling his head back towards me so he saw me with his peripheral vision. He didn't make his question rude but instead of curiousity. Though I'm pretty sure he was just masking his irritation with false interest. At least he had the decency not to be outwardly callous and completely unfriendly. He probably figured I'd inject him with a few too many horse tranquilizers if he were to snap at me. I do work at the infirmary and infirmaries are pretty scary places to some people.
"Well. No, not really." To be honest I was a little surprised he had begun the conversation. I had never even thought that that option might take place. There was a momentary pause. He was expecting more explanation. "I sort-of work here actually."
"Hmm," He acknowledged the fact with an interested grunt and turned right back around and away from me. With his turn away I took a slow seat into the chair directly behind me. With the silence I couldn't help but let my eyes wander around his body, or the portion I could see anyways. He was skinny, no doubt about that. The white, standard Garden Uniform shirt allowed his frame to be silhouetted against the darkness that were the walls around us. His arms were muscular though slender as was his back. It seemed like he ate little and trained for hours every day. As my eyes continued to scour what little body I could view, I couldn't help myself from noticing the bare skin that was visible on the small of his back. His shirt was small enough to be pulled up just the right degree to expose the skin as well as the waistband of his boxers and a little extra material of the briefs. I stared for what felt like far too long and when I finally noticed what I was doing I snapped my head away and blushed furiously. How awkward… Thank God he didn't see me looking.
"Hey," He began as he turned his head back to me in the same fashion as he did before. I quickly brought myself to his attention and looked him square in the eye, ninety-percent sure I was still blushing "Do you think I could go get a glass of water?" He asked as he stood. I stood as well but mine wasn't nearly as cool as his as it was more of a jump.
"Yeah, of course!" I answered probably too excitedly. I just wanted to get the hell out of the room that practically smelled of awkward. I walked toward the door as did he and we nearly collided. I giggled politely at the awkward situation we had created but he didn't share the same humor. He only looked at me expectantly.
"What are you doing?" He questioned in wonder and a slight amount of irritation.
"… Getting your water?" I explained with a definite hint of questioning. Didn't he want water? What are you doing is the real question.
"Okay…" He mumbled with a roll of his eyes, hardly trying to be secretive about it at all. "I was going to go get it but you can do it I guess." He said walking back to his seat with a light shrug.
I stood there for a moment in silence, wondering what to say in response but I couldn't think of anything. The obvious roll of his eyes seemed to have confused me momentarily. So I just turned and left the room. I went for the mini-fridge that the doctor kept below her desk and pulled a cold water bottle from it.
I returned to the room and closed the door softly behind me. I moved closer to him and he in return did the same. I handed him the water bottle at an arms length away, almost afraid to touch him. He took the water with a quick snatch and turned right around. The sound of the plastic snapping open could be heard and I walked to the chair I was originally at, but didn't take a seat. I turned back around to him and found him chugging the last remnants of the water in the bottle. Christ… he must have been thirsty.
He looked at the empty bottle, looked up to me and waved the bottle around a bit.
"Oh! I'll get rid of it." I insisted as I hastily walked to him, gently took the bottle from him and walked out the door to place it in the garbage. I turned back around to enter the room but stopped myself momentarily. Did I really want to go back into that room? He wasn't exactly the most charming man I had ever met and the indescribably painful uncomfortable feeling the room gave off wasn't necessarily alluring at all. But my question was answered for me as the Doctor followed by the Headmaster walked into the room at that moment.
Dr. Kadowaki caught sight of me and brought the Headmaster by her side, ready to introduce me.
"This is my lovely assistant, Rinoa Heartily, Cid." She introduced me with a smile. I had to smile at her fun, though exaggerated, description.
"A pleasure to meet you, Rinoa. I'm Cid, the Headmaster of Balamb Garden." Cid greeted with a smile as he extended his hand. I took it and he did most of the shaking.
"Nice to meet you Headmaster." That sounded really awkward, but I didn't know what else to call him.
"Please, call me Cid, m'dear." He insisted as he let my hand go from his own. I smiled and nodded in acknowledgement.
"Well, Cid, let me show you to Squall." Kadowaki said with a certain amount of knowingness with a spice of her usual good humor.
"Oh goodness, what has he gotten himself into this time…" Cid mumbled with a small chuckle at the end. The doctor only shook her head with a small smile. Kadowaki opened the door and motioned for Cid to enter first. She let the door close to ajar, her hand still on the handle of the door and turned to me.
"Thank you for everything today. I'm going to let you off a little early today. We need to discuss a few things with Squall in private." She explained as apologetically as she could.
"Okay, sure." I said with a nod of my head. To be honest I was a little disappointed I couldn't listen to what they were all about to chat about. I mean, I had stayed with this kid, alone need I remind them, for several minutes. They could offer me some kind of token of their appreciation. But I realized if I couldn't listen, I might as well leave. As much super duper awesome fun filing medical papers is, leaving was miles above appealing than that could ever be.
………………………………………..
I entered the class hoping for a quick explanation and then an even quicker exit. I had missed Homeroom and History for the check up that the Doctor made mandatory. I can't say I was at all depressed about leaving homeroom and history out of my day but Goddamn… what a bitch it is to check up on all that you've missed. Well, I suppose it isn't that difficult. I'm overreacting. The only real issue was that I had to deal with Quistis, or Instructor Trepe as the rest of Garden called her. It was bad enough that Garden currently happened to be poisoned with rumors of her and I doing fuck knows what, but to make matters worse Quistis only seemed to be fueling the fire. She would constantly pick on me for answers, even when there were so many others raising their hands. She would refer to me strictly by first name and not by last name like all of her other students. And I'm nearly positive she pushed her own sort of rumor on the school by saying that she had brought me back to the Infirmary after my injury the other day. I knew it was a student, I don't know who exactly, but I knew it was a student.
I pushed the door open and found her sitting at her desk, grading papers or something else that teachers do. She took quick notice of me and she smiled slyly. She stood slowly and sat herself on her desk, right where she was just grading her papers. She crossed her arms and looked me over. What the fuck was she doing? She pissed me off.
"What?" I asked curtly and as rude as possible. I didn't have time for this crap. I was irritated enough as it was already. I just wanted to get my assignments and leave.
"I still can't believe you're in one piece after yesterday." She said with a smile and a dry laugh.
I didn't share in her amusement of my misfortune.
"I still can't believe you're teaching." I quipped. It slipped, but it felt good to shut her up. Maybe a little too good. She gave me a playful glare then smiled. She thought I was playing around with her. What an idiot.
"Did Cid and Kadowaki have a little chat with you?" She asked as she slid off her desk and walked around it, gathering a few papers which I hoped were my missed assignments.
"Yeah, how did you know?" I asked, a little suspiciously.
"Well, you refuse to tell any Administrator who you were fighting with. I can only assume they would interrogate you sooner rather than later." She explained as if she had it all figured out. "So… did you tattle?"
Don't treat me like a child. But she did always love talking down to people. "No."
"I don't understand why you just can't tell them. I'm sure they already know it was Seifer." She said with a certain amount of smugness that seemed to accompany her whole conversation.
"What makes you think it was Seifer?" She was right, of course. Seifer's the only asshole in the whole school who I'd actually even attempt to kick the shit out of and everyone knew it.
"Who else would Squall Leonhart try and kick the shit out of here?" She stole the words right from me.
You. "I don't know." Was my only reply. There was a moment of silence as she continued to gather some more papers, but I could tell her mind was elsewhere. It almost seemed like she was stalling. She picked papers up, then put them down. Put more papers down, spread them around then picked them all up again. She figured I wouldn't notice. I'm not that dumb.
"I'm still wondering who ended up bringing me back to Garden after I got injured." I decided to call her out on this rumor. I wanted to see if she had really stooped to the level prepubescent drama queen and honestly started rumor about us.
She hesitated. "Oh, well…" I could already tell this was going to be a lie. "I did actually." As she finished the sentence she looked me straight in the eye. Her eyes held such honesty and were so unflinching I nearly believed her. With that simple, dumb stare of hers I was nearly tricked.
"I knew it." I said, more to myself than to her. She made me sick.
She smiled, relishing in the idea that I had believed her and her stupid lie. "Well, you know I'll always be there for you and when I –" I cut her off.
"Shut up." I uttered under my breath with great finality. She stared at me, dumbfounded that I would actually say such a thing to her. "Don't lie to me." I demanded as I moved closer to her desk as if I was about ready to pounce on my prey, more than eager to tear her limb from limb. "I know for a fact a student brought me back." I placed my hands on her desk and bent over it in the most antagonizing way I could muster. She seemed momentarily scared, but quickly composed herself. She followed my example and leaned over the desk right back at me. We locked eyes, almost as if we were fighting for the superiority over our conversation.
"Well, you obviously don't know because I know for a fact I brought you back." She insisted. She could have convinced anyone else with her tone, but not me. She had played with me to many times to be crafty. I had adapted to her game and could easily compete and match her.
"Why do you insist on making bullshit rumors up about me and you?" I asked, the anger within me heating to the point of explosion but I tried to maintain a calm exterior.
"I'm not making anything up Squall. I've never started a rumor about us."
"Oh my God. You're such a liar."
"Squall! I am not lying. I brought you back to the infirmary myself."
Such horse shit.
I stared at her for a moment, mapping out where I could pull this argument.
"Squall." She began calmly, beating me to the punch, as she pulled away from the desk and walked around it and toward me. She was acting the part of the 'bigger man.' I wouldn't let her have the satisfaction. "I don't understand why you can't believe me." She was coming too close for comfort. I pushed away from her desk and walked down a row of student desks.
"I can't believe you because I know you're lying." I said, reinstating my point for what felt like the millionth time. As I slowly passed each desk I let my hand extend out and lightly pat each chair that it came across. It was calming in a room which felt so volatile at that moment.
"Squall, we're just going around in circles now. We could never walk straight though, could we?" She commented with a hint of laugh. Her words felt like mocking. But who she was mocking, me, her or us was unclear, probably even to her. There was a silence as I finished passing a row of desks and was now at the back end of the classroom. I turned and faced her. She stood there, arms folded across her chest standing comfortably cocked on a hip, as if waiting for my next words.
I couldn't think of anything to say so I simply stared back, trying to look as hostile as possible. We stood and glared for what felt like hours. But she suddenly broke it with a suddenly pained and hurt touch to her eyes. I was momentarily stunned by this sudden sign of weakness she had just exhibited in front of me, especially after the unfiltered amount of smugness she had spewed from her mouth. I could feel my features form to a look of utter confusion.
"Why do you insist on hating me?" The question caught me off guard and the last sudden emotional burst on her part didn't help my surprise much either. "Is my affection wrong? Is favoring a student of mine a horrible thing to do? Just tell me what. What makes you hate me?" She asked with more curiosity than irritation, mocking or even anger. My mouth flew open ready to spew a few 'because you annoy the hell out of me's, but none came. I was just left there, my brain pulling on my tongue in restraint as my mouth was left agape. I stood momentarily, wondering why I couldn't let these words, which had been so easy to say before, flow freely from my mouth. And I thought maybe I didn't hate her… as much as I thought anyway. I began to think about the idea of truly hating her. Even though I pounded this fact into my head on a near daily basis, I truly doubted it now. I had told myself 'I hate this stupid bitch' and 'she's an evil whore who I would gladly kill.' I really, truly, honestly began to wonder. It might have been pity, especially from her last emotional reaction. Thinking about it logically, I'm sure it was pity. But I was too blinded by what felt like guilt to be concerned about what instigated the sudden thoughts. My mouth slowly closed from its gaping position and felt my senses regain their composure. I let my hand form into a delicate fist, then relaxed the fingers again. I began to feel the weight of the world around me at that very moment. The weight of my necklace on my chest felt indescribably heavy. The ring felt like it no longer rested on my ring finger but instead was clamping on it. The shoes I always wore started to feel too tight to be comfortable. I felt my breathing becoming deeper as if our altitude was changing. The intense amount of guilt I had suddenly been dumped with was suffocating me. Did I honestly cause her this much torment? Was she honestly hurt over the idea I didn't like her?
She looked up at me once more, that same hurt that had stabbed my gut before remained in her eyes. And the knife that was lodged within me twisted.
"Quistis…" I began, not knowing how to say whatever it was I wanted to say exactly. "I…" Was all I could manage to mumble out. I didn't sound guilty at all, the words just sounded like something I would say everyday in passing. The emotion wouldn't come through my voice. It was on blockade.
She shook her head.
"Whatever." She mumbled. It was always the perfect way to brush someone off. It was the word that consolidated the phrases 'I really don't care' and 'go away' into one perfect masterpiece.
She turned around, gathered some papers, turned back around to me and extended them to me. As simple as that. I hastily moved to her and grabbed the papers. But I wouldn't let them go. I simply locked eyes with her, to see if anything new would arise but that same pained look remained. She let her hand drop from the papers and walked away behind her desk and sat once more. She picked up right where she left off when I had entered previously and began to grade her papers again. I exited without a word.
And with my silent exit and her use of that infamous word I was thrown from the conversation battle ring and the ball was now lying safely on her side of the court.
As I walked away from the class and down the halls I realized what I had been trapped into. My guilt quickly mutated itself into frustration. She used my emotions to fuck with my head. That sneaky little bitch….
………………………………………………………………………………..
The sunset always looked so much better from here. I think that's what people who don't like sunsets are missing. They're missing the right vantage point. My ex-boyfriend lived in an apartment complex in the city and he always hated the sunset because it 'gave a bad glare on the TV.' Psh, so shallow. The sunset was definitely something I missed about home and finding it here at Garden felt like a dream come true. To be honest I thought it might cure the little bit of homesickness that I was feeling in the pit of stomach, but I think it might have actually worsened it. I guess I thought the sunset would cover those memories but I'm pretty sure it only reinforced them. So every early evening when I came out here, I'd think about nothing but home. It was nostalgic and always managed to make me feel better but as a pay off, I found myself also becoming slightly depressed. Does that make any sense at all? Feeling better but worse at the same time? I don't know. But there it was, that hurt-and-heal mind-fuck. But only ever out here on the secret balcony so well hidden by foliage in the training center.
Even if I wanted to think about things other than home, I just couldn't. It was strange because home wasn't exactly my favorite place to be. I had left with such little remorse that I wondered where these nostalgic feelings were springing from. I figured, in the end, no matter how much you hate a place you're always going to leave a small piece of yourself with it. And maybe you don't miss the place, but you miss that piece of you, the piece that you dropped on your way out. I just wish I had picked that piece up. I didn't want to think about home anymore. I was in a new land, a whole new world. I didn't want to have time to think about things like this. I wanted to be completely submerged in the waters of Garden. Smothered by my new life and surroundings to just make me forget about the rest of it all, even if for a moment.
I sighed, exhausted from the day and my own thoughts. I leaned against the railing and let the breeze rock me and toss me like a ship on ocean waves. I didn't really care if my hair got a little tangled or my skirt flew up a bit too high for comfort. No one ever came out here anyways. This place was so high up it always felt like such a rush to lean over and look down. And as I looked over I couldn't help but get dizzy and smile a bit to myself at this self-inflicted state. I pulled myself back, leaned against the railing once more and continued my stare out to the orange and pink sky that happened to currently be painting the sky.
There was a sudden rustling behind me and I swiftly spun myself around, startled by the sound. No one had ever come out here before so the first conclusion I jumped to was monster on the prowl. But instead what immerged was my injured friend from yesterday. I sighed in relief and let my body relax from the tension it was holding just a second ago.
"Oh my Gosh…" I breathed out as I saw the whole of him appear to me. He looked irritated. "You scared the crap out of me." I said with a chuckle, all too relieved that it wasn't some beast ready to tear me limb from limb. He nodded, already not wanting to deal with me, and approached the other side of the balcony, completely ignoring me. Probably for the best. He looked like he might have snapped at me... I mean, after today's encounter he didn't seem like the friendliest person in the entire world.
We stood there in silence, attempting to ignore each other for what seemed like hours. I tried to ignore his presence but it just wouldn't leave my mind. I kept reminding myself that he was just a few feet away from me for some reason. I could feel the awkward tension resonate from the space between us. I wanted to break it so badly but at the same time I wanted to keep it intact because I had a strong feeling that breaking it would cause more troubles than my irritation over some dumb feeling ever could. But, I decided to just grow a pair and blurt something out.
"Do you come out here a lot?" Oh Christ that was dumb. That was a pick up line! Not some casual phrase you just throw out there. I felt the awkward tension heighten.
"What?" He seemed caught off guard by the bizarre ice breaker I had just vomited out of my trap.
"I-I mean…" So embarrassing. Now I was blushing. "I just meant to ask if you knew about this place or did you just sort of happen upon it." I corrected but by the expression he was giving me I could tell it didn't matter one way or another if I had cleared up my first comment or not.
"I've known about this place." He said as he turned away from me, I'm sure hoping that to be the last of our dialogue. I was glad to oblige. More minutes of silence passed us by as the hue of the sky's color began to deteriorate into the darkness of night.
I heard the shuffle of his feet and I glanced to him and found he was looking at me. I turned my full attention to him. I was slightly curious as to what he had to say to me. For some unexpected reason I thought it was going to be something deep and profound. I figured a man of so few words must speak only when necessary.
"Do you mind if I smoke?" Okay, not as deep as I was planning on it to be.
"No. Not at all." I answered with a small shake of my head. I turned my attention back to the fading sky as I heard the click of the lighter sound again and again. It finally stopped and heard him exhale in such relaxation I found myself almost jealous.
More silence and all I could think about was him so close to me. And thinking about it made me feel uncomfortable. I had to leave.
I turned from the railing and walked for the exit, expecting him to not notice or care that I was leaving. But the sudden ring of his voice left me immobile.
"Do you hate anyone?" He called out to me. I turned back around to him, quite shocked that he had initiated a conversation… and a conversation about a topic like that no less. He still had his back turned to me and he was leaning against the railing staring deep into the horizon line like I was doing just before.
"Why?" I questioned, slowly making my way back up to original position. He swiveled his head around and we locked eyes. I could feel a certain amount of understanding bouncing between us at that moment and I began to feel oddly comfortable.
"I dunno. Just wondering." He answered as he took another drag, then repositioned his eyes back to the world outside of this balcony. I took a moment to answer, hesitant on whether he was kidding or not but when no other sign came from him, I began.
"Well. There was this guy back at home I really hated. He pretended he liked me for months and months and I ended up thinking we were really good friends, yah know? But then I learned he was talking crap about me behind my back and he convinced one of my best guy friends that I had a crush on him and then he stopped talking to me and it was all just so fucking stupid." I complained and I could feel that same hate I thought I had repressed from so long ago begin to bubble up all over again. "I must have egged his house like, thirty times that summer." He gave a small chuckle to this. "How about you. Do you hate anyone?" I looked over to him and he began to ponder the question as he twitched the cigarette around delicately between his fingers. He sighed and looked at me with a face that just screamed 'yah know, I really don't know.'
"I don't know." Then he turned back to the horizon line.
"I don't think you should know about hate." I said after a moment of pondering. "It's such a strong and powerful feeling that I think you should either not feel it at all, or reserve it for some serious asshole who really deserves it. I mean, hate starts wars and stuff." I commented as I pulled myself onto the top of the railing and threw my legs over the edge so I was sitting on top of it. I began to kick my legs listlessly. I saw him out of the corner of my eye watch me get into the position.
"Love starts wars to." He replied. He took another drag and exhaled.
"True. Well, one of my friends back home was always like 'love is hate and hate is love because love and hate are the two deepest emotions you can feel.'…. or something like that. I dunno." Thinking about it, it didn't really make any sense. I guess it sounded cooler coming from her.
"Ah fuck…" He mumbled under his breath as he let his head fall onto the railing without any restraint.
"What?" I asked, quietly concerned after a brief pause.
"I really don't want to love the people I hate." He said as he took a huge drag from his cigarette.
"Well, do you really want to hate the people you love?" I replied back not to sure why I had said what I said.
"Rather do that than love that dumb bitch." He commented as the smoke filtered from his lips like a water color painting. With an irritated frown he flicked the rest of the cigarette over the edge of the balcony and we watched it twist and turn on its decent into the fathoms below us.
"I don't mean to impose or anything, but can I ask who, exactly?" I asked, feeling my body become tense, scared of his reaction. He looked at me with little feeling in his face and I could tell he didn't want to say. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. But of course I wouldn't tell any-" I couldn't finish my apology.
"Quistis." He blurted out, still looking at me.
"Erm… I haven't been here long so I don't really know the student body and-" I was cut off again.
"She's not a student. She's a teacher. Instructor Trepe. Do you know her?" He asked. Just saying the name seemed to send a jolt of irritation spiraling through him.
Oh my God… a lover's quarrel? I felt my heart beat pick up it's pace.
"Really? You hate her?" It was more of an exclamation than a general question and he seemed confused by my reaction.
"Yeah. She…" He paused momentarily as if trying to pick his words carefully. "She… I dunno. She's just… she's just such a bitch!" He finally exclaimed, forming it to a near yell. I was taken aback by the amount of anger and irriation he packed into the last of his words. Wasn't expecting that from him of all people. Maybe they weren't dating at all. Maybe it really was all just a rumor.
"How so?" I asked, curious on the insight into their relationship whether it be positive or negative.
"I can't even describe it." He said it like he couldn't even believe himself. "Just stay far away from her. She'll mess with you." He said as he turned to me. I nodded. He pulled another cigarette from his pocket and brought up the lighter close to it. He clicked it again and again.
"What does it feel like to smoke?" I asked curiously. I had never tried and none of my friends ever did it but something must be alluring about it if so many people did it. "Does it feel good?"
"Hmmm…" He stopped his clicking momentarily and examined the unlit cigarette as if studying it long enough would yield him the answers we wanted. "I don't know if it feels good. It just feels… nice." He said as he replaced it back in his mouth and finally lit it. He took a drag and exhaled. "Imagine an incredibly cold day and you're freezing your ass off and then you walk into this room and it's got to be at least ninety degrees in there. Just this feeling of utter bliss." The more he talked the more relaxed he seemed to become.
"So you can find bliss in a cigarette?" I questioned, more jokingly than anything.
"Wanna try?" He offered as he pulled his pack out and extended it to me. God… it was so tempting.
"Can I get addicted from just one?" I was scared, I'm not gonna lie.
"No. I hated my first time actually." He confessed.
"Then why'd you do it again?" I asked a little confused on his logic.
"Fuck if I know." He mumbled as he took another drag.
"Nah, no thanks." I finally said with a slight frown on my face. God did I ever want to try it though… thinking about it almost made my mouth water.
As I saw him retract the carton into his pocket my mind turned three hundred and sixty degrees. Oh grow some balls Rinoa!
"Wait." I meekly called out, as if I was scared my conscience would hear me and scold me. The meek yelp managed catch his attention though. "I'll try one." I gulped. Here we go…
I pulled the cigarette out from beside its brethren with my thumb and index finger. I held it gently and examined it closely, as if checking to make sure this little tube of nothing was the real deal. He pulled out the lighter from his pocket and turned his whole body towards me.
"Okay, now." He began. Why was I so nervous? It was just a cigarette! "See the little orange part?" I nodded. "Stick most of that, like about ninety percent of it, into your mouth." I did as instructed. It tasted like paper. I didn't get it and was already confused about the obsession over these things. "Okay, now when I light it take a deep breath, but not too deep and then exhale. Just make sure your feeling the air in your lungs, got it?" I nodded and he brought the lighter to the end of the cigarette dangling from my mouth. It clicked once, twice, three times. I felt all this suspense for something that I knew wasn't exciting at all but I just couldn't stop feeling anxious and nervous about this whole cigarette idea. The lighter finally caught a flame and the cigarette lit. "Now inhale." He commanded. I did as I was told, afraid doing anything else would result in my head exploding. "Now exhale." I exhaled and that same water color grey blotchiness that I had seem him leak from his nostrils and mouth so many times before now clouded my own vision before me. I followed the art into the air until it dispersed into the air around us.
I pulled the cigarette from my mouth like any old pro, with my index and middle fingers. I giggled a bit at the idea of me being nervous over something so simple. And maybe I laughed because it was just so new to me. Smoking? I had never even thought about it before. People on TV did it and people in movies too. But… me? Definitely unexpected. Coming out here tonight I was expecting some big inner search fest with my soul about life and home and things I'd rather save for later. So this cigarette was a welcome surprise. And in the closing moments of sunset I took another drag and exhaled beautifully.
"How do you like it?" He asked. I could tell he was expecting a negative answer.
"I like it. I mean it's-" But I couldn't finish. A coughing fit had suddenly seized me.
"Yeah…" He mumbled through my coughing fit. "That usually happens on your first time too."
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A/N: Thank you for reading another chapter! Please review! The reviews mean SOOO MUCH TO ME! So thank you everyone who reviewed last time! They actually really inspired me to write more. Which is why I'm finishing this up at 5 AM. Haha. I find this story so much fun to write and I hope it's just as entertaining to read as well. So thank you again!