What? A new chapter? Yes, yes it is.

Chapter 3: Mountains Form

The whole next day I had guilt written all over my conscience. It felt like every step I took the further that guilt spread throughout my being, to the point where people could see it on me. I mean, it was just a cigarette but it felt dirtier than that. It felt like shame had blackened my lungs and my coughs were expelling pieces of nasty phlegm that screamed 'OH MY GOD! I SMOKED! I HAVE BEEN SHAMED!' Over dramatic, sure, but at the time I was so on edge for some reason. Maybe the idea of just doing something so exciting and new put me on edge just a little bit. Whatever. I was just overreacting. But it did feel sickeningly glamorous to have smoked my first cigarette. I felt like a bad ass. And I smoked my bad ass cigarette with a guy who had a bad ass reputation. It sort of began to sound like the start of a porno or something.

"Rinny!" Selphie cried out to me as I sat there aimlessly jabbing my food. "Earth to Rinoa." I mumbled indiscriminately in acknowledgment and began to poke the food harder. I just couldn't stop thinking about my meeting with Squall. And in such a weird place too... and then I smoked! I just couldn't get over that fact for some reason. "Okay Rinoa... stop stabbing the food. I think it's dead now."

"Oh," I finally snapped out of it when I saw the amount of stab wounds my poor potato had received. "Sorry Selphie. I've just been so spacey today."

"One of those days?" She asked casually as she took a bite out of her sandwhich.

"Yeah, I guess..." my voice faded away as I concluded my brief statement.

We decided to eat our lunches out on the Balamb plains that day. Mainly just for shits and giggles and plus it was such a beautiful day. One of those days that's a shame to pass up, and you feel guilty if you just stay in doors all day. The fresh air was also a nice change from the stuffy halls of Garden. Invigorating really.

"I have something to tell you." I began very dramatically.

"You're a dude. I know."

"Shut up." I put down my fork and looked at her. "I smoked a cigarette last night." I declared, expecting to defend myself against the onslaughts of 'OH MY GOD! CANCER!'

"... and you're a dude." was her only response.

"Selphie! I smoked last night! For the first time."

"... 'kay." She cocked an eyebrow at me curiously

"That's it?" I was slightly relieved.

"What do you want from me Rinoa?" She asked with a small smile. "Would you like a metal? I can make one out of paper mache for you."

"You don't think it's weird at all that I smoked?"

"Well, I mean... kind of. It's not a very you thing to do I guess. But seriously, people smoke all the time. People younger than you no less." She said as she continued eating.

"Yeah... I guess. But, it just feels weird to say that 'I've smoked before' you know?" I commented as I continued stabbing my food again.

"Oh, did your food come alive again? Quick! Stab it harder before it bites back!" She yelled at my food as if trying to scare it off.

"The food's not alive dammit, and I can stab it as much as I want!" I raised my plate away from her face, defending the defenseless potato.

"Are you trying to stab away your shame for smoking that stupid cigarette or something?" Selphie questioned jokingly.

"Probably. Something like that." I took a bite of my potato. It was cold now, all those holes I had stabbed in it had cooled it considerably.

"Did you go out and buy a pack or something?" She asked, moving back to my cigarette issue.

"No. Someone gave me one."

"Who? Who is the bastard who turned you into a lecherous wench?" She asked shaking her fist in mock anger.

"Squall." I turned to her with a smug smile, knowing her interest would be piqued with such a twist in my story.

"Shut up." She was aghast. "Was it sexy and dangerous?"

"Oh God yes." I played along with her. "No... it was just..." I couldn't find the words. "Pleasant I guess."

"Wait... is this about the cigarette or is it about Squall?" She narrowed her eyes to me. I didn't really think about it until she asked.

"Umm, both I guess. I mean, the cigarette was dangerous in a the way that cigarettes are and Squall was..." words once again alluded me. "he was interesting."

"You mean sexy." She corrected me quickly.

"Well..." I thought about it for a moment and I had to agree. "Yeah... He was sexy. But not in that conventional way, like mysteriously sexy, yah know?"

"Oh, totally." I could tell I had her full attention, even if she wouldn't admit it. "So, what did you two talk about?"

I wanted to divulge everything about Quistis, but it felt too personal to share with someone he didn't even know. Plus I knew that if Selphie had that kind of information it would just become another rumor and things would end up more wrong than right.

"Not much." was my only response which displeased her considerably.

"Not much? C'mon Rinny! That's a lie. I know that's a lie." Why must she keep on prying?

"We just talked about the sunset and how we both liked that time of the day and stuff. It was nothing super serious or important." I brushed the question off, but this seemed to satisfy her curiosity enough for her to stop pestering me.

"Hmm." She grunted delicately and went back to her sandwhich.

The rest of the lunch went on in silence. I could practically see her mind reeling with possibilities of a possible future meeting with me and him. Sex? Eloping? Scandal! She was dramatic in the most endearing way possible.

After I was done with classes for the day I had to pay my dues over at the infirmary. The little side job had sadly already lost its luster. I realized in the midst of the dreary repetitiveness of filing the same shit over and over that I only accepted this position because I was so enamored with Squall and his mysterious ways. But now that he was gone the rest of the people who twisted their ankles or had headaches just seemed so lame and tiresome. I'd hate to have Kadowaki's job.

"I have a headache." a girl complained to the doctor. She was whiny and I wanted to punch her. Hard... very hard. But it wasn't her fault. It was all me. I was sick of being in this stupid office for hours at a time hearing the same crap over and over. Punching her seemed like the right thing to do at the time as if it was totally justifiable.

Just when I thought I would have stabbed a pen through my face, interest personified walked into the room. The cool swish of the automatic door caught my ears and strained them. My head spun to see who was to enter. A crybaby student? A worried instructor? No... none of the above. A familiar face appeared and a familiar feeling crept over me.

This man was gorgeous. His slick blonde hair and hardened face made me blush instantly. His low v-cut shirt made my eyes widen. His strut made my mouth gape. And the sweat that was light on his brow made my heart beat faster. Why was he so familiar... and why did it feel so familiar to see him?

He saw that the doctor was busy and turned his gaze upon me. As if his eyes repelled me I felt myself push my weight into my seat, as if trying to back away. His eyes were small but intensely expressive in a dark way. His blue-green eyes wrapped me up like a snake does with prey and lulled me into the darkness between the brilliant blue-green color surrounding it. I smiled softly, so enamoured with this beautiful creature that stood before me. Like an angel from heaven, silhoutted by the inset lights above him... or a swim suit model. He was gorgeous. Just fucking gorgeous.

"Do you have any advil?" He asked bluntly.

This snapped me from my daze instantly and I became flustered.

"Oh, ummm..." I darted my eyes away from his and pretended to scour the desk for it. It wasn't on the desk, I knew that. I just couldn't collect myself enough to actually stand or do much of anything. "The cupboard." I thought out loud... maybe a little too loud. He looked at me funny. And I smiled stupidly then moved clumsily toward the cabinet behind me. Turned away from him I calmed down, took a breath, grabbed the bottle and turned to him once again. I tapped out two pills for him and filled a paper cup up with water. He popped both in his mouth, sipped some water and took a moment to swallow them. He turned slightly to the side and locked his eyes onto something as if just to have something to stare at besides myself who still happened to be gaping at him. We both stood there in a weird sort of silence, as if each of us wanted the other to leave.

"Umm," I began softly, "do you need anything else?" I gave him a curious look.

"Oh, uh." he must have zoned off for a second, "No. Just have a headache." He looked back to me and I felt my brain seizure and my insides twist as his eyes stabbed me once more. This guy was so sexy it was exhilarating. "I got knocked on the head from one of those fucking T-Rex things in the training center. Hurt like a bitch. Still hurts like a bitch." He rubbed his head tenderly.

"I don't think just advil will do much." I commented. "Would you like to see the doctor when she's done?" I asked, finding my composure.

"Yeah. Sure." He sounded relatively indifferent.

"All right, just take a seat over there and she'll be with you in a second." I motioned towards a row of seats against the wall and he nodded and sat. I sat back down too and pretended to file papers as I kept stealing glances at him. Oh my God... he was so hot. So very hot.

He kept looking in on the doctor, impatient.

"Psh, I bet that bitch doesn't have any problem at all. She's just cutting class." He mumbled loud enough so it was audible only for me.

I chuckled softly. "They never do. It's the same thing every time. 'My foot hurts' or 'I have a headache.' They bitch and moan for a while then once thirty minutes has passed they're all better and they just leave." I commented back to him, completely dropping the fake filing idea and just concentrating on him... and his sexiness.

But before much of his awesome hotness could be properly absorbed the girl with the 'head ache' came out of the room from which her and the doctor were in.

"Wow. My headache just, like, disappeared!" She said so pleased with herself that she had successfully waisted so much time.

"Yes..." the doctor mumbled, following her out. "Truly a miracle." the lack of emotion in her mocking words couldn't be ignored by anyone of real intelligence, so it escaped the girl.

"I know! Wow! You have some great drugs in there." She commented as she turned back to the doctor.

"Yeah, well don't go around telling other students that. I'll get fired." Kadowaki commented as she flipped through her clipboard a bit.

"Thanks so much! Bye!" with her goodbye the girl promptly bounded out of the infirmary as if she had just started a brand new life and the world was at her finger tips.

"Yeah, you must have some really awesome drugs in your magic cabinet, Doctor. She looks crazy doped up." I commented. The doctor chuckled a bit, but tried to keep most of her composure when in front of students.

The boy stood, ready to go into the room with the doctor. He looked a tad impatient, as if he just wanted to get into that room as fast as possible.

"Oh! You have another student here." I said gesturing toward the standing boy. Kadowaki looked up and smirked knowingly.

"Seifer..." she mumbled. "I had a feeling you'd show up today." He looked slightly embarassed and shot me a side glance, as if to make sure I didn't think less of him. But how could I? Especially with his name being Seifer.

Seifer... his name was Seifer. Such a sexy name. This kid just screamed sexy. I realized what I could do to make work more exciting, at least for an hour. I could find his file and memorize every fact and tidbit about him! Well... maybe not memorize but at least glance over it a few times. Sure, it was creepy as hell but I couldn't help myself.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, a little irritated at such a comment.

"I just hadn't seen you in awhile. It was going to be sooner rather than later you would come around again." She explained with a shrug. She was being in no way apologetic to her earlier comment, but merely explaining it as if he would understand. He rolled his eyes but made no more protests. "So... what is the issue today?"

"Some fucking dinosaur bashed me on the head a while ago." He said quite crudely, giving no mind to the fact that she was a superior.

"Don't swear around me, Mr. Almasy." She commanded sternly to which he seemed to comply with. Almasy, huh? Seifer Almasy... "And they're called T-Rexaurs. Have you learned nothing in your years here?" She questioned quite exacerbated with this apparent wild child. "Rinoa, could you pull Seifer Almasy's file out for me?"

I nodded and quickly dove into the cabinets that housed the medical records. I thumbed through the S's faster than I had thumbed through anything ever before and quickly snatched it out. I walked out from the reception desk to hand it to her directly which was a completely unnecessary move, but any excuse to get closer to Seifer was a good enough reason to do just about anything. I handed her the portfolio and she gave me a curious once over, silently asking just what the hell I was doing. I gave Seifer a look and smiled, he smiled in return. I hadn't felt this juvenile about my flirting tactics since middle school, but it seemed to be working and I couldn't argue much less complain about how I got his attention.

Kadowaki took notice of our sheepish and ridiculous flirting antics.

"Umm," She broke the silence and the eye contact. "This is Rinoa, Seifer." She greeted us and I stuck a hand out for a shake.

"Nice to meet you." I said with a pleasant smile. He smiled back and nodded.

Kadowaki groaned and rolled her eyes at this very public flirtation which she probably thought was a little more than grotesque. And she was right, it was a little gross to be perfectly honest. But I just couldn't help myself. He was adorable and I just felt like a little school girl who was head over heels when I was around him. It was endearing and for the rest of the day I couldn't stop smiling.

I hadn't felt this way in so long and it was exciting. I didn't care if anything manifested itself from our little encounter, it was just nice experiencing those feelings again. It gave me a reason to start doing my hair, actually caring whether I put on make up or not and paying attention to how I moved, how I sat, my posture, everything. I loved it.

--

I couldn't sleep that night for some reason. I didn't know why. One of those nights I just assumed. I tossed and turned in my bed, removed clothes, put more clothes on, took the sheets off, put them back on, cracked a window... I did everything I could to try and get comfortable but it just wasn't happening.

"Fuck!" I said, my anger seething through clenched teeth. "This fucking sucks." I normally wouldn't have cared to stay up all night just thinking but I had shit to do tomorrow. Not just class, but real important shit to do. I had to take practice exams for the SeeD written exam and I knew that with my mind so hungry for sleep and rest there'd be no way I could even come close to even mediocracy. Maybe I was just nervous about the test? I didn't know nor did I care. I just wanted sleep. Where were pills when you needed them?

"Fuck this cocking shit!" I yelled and smashed a pillow into my face. But the soft touch pillows often provide stung me on the brow just then. Damn that fucking scar. It was still tender and not even close to be fully healed. I wanted to bash Seifer's skull in with a bat just thinking about how this horrendous scar would heal. It would end up looking like a mountainous region right in the center of my face. They'd name it, claim it in the name of their country and snow would top the peaks.

"God dammit Seifer... just make me a fucking hunch back why don't you." I dropped kick the pillow off my bed. It hit my desk and sent shit flying, probably shit I needed. I didn't even care anymore. I was too tired to care. I sat up and threw my legs over the edge of the bed. I tapped my feet and put my chin in my hands. What to do... what to do. If I wasn't sleeping then I couldn't be here. It just made me all the more aggravated and anxious.

I decided on going to the training center balcony. I pulled a sweater over, slipped some slippers on, grabbed two packs of cigarettes, a lighter and made my way out.

The campus was desolate. Sort of eery really. For as long as I've been here, I don't think I've been out at this time. It was early morning, probably around 5 or so and that new day air was finding comfort in my lungs. I had never really noticed until just now, but I really loved the open aired connecting hallway from the dorms to the main building. It was so refreshing to get a few minutes of real air rather than terribly stuffy garden air that smelled of sweat and crappy cafeteria food. I took a little longer than usual in the hallway, sucking up as much fresh air as possible before heading into the oppressive larger, closed building.

I made my way to the secret balcony, avoiding any fights by staying on the perimeter of the training ground. I kicked some foliage out of my way and cursed at it as it swung back and hit me in the face and ass and pretty much everywhere.

"Gah," I exclaimed as I swatted more foliage away as I made my way through the hole in the wall to the secret area. "Go fuck yourself training center!" I yelled as I finally stumbled through to the other side as the last of the accursed shrubbery untangled itself from my body. I looked up glad to be free and was shocked at what my eyes caught. I could feel my face drop from the anger and frustration it had harbored and morph into curiosity and shock. That girl. Again.

She laughed. "Yeah! Fuck that foliage!" She mocked me as she threw a lame fist in the air. She too was dressed in her pajamas with a baggy sweater atop it all.

"The hell are you doing here?" Was all I could ask as I brushed some excess leaves off my sweater. Seriously... what the hell was she doing here.

"Oh psh, as if I'm the only one who's acting weird right now. What are YOU doing here?" She reminded me, slightly irritated. You could tell she was tired too and that irritation was stemming solely from her lack of sleep. I glanced at her, and moved to the opposite corner of the balcony.

I answered her question with a shrug as I pulled out my cigarettes. I pulled one out and put it between my lips and let it hang there, in severe danger of falling from the light grasp I had on it. She watched me, waiting for me to answer her question with something of real substance rather than some vague gesture.

"Couldn't sleep." I finally answered after a peculiar pause. I lit my cigarette and inhaled the sweet toxin that lay hidden in that tiny role of white paper. I hung my jaw loose and exhaled gently. The smoke plumed from my lungs and out through my mouth. It was like a summer fire had caught in my lungs and had no wind to stir it, just gently billowed up to the sky and dissipated in the air.

"Neither could I." she said as she turned away from me and back to the sky now turning a strange dark purple color. Her lack of any emotive expression in her voice was an easy indicator that something was on her mind. She leaned against the railing and just continued to stare out blankly.

The morning was calm. No wind, hardly any noise save for the occasional squawk of an early rising seagull or the screech of a late to bed bat. It was just our light breathing, my occasional strong exhales and the rustle of our clothes at the little movements we made that filled our morning.

"I have this important test tomorrow." I said, shattering the silence into thousands of pieces. I did this last time too. Broke the silence I mean. She felt like a nice person to me. Maybe that's why I did it. I don't know. I didn't feel comfortable with her or anything but she had a nice air about her that made me feel relaxed. Such a quality is so often missed and all the more important at a place like Garden. This place is so oppressive and suffocating so to find light in the darkness or warmth in the cold is always a bit of a rarity, one that should be held on to. I didn't care to hold on to her by any means, but it was a nice comfort while it was there.

"It's a practice test for the SeeD written exam." I said as I took another drag. I moved towards the railing and leaned against it, just as she was doing at the other end.

"Nervous?" She asked. The question was infused with that same emotionless tone as before.

I paused. "Yeah."

"Why?" She turned her body toward me. "It's just practice." she reminded me. As if I hadn't tried reminding myself that over and over.

I took another drag, shut my eyes for a moment, and really savored the flavor. "It's just stressful." I answered. The smoke filtered out with every word I spoke as if I was making intangible smoke signals to someone far away.

"It's like..." she paused for a moment and she moved closer to me. She turned back to the sky that was lightening its colors and changing its hues with every passing second we wasted. She found her words. "... It's like, you're practicing your future."

I... I guess she was right. I didn't really no why I was stressed out at all really. It was just practice, and practice is there so you can make a mistake and learn from it. But... this was so important to me. I figured if I failed once, there was no point of even trying again. I would have failed myself. I would have stomped on my own dreams. The battles I've fought, the enemies I've killed and all the dangerous training I had endured didn't crush my future... but a fucking test did. And even if it didn't crush me, it would be just another scar on my body. One that I see everyday that laughs at me and mocks me.

I instinctively touched the scar that ran between my eyes and it stung terribly. I cringed slightly, and swiftly moved my hand away.

She took notice of this and turned again to me. "It hurts?" She sounded generally concerned.

"Yeah." I quickly realized what I had just done so publicly. I thought it had been a little more discreet but apparently not. She continued to stare at me... and kept staring. "What?" I finally asked as I looked back at her. We locked eyes and she held my gaze powerfully. It was not like those other times where she meekly protested my stares with a swift turn of her head, this time she held my eyes.

"It was Seifer... wasn't it."

This caught me off guard. The fuck does she know about it.

"What's it to you?" This pissed me off. Not only was I exhausted, stressed out but now more of this interrogating? I got enough of it from Kadowaki, Cid and Quistis. I didn't want some goddamn stranger yapping about my shit.

"I know it's Seifer. You don't have to say anything." She said apologetically. She could tell I was irate about the subject. Her tone put me at ease though. She looked back to the sky becoming morning. The sky was bleeding its water color paints all across itself, not really thinking of color matching or tones at this point as if it was too tired to care.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I smashed my cigarette against the cement of the railing and watched the embers break into chaos as they flew every which way. I flicked the cigarette over and we both watched it twirl its way into the oblivion below.

She sighed. "He's the only other gunblade user in this whole Garden." She said with finality.

"Who said I was cut with a gunblade?" I questioned curiously as I turned toward her. Had she been at the fight? And she hadn't said anything yet?

"... huh?" She turned to me aghast and bewildered. "You're kidding right?" Kidding? Kidding about what? The hell...

"What am I kidding about? What are you talking about?" This was freaking me out in a way. It's like we weren't speaking the same language anymore. The scene must have been funny to an outsider though. We were both gawking at each other with utterly confused and perplexed faces, stupefied on what the fucking was going on here.

"Of course I know he cut you with a gunblade. I just never got a clear look at who you were fighting..." She explained, as if trying to recall some kind of memory in me.

"So... you were at the fight then?" I tried to coax the answer out of her. Jesus, it was like pulling teeth with this girl.

"'At the fight!?' What!?" She was pissed. What? What happened? What did I do to offend her? Had I not acknowledged her at the fight or something? Like I would even have a reason to give her a second glance, especially at a time like that.

"Why are you so pissed!?" I was practically yelling. This was escalating way too fast for my pace. "What happened?"

"You don't remember me!? I was the one who brought you to the infirmary, shit for brains!" She yelled.

Oh my god... it was her? I seriously hadn't recognized her? Good christ, I really must have been out of it. I felt intense guilt swell over me. How could I have been so retarded? I've seen this girl three times and... Oh! Of course! That's why she was at the infirmary with me during the check up! I knew she didn't work there, unless she was just hired or something. She was there to check on me. I thought she was weird... but she was just being nice.

I dropped my gaze away from her, my jaw hanging open as I zoned out in absolute disbelief at this whole situation.

"You know what." She raised a finger at me. "I let it slide when all those fucking bitches called me a liar for me being the one to take you back instead of that Trepe whore." Oh Quistis, that fucking sleazy bitch. "But I at least thought the person I had helped would acknowledge me." Her voice cracked as she echoed the last words of her tirade to me. "I thought it was oh so romantic at the thought of an illicit love between student and teacher," Wait. What was she talking about? "and I thought well, 'I let her have this victory because it's just so cute-'" I cut her blasphemous babble off curtly.

"In LOVE!? Me and Quistis!?" Just hearing that pissed me off beyond all belief. I've heard so many of those goddamn rumors I was so sick of it. Especially at a time like this. I had been up for twenty-four hours, and was completely exhausted. This was so not the time. "I'll never be in love with that slimy shit. She's the worse thing to crawl this earth. I HATE her!" I put so much emphasis on the word 'hate' it hurt my throat.

She was taken aback by this. "... Really?" This scream of a declaration on my personal life silenced her anger quite quickly.

"Yeah..." I took a breath, realizing I had greatly overreacted. "Really." I exhaled. I wanted to get off that fucking Quistis topic as soon as possible. Talking about my masturbation habits would be less painful than that. "Umm..." I began stupidly. "And I wasn't purposely ignoring you or anything." I apologized sheepishly. I didn't want to say that really, it just came out. And as childish as it sounds, I hated apologizing. It was so embarrassing, especially to a person I didn't really know. "I was so out of it. I could barely see with all the blood and gunk all over my face and in my eyes and my mouth. I would have said thank you. Had I known." She remained silent and I heard her move toward me a little bit. I looked up and she was smiling a little smile.

"I'm sorry I yelled."

I paused. She said her apology so forthrightly and with no reluctance. It was sort of refreshing not having to deal with such a stubborn person.

"Me too." I took a hint from her and just said what needed to be said.

She laughed a little. "I bet you don't even know my name."

Shit. She was right. I had no idea.

"It's Rinoa." She held out a hand and I took it in my own. I squeezed it gently and shook it lightly.

"Sq-" she cut me off.

"Squall. I know." She said as she squeezed my grasp a little tighter and shook a little harder.

I don't even know why I bothered telling her my name. I knew that she already knew it.

We let each others hands go and I pulled the box of cigarettes out and she looked at them with just as much curiosity as she had done the night prior. I pulled one out for myself and gestured the box toward her.

"Join me?" I said as I shook the box a little. The remaining cigarettes jiggled and tossed around as if they were a rattle snake's rattle, telling her to stay away from them. But she snatched one anyway.

"I won't cough this time. Watch." She said with a half smile as she put the cigarette between her lips, took the lighter from me and lit it. She exhaled strongly, forcing the smoke to immediately wash itself out in the morning air. The new born sun suddenly peeked an eye and I didn't care at this point. It was past the point of no return in regards to sleep. Just fuck it. Fuck it all. Fuck the test, fuck Quistis and fuck the future.

She started coughing after her second drag. That probably wouldn't go away for a while, but I didn't want to tell her...

--

Authors Note: Thank you so much for the supportive reviews, even though I haven't updated in years (literally). I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as you did the previous ones. Oh, I swear this is a SQUINOA by the way and NOT, I repeat NOT, a seinoa. I'll have the next chapter up in a more timely fashion next time. Promise.