Chapter Six: In the Deep
These girls were fun. It was weird having fun with people. Does that sound strange? Yeah, that sounds really weird. I hadn't interacted positively with another human being in such a long time. It felt a little foreign to me. Not a little, that's an understatement. It felt incredibly foreign. I wanted to talk to them more, really I did. Well, sort of. I wanted to remind them that I was in the back seat anyway. They were off in their own little world talking about something I wasn't really paying attention to. I just continued to stare out the window as we made our way back to Garden. Whatever they were talking about obviously didn't involve me, so I didn't feel comfortable butting in.
I rubbed my temples methodically, hoping to quell the headache that was currently raging war against my brain. Fucking hangover. Drinking last night was a dumb idea. Last night was ridiculous. Had I even the slightest bit of hindsight I would have never gotten drunk with them. I said so much bullshit. I prayed they remembered none of it. Plus the hangover today was excruciating. More painful than I ever remembered them being. It was like a drill was slowing cracking through my skull with every passing second. Even after the hamburger, which was probably the most disgusting thing I had ever eaten, the dull pain of last night remained. The girls didn't seem affected at all. Why? Why me?
They finished laughing about something and then a silence grew from the sputtering remnants of their giggles.
"Hey!" Rinoa said as she turned back to me. She looked concerned suddenly, noticing that I was rubbing my temples quite vigorously. "Still feeling crappy?" She asked as she cocked her head slightly. I nodded. I realized how hard I had been pressing my temples and released them from my fingers' pressure. "Sorry to remind you, but..." She shuffled around in her purse for a moment then produced a slip of paper. "We have hard time to do!" She said. I pulled the paper away from her and read it.
It was the disciplinary notice we had received last night. Oh my God... I had completely forgotten. Shit. Fuck. Piss. Damn. We were due to the disciplinary room on monday from 3 to... 8!? Are you shitting me!? 5 hours!?
Rinoa must've seen the astonishment on my face.
"What?" She asked.
"Five hours?" I asked incredulously as I pointed to the time on the paper.
"Well, yeah..." She acted like it was no big deal. It was a huge deal! "No offense, but you didn't make it entirely convincing that we hadn't been drinking last night." She reminded with a small smile.
"... What?" I didn't do anything though. What did I do? I just said a single word and then I shut myself up... right? Right!?
"Um," she looked to Selphie, looking for help. She bit her lip then turned back to me. This was going to be bad... what did I do? "You slurred the most ridiculous explanation ever."
"What!?" I practically screamed. No way. I didn't... There was no way!
"It went something like this," She cleared her throat. "'Well, uh, we were just, and you knowwalkingand then we started trainingandthen we Idon'tknow...'" Her words strung together in the perfect recreation of slurred drunken dialogue. "I had to shut you up before you got us in more trouble. I'm surprised we only got five hours."
I was astonished and horrified. I made such an asshole out of myself. And I didn't even remember it!? Oh my God... What else had I forgotten?
"... Did I do anything else?" I asked. I'm sure the expression on my face pleaded for her to tell me no. But she bit her lip instead, afraid to say anything. She looked to Selphie, then back to me.
"I'll tell you later." Oh my God... I'm never EVER getting drunk again. Fuck that. Fuck booze. I made an asshole out of myself in front of complete strangers. This was awful. I wanted to bash my head against a metal bar. She saw the defeated look on my face and quickly stepped in.
"It wasn't anything awful. Just... out of character." She was trying to comfort me. Pathetic attempts. Just give it to me straight. I made a total asshole out of myself last night and I'll be the laughing stock of your conversations for years to come. Just tell me. Just let me know so I can avoid you at all costs for the rest of my life.
When we got back to Garden it felt like we were taking the walk of shame. The girls had no problem in carrying on in their unwashed sleepwear but I had a huge problem with it. It felt like everyone was staring at me. I looked like shit and the more I tried to hide myself from the crowd of students dressed like normal, day dwelling humans the more they seemed to stare me down. I wanted to dive in the fountain and drown. Ending my humility, my hangover and allowing me to avoid five hours of sitting in a room doing nothing.
But I didn't kill myself. I should have though... I totally should have. I just went back to my room after some quick goodbyes to Selphie and Rinoa. I stripped of my clothes that held my shame in their filth and took a shower. With a little soap, hot water and shampoo the hangover subsided and it felt like my life had begun anew. I stepped out of the shower and breathed a sigh of relief. I had effectively scrubbed last night away. But the slip of paper from the disciplinary committee reminded me that shame can't be washed away, and instead must be worked off. Dammit.
I picked up the paper again.
"Monday from 3 P.M. to 8 P.M. in room 1209." I mumbled as I dropped the paper back onto my desk.
I prayed the faculty didn't catch wind of this... well, I wished that Quistis in particular didn't catch wind of this. She'd have a field day. Word would probably get out though. I had to accept that. Not to toot my horn or anything, but I was one of Garden's top students. Whenever I got anything lower than a 95 on anything word would spread like wild fire. I'd be called into the headmaster's office and they'd ask me if I was depressed or if I needed some medication. Maybe I needed the therapist or the meds... but I always gave them incredulous stares and they'd let me go, reminding me to always do my best. They were like my parents... save for the nurturing and caring part. They just wanted me to succeed, for selfish purposes no doubt. I'd make them big money one day as a SeeD. Being one of the only two gunblade users in all of the Garden system definitely made me stand out. Do I sound conceded? I don't mean to be. It's just the truth.
So I wasn't really surprised when I received a call to my room from the headmaster himself.
"Squall, can I see you in my office?" He didn't really even need to introduce who it was or which office I needed to go to. It was obviously Cid.
"Yes, sir." I answered. He hung up on me first. He sounded mad. He probably was. A top student caught out past curfew being wildly drunk in a public area would cause their heads to explode.
I dressed in proper Garden attire, combed my wet hair into place and made my way out the door. I didn't really know what to expect up at the meeting. Probably something like 'Don't do it again'... except madder, way madder. I prayed it would just be Cid, instead of all my teachers like it usually was. Apparently they thought an army of imposing instructors could make me get better grades. They needed to try a new tactic.
The elevator arrived at the 3rd floor, Cid's office, and I stepped off. The secretary looked up at me and smiled pleasantly. She was trying to flirt with me... again. Every time I came up here that same student would try and hit on me.
So not in the mood right now.
"Hi Squall." She greeted as she quickly forgot about any of the work before her.
I nodded a greeting. She looked unsatisfied and she continued to smile and stare at me. I sighed lightly. "Hi." I finally managed to say.
"What are you in for now?" She asked with a giggle.
"You tell me." I said as I crossed my arms and looked away, avoiding eye contact.
She giggled taking my comment as a fun joke. Shut up. Stop laughing. Just let me in to see the Headmaster.
"I'll tell the Headmaster you're here." She said with a bright smile. I prayed she didn't think I was flirting back with her.
She pressed an intercom and announced my presence.
"Good good. Send him in." Cid's voice spoke through the speaker on her desk.
"Step right on through, Mr. Leonhart." Her smile deepened and her eyelashes batted as I passed her. It's not that she was totally annoying, it was just aggravating. I came here for a reason... not to flirt with someone whose name I didn't even know. I didn't look back at her or say much of anything else as I opened the double doors and stepped into his office.
Cid sat in his chair, looking very serious and grim, eyeing me like he was ready to launch a verbal tirade against me. His usual look when I walked in here. And standing next to him-
Oh fuck.
Considering my luck, I should have expected this.
Standing next to him, leaning against the back window looking much the same as Cid was Quistis. Her arms folded across her chest and a hip cocked lightly to the side told me she was feeling particularly smug at the moment. She loved seeing me squirm in situations like these. There was really no reason for her to be here. She just wanted to see me suffer under the exacting knife of Cid's reprimands.
"Squall," Cid began. "I'm sure you know why you're here." He said as he looked me straight in the eye.
"Yes, sir." I nodded and I straightened my posture into proper Garden formalities.
There was a silence. ... Why?
He turned back to Quistis. "You can leave now, Ms. Trepe." He said as his hand motioned for the door. Thank God. She looked perplexed and a little offended.
"But, Sir-" She began but Cid cut her off with a hand. I imagined him saying 'talk to the hand, bitch.' A sick sort of satisfaction welled up through me when I thought of that scene.
She looked to me, knowing full well how I was relishing this scene before me. She looked embarrassed. She leaned down and whispered something into his ear fervently. Cid pulled his head back and looked at her curiously.
"Like I said before, it's not necessary for you to be here right now." He said with a smile.
"Sir, I think it's quite nec-" She was cut off again.
"Please leave." The smile was dropped and so were the pleasantries. It was very apparent that that was the last thing he was going to say to her. She stepped back and sighed in defeat, she looked to me and then stormed out, attempting to keep her dignity. I tried to repress a victorious smile, but I knew it was coming through.
"Sorry you had to see that Squall." He said as he stood.
I'm not.
"So..." He began as he moved towards the window behind him. "You know why you're here." He was just repeating information.
"Yes, sir."
A bit of silence.
"You understand what you have done and the impact it can and will have on your future here at Garden?" He asked as he glanced back to me. It was more or less a rhetorical question but required my response regardless.
"Yes, sir." I answered.
"You've never, ever had a disciplinary write up before." He commented as he moved back to his desk. He picked up a file folder, presumably mine. He scanned it casually and then tossed it back to his desk. He sighed and moved back to the window.
"I had a bit of fun when I was a student back in my day." He turned to me with a small smile, remembering days gone by. He strode to the other side of his window. "When I first heard of your write up I was so shocked and, well, quite appalled. I thought 'Squall? Really? Of all the people...'" He turned to me. "Then I thought, of all the people in all of Garden this is the one person I wanted to see get written up for something like this." He said with a laugh.
... What? He was on drugs.
"What?" Was all I could say. I was dumbfounded. Was he making fun of me?
"I know, I know." He placed his hands behind his back. "It's a bit of a strange thing to say. I'm sure you were expecting a lecture on how you're such a good student and how you shouldn't have done that et cetera, et cetera. But after getting Quistis' report on you I couldn't stop thinking about that comment she wrote. 'Doesn't know how to work well with others.'" He sighed. "At first I thought, what a rude thing for her to say but then I realized... she's not far off."
Was I really getting another lecture about how I should play nice and share my toys? I was in a military academy! Not a fucking pre-school.
"And then I got this little piece of information." He held up the disciplinary note. He examined it dully. "I was so shocked. But then, I thought... Thank God!" He laughed at that. I could only give him a bewildered stare.
"The boy is finally interacting!" He held up another disciplinary notice. "With a... Ms. Rinoa Heartilly?" He asked me with a smirk. Was he implying that...? "How do you know Ms. Heartilly?"
"I, umm..." I ran into her a few times when I was smoking out on a restricted area. I had to lie. The truth would only get me into more trouble. In my haste to avoid the truth I began to feel flustered. "I met her in the infirmary and, well, she helped me back when I was wounded. But we danced together at the SeeD inauguration ball." I'm sure I sounded like a moron.
He stared at me, a little amused at my flustered rambles.
"Hmm." Was all he said as he nodded. "Then you two decided to get drunk?" He asked, an even wider smirk crossing his face.
"Excuse me?" I was a little offended. What was he implying here?
"Forgive me if you think I'm implying anything. I'm just trying to get the facts straight here."
I hesitated. I really didn't want to drag Rinoa down with me further, or Selphie for that matter.
"Yes, sir. We got drunk. But it was completely my fau-" He cut me off.
"Squall, I'm not here to get anyone into more trouble than they already are. Don't worry." He said as he took his seat again. He looked at my portfolio again and sighed lightly. "It's none of my business, I know..." He trailed off as he opened the documents before him. "But I can't help but feel like I need to be a parent to you." He looked me straight in the eye. I wanted to laugh in his face. Why did everyone who ranked above me thought they knew me? A parent? You must be joking. I don't get orders from my parents and I most certainly wouldn't salute them.
"Well, not a parent obviously." He laughed the comment off a bit, sensing my obvious discomfort with the title he had bestowed upon himself. "But, at least someone who you can trust... Who you can trust to guide you in the right direction." I guess I trusted him. I mean, I had to. If I didn't then what was my point in even being here...
"Quistis had wanted to call you up here to reprimand you about the other night. She wanted me to tell you to focus. She wanted me to remind you that becoming a SeeD is your ultimate goal. She wanted me to tell you to stop hanging around Rinoa, for your own good. She said that Rinoa would distract you, especially in these crucial years at Garden when your full concentration is needed at all times." He finally stopped and looked to me, trying to read my expression on the whole situation.
Quistis was such a fucking twat. She wanted me to socialize, but then wants to go and tell me to cease being around the one person who could actually engage me in conversation. The one person I had found that was even marginally entertaining and interesting and not completely devoid of a brain. The one person I could stand being around for more than five minutes. Goddamn hypocrite.
I was fuming, my eyes burning holes in the floor below me.
"What do you think?" He finally asked.
Quistis is a bitch, that's what I fucking think!
"What should I think?" I asked looking up. "An instructor who tells me to socialize one minute and then reprimands me for it the next. She tells me to follow her advice but how can I do that when it's so obviously idiotic." I was trying to remain presentable but I could tell the anger was edging its way into my words and making my eyes glower. "As a future SeeD I cannot follow her commands, commands I've recently been taking as 'advice.' I've read time and again that the best SeeDs are those that don't just follow commands, but those that think for themselves and for the best interest of the mission and their teammates." Cid was looking at me with a little bemused smile on his face.
"I, as a SeeD in training, can no longer listen to Quistis Trepe in regards to my well being. That's what I think." That was refreshing... really refreshing. I took a deep breath in. It felt like I hadn't tasted the sweet scent of oxygen in days. I swallowed hard, nervous of Cid's reaction to my sudden tirade.
He looked away, that same smile on his face.
"Thank you, Squall. You're free to go." He rustled with some papers on his desk. That was it? Was he mad? Was I in even more trouble now? Should I not have opened my mouth?
"Yes, sir." I saluted and swiftly turned and stormed out the door. I was still running on a bit of adrenaline from that last speech I had made so I walked out the door feeling like I was on cloud nine.
Quistis was sitting on the waiting couch, looking quite impatient but when she saw me walk out with great haste she threw herself from the seat. She tossed a look back into Cid's office who only waved her off. I could only imagine the look on her face. When she was turned away from Cid's office, she followed me instead.
I slammed my finger into the elevator call button and reveled in the feeling of superiority over her and her stupidity.
"Squall." She began sternly. I refused to answer. No more would I talk to this woman. She was just another pesky, flirty, useless shell of a bitch. And I would no longer waste my time on her.
The elevator came and we both entered. A sick satisfaction accompanied every second of my time with her.
"Squall?" She began again, this time a little more sensitive. Still, I refused to answer.
"You can't ignore me forever, you kn-" I cut her off. I turned to her with a sick smile of victory, a smile that I had been waiting to give to her for years.
"Oh yes I can. And I'm starting right after this elevator ride. You've been nothing but a terrible pain in my ass for far too long. I'm removing your thorn now."
"I wouldn't do that if I-" Once more I silenced her.
"Is that advice, Ms. Trepe?" I asked incredulously as I scoffed in her face. "Shall I quote words from you? 'Advice can come from anyone.' It sure can, Ms. Trepe but it's not always good advice now is it. I don't care if you're two or if you're five-hundred and twenty... you have bad advice. We all do. Just as much as we have good advice. So I'm taking some good advice right now. Advice from myself. And what I'm saying right now is to never talk to you ever again. And I like that idea. I like it a lot."
"How is 'Interact with others' bad advice?" She questioned. I could tell she wasn't expecting this conversation at all.
"It's not. But what is bad advice is to avoid those I do interact with."
"I never said anything of the-"
"You have more wicked duplicity in you than you have good natured kindness. That shows in your 'advice.' Last night, you didn't want me to start getting along with others... You wanted me to get along with you. And when you found that it wasn't you I had 'interacted' with how quickly you retract your advice." The elevator dinged and stopped at the bottom floor. The doors opened with a swish and a few students stood at the doors, ready to pile in.
"So take some good advice, my advice..." I said. "Leave me alone." I left the elevator in a hurry.
...
...
Victory.
So that's what winning felt like. That's what punching your sworn enemy in the face felt like. That's what winning the jackpot was like. Euphoria picked me up and lifted me off into the heavens. I was stepping on air as I rushed along back to my dorm. Why was I going to my dorm? Oh, who cares! I didn't care about anything at that moment. I was elated. Nothing could drop me from my view from the top. A cigarette! Yes! A cigarette would be the only way to celebrate such a victory.
I didn't care if I had gotten into more trouble. I really didn't give a fuck if I looked like a dumb ass in front of Cid. It all just didn't matter! It just felt so damn good to lay the verbal smack down on Quistis.
I entered my room and let forth the smile that had long been suppressed. I clenched my fists and did a few air jabs, my excitement not knowing how to express itself any other way. I swept my pack of cigarettes off from my desk, pocketed them and made my way out to my secret area.
Fuck it all. Fuck everything. It was one of those days. I was in one of those moods. From there on out for the rest of the day I didn't care what the fuck happened. Garden could have been burnt down and I would have still been smiling on the inside.
"Squall!" I heard a voice call out from behind me. I turned around and saw Rinoa jogging lightly in my direction. She finally caught up with me and saw she was smiling lightly. "I have a present for you." She said her smile growing. I gave her a curious stare. "Let's umm," she looked around, making a reference to the people around us. "Let's go somewhere private." She winked painfully, making it a little too obvious she was trying to be sly.
"Um, sure." Was all I could say as we headed outside.
Once we were out in front of Garden where there was less human traffic than the halls offered she produced a brand new pack of cigarettes.
"Here!" She insisted as she shoved it into my hands.
"I already have a pack." I said as I patted my protruding jacket pocket. I pushed her pack away but she shoved it harder into my hands.
"Seriously. This is the least I can do after smoking your whole pack the other night and getting you in trouble." She continued to press the gift deeper into me. She wouldn't take no for an answer so I just succumbed. I wrapped the pack around my fingers and she looked satisfied.
"No," I said, unwrapping my fingers from the small box. "I can't take these." I insisted. I was about to push the pack back to her but she gently swatted my hands away.
"Just take them. Some dumb schmuck left them out on the secret area. It was destiny that I give them to you." She sounded strangely serious. Arguing with her further about the gift would have been pointless and a complete waste of time. I sighed and accepted my defeat on the issue.
I placed the pack into my other jacket pocket. "Thank you."
"Don't even mention it." She waved it off and smiled at me again. "So," she began again. "Where were you off to in such a hurry?" She asked.
I was going to my secret area. But should I tell her? The whole point of leaving the training center spot was so I could avoid her. Well, not just her... people in general. I needed to be able to be alone every so often, everyone did. But feeling the gift protruding precariously from my jacket pocket reminded me that my room was for my private time. I could share this with someone. I was in too good of a mood to really battle with myself anyways.
"Follow me." Was all I said as I lead the way. My new spot was along the side of the main building. I thought myself pretty ingenious for discovering it actually. It was so out of the way and obscure that there was no way anyone would even think of looking there for a spot to smoke or drink or what have you.
We came to a protruding point on the building and I stopped and turned to her.
"... This?" She asked incredulously as she looked about her surroundings.
"No." I said simply. I pointed up to a small balcony about fourteen feet above us, camouflaged with the azure of the building. It's white railing and the barely noticeable shadow the small jut caused were its only distinguishable features.
"Damn. How'd you find that?" She asked as she craned her head.
I shrugged. I really didn't know. I just sort of happened upon it actually. I had been in want of a new secret spot for some time, especially after my run ins with Rinoa. So I had set out on a mission to find one and I just sort of stumbled upon the balcony.
I began to climb up the side of the building and once I was half way up I looked back down to Rinoa who was staring at me like I was a dumb ass.
"You're kidding." Was all she said as she placed her hands on her hips. I didn't respond. I just kept climbing up to the top. I pulled myself over the railing, throwing one leg over at a time. Once I was situated I looked down to her again. She was still just standing there.
"Um, okay. Bye!" She said as she began to walk away, not wanting to even attempt such a feet.
"Wait!" I yelled. She stopped and turned, ready for me to say something more. Ummm... What else was there to say? Wasn't it obvious I wanted her to come up here?
"I'm not scaling a wall just so I can have a cigarette. Definitely not worth the effort."
"Just come up." Was all I said. I didn't want to have go and scream and yell to get her to come up here. She'd come if she wanted to. It'd be a total waste of energy to try and convince her further. She would do what she wanted regardless of anyone's opinion on the subject.
She continued to stare at me blankly. Fuck it. I pushed myself off from the railing and sat down, my back against the wall. I got a free pack of cigarettes from her, I didn't really need her company. I shouldn't have showed her this spot. My sanctuary was now a public respite in her eyes. I'd have to find a new place of solace.
I pulled a cigarette out and lit it. I took a drag and, like always, it tasted incredibly refreshing. I stared out to the plains that stretched out before me and the glimmering ocean water that laid beyond them. It was such a nice day. The sun was out, not a cloud in the sky, a gentle breeze blew by every so often and it was warm. I closed my eyes and nestled into my spot as I took another drag. Heavenly.
This felt like the perfect day. Quistis had gotten a delicious verbal backhanded smack, I had received a free pack of cigarettes and the weather was amazing. I felt my skin warm and begin to tan as the sun began to bake me under its powerful rays. Another drag. Such a good day!
I heard a huff and the sound of squeaking shoes against the building. I opened my eyes and sat up. I looked over to find a hand clambering up desperately along the side of the building. Then another grabbed for the white railing.
"Fucking hell!" Rinoa yelled as she pulled herself up. "This is so not worth it!" She yelled again against the physical strain the climb was giving her. She finally made it to the railing and desperately threw herself over it. She landed with an ungraceful thud and she sighed with relief at reaching flat land.
"You can have this secret spot, Squall." She said as she stood and dusted herself off. She saw me looking at her unsympathetically, sitting there smoking away. "You weren't going to help me up here, were you?"
"No." I simply said. Well, I wasn't. Why beat around the bush?
"I'm just going to assume you didn't want to help because you knew I could do it all by myself." She said as she sank down next to me. She was wrong in her blind assumption. It would have been unfortunate if she couldn't have made it up here, not the end of the world. Not unfortunate enough to help her get here though.
"You know," she began as she turned her head to me. "There's this whole section in the SeeD handbook about helping others n'shit." She reminded me. "I know you've read it."
Yeah, I had... Oh my God. Was this going to be another 'play nice, Squall' lecture? If it was I was leaving. It worked the first time someone pulled that shit on me, but after the third time in less than two days, it was getting old and tiresome.
"They say you can't be a real SeeD until you learn to 'help your fellow comrade.'" She said.
"So I'm not going to be a SeeD because I didn't help you climb up here so you could have a cigarette?" I questioned, the anger edging into my words making them bite more than I had intended.
She took notice of the tone in my voice and looked at me confused and offended.
"Testy, testy." She commented. "What's up your ass?" She asked as she turned away from me to look ahead of her. She took in the view and I saw her eyes light up with the picture that was painted before her. "Woah..." She mumbled. "What a view!" She exclaimed as she stood and made her way to the railing. "I thought the training center's secret spot had a good view." She mumbled. "And this is only, what? Fourteen feet high? What an incredible change such a little difference in height made!"
A seagull cried and sailed by us, perching on a wire extending from the top of the Garden. Her eyes followed it up and to its current resting spot and she smiled. I looked up to it too and noticed the hordes of seagulls crying and flapping their wings impatiently among all the wires that hung above us. I had never noticed their incessant screaming before. Maybe because I had never noticed the seagulls? Had they always been there?
"We have a chorus." She commented, pointing up to where I was already looking. "I can't believe we're that close to the ocean, you know?" She said as she turned back to look at the view.
"What?" Had she never noticed the ocean or something? She made some fucking weird comments sometimes...
"I mean, I can't believe we're that close to the ocean to have seagulls use us as their home." She turned back to me. "Where I live we don't have much of an ocean scene."
"Where do you live?" I asked as I sucked the last of the tobacco from my cigarette. I smashed it into the wall, killing the fire within. I stood and kicked the butt over the edge. I walked to the railing on the opposite side of the balcony from her.
"Deling. I mean, it's close to the ocean and all, but we don't have a beach or anything. It's just a cliff that divides us from it. I could just sort of, well, look at it. I could never interact with it." She said as she continued to stare out into the sparkling ocean water.
"You're not missing much." I commented as I placed my forearms along the top of the railing.
"Easy for you to say. You're used to it. You've been dulled by its awesomeness."
"Really. It's not that cool." I insisted.
"Yeah. It is. Trust me." She shot back as she looked to me.
"There's nothing that great about the ocean. It's big, wet and deep." I said, summing it all up very concisely.
"You're so shallow!" She said with a certain amount of disgust. I wonder if she had intended the pun. "The ocean is teeming with life. So much life in fact, we haven't even begun to discover the stuff that's below a hundred miles of the surface. Can you even fathom that idea? One hundred miles! And there's more to that!" She cried, getting excited over the idea. "Who knows what else is beyond that hundred mile line... or how much deeper it goes. Isn't that just incredible?" She asked with a huge, exuberant smile.
In a way, it was. But there was nothing so fascinating that it would change my life, or hers for that matter.
"What if there's nothing below that line?" I asked. I sort of wanted to spur her on a little bit, see where she would take this conversation.
"Doubt it." She said simply.
"What makes you so sure?"
"I just know. There are somethings you just sort of know." She replied with a small shrug.
"You know, for a fact, there's more shit going on below one hundred miles?" I asked incredulously, glancing at her.
"Not for a fact..." She paused. "But, I know that there are more things that this world doesn't know than actually knows." She said as she turned back to me looking quite cocky, ready to see my next rebuttal.
"What if we know everything?" Now I was just playing devil's advocate for humor's sake.
"Well, we obviously don't because we don't know what's beyond that one hundred mile line, now do we?" She asked, leaning toward me a little bit. Touche. I never was good at playing the devil's advocate... "Look," She said as she moved further away from me, trailing a hand across the white railing. "I really don't want to get into some ridiculous philosophical argument about knowledge. Not my idea of an ideal hangover day." She said as she turned to me.
She was still hungover? Sucked to be her.
She looked back out to the ocean.
"How about we go to the beach." She suggested.
"No." I replied hastily. I really didn't want to do anything today. It was my day to celebrate and enjoy and she wasn't about to drag me away from that.
"C'mon. What else have you got to do?" She asked. "This?" She motioned to my surroundings. "You can sit and smoke on the beach and listen to more seagulls there. I promise."
"Why? If I can do that here, then why should I leave?" She made a good point, but I made the better one.
"Damn, you're a lazy son of a bitch." She scoffed. "You said yourself that you've never appreciated the ocean. I'm going to make you appreciate it. Plus, I've only been there twice the whole time I've been living here... and I can't go alone." She gave me pleading eyes. But I could see right through all of that lathered on faux-guilt she was trying to smother with. She just looked like a moron.
"Get me another pack of cigarettes and I'll join." I offered. She'd never agree.
"Deal." Fuck. "You're an expensive acquaintance, you know that?" She noted as she began to move towards the ledge where we had climbed up. "A full bottle of good wine, two packs of cigarettes..." She mumbled as she shook her head. She threw her legs over the railing and began to make her clumsy and ridiculous descent to the ground. I followed with much more grace.
"I'm not walking there." I said firmly. Walking a needless amount of miles just so I can do the same thing I was doing just moments before was not part of a good afternoon for me.
"You sound like a baby." Rinoa mumbled as we began to walk back towards the Garden. "'I don't wanna go to the ocean! I just wanna sit around and sulk!'" Her voice changed to a high pitched wining voice. She was making fun of me.
"I wasn't sulking."
"Then what we're you doing?" She asked, stopping and turning to me.
"Enjoying myself." I answered. She was expecting more. She rolled her head to the side and tapped her foot impatiently. "Celebrating, really." I answered honestly. The answer seemed to please her and we moved ahead.
"Celebrating what?" She asked cautiously, probably afraid of prying a little too much.
"A small victory." I answered. She was silent after that. She was very careful not to pry into my life, though more than willing to skim the surfaces of it.
I was not too sure how she planned to not walk, considering she didn't have any mode of transportation and the public transportation offered didn't run anywhere close to the beach. This should be amusing I thought as we turned into the garage.
She made her way to a booth with a teller and some interactions exchanged. She wrote something down on a paper and the man at the window handed her two helmets. ... What?
"Here." She said as she pushed one of the helmets into my stomach. I grabbed and pulled it from her grasp. She fastened hers to her head and I followed suit. She made her way over to a scooter.
"Is this your scooter?" I asked as she sat down upon it, turning to me.
"Yes. That's why I had to sign a release form authorizing my use of it." She gave me a dead pan stare. So, it wasn't hers? "Of course it's not. I'm renting it." She said.
"You can... do that?" You could?? Where have I been? Was I really that ill informed about the happenings at Garden?
"That's what you get for cooping yourself up in your own head all day. Ignorance." She said. She extended a closed fists to me. I looked at her curiously. Her fingers peeled away from her palm, revealing a set of keys.
"You're driving." She said with a smile.
"No." I stated simply.
"Yes." She repeated. She stood, took my hand and pressed the keys into my palm. "You can drive one of these, can't you?"
"Well, yes-" She cut me off. That was enough for her. I should have just said no. What was I thinking?
"Then away we go!" She said exuberantly as she clapped her hands together. She sat on the tail end, waiting for me to join.
God dammit. I sighed heavily, making my distaste in this whole endeavor very apparent. I took my seat and kicked the scooter to life. Okay, so I hadn't actually driven one of these before, but I had driven enough motorcycles to get at least a minimal grasp on the idea. But that was enough it seemed. Driving this was easier than any car or motorcycle I had ever tried.
We sped out of the garage and I kicked up the speed. Rinoa screamed in my ear as we suddenly accelerated and I felt the grip she had on my stomach tighten. Once we were on the open road it sort of felt like we were flying. There was nothing obstructing us from the view of the world that was zooming by us. I had never noticed it on a motorcycle before, maybe because it was a little too fast. This was just the right speed. Fast enough to get the adrenaline pumping, but slow enough to revel in the fact that we were enjoying ourselves.
"Turn here!" Rinoa screamed as she pointed to a small unpathed road. There was no way this thing could handle such a path. I pulled over and turned to her.
"There is no way this thing can handle that road." I said.
"Just do it. The beach isn't that far off from this road. It can take one for the team." She said as she patted the scooter like it was her dog. I rolled my eyes, knowing that this had trouble written all over it.
But the path wasn't as bad as I had expected it to be. And the bumpy, uncomfortable ride lasted no more than a few minutes as we rounded a hill, revealing the sound of crashing waves, crying gulls and the ocean's gentle lapping at the beach.
She jumped off the bike before I could even turn it off. She dropped her helmet to the ground and ran toward the beach, all the while attempting to take her shoes and socks off. She stumbled and tripped a little and had to support herself against a nearby rock more than a few times.
I was slow to leave the bike though. I took time to unfasten my helmet and I placed it carefully onto a handle. I picked hers up and placed it on the opposite handle. I watched her run toward the beach, her shoes and socks in one hand.
I followed her down slowly. When I reached the sand I realized how much I hated the beach. Damn the sand. You couldn't walk in sand. It got in your shoes and you couldn't get that shit out for years. And even when you take off your shoes, your feet would burn like fuck because the sand would always be so hot.
I sighed as I sat down, taking my shoes off. Better to callous my feet than ruin perfectly good shoes. I stepped carefully onto the sand and was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't hot at all, despite the heat of the day. I looked up to see where Rinoa was and she was staring at me curiously.
"Are you afraid of sand?" She teased.
"I thought it would burn." I explained as I began to walk towards her.
"I see, I see." She said as she turned her back to me, now facing the ocean. She placed her shoes down on the sand and rolled up her jeans to her knees. She walked to the water and as the wave approached, she backpedaled rapidly to avoid it. With the ocean retreating back into itself she advanced after it, but it suddenly opted to strike at her once more and she jumped back and away from the advancement.
"The water's going to catch on to your plan of attack." I said with an eye roll.
"Too stupid." She said as she stopped her backwards and forwards dashes. The water lapped at her feet and she kicked it gently. "The ocean will never learn."
She looked back to me. "Come on." She encouraged, motioning me to her spot.
"Thanks anyway." I said as I laid my jacket onto the dry sand below me and sat on it.
"Your jacket's going to get all sandy." She commented as she brought her attention back to the water playing with her toes.
... Fuck. I quickly stood and whipped the jacket up from its current position, sending sand flying everywhere, my face being no exception. I coughed and sputtered in a desperate attempt to rid the sand from my mouth as I continued to violently whip my jacket around.
Rinoa laughed. I'm glad someone found humor in it. I glared at her as I brought my coat under my arm.
"Oh fuck the jacket, Squall. Everything else is going to get just as sandy by just standing around." She noted. She had a point. But I held onto it for principal's sake now. She looked at me as if I were an idiot. She hastily removed her sweater and tossed it to the dry portion of the beach.
"See, I don't care." She said with a smug smile.
"Wow, you're just such a free spirit." I mocked stoically as I tossed mine on top of hers.
The water came up to her again, approaching her curiously. She made no attempt to let it play with her feet this time as she suddenly jumped, smashing the weak little wave into a million tiny droplets.
"That's my favorite part about the beach." She said with a laugh as she touched at her now soaked shins. She turned to me again. "C'mon, ocean hater! Start appreciating with me!" She said as she threw a gesturing arm up for me to come to her.
I rolled up my pants to my knees, following her design, and walked towards her. This was definitely not my ideal Saturday, let alone an ideal way to celebrate. But she had managed to drag me this far, I might as well go the distance.
"'Kay, ready? When the next wave comes towards us we're both going to jump on it, mm'kay?" She asked looking at me, her face glowing with excitement. She bent her knees, ready for battle as the wave came rolling towards us. She yelled an attack as she slammed down on the wave with all her might. I got a little damp but the jeans on her knees were completely soaked. I just stood there.
"You didn't jump!" She yelled accusingly. I just stared back. "Oh, I get it. You just wanted to see how the pros do it so you don't look like a total asshole. I gotcha." She said with a wink.
"Yeah, uh-huh." I mumbled as she readied herself for the next coming wave.
The wave rolled in and instead of jumping, she kicked it in my face. I was taken aback, needless to say. I peeled my shirt from my chest and whipped my damp hair from my vision to reveal Rinoa in hysterics.
"That's what you get when-" I didn't let her finish her victory chortle as I kicked a wave straight into her face. She gasped and removed wet tendrils of black hair from her face. She didn't waist time in striking back as she bent down, scooped up a large amount of water and tossed it in my general direction. But I dodged it for the most part as I stumbled backwards. I continued to jump backwards with every onslaught of water she delivered to me.
She stopped suddenly and I looked at her curiously.
"You're smiling." She noted slyly, pointing a finger to me. I quickly wiped my entirely unconscious smile from my face. "Goodness, I guess it wasn't just the booze talking when I commented on your adorable smile." She noted as she made a motion to pinch my cheeks. I swatted her hand away. I didn't appreciate where this was going. It wasn't nearly half as endearing when I wasn't fucked up. But she instantly recognized my discomfort on the subject.
"Sorry. It's just rare to see you happy." She noted as she pulled away from me.
"Just because I don't smile often, doesn't mean I'm not happy." I commented. It was true. I guess... When had I last been happy? Well, today definitely. But, before that? I couldn't really remember... I couldn't really remember much actually. I mean, I definitely wasn't sad. Does it follow that I must be happy then?
"I suppose you're right." She said, backing away further. "But the smile on your face is a refreshing change." She said. She smiled brightly. I didn't know what to say to that. I just continued to stare at her, waiting for her to say something. She was probably waiting for me to say something. She turned to the ocean and there was a moment of silence.
She suddenly yelled and kicked water into my face once more.
"Oh, bitch!" She screamed as she shoved me backwards. "I got you! I thought you were training to be a SeeD! Aren't they ready for anything?" Now I was soaked. That last kick proved powerful. I once again pulled my shirt from my torso and hunched over awkwardly, wanting to avoid that feeling again.
"You might as well go swimming now." She noted as she gazed upon my drenched self. It didn't sound like a bad idea to be perfectly frank. The water was warm and inviting, but my lack of any real swim clothes made me rethink that it was a 'good' idea. But then again... I couldn't get much wetter than this.
"Buy me a pack of cigarettes and I'll jump in." I bet her.
"Fuck that." She said with a scoff. "You're already getting a pack out of me for just getting your ass down here. How about this," she began. "I'll jump in if you buy me food in town." Hmm... Would it be worth seeing her getting drenched then walking around like a sad, wet puppy for a ten dollar meal? Yes, yes it was.
"Deal." I said. She wasted no time after my finalization and she ran straight into the incoming surf. She dived below a wave and emerged on the other side of it. She wiped the excess water from her face and laughed.
"Your turn!" She screamed against the rolling waves.
I shook my head no.
"Ah, c'mon!" She saw I wasn't budging. "Fine! I'll buy you a pack of cigarettes." She said conceding as she slapped her hands against the water.
That was enough for me. I ran after her and smashed into a wave of moderate size. The feeling of losing my footing from the sand beneath me was a little exhilarating. The wave was powerful enough to push me forwards and backwards within its depths. I sunk deeper under the water, loving the feeling of being surrounded by the force and power of the salt water. I got my footing again and tossed myself up, whipping my top half from the sea. My hair whipped around and I could feel the water clog itself in my ears and shoot up my nose.
I quickly began to snort out the water jammed up my nasal cavities and shake my head violently to get the water from my ears.
Rinoa chuckled at the site of me flailing around. "That exit would have been so graceful and whimsical if it weren't for all of that painful snorting."
The water finally drained from my head and I looked up at her. I realized how drenched she was... how drenched we were. Every part of me was soaked. Fuck. I hated being wet. It was an awful feeling. I was so stupid. Of course diving into the ocean means you're going to get wet, you fucking asshole!
I immediately began to feel uncomfortable.
"I need to dry off." I said as I began to wade out from the water.
"What!?" She cried bewildered. She ran up behind me. "You just jumped in!" She reminded me, pulling on my wet sleeve.
"And now I want to dry off." I said simply. She jumped in front of me.
"Fine." She said as she turned away from me and headed towards the beach. Once she was at the beach she walked to a rock and took her top off. Woah, what... is going on??
"I still want to enjoy myself." She explained as she whipped her top off from her body, leaving only her bra to cover her up. I looked at her half amazed and extremely confused. She read my expression clearly. "I'm gonna let my clothes dry. I suggest you follow my example if you want yours to dry anytime soon" She said as she peeled her jeans from her legs. "You're lucky I'm wearing boy underwear today." She said with a laugh. It wasn't boy underwear, to be sure. But at least it wasn't a thong. That would have been a one way ticket to awkward city.
"Wait, so... What are you doing?" I asked, still not understanding just what the fuck was going on.
"I told you," she said as she placed her pants and top on the sunny side of a rock. "I'm letting my shit dry." She turned to me. "And I suggest you do the same, unless you want to be wandering around later with moldy clothes." She had a point. But it didn't feel right to go and strip in front of her.
"C'mon!" She said. "Look! Do you see anybody else? It's just you and me. Do you have bacne or something?" Bacne? The fuck was bacne?
"Bacne?" I asked.
"Acne on your back. But seriously. I just stripped in front of you. I'm obviously not one to judge." She said as she looked down at her practically naked self.
...
"Fine." I answered. What? Fine? Why is this fine? Getting naked in front of some girl I barely knew! Was it really okay for me to go and rip all my clothes off just because she had too? Did that make it okay?? Was I drunk or something?? Why was I doing this? This was ridiculous. I wasn't doing this.
She looked at me curiously as I just stood there.
"Well... Are you going to or not?" She asked, looking impatient.
"What do you care if I do or don't?"
"How strange it would look to have some half naked chick running around with a clothed man. Show some propriety, Squall." She was teasing me.
"Right, 'propriety.'" I mumbled as I motioned towards her.
"Look, I don't have any more excuses for you to take your clothes off. I don't know what you want me to tell you." She said as she puts her hands on her hips. "I'm going back in to have fun, okay? You can join if you like. Clothes on or off. Or... you can just drive away and leave me here. I don't want some negative nancy ruining this beautiful day." She said very decidedly as she walked back towards the ocean.
Was that what I was? Just a negative dip shit? Was I even having fun here? Or was I just being an awful smear on a perfectly good day? Fine. You know what? Fuck it. Just fuck it. I didn't care if she saw me butt fucking naked anymore. I just didn't. It came to that point where it was just so futile to argue with myself, let alone anyone else. I might as well roll with the punches and just do whatever the fuck I pleased, 'cause it really didn't matter anymore. Rinoa obviously didn't care and I sure as hell didn't any more.
I pulled my shirt and pants off and laid them next to Rinoa's to dry in the sun.
"Finally gave in, did you?" She asked as I ran up from behind her.
"Fuck it." I said as I ran head first into an oncoming wave. I emerged and looked at her and she smiled.
"That's what I've been saying for years." And she dove in.
--
a/n: Thanks for reading!! Sorry if anyone was offended by my bacne comment. It's a serious dilemna.