Princes For Paupers

by The Age of Consent

Rinoa has been searching for her story book romance for more years than she's willing to count. And just as innocence is about to slip from her life, so walks in the war torn knight of her dreams. Garden, it seems, may be a fairytale yet unread...SqxRi

11. Bloody, All in Pieces

(Long) Author note: Forgive the small eternity between chapters. A lot of things have gotten between this story and me. One being writer's block. As much as I love this story, I felt trapped by the situation I was unwittingly writing myself into. But now I can see a light at the end of the tunnel that will take me away from the darkness and into the beautiful light of creativity (or some such nonsense). Reason two being my English skills have noticeably deteriorated. I have been living in Japan for the past three years so I have had absolutely no desire whatsoever to use English (let alone much of a chance), but when English does indeed rear its ugly head I seem to be not quite as dexterous as I once was with the written word. But rest assured, this story is very dear to me and I am constantly working on it in small doses; revising certain portions of the over all story, changing certain scenes, etc. I will finish this story, dammit. I swear.

But for the moment, here is an extra long chapter for all your patience. I had meant to divide this into two, but realized you've all been waiting long enough. You deserve a strong follow up to the lull and mundane humdrum that I feel like I've been placating you all with. I've put a LOT of work into this chapter making sure every sentence, every word, every action means something important and is, to all you readers, worth your time to actually read.

I hope you can forgive my rather long hiatus. But please rest assured that this is not the end, and I have so much more to write about these two.

Chapter 11

I pushed my door open and let him in first. I slipped inside and shut the door. He had stopped walking and just stood motionless in the doorway, his back to me. I waited for him to say something, but nothing. His shoulders fidgeted slightly, but then stiffened again. I cocked my head, ready for some sort of extrapolation, but once again my expectations were met with silence. With a swipe of his hand he rubbed his face vigorously. Which was, of course, followed by more silence. I decided to facilitate whatever the hell was going to happen.

"…. Yes?" I questioned, the alcohol most assuredly slurring my words.

He turned around on his heel and looked at me with such intensity it could have blown me through walls if I wasn't prepared for it. I took a step back, instinctively repelled by the gravity of his stare.

"I fucked Quistis," he suddenly shot out.

"What?" I instinctively blurted out, stumbling even further back.

"Not fucked. I fuck. I fuck Quistis. The teacher. I have sex with her." His words were fast, hurried. He was panicked.

"I, uh." I couldn't find proper words. Of course, I sort of figured what was going on between them, but this was a lot of information to be screamed in my face at two in the morning, still slightly buzzed.

"Fuck!" He yelled as he smacked his palms to his forehead. He dragged his fingers through his hair and gave an exasperated growl, teeth clenched. He dropped his hands and let his head hang back, staring vacantly at my ceiling.

I was silent, unsure of what to do or say. I literally had no idea.

He didn't appreciate the silence.

"I should never have told you, sorry," he said, rushed, as he pushed past me, trying to make his way out. He grabbed the doorknob, ready to run screaming off into the night. I grabbed his wrist and clenched.

"Chill out buddy," I instructed sternly. He stared back at me with eyes that were confused, flustered and lost. His hold on the doorknob relaxed and so did my vice grip on his wrist. "Okay, now…. What's going on exactly?" I asked in a calm, even voice, trying to get him to be a little more self-possessed.

He sighed and turned his eyes away from mine. He leaned against the wall and placed a hand on his head. Another sigh. His gaze returned to me and I could tell the panic and confusion was gone for the moment and he was left looking a little calmer.

"Do you really want to hear?" he asked, far more sedated than before.

"Yeah," I answered frankly.

He stood silent for a moment, his posture and fixed gaze never changing.

"Thanks… Thank you." I gave him a curious look.

"Are you okay?" I asked, still completely bewildered on what the hell was going on.

"No I'm not okay! I come barging into your dorm at what," he looked at his watch, "fucking two in the morning screaming about how I fuck some teacher! Is that a good sign, Rinoa?" he started freaking out again.

"Chill the fuck out!" I screamed back in his face. He looked shocked that I had matched his tone, but it did manage to calm him, even if only slightly.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he mumbled, turning away from me. He dragged his feet over to the other side of my room. He stood with his back to me again, looking out the window.

Some more silence. I continued to watch his sullen figure gazing at the world outside.

"You have a nice view," he commented, giving me his profile.

"Um, thanks," I mumbled. I moved towards him and he turned his attention back to the window.

"I am so stupid," he mumbled more to himself than to me.

"No," I said, stepping behind him. To this he remained silent.

"I thought that…" he trailed off. I stepped next to him and looked out the window with him. My view really wasn't anything special. Nothing but the plains with the occasional outcroppings of trees that broke the monotony of the grassland spread out before us. The moon was full that night so the world felt a little clearer, a little crisper than it usually did. The moonlight spilled atop us and leaked further into my room. You could practically read a book with the amount of light the moon was emanating that night.

"I thought that," he started again, but paused just like before. He turned to me, a hand propped up against my windowsill. I looked up toward him. He had such worry in his eyes. This felt honest. I was meeting a different Squall tonight. I would let this new Squall speak his mind, and I wouldn't let him run away.

"I thought that maybe, by having sex I could bring something back, revive something," he said cryptically. I gently raised an eyebrow towards the comment. He sighed and took his gaze to the floor. "Sorry. This must all be so fucking weird to hear," he said with a bitter laugh.

"Well, maybe a little bit," I conceded. "But I don't mind."

He was silent for a moment again.

"Quistis and I, we," he sighed again, searching for the words. "We were together for a long time, a very long time." He admitted. "I met her when I was 14 and we were practically married to each other the second we met," he said with another bitter laugh as he ran a hand through his hair. He kicked the ground before him, probably too embarrassed to attempt to look at me, though he had no reason to be.

"I followed her around like a puppy. At the time, I thought that we were a team. I thought we did things together and for the benefit of each other. So when we came here I thought it was cause I wanted to, because we wanted to. Looking back now with even the smallest ounce of sense, she was dragging me around and I was just happy to be pulled. I had nothing else to do except follow her around. I just convinced myself that we were a team. I couldn't argue with my situation cause I had nothing else to do, I knew no one, and I had nowhere to go. Garden was all her idea and she just convinced me it was my plan, too, though it's not like I needed much convincing anyway." He paused and he bit his cheek.

"Can I smoke in here?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"Um, yeah, sure," I said. I pushed the windows open and he lit up. He moved closer to the open windows and continued.

"We spent the next 2 years or so just being… happy." He seemed to relish in that last word. "I loved her. I really did. I thought we would spend our lives together and I had no qualms with that." He paused for a brief moment. "God," he exclaimed with a wry laugh. "That sounds so fucking lame I can barely stomach it," he said with a shake of his head. He took another drag and blew the smoke out into the night air.

"But I was stupid, so fucking stupid and Quistis knew it. She knew how dumb I was. For a while, she was just content knowing I was stupid enough to chase her heels but then of course Seifer shows up and everything got all fucked up." Another drag, this time with a little more force.

"Seifer?" I asked quietly. He nodded. Seifer…

"The second she met Seifer, she started doing things behind my back. They want on dates, fucked…. She barely made any excuses for it, let alone tried to hide any of it."

Images of Quistis and Seifer from the night at the club bobbed to the surface of my mind. So Squall knew this whole time…

"Seifer was so fucking smug about it. I don't know if he just hated me, or just enjoyed the concept of making others feel awful. I suppose he and Quistis could have that in common." A wry smile played on his lips as he took one more drag.

"So, this ridiculous rivalry birthed itself from the chaos that was Quistis." He looked up to the moon. "Kind of pathetic. Really pathetic, actually, that a woman like Quistis could cause me to murderously hate someone I couldn't have cared less for." A moment of silence.

"Now look where we are," he commented twitching the cigarette about delicately between his fingers. "Caught in a giant shit storm. Well, I'm caught in the shit storm. They are rested snuggly on the sidelines watching me struggle and laughing at me the whole FUCKING time." His rage spiked with his closing words and he flung the cigarette through the window with enough force to break the sound barrier. He bit his lip and stared rigidly out into the night.

"What the fuck…." He mumbled. "I feel like my whole life has gone to shit. Quistis used to be everything, the only reason I was around. And now she's the reason I don't even care to…" he paused and I could see him looking through the dictionary of his mind, grasping for an appropriate word to use. He came upon nothing, as he remained silent.

"Is that what you and Seifer were fighting about? It wasn't just training?" I asked.

He touched his scar and shook his head, embarrassed. "No, I lied to you that day on the balcony," he mumbled. "We were fighting over her…. God, I can't even believe I can admit that to myself."

I moved close to him and he looked me in the eyes. The tips of his fingers hung at the tip of his scar, as if they were ready to confirm its existence all over again. I took his hand and moved it to his side. I raised my hand before his face, and laid my middle finger at the top of his scar. It was rough and course, just like I had imagined it would be. I dragged the tip of the finger down slowly, tracing the scar. I felt every bump, every rocky out cropping and every deep ravine within the geography of his defining mark. He closed his eyes as my path down continued. The scar ended and I lifted the finger away as his eyes remained closed. I placed a hand to his cheek, cupping it warmly. He placed a hand upon mine and he clutched, gently wrapping his fingers into mine. He closed his eyes. He looked calm and at peace with the world at that moment.

"You're warm," he commented in a soft mumble, his eyes still shut embracing the moment.

I pulled my hand from his and to this he opened his eyes. I moved back a step and gave him a sad, gentle sort of smile. He continued his calm stare, his hand still in the position I had left it.

I moved closer again and slowly, gently began to wrap my arms around his waist afraid he would run away. Like a hand to a battered animal, my arms gently came into contact with his torso, testing to see how close we could really become, afraid he would jerk away from the touch. He made no movement save for his still steady breathing. I closed my arms around him and leaned into him. I placed my head into his collar and I closed my eyes. His arms remained in place at his sides, still and motionless, as if confused on what to do.

Slowly but surely I felt them move and position themselves lightly around me. His arms clung to me weakly as if they were only loosely taped to my body.

"Why?" He asked in a whisper. I felt his arms regain their strength around me and felt his embrace on me become more secure.

"I remember how comforting it was to hug you that night on the balcony. I thought I could return the favor," I whispered simply. He made no further rhetoric. He tightened his grip around me, pushing me deeper into him and I too found myself returning the hold.

We needed no further conversation. This single moment spoke volumes more than words ever could. Maybe Squall had a good point in his "no talk" policy. The world isn't about the things we ramble about, it's the actions that keep the world spinning. It's action that keeps Squall Leonhart moving ahead, and moving on. Words were superfluous to him, and in this moment, even for me.

We stayed that way for what felt like hours.

After a while, he placed a hand to the top of my head and combed his hand through my hair, as if I were the one who needed the comfort. I gently relinquished my hold around him and he followed my lead. I moved back and before I could move any further he reached his hand out and gripped my fingertips tenderly.

"Are you tired?" He asked.

"No, not really," I replied. It was a bit of a lie though. My drunkenness had faded away into fatigue.

"Do you want to go to the beach?" He asked, sounding uncharacteristically hopeful.

"Seriously?" I asked, making a head nod toward the window, reminding him of the insane hour it happened to be.

"Yeah," he replied simply, making no note of my anything but subtle gesture.

Again I chuckled a bit. "I mean, it's…" I started as I moved my gaze from the dark outside to his face. Looking at his face ceased any protests I was forming. He generally wanted to go and it looked like he needed to.

"Um, okay. Well how would we get there?" I asked, conceding.

"Walk," he said simply.

"Walk? Isn't it like forty something minutes?" I asked, really not looking forward to this little adventure at all anymore.

"Fifteen if we walk fast."

"But when we were pushing that bike back it took, at least, several years," I reminded, pulling my hand from his grasp.

"There's a place much closer I found," he said simply, already making his way toward the door.

"You found? How often have you been to the beach, exactly?" I asked. This kid really was mysterious. What had he been up to?

To this he paused momentarily, as if ashamed to answer.

"I've been going a lot recently," he answered rather bashfully. He turned back to what he was doing and opened the door, anxious to get going. He must have really wanted to go.

"Seriously? When?" I asked. My mind was practically blown. How utterly uncharacteristic of Squall.

"Just… at night, and stuff," he mumbled. I gave him a raised eyebrow and a wry sort of smile, simply impressed by this new habit of his.

"Interesting," I noted as I dug for some shoes.

"I actually," he began and stuttered for a moment. "I actually just got back from the beach."

I gave him a surprised look mid way through slipping my shoes on.

"Wow," I said plainly. I moved past him and outside and he closed the door behind him.

We made our way outside and into the cool night air. It was surprisingly warm for three in the morning. The moonlight kept the path we were walking on relatively lit, but kept the mood somber and quiet and most of the walk was spent in a comfortable silence. That is until I, as usual, decided to break it.

"So, why did you decide to tell me all that stuff? About Quistis, I mean," I asked.

He was silent for a moment and gave a great sigh.

"For the first time in what seems like a very long time, I didn't want to be alone."

In a gesture even I thought was rather bold, I entwined my fingers into his and held his hand. He looked down to me but I kept my gaze forward facing.

"You're not alone," I said simply as I continued to look to the path ahead.

"I know." And after another moment, removed his hand from mine.

We continued our walk and before long the sounds of the waves against sand came fluttering into earshot. The salty, stinging smell filled me and I felt rejuvenated. I no longer felt weary or tired.

The path suddenly stopped and we were met by a small outcropping of rocks that divided the plains from the beach. Before I could even have time to berate and tease Squall for finding a pathetic excuse of a "path," he jumped down onto the first rock with the kind of grace and agility one often sees in a SeeD. He turned back and extended a hand to me

I drank in that moment very carefully. It was as if I were in a movie. In the light of the moon, a handsome Knight extends his arm to me to help me through the challenge that lies before us. He was scarred by battle and hurt by life but his chivalry and pride are impregnable and his kindly gesture to me, the maiden, is proof of that. To take his hand in this beautiful moon lit night would probably be the most romantic moment in my entire life. It stopped my breath.

"What?" He asked after a moment, obviously confused on why I was just blankly staring at him.

"Huh?" I responded breathlessly.

"Take my hand," he commanded, waving his hand about a bit. I took it and my fairytale came back to me.

His armor, now dulled by battle and adventure, sparkled in the light. It was heavy upon him, but he would wait until I was safe before he would even dare remove it. Who knows what could be around any corner. But when he knew we were alone, he would shed his protective trappings and I would be able to hold him and it would be my turn to protect him.

"Stop zoning out," he snapped and I was hurled back into reality at almost break neck speed. I had just been staring at him for god knows how long. "You're too drunk for this. Dumb idea." He was irritated and was about to make his way back up the rock when I stopped him.

"No. I want to go," I said simply. "I want to go to the beach with you." He stopped and we looked at one another. I'm sure my romantic lust was making me look a little nauseous, but his expression read surprise and a certain amount of genuine delight. He stepped back down to his former position and took my hand in his.

"Come on," he instructed gently. I jumped down to his position and he stood there holding my hand for a moment.

"Are you sure you're all right?" He asked, trying to examine me closely in the dim light.

"Yeah, totally fine," I answered. He seemed rather unconvinced, but turned away and made his way further down to the next rock.

"Be careful," he said as he found his footing on the rock below. "It gets kind of slippery here," and he extended another hand to me. I took it gently, but he gripped hard, making sure our grips on each other were secure. With my free hand, I balanced myself against a rock next to me and awkwardly slid down toward him. He took my other hand and brought me up to standing. He looked back behind him then to me.

"One more," he said as he pinched my palms gently with his thumbs. The man clad of shining silver stood before me again. He was patient and concerned for my safety, for my wellbeing. It was his responsibility.

He released me and nimbly leapt to the next one. He found his balance and turned back up to me with hand extended.

I was still in a dreamy state; too enchanted by the faux-fairytale land I had conjured. Again, there stood this proud Knight, patiently awaiting my hand. He would take me far, far away and we would ride off into the sunset on a horse of white. The scars left upon his body from battle would be coarse and rough, but I would be there to heal them. He was not afraid of any fight that stood before him because he had seen war and been scarred by it. But… Squall was battle scarred by Quistis. By Quistis…. By Quistis. The words rang in my head like a high pitch screech that refused to cease and desist. And with the piercing noise of truth, my magical little fairytale crumbled away and revealed the not so beautiful and not so proud truth of Squall Leonhart.

He was a bloody, wounded warrior this time. He became a pathetic man in need of comfort from the weary road of life. No longer the gallant knight I had seen before but now a former shell of it. He had traded armor for something he thought so much more valuable, but in the process lost it all. Maybe he could never be a knight again. Maybe he had been robbed of the opportunity and the privilege to fill out the duty he had once been assigned. Was this who Squall really was? The sad husk of a great warrior?

His talks of Quistis earlier finally sank in. He wasn't some war torn knight. He was a war torn man. His scars didn't make him stronger, they were reminders on why he should remain down and out. Squall had been completely destroyed by Quistis. Romance had done in Squall Leonhart.

The romantic mood of the moment was trashed and in its place a sickening reality.

"Squall," I started, but I couldn't continue because I didn't even know what I wanted to say.

"What? Come on," he urged with a light shake of his hand.

"I saw Seifer and Quistis together tonight," I blurted out. It all came back to me like a back handed slap and from the sheer shock of it, my mouth voiced my private thought.

He just stared back at me; the small light that had been burning previously completely vanished from his eyes. A sad look glossed his eyes over. He dropped his hand, rescinding his help.

"I'm sorry," I began. What I was even sorry for, I wasn't too sure. "I saw it earlier this evening and I couldn't," but I stopped. He had already turned from me and had jumped to the beach below us. He was already moving away from me in a speed that meant I was not supposed to catch up with him.

I leapt to the last rock clumsily and practically fell onto the beach. I gathered my balance and came jogging after his stomping form.

"Squall," I called, almost catching up with him.

To this he stopped abruptly and placed a hand to his face. I approached his back and touched his shoulder lightly.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to," but a sudden turn of his body shook my hand from his shoulder and my thoughts from my mind.

"You didn't mean to?" He asked incredulously. "Didn't mean to what? Bring it up?"

"I, I don't know. I'm just sorry I even said anything! I shouldn't have!" I explained frantically. How quickly it began to feel like things were getting out of control.

"Don't be fucking sorry," he said with a wry snort of a laugh. "I don't even know what I'm fucking upset about anymore," he mumbled with a shake of his head. He turned away from me and walked off. I followed.

"I know what you're upset about!" I yelled after him, unable to properly keep up with him.

He stopped and turned back to me.

"What?" he asked simply.

"You still love Quistis," I said simply. He continued to stare back at me, then turned and walked off once more. I picked up right after him.

"Don't pretend to be my shrink or some shit," he said, turning his attention back towards me.

"Well," I was losing breath at this point. He was just walking far too fast for me to keep up. "Ugh, just stop walking, dammit!" I yelled and jumped for his sleeve, which I successfully caught between my fingers. He pulled to a stop and turned back to me.

"Thank you," I said, catching my breath. "Love is complicated and it-" he caught me off.

"Don't preach to me about love. Have you ever even been in love?" he questioned with a certain amount of spite sprinkled throughout his words.

The tone was offensive but I brushed it off. "I, well, I'm not too sure actually." To this he rolled his eyes but I just kept up with my point. "But like all other fucking relationships in this world, it ended in a nasty shit storm," I confessed but I felt my voice falter midway through, my confidence in this example losing ground. I knew that my point wasn't solid enough for Squall to buy.

To this he snickered.

"Excuse me?" I questioned. That snarky little laugh couldn't be ignored like his previous tone.

"You're sixteen. No offense, but what the fuck do you know?"

"Oh fuck off, Squall! You have no reason to get all shitty with me," I reminded, my irritation making itself more than apparent.

"You wouldn't understand," he stated simply. He thought that his pissy one liner could finish this, but I wasn't backing down without a fight. I grabbed his hand in mine and kept him in place.

"Oh my God, do not even pretend like you are some fucking guru, some fucking expert on love cause you're still in love with some stupid bitch," I spat in his face.

"And don't come at me like you know what the fucking you're talking about!" He yelled right back. He released my hand and continued to walk off, away from me.

"Yeah, okay!" I yelled after him. "Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about but you don't exactly know what the hell you're going on about! You come to my room in the goddamn middle of the night and start spouting about some shit head you occasionally fuck and you think YOU have more answers than I do! Get real buddy!" I yelled after his slowly disappearing figure. Asshole.

He stopped once more though, turned back to me and came stampeding over. I was ready for another verbal brawl and was mentally prepping myself for the comebacks I was going to have to throw out.

He approached me and looked like he had something really important and insightful to say. But nothing came out, and just a rather irate, silent Squall stood before me.

"You think you have all these answers? You think someone has answers?" I asked with a small chortle, chiding his stupidity. "Nobody knows shit about any of this kind of stuff. And if they think they know anything, they're stupid and just fooling themselves. Love is a big fucking joke meant to make us look like jackasses. It's not pretty. It's dirty and ugly underneath all those cute trappings and warm feelings. You'll never know more than me, and I'll never know more than you because there is nothing to know. Don't kid yourself." I extrapolated in one long breath. I don't even know where half of that shit came from. Just verbal vomit really.

But Squall looked oddly satiated with my bitch fit. He continued to stare at me, the temper within him visibly cooling down as he took rather long breaths. To this I relaxed as well. How quickly that all had flared up. I felt like we did this a lot to each other. Was it because of the exhaustion, or was it just us?

"Sorry I yelled at you," he sheepishly apologized after a moment.

I shrugged. "It's okay," I, too, mumbled sheepishly. I could tell we were both embarrassed about the scenario that had just unfolded.

"You're right. There are no answers to anything I'm wondering. I'm sorry I chastised you like that," he apologized with an honest and clear voice. I was touched by the amount of sincerity he had placed in his words.

"It's okay," I shrugged off again. "I'm sorry, too."

"It's just been gnawing on my life for more than years than I'm willing to believe. I just want a resolution… but it's hard to admit that there isn't one."

I nodded my agreement. He turned to look out to the sea, but my focus was turned up to him.

He may have been a wounded, pathetic man in this world but maybe he wasn't so damaged he couldn't be brought back up. I wanted to see him as a Knight, not just in my imagination but also in real life. I wanted to see him stand atop hilltops and swing his Gunblade, ready for another destiny to call out to him. I wanted to see that Squall. And I knew somewhere deep beneath the hurt rested the armor. All he needed to do was find it.

"It's beautiful with the full moon," he commented, still looking at the ocean. I saw his eyes sparkle with a rare sort of magic. He was really at peace here.

The full moon and the warm night brought up a memory from my life in Deling that I had forgotten. I giggled aloud, recounting the event in my head.

He looked at me curiously.

"What?" he asked.

"Oh, no it's nothing. Just some stupid thing me and my friends used to do back in Deling," I said, attempting to brush it off. I really didn't want to tell him what I had just been thinking about.

"Tell me," he insisted.

"It's embarrassing," I said.

"Nothing can be as embarrassing as all that I shit that I had spewed out to you earlier," he commented.

"Now, that's not embarrassing. That's just honest," I reminded. "What I've got to say is just straight up embarrassing and dumb."

"Just say it," he said, getting a little agitated at the fact that it was taking this much teeth pulling. I could sense his frustration and decided to not exacerbate anything and just spew it.

"My friends and I at the local pool, we would sneak in on full moon nights and go skinny dipping," I chuckled. "We never got caught," I remarked with a certain amount of pride. "See? It was a pointless little thought that wasn't even the slightest bit important," I said reprimanding him slightly for the needless amount of curiosity he had had.

He laughed through his nose and turned his attention back to the ocean.

"Do you still do that?" he asked quietly, ignoring my side remark.

"I guess yeah. Up until last year anyway, at least when it was warm in the summer."

"It's always warm here," he noted.

"Yep. If I had lived here I could have gone skinny dipping every damn day if I had wanted to," I laughed. He didn't.

He stepped toward the water and pulled his shirt off. He tossed it back behind him and it landed near my feet.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I picked up his shirt.

"Skinny dipping," he answered simply.

"You're joking," I laughed.

"Not in the slightest." What happened to Squall? Where was the cold, antisocial man I had known? Tonight he was so much different….

"Are you drunk or something?" I asked, approaching him. He began to take his boots off and one by one threw them behind him haphazardly.

"No," he said coolly. I heard the metal clinking of his belt being unfastened.

"Squall," I began in a low, near reprimanding tone. "Just leave your underwear on and go swimming. It's fine that way. We did it before and it was just fine, remember? You don't have to get freaking naked."

"You mean, 'We' don't have to get freaking naked," he chided as he turned back to me. He dropped his pants and tossed them at me and I caught them. He stood before me with nothing but underwear and a silver ring.

"Fuck you. I'm not skinny dipping with you," I stated clearly.

"Come on," he insisted.

"This is starting to look like a porno," I laughed awkwardly.

"No," he commented. He bent over and ripped off his boxers. "Now it is."

My mouth dropped and the pants I was holding slipped from my grasp. I saw a flash of something pale and I covered my eyes in a hurry. I felt my face turn hot and red and I'm sure I was creating a new star from the intense heat radiating off my face.

"Put fucking pants on," I demanded in a muffled voice from behind the cover of my hands.

"Fine," he mumbled and I heard the soft sound of clothes against flesh. I peeped an eye out from behind my temporary shield and caught sight of more Squall than I had ever even imagined seeing. He hadn't completely finished putting on the boxers when I had looked and to be honest, I can't say I minded the show. There was really no denying his attractiveness.

"Okay, you can stop faking modesty," he said. I uncovered my face and he was clad in his underwear once more. I was slightly disappointed. Oh God, I sound like a horny teenage girl. But then again that is exactly what I happened to be.

I hadn't noticed during our previous half naked adventure but Squall was quite the sight. Garden had done his body well. I examined it for longer than I had cared to but Squall didn't seem to notice, or mind.

"Why do you want to go skinny dipping so bad? So bad you had to whip your dick out in front of me?" I asked, the last portion of my question echoing with a deep laugh as I pointed towards his package. I moved towards him a little.

He shrugged. "It sounded like fun," he stated. "And when something you say sounds fun, it always is."

I smiled bashfully at the comment.

"I'm tired, mentally and physically and I'm not in the mood to give a shit. So I don't fucking care if you see me naked or the whole damn world. I'm tired of thinking in circles about shit with no answers and I'm sick of looking for them," he mumbled as he turned away from me. Maybe he hadn't meant to voice that thought, but I heard it loud and clear.

"Yeah, fuck it," I agreed. I moved to his side and leaned out towards the ocean. "You hear that!" I screamed out to no one in particular. The gentle waves answered my shrill cry. "We don't give a fuck about shit!" I yelled again rather crudely.

"Yeah!" Squall screamed next to me. "I'm gonna get naked and I don't give a shit! Fuck you Quistis! You can win for all I care! It's just a losing game anyway!" He screamed. I didn't completely understand the meaning of it all, but I got the gist.

There was silence that followed our moonlit cries, as if we were waiting for responses that would never come. I turned to him.

"Feel better?" I asked.

"To be honest, a little bit," he admitted.

"Good." Then I knelt down and pulled his boxers down with a swift slip of my hands.

He gasped audibly, bordering nearly on a shriek. I backed up, afraid of his retaliation, laughing all the while. He pulled his boxers up straight away and began to chase me.

I continued to run, trying to avoid him but I could barely breathe from the laughing fit that was consuming me. I fell on to the sand and collapsed into hysterical, gut wrenching laughter.

He grabbed my arm and lifted me up with a single pull. In an instant I was standing and I began to feel a tugging on my pants. He was trying to pull mine off, too.

"No, no, no!" I protested through fits of laughter, smacking his hands away from me,

"Don't let me be the only naked one," he commented as he continued to try and get a grip on my pants.

I laughed aloud at the comment and with my momentary distraction, he had slipped my pants from my waist and to my ankles, leaving me with my underwear.

"Half way there!" Squall said with a chuckle. I pushed him over into the sand and he landed with a thud. I stepped out of my pants and whipped off my top with a quick fling of a hand.

I reached a hand behind my back, ready to snap off my bra. But I looked at him hard in the eyes.

"Don't just fucking stare," I commanded with a laugh.

"Are you seriously going to do this with me?" he asked, completely dumbfounded.

I bent down to his level on the ground. "I'm not going to leave a friend alone and naked." I put a hand on his head. "Now turn around."

"Why?" he asked incredulously, possibly afraid I would run off with his clothes or something.

"I'm not as free spirited as you, apparently. I'd rather have you not staring at me while I strip for you," I teased. He rolled his eyes but turned away from me nonetheless.

I snapped off my bra and kicked away the panties in a hurry. He hadn't noticed I had removed anything yet, so I made a break for the ocean.

xx

We just played in the water for hours. Well, it was most assuredly hours because she was the first to spot the sky's color change.

"Morning already?" she asked. We had escaped the water a while ago. It was far too cold to continue to play any longer. The first few moments we had spent diving into the water were ones full of shrill cries and awkward body convulsions. It was colder than we had anticipated. A LOT colder. The warm night tricked us into believing that the water could remain warm, too. But we decided to persevere and we quickly adjusted to the temperature. The temperature soon caught up with us though and our bodies couldn't heat us any further than the water would allow. We had to get out.

After we got out from the water, we found a rock near us and we decided to get changed behind it. Despite having spent the last few hours together stark naked, we apparently still, rather paradoxically, had enough shame to put on clothes in separate locations. But surprisingly throughout our few hours of frolic, I can honestly say I didn't stare at Rinoa's body and barely caught sight of anything at all. I don't know if the same could be said for her as well, but I didn't feel any awkward stares or strange side glances coming my way so I can only assume we had been on the same page.

I slipped my boxers onto my still soaked body and grimaced. Putting dry clothes on a still soaked body wasn't exactly a pleasant experience (though far better than putting on wet clothes). I was about to slip my pants on as well but hesitated. If putting the dry pants on was anything like the underwear, I would pass.

I looked over the rock to see Rinoa's wet hair and head. She was looking down fidgeting with something.

"There we go," she mumbled. She looked up from her completed task and out into the rising sun and continued to gaze.

I looked, too and found a brilliant sunrise striking the sky.

"Wow," she said. She climbed onto the rock a bit and nestled into a spot, or as much as the hard stone would allow her.

"It's beautiful," I said, agreeing with her amazement.

I strayed my eyes away from the sunrise and they found their way back to Rinoa's gazing figure. She had put on her jeans and her bra and looked as if she was going to make no further effort to put on any more articles of clothing. She was completely captivated in the beauty of the new day. I could see it in her eyes how the sun began to slowly rise from its slumber. Her skin tone began to lighten as the day brightened with each passing second. I couldn't help but stare at her. I had never really noticed before, but she was a beautiful girl.

"I feel like every time I see you you're different," Rinoa suddenly noted in a hushed voice. It shocked me out of my daydream and I felt embarrassed. Had she noticed me staring this whole time?

"How?" I finally asked, recovering from my momentary stun.

"Well," she looked at me and gave me a once over. "We just played naked in the ocean for the past few hours. I would have to classify that as non-Squall behavior." She looked back out to the skyline.

"True," I conceded. I, too, turned my attention back to the sky.

As much as I didn't want to admit it and as hard as it was to confess… I'm different because of her. Every time I am with her, it's something new and different. A new feeling, a new activity, a new adventure. It was always something. She made me feel like…

"What are you thinking about?" she asked as I felt a nudge against my shoulder. I looked over to find that she had splayed herself across the rock in an effort to reach me. Her body was fully extended across the rock, an outstretched hand placed on my shoulder. She gave me a small smile.

I considered a lie. I considered covering it up. But I decided against it. Glossing over the facts and the truth and making excuses to bury things I wanted her to know wasn't gaining anyone anything.

"You make me feel the way Quistis use to. You have a magical power on me I think," I confessed. Strangely enough, being this honest with her at that moment wasn't embarrassing. It was liberating. I wanted her to know how I felt.

She pulled herself up and back into her original position.

"This is the kind of stuff that happens when you let people in, Squall," she said.

"You're different," I said.

"Am I?" she questioned, staring out at the great expanse before us. I couldn't tell what she had intended to mean, so I just kept staring after her, expecting more extrapolation but it appeared like no more was to come.

She looked back to me. "Come up here," she said as she motioned towards an area next to her.

I climbed up and attempted to find a comfortable position, though the attempt was largely futile. The only thing between my ass and a jagged rocky surface was a thin piece of cotton. I got as comfortable as I was going to get and nestled in next to her.

"I feel like we are in this situation a lot," she noted.

"Hm?" Her content was too ambiguous for me to grasp.

"Us, and this," she said making a small motion out towards our scenery.

"I guess," I mumbled.

She placed her wet head against my shoulder.

"I'm sorry I mentioned the Quistis and Seifer thing," she reiterated.

And I was sorry she brought it up again, but to be honest I wasn't even too sure why it upset me so much in the first place.

"It's fine. I overreacted," I said. "It's not like it's anything new or anything even important."

"It wasn't my place to say anything."

"It's not anybody's place to say anything about who is doing what to who." To this she lifted her head and looked to me. "Same goes for me," I commented. "I shouldn't care anymore. And, in a sense, I don't really."

"Really?" she asked, doubting the honesty of my words.

I nodded.

"I'm not even too sure what bothers me about her or him or them," I admitted. And it was true. "I've just been caught up in it so long I think the struggle to get out is the most frustrating part of it all. I mean, Jesus, there is no way I'm in love anymore… but at this point it almost feels like it. She just ends up occupying so much of my time in one way or another that it ends up feeling like it. It could be hate for all I know…"

To this she remained silent, just looking at my profile. I turned to her, expecting something from her.

"What?" I finally asked. Was she going to criticize me and lampoon me again?

"Nothing," she shook her head and jumped off the rock. "Let's go."

"Was my comment too weird for you, or something?"

"I just don't have an opinion or an answer or even a comment," she said, putting it all too simply.

I sighed and I felt a twinge of disappointment. To some extent, I had expected some sort of beautiful flourish from her, fixing my problems and chasing all the monsters away. But she only spoke the reality of the situation.

"I wish you could say something about it," I mumbled as I skidded off the rock, towards her.

"I don't I think have much authority in the love department," she noted with a bitter chuckle as she moved to collect her clothes. Was she referencing our fight earlier?

"I didn't mean to be hurtful with those comments earlier," I said, half-assing my apology.

"Maybe not, but it doesn't mean they weren't any less true. I guess I am rather clueless about a lot in life." She didn't look at me once.

"Aren't we all? You even said that," I reminded. "Love is a fleeting thing that makes us assholes and fucks with our lives. We all think we have answers, when in reality we have nothing. We grasp on to lies and purposefully mistake them for truths because what else do we have to cling on to? Life is the same way."

She turned to me. "Well, I didn't say it quite like that."

"Well, that's what it sounded like to me," I replied. She stayed quiet, reflecting on my words. She just looked back at me with a hint of a smile playing upon her features. She turned away and picked up the remains of her clothes.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, I guess," she said with a refreshing amount of indifference. She put her shirt back on and I saw the water soak into the fabric.

"Your shirt's soaked," I commented.

"So are my jeans," she grumbled, pinching them between two fingers. She looked back to me and gave me a once over. "You're just going to go half-naked? I admire your bravery."

"Sorry to burst your image of me, but I'm not that brave," I mumbled as I began to, begrudgingly, place the clothes over my still wet body.

xx

I opened the door to my room with a great swing, anxious to take off the soaked clothes. I could swear they were growing mold around me.

"Wow, Squall's room," Rinoa said with an unnecessary amount of wonderment.

"I'm using the bathroom first," I mumbled, gliding over her comment. I ran and grabbed some dry nightclothes and rushed to the bathroom to change.

Feeling refreshed with the new set of dry fabric, I came back into the room and found Rinoa's wet clothes in a heap near the door. I lifted an eyebrow in curiosity and wondered if the clothes were present, then Rinoa was…

I turned immediately towards my bed and found Rinoa in one of my shirts and my boxers, sitting on my bed.

"… why are you wearing my clothes?" I questioned simply.

"Want me to sleep in your bed with wet clothes?" she asked through a barely muffled yawn.

She was sleeping here?

"Why can't I sleep here?" she asked, sounding offended. How did she do that?

"What? I didn't say anything," I defended stupidly.

"But it was written all over your face." I gave her a disgruntled look.

"Well, why don't you want to go back to your room?" I asked, moving towards the window.

"You always spend the night in my room, so why can't I stay here?" she asked. She had a point. I did do that a lot.

I shut the blinds.

"But my bed is half the size of yours," I reminded. She looked behind her and observed the pathetic size of my twin bed.

She looked back to me, then rolled onto the bed and dug her way into warmth of the sheets.

"Deal with it," she mumbled from my pillow. She had pushed herself against the wall in an effort to make room for me but no amount of configuration could make it comfortable with two people crammed into it.

I stared after the pathetic excuse for a vacant spot she had left me and contemplated on whether or not to find a different sleeping location. The floor? No. Pass out on my desk? No. This was my room and I would sleep wherever the fuck I wanted, and I wanted to sleep in my bed.

I pulled the covers out and slid beneath them, attempting to carefully avoid any contact with Rinoa. I finally settled in and felt Rinoa turn her body to face me. I did the same.

"See?" she whispered, as if the bed space was a holy land where loud voices were considered inappropriate. "It's not so bad with two."

"Not so bad for you. I run the risk of falling out at any given moment," I commented.

"Yeah, because you're trying to put a mile of space between us," she laughed, noting the distance I was making between our bodies. "Here, I'll turn away from you, how about that?" With that she rolled over to face the wall.

I swallowed thickly for reasons unexplained. I felt embarrassed at that moment. I felt like a teenage boy, afraid of opposite sex contact. It was like memories of puberty all over again, where the only thing I wanted to do was kiss girls, but the only thing my body could do was keep away. That bizarre push and pull. And the fear of an unknown body landscape that lay before me, tempting me to touch and explore it.

But I wasn't some terrified boy anymore and I moved closer, but the teenage boy within me kicked my heart into high speed. The heat from her body began to burn me and the smell of her hair on my pillow wafted to me and wrapped themselves around my senses.

"See? I don't bite," she chuckled through her tired voice. She shifted again, pushing away from the wall and into me.

At this point I didn't know where to place my hands. It was either placing them on top of her, or resting them awkwardly against my side. But instead of figuring out the answer, my body just turned itself around and I found myself facing the interior of my room, our backs now touching.

"It feels weird to have someone sharing my bed again," I commented quietly.

"I love sharing my bed. Makes me feel a little less lonely," she replied through a deep yawn.

"I hated it. This bed is so obviously designed for one," I noted, shifting uncomfortably again.

"Jeez, just relax," she said as I felt her arm lay across mine. It froze me for a second. Despite all the surprising amount of physical contact we had had that night, it just felt so much more sacred here. I wanted to turn into her and relax into the embrace. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and just lull myself to sleep. It was all so nostalgic. These feelings and limbs tangled together were like a shadow that cast itself upon this bed.

But despite the nostalgia and any desire I may have had, I remained turned away from her, defiantly refusing my mind and my heart. I was a stubborn baby that needed to grow up. She had already grown up and matured so effortlessly it seemed, and at such a younger age.

"This doesn't bother you?" I asked quietly, half hoping she wouldn't be able to make out what I just uttered.

"Hm?" She mumbled through a sleepy haze.

I remained quiet for a moment; afraid she would ask after my comment. Silence met my ears.

"Nothing," I finally said. No response.

I wanted to remove myself from this situation. The feelings that were bubbling up were almost too much. I wanted to hold her and kiss her and fuck her. I wanted to do everything to her. But I didn't want her. I just wanted the touch, the sensation. I wanted to feel the things I had felt so long ago with Quistis.

Desire soon over took logic and I turned into her body. I pushed my body close to hers which caused the weak wrap her arm had around my body to fit a little more snuggly. A fingertip gently alighted upon a portion of my lower back and I shuddered. I put an arm slowly around her back and pulled her closer to me until we were deeply pressed against each other.

I wanted nothing more than to just take her, kiss her hair, her neck, her lips and feel her body, rip off her clothes and just fuck. My heart picked up its pace with each and every passing second I spent in this position. But then, with my arm still clutching her to me like she was in need of desperate protection, I just froze. What was I doing?

I am so fucking stupid. This wasn't Quistis. Rinoa was anything but Quistis. But I just couldn't release my arms from her. I just remained there, breathing in the sweet smells of her now salty hair and feeling her soft breath upon my neck. There was an odd kind of peace, if I could just sift through all the bullshit my mind was whirling with.

She stirred suddenly and let out a tiny moan as I felt her shift her body against mine. She snuggled deeper in to me and she tightened her grip around my body. She nuzzled her way under my chin and she let out another pleased sigh.

Maybe she was just like me. Maybe she just needed someone to hold onto. I could oblige that. I tightened my embrace around her and pushed my head into her hair, so that I could feel the delicate warmth of her skin upon my face.

My earlier thoughts of lust had given way to what felt like a strange kind of compassion. I felt like we were just gripping to each other as if we were lifeboats lost at sea. We were the only things we had in order to not drown in tumultuous waters. But I knew what I was gripping her for, I knew what I wanted to be saved from, but why was she clinging to me?

xx

I woke up uncomfortably hot. It felt like a blanket of fire was smothering me. I tried to stir and kick off whatever was making me so uncomfortable but found that something was gently pinning me into place. I opened my eyes and found myself staring into pale flesh. I stared after it for a moment and watched it gently quiver with the steady rhythm of inhale and exhale. The soft sounds of breathing filtered through my ears as I felt hot breath upon the top of my head.

"Squall?" I mumbled into his neck quietly. My breath hit a sensitive area and he stirred gently, as if tickled by it. With the sudden movement I became aware of the arms around my body that held me in place. I smiled. This felt… good. Even though I was overheating, I didn't want to leave. I just wanted to stay like this. I wasn't tired anymore. But I didn't want to get out of bed. It wasn't even night any longer; the light seeping into the room was proof enough of that. But I just didn't want to face any other world except the one that was right here.

I knew I couldn't go back to sleep, but I pulled myself in closer to his body anyway. I buried my head under his chin and into his neck, letting my nose tuck itself between him and the pillow beneath us. His smell filled my world and as I continued to breath in his musky scent, drowsiness came creeping back into my senses. It felt like some kind of medicine.

He must have begun to feel uncomfortable by my new position because he pulled his neck away from me. He instead lowered his head into mine so that the bridge of his nose rested snugly into my forehead. I smiled at the odd positioning.

His lips became the only thing worth viewing in my line of sight at that moment and I stared after them for a while. They were rather average lips I thought decisively after gazing upon them for what felt like a small eternity. Not too big, not too small but just right; like some kind of new age version of Little Red Riding Hood.

I faded in and out of sleep for what felt like an hour or two until I finally came to the conclusion that it was time to become a productive member of society. The light streaming in from the world outside continued to brighten and crawl across the floor and move its way up to the walls.

"Squall," I whispered, too afraid to strengthen my voice. "Squall." He stirred slightly.

"Time to get up," I whispered again. To this he pulled his hands from me and turned away, his back now facing me. "Get up," I said, my voice gaining some power. He mumbled his disagreement to my words.

I stared after his back for a moment or two. I wasn't getting him up any time soon. I soon realized this so I just gave up. I fumbled over his sleeping form in an attempt to leave the comfort of his bed but my attempts planted hands and elbows into his chest and abdomen. He let out great hoofs and heaves, though remained soundly asleep. I fell from the bed rather ungracefully not unlike a baby giraffe.

I became conscious again of the clothes I had picked from his wardrobe last night. They were much too big on me and I definitely couldn't go out in these. I picked up my clothes I had so carelessly tossed into the corner near the door, but the moment my hand gripped them I flung them away from me. They were still wet and now surely they were in the beginning stages of molding.

"Oh sick," I mumbled to myself as I poked a toe into the glob of wet.

I looked around for a bag to dump them in, but there were none to be found. Within the few cabinets the dorms provided, there was nothing but silent emptiness. Not only were there no trash bags, but there didn't seem to be much of, well, anything in this place. I took a look around his room with sleep rested eyes and took it all in, or what little there was to take in. It was barren. There was nothing on the walls. Nothing on the desk, save for a few well kept file folders. The floor was clean from any kind of trash or laundry. I peered into the bathroom and found more of the same clean tidiness. But it was so much more than clean. This was… sad. The room reeked of indifference and boredom. It was oppressive. The white, barren walls felt like they were closing in on the environment, crushing the inhabitants with their emptiness. Even the little joy the hefty amount of sunlight provided was quickly squashed by the sad, sterile air the room was awash with.

But, this was Squall. I just wished this room could have been so much more than it was at that moment.

"God, Squall… what the fuck," I mumbled under my breath. I looked down to my still wet clothes and sighed. "Sorry, dude. Going to have borrow this for a little while longer," I muttered once more.

I took one last look at his sleeping form, to see if he might have woken up during my spelunking of every nook and cranny of his room, but he remained fast asleep. I opened the door and took my leave.

xx

A shower felt mentally cleansing. I just stood there for what felt like hours, letting the water crash into the back of my head and make its way down the whole of my body. Sand and dirt washed from my feet and hair, making the draining water murky and rather unsightly.

I thought about Squall. I couldn't help it. It was really all I could think about. The way he took my hand at the beach, leading me so delicately into the sands below from the slippery rocks. The image of him as a knight that I had thought upon before danced behind my closed eyelids. I had thought him a gallant, wounded warrior but I knew he wasn't. He was just a poor, crushed man hiding behind the mask of knight hood. I thought that wearing scars was a sign of manhood; a sign of life experiences and credit to his heroism. But he was no hero and he was no knight. He was just a man, crushed by the heel of love's cruelty.

My thoughts shifted to Quistis… Him and Quistis. He was so deeply scarred by all of it. Love had murdered the man and now Quistis stood victorious. I pitied him and felt for him. All he wanted to do was stand up again. Lord knows he was trying. But something was pinning him down and holding him in place.

I didn't understand. I couldn't understand. And how could I? At that time I thought I had known all there was in life and love. I thought I was some super genius, well-lived 16-year-old girl. After all, I was the one helping him, an older man. It made me feel like I was brimming with experience and I took great pleasure in showing it all off. It may have even fooled him into thinking me mature. But the truth was… I had never been in love, nothing even remotely close to it. I was speaking without the experience backing me. What Squall had said at the beach that day was right; I was only 16. Those outbursts of mine that I thought seemed so eloquent were just pretty flourishes I jumbled together awkwardly in a fit of excitement. "Love is a big fucking joke meant to make us look like jackasses"? What garbage, though it sounded nice in the heat of the moment. When it came to love, who was I to talk? I had no right to be chastising him over something I wasn't even related to nor had I the wisdom to correct any of the issues at hand. Of course, these thoughts are all hindsight with 20x20 vision. At the time I thought I knew it all so well. I thought I could help him. I thought I could change it all for him. But I wasn't able to do anything. I was so stupid. I was a typical 16-year-old idiot.

But, my 16-year-old self held fast to the naïve notion that I could do something for him. I felt more determined now than ever before. Determined to do what exactly, I wasn't too sure; Just something, anything. If I could go back in time, I'd smack myself.

Thoughts of Squall bounced around my mind as I made my way to the dining hall. I hadn't eaten in hours and my stomach was voicing its irritation through embarrassingly loud growls and gurgles.

My head was mostly aimed down as I tracked my feet as they continued down the corridors, memory guiding my body.

Maybe I should go and get Squall so we can eat together? I pondered the thought for a moment and suddenly an image of a stark naked Squall shot across my mind. I couldn't stifle the giggle that escaped. Squall…

But before I could think much further on the subject I slammed into somebody.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't even lo-" but I stopped my apology as I looked up.

Seifer.

Fuuuuuuck, was the only word that my mind could piece together. I was about to get a whole lot of shit from this kid. He had totally seen me and Zell last night.

"Hey Rinoa," he began, seeming awkward himself.

"Hey…" Three words in and this was already getting uncomfortable.

"I was, um," he stammered a bit. "I was actually just coming to see you."

Not too surprising. Play it cool.

"Really!" I practically yelled, overplaying my cool. "Well, that's funny because I was just going to get food!" I laughed. Why was that funny? He was made visibly awkward by whatever the hell was gurgling from that hole in my face.

"Hmm," he tried his best to gloss over whatever I just said. "I actually had kind of a weird question for you."

Here it comes. "I love weird questions! Lay 'em on me." I laughed again. Rinoa, stop. Just stop.

"Uh-huh. We're you out in Balamb last night near that bar on 6th street?" There it was.

"What? No! No no no… no. I wouldn't be caught dead there. 6th street… psh. I don't even… there's a 6th street?" I rambled like a moron. Lying under pressure was never a strong suit of mine.

"Really? I'm almost sure I saw you there."

"Nope. In all night. The whoooole night. I had… cramps." Yikes. That was the best I could come up with?

His face read disgusted.

"Okay. Well, never mind then. Just thought I saw you there," he mumbled and moved to make his leave. "Bye then."

"Bye!" I said with a little too much relief. I waved a goodbye, smiled a toothy grin and scuttled away.

God dammit. He had seen us. It would only be a matter of time before he questioned Zell and I don't think Zell would have the balls or the quick wit to get out of that inquisition like I did. He would probably blab and blab. I had to get to Zell before Seifer could. I rerouted and made a quick dash to his dorm.

I pounded on the door furiously, looking every which way to make sure Seifer was no where in sight. No answer. I pounded harder. Wake your fucking hungover ass up now, Zell!

Through a third or fourth ear splitting knocking session, the door finally opened revealing a disheveled, awful looking Zell.

"If this isn't an emergency I'm literally going to hurt you," he mumbled.

"Well I'm in luck then I guess because this IS an emergency." I pushed my way past him. I waited 'till he closed the door to continue. "Seifer saw us last night."

"Oh shit." His look quickly changed from hungover to alert in the fraction of a second. "How do you know?"

"I just had a reeeaaally uncomfortable run in with him in the hallway. I managed to weird him out enough to believe I wasn't there last night," I said as if that was part of my plan all along. "But I can almost guarantee he'll come after you, if he saw you that is… I don't know, though."

"Oh man! Dude, I'm too hungover for this shit," he whined as he sat himself down on his bed.

"Look, if you run into him or whatever, you didn't go last night. You were helping me with my… cramps." He looked grossed out as well and threw me a curious look. "It was the only lie I could think of…"

"Right. Got it. Your cramps…" he said, trying to digest the lie. "Should we warn Selphie?" He asked.

I pondered for a moment. "I don't want to drag her into this, too. And plus she's a blabbermouth. Love the girl, but she talks. The less she knows the better. I'd feel safer knowing that it's just us who know about this."

He nodded his agreement.

After a moment of deep silence as I reflected on the situation Zell interjected.

"I'm gonna throw up."

"I'm gonna go," I stated and left in a hurry.

Shortly after, I decided to take a well deserved break; well, a break from Garden anyway. I quickly changed out of my uniform and made my way into town via public transport.

Being in civilian clothes with a purse was more refreshing than I had expected. I felt like I could relax in my skirt and top, as opposed to the frigid, itchy uniforms I put on my body everyday. And a day outside of Garden with not even one Garden connection? Like a dream.

I took complete advantage of this rare moment of peace from the school and decided to just wander around town. I grabbed a coffee, sat in the park for a bit, sat at the pier for a while and watched the waves. Wandered here and there around town at a pace most snails would probably consider slow.

I took a turn down a shopping alley to do some window-shopping, window only though. Money handling was… not one of my strong points.

The alleyway was rather lively for an odd week day afternoon and a surprising number of street vendors had set up their stalls. As I slowly meandered past each one, they would call to me and compliment my fair skin and how their jewelry or whatever would look fabulous on me. The compliments were appreciated, but my smile would have to be enough thanks because my wallet wasn't going to yield anything.

I continued my perusal of wears, only mildly interested in the things that lay before me.

A vendor called out to me.

"Oh miss," a man called. I glanced over to the sound and a middle-aged man stood behind a table of glistening silver jewelry. "I think you would look even more stunningly beautiful today with some well placed accessories," he cried, making motions towards the items before him.

The cry did not vary greatly from his neighboring competitors' hollers and yelps, but it intrigued me nonetheless.

"I don't know," I commented. "I'm not a jewelry kind of girl I think," I said as I moved towards his table. "It's really just this chain," I said, pulling on the simple chain around my neck. "Maybe the occasional ring or bracelet or something, though."

"Well, maybe this will be your lucky day. Maybe at this very table you will find the one item you can no longer take off your body once you put it on," he said.

"Well, that's kinda creepy," I said frankly, avoiding eye contact with the man. I looked down to the items before me and the first thing that caught my eye literally took my breath away. I let out an audible gasp and nearly dropped the coffee cup in my hand.

"I told you," the man said, a wide smile on his lips.

I couldn't help but smile at the amazing fortune of it all.

"Holy fucking shit," I mumbled beneath my breath as I took the silver chain into my hands. It was Squall's ring. It was the lion. "Holy shit," I said once more, this time much louder. The vendor appeared uncomfortable at my sudden excitement.

"That's awfully manly for a beautiful young thing like you," he noted. I largely ignored the comment. I continued to gaze into the engraved beast that rested in my palm. I moved my hand gently, allowing the lion to play with the sunlight and my own reflection. It was the exact same design that decorated the ring Squall seemed to cherish so dearly. I don't know how long I was mesmerized by the sheer coincidence and fate of it all, but it must have been a while as a soft cough from the vendor brought me back to reality.

"For you ma'am, I'll give you a special deal on this one," he said with a small smile. "You appear to be very enchanted with this piece so I'll mark it down to half price."

"Oh no, I'm not going to buy it. This is just the same creature that's on my friend's ring. I was just shocked, really," I said with a laugh, still admiring the sheer coincidence of it all.

"25 gil," he said rather definitively. 25 gil! He'd be practically giving it away for that much money.

"Are you serious!" I practically screamed. "Do you make a profit off of that?"

He shrugged. "It's been sitting here for months, rather unloved. Maybe you could give it to your friend?" he offered.

"25 gil? Really?" I asked, once more just to confirm that fate was really spinning a web so convenient. He nodded and I instantly whipped out 25 gil. I may have been broke, but a deal that good does not come along too often, if at all.

He thanked me and tried to offer me more necklaces, taking advantage of my patronage but I quickly turned on my heels and made my way out, afraid I would make another ill-advised purchase.

I gave the necklace another once over and I smiled. What kind of coincidence is this? Squall would have a heart attack when I gave this to him. Well, maybe not a heart attack, but I would hope that he would at least appreciate the gesture.

xx

The whole next day I couldn't help but smile. It felt so great to have Rinoa around. I didn't know why that fact was so hard to admit to myself, but the smile that forced its way onto my lips made me at least acknowledge the fact. To be honest I hadn't felt this way since I had met Quistis so long ago. But Rinoa was, obviously, a far cry different than her. Sweet, undemanding but stubbornly unyielding at times.

I was disappointed when I woke up that day and found my tiny bed with one less body. I wanted to keep holding her. I wanted to be with her, more than I could actually admit to myself. So, my 19-year-old self repressed it. But I knew, the smile on my face was proof enough of that.

I stretched and gave a yawn and my body craved sweet, sweet nicotine. I hadn't a smoke in 24 hours. A cigarette was needed.

I didn't want to make the long trek to the area outside of Garden, so I opted for the much closer training ground's spot.

I pushed my way through the rather thick foliage and into the light of day. The moment I exited I popped the cigarette into my eagerly awaiting mouth and lit it. Sweet, sweet nicotine. I raised my head to the sun's warmth and exhaled, feeling calm.

"Still smoking?" a rather deep voice called to me. I choked on the smoke that still lingered in my lungs. My eyes shot open to reveal Seifer, leaning against the railing with a knowing smile. I coughed for a solid minute and he continued to wait patiently.

"Jesus fuck," I managed to wheeze out. I finally caught my breath and shot him a glare.

"Scare yah?" he asked, still smiling. I didn't respond. I sighed, making sure I could breath once more. I brought the cigarette up to my mouth once more and proceeded to smoke.

"I thought you'd come out here eventually," Seifer said after a brief silence. I didn't want to deal with this right now. I kept silent, holding his gaze the whole time.

"Fine, you won't talk?" he asked, the smile fading. "Then I'll just say it."

"You know, I'd really rather you didn't," I shot. As requested, he remained silent and we just stared at one another. I was irritated, but I couldn't tell what he was feeling at that moment. His expression held a mix of emotions I couldn't quite place.

"Quistis got fired," he said plainly.

"Fired?" To this news I was actually surprised and… concerned.

"Fired," he repeated.

"What for?" I asked, forgetting about the tobacco resting between my fingers.

"Don't be stupid. You know what for."

"Who told?" Concern filled me and my body began to feel stiff and heavy. I was going to be kicked out of Garden.

"Not too sure," he said, sounding equally concerned. "Our names apparently didn't come up though." Relief flooded my body and I felt like I had a new lease on life. I let out a very audible sigh but quickly smothered it with the soothing taste of cigarette smoke.

"But I have an idea who might have said something…" Seifer began, rather ominously. The relief I had relished in moments ago vanished and the smoke that lingered in my body lost its soothing powers.

I looked to him, waiting for more.

"Rinoa knows more than she needs to know." My mouth dropped and my eyes widened in terror. How did he know Rinoa knew?

"That stupid look on your face tells me you know this already," he said with a spiteful laugh. "Well, do you?" He asked, turning towards me in a sudden spike of anger.

"Yeah… of course."

"You should have shut her up," he mumbled in disgust as he turned away from me to lean over the railing.

"There's no proof she said anything. And she would never do that," I said, tossing my cigarette to the ground. That sweet, sweet tobacco was now a lost cause with this nasty conversation brewing.

"She's the only one who knows…. And some other dumb little shit I couldn't see." Seifer said between gritted teeth. He kicked the railing in one quick snap of his foot.

"Well what if it was that "other dumb little shit". And why so quick to throw Rinoa under the bus?"

"Because she actually has a motive to do it," Seifer replied. Motive?

"What are you babbling about? This isn't some conspiracy shit, Seifer. Rinoa wouldn't say anything that would fire a staff member. She's not that kind of person." I was getting angry now. What were these acquisitions? Completely unfounded.

"She and that other little fuck saw me and Quistis together the other night, you idiot," he said, as if I should have already known.

"So she says," I mumbled, irritated to be hearing this from the source. To this Seifer's interest seemed piqued. "But that doesn't mean she would have any reason to say anything at all. She's not that kind of person." I was getting angry.

He skipped over my remark. "So she told you?" He paused for a moment and thought. "How much does our little black haired beauty know?" His tone was sickening as he tried to reason out this situation we had all dragged ourselves into. He narrowed his eyes towards me.…. My secret was out.

"You told Rinoa about you and Quistis?" Seifer asked in such disbelief and anger it even took me back.

"So what if I did? I trust her not to say anything. She's not the kind of person to go on rambling off to whom ever," I defended.

"God fucking dammit, Squall. Of course she is the one who told! She's the only one in the whole of all god damn Garden who knows!"

"She would never fucking tell!" I yelled. Before I knew it we were in arms reach of one another.

"Then who? Who? Do you think Quistis would willing turn herself in and then LIE about getting fired!"

"Well, I really wouldn't put it past her. She's just enough of a bitch to do it." The instant the words left my mouth Seifer shoved his hands into my chest, pushing me back a good distance. Anger began to smolder within me. He was leading this into a fight.

"Don't fucking touch me Seifer," I said through clenched teeth.

"Fuck you," he said simply with a small shake of his head.

I took a breath and found the calm I needed in order to continue this without painting our bodies red.

"I'm sure Quistis didn't rat herself out. She wouldn't do that. She's not a complete idiot," I conceded. "But I can't believe it's Rinoa who said anything."

"Don't be such a fucking moron," he spat. "She or that other cunt are the only ones who could have blabbed. And I'd bet good money it was Rinoa."

"Why are you so hell bent on hunting down Rinoa? She has done NOTHING wrong!" I was getting angry. He needed to leave Rinoa out of this.

"I scare the SHIT out of everyone in Garden! Who would really say anything? And Quistis is the most popular teacher in Garden. She has her own fan club for fuck's sake! No one would rat her out unless they had a reason to."

"Reason? What reason would Rinoa have to say anything? What has Quistis done to Rinoa?" I shot back.

"I was with her! Rinoa saw me hooking up with Quistis. She's fucking jealous of Quistis!" he explained like it was all so obvious. I wanted to laugh in his face.

"… are you fucking serious?" I asked.

"Oh, don't mess with me, asshole," Seifer mumbled, fists clenched. The anger within me flared.

"Rinoa doesn't give a flying FUCK about you or Quistis," I yelled. "You're just another piece of fucking trash to her and Quistis is dirty, rotting road kill on the side of the road!"

The words left my mouth but a fist came flying towards it. I dodged, but only narrowly.

"You little fuck. I will fucking kill you and that dumb cunt," Seifer screamed.

"Don't you fucking dare touch Rinoa," I seethed.

"Oh ho ho, playing Mr. Knight, are we?" Seifer mocked as he stepped towards me, eyes glistening with rage.

"I swear to God, Seifer. One step closer and I will rip you apart," I warned.

He stopped momentarily, as if trying to fish out the nastiest thing he could bring against me.

"Thinking about it, Quistis is the much better fuck," Seifer mocked. That was it. Before he could fully display that nasty smirk of his on his lips, my fist connected into his head.

Here it was all over again.

xx

I sat at my desk running my fore fingers along the edges of the roaring lion for what felt like hours, marveling at the sheer coincidence of it all. The shine that reflected off of the beautifully crafted object seemed to sparkle with the magic of fate. Maybe this wasn't coincidence. Maybe it was some sort of bizarre cosmic sign. I had never seen a creature like Squall's ring before, and to find it here in necklace form was truly astounding.

Sure, the chain was a little gaudy, but it was the pendant that counted. The chain was easily interchangeable with something far more tasteful.

I slipped the heavy item over my head and let it hang from my neck where it wrested uncomfortably in my cleavage. The edges were a little on the sharp side. I made a mental note to not hug Squall when he was wearing it.

Despite the awkward placement, I let the necklace hang around my neck. I fondled it absentmindedly as my mind drifted from thought to thought, deftly avoiding the homework that lay before me.

A shrill shriek from my dorm phone shocked me from my minor daydreams. My fingers released the pendant instantly and my hand instinctively reached for the phone at light speed so as to immediately silence the banshee scream that was currently resounding throughout the room.

"Hel-" I couldn't even deliver a greeting before a hysterical voice cut me off.

"Rinoa!" The voice was filled with an eerie sense of distraught. It was frightening and my senses immediately tensed, bracing for unfortunate news.

"Yes?" I answered, concern growing.

"Rinoa! It's Selphie," she said through sniffles and choked words.

"Oh my God, Selphie. What's wrong? Are you hurt?" I questioned instinctively, my heart beginning to beat at a thousand miles per hour.

"Ugh, I'm fine!" She sounded irritated at my questioning. I gave a great sigh, relieved to hear that.

"Oh, goo-" but before my relief could reach her ears, her cries continued.

"Rin, I fucked up. I SERIOUSLY fucked up," she said through choked tears. I remained quiet, afraid of what she was about to say though I truthfully hadn't the foggiest of clues.

"… What? What happened?" I asked cautiously.

"Seifer knows we were out last night. He knows you and Zell saw him and Quistis!" She blurted it all out in an effort to avoid choking on her sobs.

"Seriously?" was the only word my shocked senses could produce at that moment.

"I'm so sorry," Selphie said betwixt her tears and sniffles.

"Selph, it's all right. It's nothing to cry about," I said with a tiny laugh. It was a serious issue, to be sure but it was nothing to be this hysterical over.

"No," she said with a great sense of finality. "You don't understand."

"… Understand what?" I asked, panic beginning to boil up through my body once more.

Her tears seemed to clear instantly in order to get these words across. "Squall and Seifer are fighting in the woods again." My throat sealed and my breath stifled for a moment as my mind's panic sent my body into a convulsive shock. I stood in a flash, knocking my chair back and to the ground. Fighting didn't just meaning hurting each other… it meant killing each other.

"What?" I said through short breaths.

"They're off fighting," she said through a whimper.

I remained standing, not knowing what to do next. A thousand thoughts and ideas came flooding at a thousand miles per hour. I couldn't grasp anything even remotely resembling coherency. It was all gibberish garbage swirling in my brain. There was something about stopping them, something about calling an instructor, something about getting Selphie and Zell. I had no idea; it was all just a bunch of vague, ambiguous clumps of words and concepts that continued to relentlessly bash every sense I had until it all felt numb.

"Rinoa?" Selphie asked, worried. My silence must have been quite long.

"I, Um," I swallowed stupidly, panic blocking the vocalization of any real words.

I thought about the consequences and why they were even fighting. It was about Quistis, it must have been. There would be no other reason. Did she really mean that much? She meant that much where hurting and maiming each other was justifiable? Who was Quistis? Why did she bring Squall to this point every time? Why did she bring him to bloody fights, irreversible scars, and a heart so broken and bruised it could barely handle the company of another? She brought two men to the tips of sharpened blades, and they accepted the fight that had been offered. They would kill each other, and I couldn't understand why.

Squall would lose this fight. But this time he probably wouldn't end up with just a scar. He would be far unluckier.

My legs sprang to action. I hurled the phone towards the general direction of the receiver, caring little if it had made the desired target or not. I dashed off from my room as I heard traces of Selphie's voice echoing through the phone asking for me, and then calling for me. I didn't have time to explain, though I knew she would probably assume where I was heading anyway.

I reached the plains and had only a vague idea of where I was going, but that was enough. I couldn't stop running. I prayed the fight hadn't advanced too far and that I could make it in time. In time to do what, I had no idea. I didn't know if I could stop them or not; I wasn't strong enough to pull them apart and interfering would end up with either him or me hurt. I didn't want this fight to end like the last one. I didn't want to be the one who picked up the remains of Squall. I wanted to be the one who pulled him away in one piece, rather than several.

I arrived at the same woods as last time. I entered and slowed my pace to a crawl in order to catch my breath. The noises of soft jeering mixed with the occasional fearsome clang of metal seemed to be resonating from all angles and directions. The sound wasn't guiding me to them; it was making me more lost. I cursed as I tossed my head every which way, hoping for a glimpse of some kind of sign.

"Rinoa!" a voice cried. I shot my glance to the direction of the voice and found a panicked and rushed Zell. He took a quick look at me and understood. He came, snatched my hand and began to drag me to where I needed to be.

I could barely breathe but I needed to know. "What's happened?" I managed to get out. But I was met with silence, which struck more fear within me than knowing the truth.

We came upon the grouping of people, this time much smaller than the last. But the air of excitement and wonder from the first fight was gone. In its place was a tense, grim and oppressive tone that was mirrored in all of the onlookers' faces. They appeared uncomfortable; they didn't want to be there.

Through the gaps of the students I could see flashes of black, beaming silver light and grey. My panic couldn't contain itself anymore and I ripped my hand from Zell. I made a mad dash to the grouping and punched my way between two people.

Before I could even glimpse the scene unfolding before me, I yelled. "Squall!" But nothing had changed and neither had stopped. Students seemed relieved someone had tried to say something, as if now they couldn't feel guilty about not trying before.

I took in the moment now. Squall was bleeding profusely from his head and upper arm. He was weak and tired from fighting that much was obvious. Seifer seemed to be in no better state. An incredible gash betwixt his eyes ceaselessly oozed red as he desperately continued to ring out his strength in order to win. Both looked beaten. Both had already lost. It was just a matter of time before one bled to death.

The site froze me and I was at a loss for what to do. I could only tremble and look like a fragile idiot. Zell immediately appeared next to me. He appeared far less shocked than me and dawned a rather ill-at-ease expression like the other students around us.

I wanted to scream for them to stop but "Zell," was the only thing I could mumble. The word shook Zell from his state. He knew what he had to do and pounced on the nearby Squall, in order to cease him from moving. The weakened man couldn't protest too heavily. His wounds were too much and his exhaustion weighed too heavy. He collapsed to the ground like a rag doll and landed on his knees.

Seifer, noting the pause, let his pointed blade drop carelessly into the dirt. He stumbled, attempting to keep balance with a hand placed on the blade's hilt. His head wavered back and forth, as if confused on where he was and what he was doing. He dabbed almost absent-mindedly at the blood that still continued to leak out of his face. His shirt and pants were now stained with that very same red. How long had they been at this?

Squall remained on his knees with head slumped down. Blood slowly dripped from the tips of his hair and onto his shoulders and ground. He, too was stained in blood.

Zell attempted to lift Squall. "Come on buddy," Zell said in a calm, quiet voice. "It's over."

He managed to lift Squall up. But the moment Squall gained an even remote sense of balance, he hurled Zell from him. Zell smashed into the ground with a shocking amount of force. Squall didn't have the energy to stand, but he had the energy to continue this fight. I couldn't find the logic and it terrified me.

But the energy quickly faded from him. He lifted his blade up, pointing it to Seifer but the weight of the blade was too much. Squall was pulled forward and he stumbled. He dropped the blade into the dirt and leaned against it. The two fighters remained motionless now. It was no great calm before the storm, nor was it the eye of it. We had reached the end of the great tempest and were left with its damages.

The world seemed to pause for a moment, allowing the two to rest from what had just occurred, and granted them time to understand what had just unfolded. It was the moment where life allowed them to realize that they had both lost. It wasn't a tie. They had both suffered defeat. The onlookers knew this as well. This wasn't some exciting conclusion; it was just a disaster. The fighters weren't warriors; they were just pitiable men. The looks from the audience were ones of compassion and condolence. They understood that this wasn't some brilliant clash of skills but two battered and bruised people nigh dead for no reason. It was like a train wreck. We were left only with wounded innocents.

I slowly approached Squall. "Squall," I said in a hushed voice. To this he managed to lift his head slightly and shifted his eyes toward me. Through the blood soaked clumps of hair I saw him pierce my gaze. His eyes still blazed with the fire of fight, but his face and body gave other signals. He continued to look upon with me those same fearsome eyes and all I could do was look back. Before I knew it my eyes began to water.

"Squall," I said again, desperately keeping my tears at bay. His eyes began to change and exhaustion seeped into them. He gave a slow blink and he looked down, away from me. "Let's go home." I knelt by him and placed a hand atop the hand that gripped the handle of the gunblade.

He mumbled something unintelligible as blood dribbled from his open mouth. I didn't ask after it. "Let's go home," I said again, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I attempted to stand but he was too weak to even do that.

"I'm…" he trailed off as more blood leaked from his mouth. He coughed weakly and sputtered, lacking the energy to even produce a full cough.

"Zell, help me," I said, trying to remain calm. Zell immediately came to my aid and wrapped Squall's other arm around his shoulders. Together we lifted but before we could get very far Squall let out an agonized cry. We immediately set him back down, afraid of doing anymore harm. Zell quickly realized the problem.

"His arm here is too badly banged up. There is no way he is going to be able to do this," Zell explained, sounding desperate. I could tell he was panicking and I was, too.

"Carry him on your back," I instructed. Zell seemed hesitant, but he knew it was the only way.

"… Right," he consented.

As Zell knelt before Squall, ready to delicately lift him, Squall's eyes shifted towards me. He stared at me blankly through half opened eyes. I could only look back, showing him my concern for his well-being.

He moved his mouth to speak, and I moved closer to him.

"I…" was all he could manage as once again blood drooled from his mouth.

"Shh," I said quietly. "We'll get you back to Garden soon. Don't try and talk."

"I'm…" he attempted once more, more blood spilling.

"Squall, stop," I begged.

"I'm sorry," he finally managed to sputter out. "I'm so…" but he couldn't get the rest out.

"It's okay. It's okay," I consoled in a hushed voice.

We loaded Squall onto Zell's back finally. Squall gave another look to me and softly shook his head as much as his pain would allow.

"I'm so… sorry," he said again in a raspy, exhausted voice. I just looked back at him, concerned. I felt like he wasn't going to make it back to Garden alive. Like those would be his dying words to me - "Sorry."

"Zell, let's hurry," I said. I turned back around to the crowd, still watching Seifer lean sloppily against his blade like some sort of mindless zombie.

"Bring him," I instructed simply. This seemed to shake the crowd from their gaze and brought them back to reality. A few of them immediately moved to him and let him lean against them as they helped him walk. Another picked up the blade and dragged it behind him, finding it too heavy for him to properly carry.

xx

"Who are you?" Dr. Kadowaki asked in a calm, quieted voice.

"Squall," Squall replied. His stare remained focused on the ceiling above the infirmary bed.

"I need you to look at me, Squall," she said. He made no effort to move or make any kind of motion. "Squall," she repeated. He slowly tracked his eyes over to her.

He seemed more lifeless now than before at the fight. He may have been cleaned of gruesome red but the life had yet to return to him. Bandages had been wrapped around his head, arm, wrists and fingers. He was practically white with medical tape from the waist up.

"What is your full name? You're going to need to say more than your first," Dr. Kadowaki continued.

No reply. Just blank staring.

"Squall?" she asked after an odd moment of silence.

"Squall Leonhart," he finally said.

"Thank you."

His eyes moved to mine. He held the same gaze as before; a tired indifference that bordered on rude. I could only look back at him.

"Where are you?" Dr. Kadowaki proceeded with her routine.

His eyes returned to the ceiling. "Hell" was his reply in a low voice.

I could sense Kadowaki's frustration. She was only trying to help him. I stepped in, hoping to act as a mediator.

"Squall, please," I begged. He looked to me for a moment. My eyes pleaded for him to cooperate, my concern obviously coming through my features. His face softened and looked back to me apologetically, ashamed. He surrendered to the questioning.

"Balamb Garden."

After a few more routine questions she prepped him for a CT scan. His head wound looked to be far too serious to be just any normal concussion.

I helped Squall from his position in order to move him to the adjacent room.

"Come on," I said softly as I lent a hand to him but he didn't take it. He sat up in a flash. This proved an ill-advised move though as he suddenly froze. He began to sway from side to side, unable to find balance even just sitting.

"Squall," I said, pausing him. "You have a concussion. I am going to help you walk to the next room. You cannot do it yourself. You can barely sit up," I explained with a firm tone. He nodded.

I took his upper arm and slowly guided him to stand. He teetered on his feet for a moment but finally found his footing. He suddenly sunk his head into the palm of his hand and ceased moving.

"Squall?" I asked.

After a moment he removed his hand. "I'm gonna throw up." I immediately scrambled to find a trash can and handed it to him. He snatched it from my hands and proceeded to puke up anything and everything he had consumed that day.

He finally finished and spit out the remnants that remained on his taste buds.

"Gross," he mumbled. I grabbed a paper towel and he wiped his mouth with it.

I helped him into the room where Kadowaki was waiting for us.

"Everything okay?" she asked, looking more towards me than him.

"Yeah, he just needed to throw up," I explained as I helped him lie onto the bed that she had prepared.

On the other side of the one-way mirror, Kadowaki turned to me. I knew this questioning session was inevitable but I didn't want to get into it.

"What happened?" She asked, her arms crossed across her chest.

I turned to her.

"I don't know. I heard they were fighting and I just ran to try and put an end to it." I turned back to Squall. He was slowly receding into the machine on the bed of white. "But when I got there, it was already too late."

"No. You were just in time. Any later and they might not be alive right now."

I remained silent. I don't know what she meant by "just in time". I doubt Squall felt the same way. If he had to describe the situation, he would most certainly not think of my arrival as "just in time", especially not when his scar count had doubled and his head was so bashed it gave him brain damage.

I sighed.

"Rinoa," Kadowaki began. "What's going on between you and Squall?" Well, that was certainly from out of left field.

"I'm sorry, what?" was all I could mutter.

"The whole of Garden knows you two have been close recently," she explained. What?

"What do you mean?"

"Squall is a notoriously solitary man. He doesn't interact with anyone these days and when he does it's never a positive experience for the other party." She looked to me. "People take notice when someone like him begins interacting with others, especially someone like you."

"What is that supposed to mean? "someone like me?"' I asked. I couldn't hide how offended I was at the comment, even from the Doctor. Was I some sort of loser slut or some idiot burn-out?

"You're a pretty girl," she explained with a smile. My face fell with the confusion of her explanation. Was I supposed to be… happy to hear that? Or, what?

"Rinoa, you can tell me what's going on. Are you two…" She hesitated on the next words she was about to utter. She wasn't seeking for the correct words because she already knew them. But something bit the woman's tongue back, and hoped for me to jump in. I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. I just stared back, waiting for the word.

"… dating?" she finally finished. There it was.

"No," I said with a shake of my head. I rolled my eyes, not finding this conversation amusing at all. Squall was getting a fucking CT scan because Seifer had smashed in his skull. This wasn't the time or the place to be talking about something so trivial.

Despite my own secret defamation of the woman's conduct, I had to ask. "Do people really talk about us?" The second it left my mouth I felt like a fool for continuing this ridiculous conversation.

"I exaggerate, of course. But the topic does occasionally get thrown around. Especially by the Head Master." That was terrifying.

"Why him?"

"He has a soft spot for Squall. I think he watches over him pretty closely, making sure he is doing all right. He must have noticed you, too."

"And… he thinks we're dating?" Could the head master really be such a chatty teeny-bopper? "Sorry to burst his bubble, but it's not like that." A moment of silence hung between us. Kadowaki seemed satisfied.

"But I wasn't just asking for the sheer fun of gossiping," the doctor's tone dropped. I turned to her, this time my attention more alert.

"You will be questioned about the event," she warned.

"What? Why? I was barely even there," I reminded. Why would I even be involved in their fight? And why would anyone even suspect something?

"According to reports from the students who witnessed the fight, your name was getting thrown around a lot between the two men. Garden will suspect you know something or had something to do with it."

"What do you mean "something to do with it"? I would never willingly fling two people into a savage fight with one another!" I defended, though I was pleading my case to the wrong audience. Kadowaki only shrugged.

"I know you would never willingly spur anything on and I'm sure when you're questioned the board will see that, too." She smiled and it felt like an apology for startling me with such news. Her smile dipped slightly and her eyes drifted to my chest.

"… but don't try and deny that there isn't something there," she mentioned softly, her gaze fixated. I followed her eye line and found the Lion pendant still resting against me. I had completely forgotten its presence.

I slowly took it into my palm and wrapped the cool metal in my warm fingers. I felt embarrassed at that moment. Here I was pretending to be so innocent, stupid of all my time with Squall. I thought myself so mature, demonizing Kadowaki and the staff for romanticizing my time with him. But they were right. This did appear to be more than what I thought it was… But all of their wrong impressions didn't bother me.

I unwrapped my fingers and let the proud lion sleep in my palm. I looked back to Squall who had just receded from the machine he had been previously placed in. I stayed quiet, rather embarrassed.

I gazed at the ornament still resting cool in my palm. My foolishness and naïveté allowed me to believe it was only a present. But it meant something more than just a gift. I hadn't realized it when I bought it or even eyed it.

"Take him back to his room. Make sure he is doing okay," Kadowaki instructed. Her tone was kind but held a stinging seriousness. I knew that she wasn't playing some sort of couple's match-up game with me anymore. He was a patient with a concussion. I nodded solemnly, still embarrassed at my foolishness.

I pushed the door open for him and he slowly walked in ahead of me. I followed behind by only a few paces. Our walk back together was silent as I was still sucked up into my own mind, trying to deal with my own thoughts.

Kadowaki had been right about what people had perceived between us. It was undeniable. But the unquestioning actuality of that fact made me look at another. My name had come up during their fight. What if… I was the one they were fighting about? What if it wasn't Quistis at all? The thought was farfetched but I couldn't help but be bothered by it in a big way. And the more I thought about it, the more upset I became. They were broken, battered, bruised and bloody as all hell. If that was because of me….

Squall sat down onto his bed rather ungracefully and teetered there for a minute as I watched after him. He stared ahead, vacant of emotion.

His shirt was still bloody and torn from the fight. Just seeing the amount of blood and tears on the shirt made me want to start sobbing. God… If it was my fault…

"I'll get you some fresh clothes," I said quietly as I went to his closet to dig some new, clean clothes out. He said nothing. I pulled out what appeared to be some attire suitable for bed and showed it to him, wanting his opinion. No response, just an empty stare. I noticed the blood again. There was still some in his hair that had long since dried. Oh God, if this was my doing…

"Do you need help changing?" I asked meakly.

"No," he responded quickly in the tiniest of voices. I extended the clothes to him and he snatched them away.

In an attempt to remove the shirt, he lifted his arm but that proved a bad idea. He suddenly howled in pain and instantly returned the arm to a wresting position. I wanted to cry… God, do not let this be my fault…

"Fuck," he cursed softly.

"Squall, that shirt is already done for. Let me just cut it off you," I offered.

He remained silent for a moment then finally nodded in agreement. "Okay."

I grabbed a pair of scissors and knelt before him. The smell of blood was overpowering. I swallowed thickly, trying to block the awful scent, or at least muster up enough courage to deal with it for the time being. But every time the stench wafted into my nostrils flashes of a bloody faced Squall assaulted me. That look on his face, the pathetic apology he could barely muster from his bloody mouth. It made me want to gag. But I charged forth with scissors in hand. I cut down from the collar, slowly revealing his chest that was covered in white bandages. I stopped and just stared. And stared. And stared. This was my fault.

"Rinoa?" he asked as he looked down to me. "Why are you crying?"

"Huh?" He was right. Tears were rolling down my cheeks. "Oh, I'm…" I wanted to apologize… but what was I apologizing for? Was I apologizing for my meaningless tears? Was I apologizing for having to cut his shirt apart? Was I apologizing for their fight? … Did I really have something to do with their fight? What if I was the cause of it all? What if, because of me, Squall had a concussion? Because of me he had gained more scars than he could count. Because of me…

I began to choke as the sobs began to wreck my body.

Squall gently took my hand that held the scissors into his own.

"It's okay," he said quietly. I nodded stupidly as I continued my pathetic cries. Through my tears I focused my attention back onto the task at hand and cut the rest of the way down his shirt.

I had found my breath again and the tears no longer clouded my eyes, save for the few strays that lingered.

I swallowed thickly and pushed open the shirt to his shoulders. I helped him slide as gently as possible out from the sleeves. He cursed a bit and gave a sharp inhale as I passed by every bandage.

I rose from my knelt position and stood in front of him, the task now completed. I didn't know what to say anymore. Should I just leave?

"How are you doing?" I asked in a quiet voice. What kind of moronic question was that? Of course he felt like shit.

"Shitty," he responded solemnly.

He looked up to me and for the first time in what felt like forever our eyes met. Granted it had only been probably thirty minutes if that, but this felt different. His eyes slowly removed themselves from my gaze and he transfixed himself to my chest. The necklace.

I grabbed for the silver chain and held it in my palm tightly. I knelt down on the floor, in order to gain better eye contact with him.

"It's a… um, a present," I said, sifting through my clouded thoughts. "I found it at the market place and…" Tears again. I looked down and away from Squall and his bandaged body. He made no effort to console me and made not even the slightest movement. I knew he blamed me and that he wanted me out.

"I'm sorry," I said, still avoiding his gaze. "I'm just gonna go," I mumbled stupidly and stood up in a flash, already turning towards the door.

But I was ripped to a halt. He had grabbed my hand.

"Stay," he said softly. "Don't go."

I could only look back.

"… Are you sure?" I hesitated.

He was wordless with his desire. He continued to hold my hand as we locked eyes with one another. He gave another light tug.

I took a seat on the bed next to him, our gaze never breaking. My hand still rested within his. He was so warm. I turned my hand into his and laced my fingers in with his. I don't know why I did it, but I wanted to.

"I'm sorry," he said in a hushed voice.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked, my voice quiet like his.

"I've gotten you dragged in to all of this. I've gotten you swept up in my stupidity and my past lives. I've made you worry so much about me when it hasn't been worth the time."

I couldn't offer a response to his words.

"Let's just, um," I hesitated for a moment, trying to find the right words. "… let's just not worry about it. It takes too much energy," I said with a sad smile. I wanted for rest to come, not for continued word banter and self-damnation. We were already bruised up enough as it was.

"I'd like that," he mumbled in response to my suggestion. Our eyes remained locked and I felt a soft squeeze from his hand.

His eyes sparkled in the quiet light of his room. They seemed so clean, so crystalline and clear as if I could see inside him; see all the thoughts swimming around. If I could just lean close enough I could be able to read one, touch one, catch one and make it mine. Maybe I was more privileged than I thought when it came to him. I felt like I was swimming in this sacred pool he shared only with a few. He was letting me in. And I felt my heart tugging endlessly towards these opened areas. I wanted to go.

And before I knew it, he had taken me there; he had led me there, my hand in his.

His fingers brushed the hair away from my face, and I felt his course hands against my hot cheeks. His lips were so soft, so delicate and his kiss so fine and ethereal it all felt like a daydream from my childhood.

He pulled away ever so slightly, as if to let me know that my world was in fact still spinning. He gently placed his forehead against mine and his lips hovered before mine. His breath was so hot and intoxicating but slow and rhythmically steady. It was soothing.

"Why?" I asked in the tiniest of whispers, secretly wishing those small lip movements would cause another kiss.

"I wanted to," he said in an equally quiet voice.

I hadn't known it until that very moment, but I wanted to, too. His smell, bloody has it may have been, was now so much sweeter to me. His figure now seemed so much more defined than it was before. The memory of him naked at the beach now sent my head spinning when it had only previous put a smile and blush on my face. Kadowaki had been right. There was more here than what I had imagined and it seemed like everyone could see it but me. I was so stupid for not being able to view further.

I moved my lips into his again, so tender, so delicately. I just wanted to let him know he wasn't alone in his desires. I was right there with him.

I pulled away from his head and touched his hair, still slightly matted from the traces of blood. My hand ran down to his cheeks and he turned into my touch and pressed his lips against my palm. He took my hand in his own and held it against his cheek. He closed his eyes.

"You feel… so calming," he said in a small, tired voice.

Despite the blood, the puffy stinging of my tired, blood shot eyes, the torn and bloody shirt on the floor, the white bandages, the dirt beneath his finger nails, the sterile oppressiveness his room offered, I felt secure and comfortable with him.

There was no anxiousness within me. I didn't care what he was thinking about. All I wanted was to be with him at that very moment. Just to be sitting here with him, silent or not. Bloody or clean. Torn or in perfect condition. I wanted to be with Squall.

He looked up at me with eyes I had never seen before. It made my heart jump a little and my breathing drag slightly. His eyes, those pools of thought… I wanted to go diving again.

Our lips met again, at first so soft and then harder with the passion of knowing what we both wanted.

At least for this brief moment in time, we just wanted each other.