Author's Note: This chapter concludes the story. I think I've squeezed out all the humor I can from one RV anime episode.

XXX

Aspara was sneaking back onto the academy grounds late at night.

"So they think they can humiliate me do they? I will show them the true power of spiciness!"

Following her attempt to brainwash the entire student body and faculty as a first step towards world domination she had been severely punished for her crimes.

Two weeks administrative leave.

Now though she would have her revenge! She would enslave the academy and those who'd thwarted her and eventually the entire world! Including Gary, Indiana!

"I'm sure if I just do exactly the same thing over again it will all work this time."

"Sorry Aspara, but I can't allow that." A voice spoke from the shadows.

"Who said that?" Aspara demanded.

Someone stepped out into the moonlight to reveal themselves.

"You! Why are you here?" Aspara asked.

The figure smiled at her. "I've come to take your place Aspara, and to rule the world with the power of curry."

With that the person approached her.

"Nooooooooooooo!"

XXX

The following morning Tsukune was smothering a yawn as he was heading to school. "Never get into a staring contest with a Beholder, they just don't blink."

"Good morning Tsukune!" A girl shouted and began running at him.

"Oh no, not gain." He braced himself and gritted his teeth knowing what was coming.

Moka glomped onto him. "I skipped breakfast!"

CHOMP!

"Ow! Ow! Moka that really hurts!"

"Sorry," she let go of him and licked her lips. "It's just that your bloody is so delicious. I mean it's so good I sometimes feel my blood lust start to overcome me and I long to drink away every last drop as you cry piteously and I watch the life fade from your eyes."

Tsukune stared at her fearfully. "What was that?"

She smiled at him girlishly. "Well I am a vampire you know."

"Right," he said nervously.

"Good morning darling! Yahoo!"

Tsukune was suddenly plunged face first into a pair of amazingly soft pillows.

"Kurumu would you stop doing that! You're assaulting poor Tsukune!" Moka yelled.

"You mean like what you were doing when you were drinking his blood as he cried out in pain?"

Kurumu released her hold and Tsukune panted as he got his breath back. He reached out to steady himself.

"Ah Tsukune?" Moka was blushing.

"Yes Moka?"

"You can let go of her breasts now."

Tsukune noted where his hands were and immediately yanked them away.

Far from being offended Kurumu had an enthusiastic smile. "See I always told you he liked them."

"No he doesn't," Moka said firmly. "Right Tsukune?"

"Actually I just love large breasts."

"Tsukune!"

He shrugged. "Well I am a guy you know."

"Yahoo, just let me know when you'd like to come my room Tsukune and you can enjoy them as much as you want."

"Kurumu!" An outraged Moka yelled.

"Well I am a succubus you know."

"Let's start off before we end up being late for class." Tsukune said. As soon as Moka was looking the other way he turned to Kurumu and mouthed the words, 'tonight at ten.'

Grinning Kurumu gave a quick nod.

XXX

As the three of them were walking along the dirt road that lead from the dorms to the academy's main building they were quick to pick up on something.

"Hey, where are all the other students?" Tsukune asked. "Normally every morning there are people crowding the way."

"You're right Tsukune," Moka noted peering both ahead and behind them. "There doesn't seem to be anyone here but us."

Mizore popped her head out from behind a tree. "Yo, I'm here."

"Yaaaah!" The three shouted in unison.

"Damn it were you spying on us this whole while?" Kurumu demanded.

"Well I am a stalker."

Mizore walked out into the road to join them. "It is true though that I haven't spotted anyone else. For that matter where is Yukari? Normally she'd be here too."

"That's right, where is the little flat chested twerp?" Kurumu asked.

"I hope she is all right." Moka said. "I mean it would be just awful if her disappearance meant she was somehow involved in the nefarious schemes of some hidden evil."

"Moka, you're being paranoid." Tsukune said comfortingly. "What are the odds of that happening?"

"Didn't it happen last month?"

"Oh yeah… who would have ever though Lindsey Lohan was a witch trying to steal all the world's magical power." Tsukune recalled.

"You've obviously never seen her acting." Kurumu said with a shudder. "Black magic is the only possible way she could have a career in Hollywood. Well outside of porn of course."

They all nodded.

"Maybe something like that is happening and Yukari has been caught up in it." Moka said worried.

"Nah," Kurumu said dismissively. "Since we were involved in all that craziness last night we should be safe until next episode."

"Huh?" Tsukune asked quizzically.

"Until sometime next week," Kurumu explained. "Where we will either be fighting for our lives or be involved in some sort of humorous situation. You know, like last night."

"Speaking of last night who knew there was a secret underground casino run by a Korean mob family who were also ogres and who just happened to need four girls to perform for a high level VIP who just happened to be the Chairman who wound up saving us at the very last moment from a lifetime of enslavement." Moka got out in one long breath and then gasped.

"Except for Tsukune who was going to be that lamia's personal slave boy." Mizore reminded.

Tsukune's face went a deep red. "Please don't mention that again."

"By the way what did she do with you in that VIP room for an hour?"

"Well… there's this thing I do with my tongue," he mumbled.

"What was that?" Moka asked.

"Nothing," he looked away unable to meet her eyes.

Eventually the four of them came to the school's main gate. Instead of students heading inside to get to their homerooms they were instead sitting or lounging on the ground eating bowls of curry. All of them had skin the color of bananas.

"I don't believe it." Tsukune said.

"This looks oddly familiar." Moka noted.

"Moka don't you remember a while ago when Aspara-sensei tried to take over the world by turning everyone into curry zombies?"

Pursing her lips she tapped her chin. "Vaguely, mostly what I remember is you turning into a gigantic blood packet and Mizore asking the chairs for help with math."

"This is absolutely horrible!" Kurumu announced. "Just horrible!"

"It'll be okay Kurumu," Tsukune said comfortingly. "I'm sure we'll figure out how to fix all this and save the day like we always do."

"That's not what I'm worried about Tsukune! The problem is we've already done this storyline. I mean what is this a repeat? Has the author completely run out of original ideas? Is he that lazy? I mean only an idiot…"

KRAKOW!

Out of a clear red sky a bolt of lightning struck Kurumu.

Her friends stepped back and stared wild eyed up into the sky.

A slightly blackened and smoking Kurumu lifted her head. "Er, I mean gr… great idea. Love it. Curry zombies rock. Yahoo."

"Anyway," Mizore spoke up. "What do we do? I'm all out of LSD. I sold the rest of what I had to some school children."

"You sold LSD to school children?" Tsukune said shocked.

"Well I sort of had to, how else was I going to finance my crystal meth lab?"

Her friends all stared at her with open mouths.

"What? Haven't any of you ever watched Breaking Bad?"

"Anyway," Tsukune said once he got over his shock. "We need to figure out a plan of how to deal with this. We don't have Mizore's 'special' curry and we don't have Yukari here to whip up an antidote."

"I could call my sister Ria and ask her for help." Moka offered.

"NO!" The others shouted in unison.

"That never ends well. I still have the hot candle wax scars from the last time you asked her for help." Tsukune said.

"It was just a suggestion." Moka grumped.

"Oh why are we even debating this?" Kurumu asked. "We'll just do what we always do. We'll rush headlong to confront the episode's Big Bad. Tsukune will pull off Moka's rosario. There'll be a little violence, a little fan service, Moka will yell 'know your place' and just like that everything is fixed and returned to the status quo."

"Are we really that predictable?" Moka wondered.

Kurumu shrugged. "Well all this is based off an episode of the anime which, let's face it, is pretty much just an excuse to show off panty shots. It's not like the bar is set very high or anything."

"You four! Why aren't you eating any curry?" An angry voice demanded.

They turned to find themselves facing a shiny yellow Kuyou along with his enforcers all wearing SS uni… er, black police committee school uniforms.

"I won't have any nonconformists running around this school!" Kuyou threatened. "I want to see all four of you eating some curry right now." The enforcers began cracking knuckles and looked eager to start some trouble.

Before anything could occur though Mizore pointed to a spot far behind them. "Isn't that a group of students about to start a free speech rally?"

"What?" Kuyou screamed in rage. "Free speech at a High School? Not on my watch!" He and his people hurried off to maintain the school's precious sense of order by smashing a few heads.

"Now come on and hurry before he realizes they're actually young Republicans!"

They ran through the courtyard and into the main school building.

Inside were students and teachers sitting around eating curry and more or less ignoring them.

"Uhm, was that always there?" Kurumu pointed to a bamboo cage that was suspended from the ceiling by steel chain.

A single figure stirred and pressed a face between the bamboo bars. "Is that Tsukune?" A half mad voice called out. "Why hello Tsukune."

"Aspara-sensei?" Tsukune said in surprise. "What are you doing up there?"

"Oh this?" Aspara giggled. "It's punishment you see. She put me in here where I could watch everyone eating curry while I'm forced to subsist on sushi and some white wine. She does enjoy her petty torments."

"She? She who?" Tsukune asked. "Aren't you the one causing all this?"

Behind the bars Aspara shook her head and cackled dementedly. "Oh I would if I could but I cannot so I shall not. She put me here in my place, so not me but she you will have to face."

"Uh, that doesn't really tell us who 'she' is." Tsukune said.

"You know Tsukune a DMV agent once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some curry and a nice chianti." She began to make some slurping sounds.

Tsukune was just staring up at her dumbfounded.

"Well this is really a relief." Kurumu noted.

"How do you figure that?" Tsukune asked.

"Well usually I'm the one who goes nuts in these things. It's nice to see someone else lose it for a change."

"It puts the lotion in the basket or else it gets the hose." Aspara said.

"Aspara-sensei, who was it that put you in there?" Tsukune tried again.

"PUT THE FUCKING LOTION IN THE BASKET!"

"…"

"Maybe we should just get going." Moka suggested.

Everyone nodded in agreement and they all headed for the stairs.

XXX

"By the way," Mizore said as they headed for the roof. "I call dibs on saying 'know your place.'"

"What?" Moka shouted. "You can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because that's my catchphrase! You can't just take someone else's catchphrase. I've had it trademarked and everything."

"Well technically it's not really yours," Mizore pointed out. "Inner Moka is the one who always says it. I bet you can't even pull it off."

"I so can!"

"Fine, let's hear it then."

"No problem." Moka cleared her throat and spoke. "Know your pace! Wait, no, I mean know your proper place! Wait, it's knowing your place is half the battle!"

The others shared some embarrassed looks.

"I call double dibs." Kurumu said.

"Hey! Trademark!"

XXX

They were nearing the top of the stairs and the door to the roof.

"So does anyone find it strange that we still haven't seen Yukari?" Mizore asked.

"You know, now that you mention it, it is kind of weird." Moka agreed.

"Yeah, normally the little know it all would be here saying, 'desu, desu, desu' and talking about getting a threesome." Kurumu agreed. "Now that we're about to face some unknown 'her' who has taken Aspara's place she's mysteriously absent."

"It's quite a coincidence." Mizore noted.

"Yes it is," Moka agreed. "But I am sure they have nothing to do with one another."

Everyone nodded their agreement.

The four of them burst through the roof door to find a solitary figure awaiting them.

"Hello Moka, it's been a long time." A beautiful woman said.

"Mommy?" Moka gasped.

"Mommy?" Everyone echoed in shock.

The woman standing before them had long pink hair and emerald eyes and looked like a more mature version of Outer Moka.

"Are you really Moka's mother?" Tsukune asked. "You look more like an older sister."

"Oh, that's so sweet of you to say. I'm actually more than five thousand years old but I appreciate it. I've always made a point of taking good care of my skin."

Mizore looked blankly at Kurumu. "So what do you think happened to Yukari?"

Kurumu shrugged. "Dunno."

XXX

A panting and sweat covered Yukari rolled off to the right side of her bed.

"Wow… that was just amazing, desu! I finally got my threesome though it wasn't in any way I imagined."

"We did many, many things," Ruby said nodding in the afterglow. "Though the two of you are going to be late for class and I had to use a personal day."

"It was so totally worth it," Yukari said. "Don't you agree Kokoa?"

"Well it was a lot of fun, but could you untie me now? And I am going to get the candy you promised right?"

"Sure, but we're not done yet." Yukari said with a perverted grin. "I want to play 'Walrus with the oysters.'"

"Again?" Kokoa answered wearily.

"Well I am a perverted witch. Now remember to keep the pink wig on and keep saying 'Tsukune, don't!' Desu!"

XXX

"Mommy! Mommy!" Moka ran right into the arms of her mother. "I remember everything now."

"There, there sweet heart its okay." Moka's mother said comfortingly.

"Excuse me," Tsukune said politely as Moka was sobbing into her mother's shoulder. "I feel that introductions are in order."

"Along with an explanation of what the hell is going on around here." Kurumu added.

"Of course, of course, I am Akasha Bloodriver a Hades Lord and as you can see Moka's mother. From some of my curry zombies I know you are Tsukune, Kurumu and Mizore. My daughter's boyfriend and two close friends. I am very pleased to meet you all."

"Ah, I wouldn't say I'm your daughter's boyfriend exactly." Tsukune said looking flushed.

"Oh I know you're too shy to seal the deal, Gin told me. His exact words were 'pale scared virgin' but it's pretty clear that you and my daughter are a couple. Just so you know I approve of you and give you permission to marry her."

"Uh…"

"Hold up!" Kurumu shouted. "Before we even go there we need to settle why you're trying to turn everyone into curry zombies again in Aspara's place."

Moka looked up into her mother's face. "That's right, mommy what happened? All my memories suddenly came back and I remember you being eaten by Alucard. Seeing that left the real me traumatized and forced my creation to help my inner self heal. How are you alive and why have you left me all alone all this time?"

"And why are you taking Aspara-sensei's place?" Mizore added.

"Well you see dear Issa and I were having problems with our relationship. I mean he did have three other children with other women. So I needed a little time to sort out my feelings and work on things with my new boyfriend."

"New boyfriend?" Moka asked uncertainly.

"Oh honey you'll just love him if you give him a chance. He's a little intimidating at first but once you get to know him he's just a great big cuddle bunny."

THOOM, THOOM, THOOM

The building and the earth began to shake.

"Oh here he comes now."

A fifty foot monstrosity approached, towering over the school building and emanating an unbelievable aura of raw evil and immense power.

"Aaaaaaaakkaaaaassshhaaa."

"Hi honey, did you miss me?"

"Yeeeeeeesssssssssssssss."

"Your boyfriend is the great monster Alucard?" Moka said in horror. "But he ate you!"

"I know. He's a bit on the possessive side, but very caring. Anyway don't you eat Tsukune all the time?"

"Well yes, but I always tell him I'm sorry."

Tentacles stretched out from Alucard's body and wrapped around Akasha.

"Mother he's going to eat you!"

"No honey," Akasha gently stroked the thick slimy tentacles. "This is just foreplay."

"Foreplay?" Moka responded weakly.

"You'll understand when you start to have a physical relationship with your boyfriend."

"So you let me think you were dead and abandoned me all this time so you could do… things with your gigantic boyfriend?"

"Well you see there's this thing he does with his tentacles…"

Everyone, including Kurumu, shuddered.

"I suppose that explains your absence up until now," Tsukune admitted. "But why are you trying to turn everyone into curry zombies."

"Oh that," Akasha shrugged. "It just seemed the easiest way to take over the world."

"Wait, you want to take over the world too?"

"Well I am a Hades Lord, and even if I am a mother and a lover that doesn't mean I can't have a career. Now why don't you children all have some curry and I'll make each of you rulers. Tsukune you and Moka can rule over Japan, Kurumu you can have France, and obviously Mizore will have Iceland."

"I'm sorry Akasha-san," Tsukune spoke. "Even if you are Moka's mother we can't stand by and let you conquer the world."

"Really? That's too bad. My boyfriend tends to get kind of rough with people who get in my way."

Two huge clawed appendages came together and cracked knuckles with a sound similar to trees snapping.

Tsukune stood there bravely. "No matter how dangerous things are we have to fight, right everybody?"

The three girls all looked at each other with resignation.

"I think it's pretty obvious what we have to do." Mizore said.

"Yeah," Kurumu agreed.

"Hold Tsukune down while we force feed him curry." Moka said.

Mizore and Kurumu both nodded.

"Right, together we'll… wait what was that?"

All three girls jumped him, held him down, and forced curry down his throat.

XXX

With the power of Alucard at her side all the people in the world became mindless curry zombies.

In this new world Snookie became a cable television sensation with her relationship and dating advice show.

Paris Hilton became the star of her own drama series entitled 'That's Hot' which focused on the many difficulties faced by immensely rich, attractive, white women.

Justin Beiber swept the Grammy Awards while releasing multi-platinum albums.

People STILL thought Kim Kardashian was somehow talented.

The world's number one new sport was full contact soccer… with chainsaws.

Iceland was renamed Tsukunelovesmizoreland.

In France Algebra was outlawed.

In Japan all industrial and financial resources were focused on creating plasma that tasted just as good as the real thing.

And of course everyone was a mindless zombie… so the world wasn't really that much different.

THE END