I do not own Sekaiichi Hatsukoi.

What do I need to do now? I've got several pages of that manuscript, three projects to confirm and... oh yes. Oh NO. I somehow managed to pull everything without talking to him. Unless there was someone around. But now... there is nobody. And I have to talk about that party with him. No good.

What the hell! Get a grip, Masamune! Don't act like a child! Stop avoiding him. Kisa, Hatori and Mino are going to find out. They already asked if everything is okay when you haven't heard them three times asking you if they can go home. Go and talk to him he won't kill you! Ha! Maybe not literally.

'Onodera.' I spoke. There were only two of us in the whole office.

'Yes?' He was hesitant. It's already two weeks since I decided to make him happy and give up on him. Two long weeks. I survived only thanks to Sorata. He wouldn't stop mewling until I eat something. He's making me eat every single day though sometimes I am so exhausted I don't give a damn.

'We need to talk.' He started panicking, I could see it so I inhaled a big breath of nicotine and continued.'About that party.' I think he still wasn't sure about my intentions.

'Ah right. The party... Can we talk about it later? I forgot to bring the materials from home. I'm sorry but can I come to your place tonight? Y-you see... m-my apartment...' Why? Why he is doing it to me? I should say no. 'Yeah why not. Next time though do not forget. I don't appreciate half-assed work, you know that.' I think I'm becoming a masochist. Why did I say yes? Oh well. Never mind why. If you were stupid enough to wait with this talk until you are alone you sure could invite him to your apartment. Now stop this staring and go home. He can't see this mess.

'Takano-san?' I shivered. 'Is e... are you okay?' Actually I was getting sick but the storm in me almost calmed down. I was nearly empty. This means something like getting sick didn't really bother me. Why should it? Now I only cared about Sorata. And my work. Occasionally about something else but caring about myself? Actually you should but answer him. He's watching you.

'Yeah. It's just cold since windows are open and it's already December.' Well this isn't entirely lie.

'Oh. Yeah it is a little cold here. Well I'll go now. See you at night!' He left. I don't get him. He always tried to stay away from my home as far as he could and now he wants to work? There? With me? Yeah... it's strange... but on the other hand he always was strange. Nothing new. Go and hide all those bottles before he comes. That's more important now.

Hm... To tell the truth apart from Sorata, work and my addictions this... voice is another reason I'm not dead or insane yet. It helps me. A lot. Always knows what to do and how to protect me. Whoever it is I have to thank him. Or her. No problem. Now go and clean your apartment. Or maybe I'm just insane to some extent. I can think clear but I hear a voice in my mind. That don't bother me very much. And it should. Go home already people are staring.

§§§

Just when I ended cleaning and hiding my bottles and pills (yeah, sometimes alcohol just isn't enough) I heard my doorbell. Surprisingly good timing. I went to open the door.

'Um... g-good evening Takano-san!' I let him in. 'Here is my project of the party. Could you look at it?' I could feel my head and chest throbbing. Just why have I said yes?

'Sure.' Fuck. I needed some cigarette. Now. 'Come in.'

He sat on the couch and prepared his papers while I went to kitchen and made him tea. I couldn't resist and for myself i got some rum. Yeah and bring your pills. You sure have some stupid ideas.

I sat on the couch beside him. Shit I didn't expect it to be THAT difficult. And I don't know how long he is going to stay here. Fuck this. Work. You will be working. Just like in the office. But here you have Sorata. And some rum. You'll be okay. I sighed and grabbed his project.

§§§

'Now it's not bad. Just like this and it'll be okay.' We just ended working on the party project. That's bad. The whole time he had been here I was in pain. Good thing I managed to hide everything from him. But I don't think I can do this for long time since now. I'm more and more weak. Suddenly Sorata started mewling on my knees. He was there all the time. 'Oh, yes.'

Ritsu watched from his place as I stand up, go to the kitchen, grab some sandwich and bite it. 'are you happy now?' I asked my cat who started to purr. 'That's good.' I yawned. This meeting was quite tiring and I wasn't sleeping well for two weeks now. I was exhausted.

'Um... Takano-san?' I looked at him and fought not to turn my eyes away. 'Umm... A-are you okay?' No way! HE is asking YOU is everything with you okay! Is he an idiot or what? I bet his next question will be "what happened?"! Moron!

'Yeah. Why?'

'Well y-you look a little sick. A-and you were somehow distracted today. Are you s-sleeping well?' I stared at him in disbelieve. Am I okay? Am I sleeping well? He's unbelievable... Finally I put myself together and answered him: 'Y-yeah. It's just a cold. I'm... okay...' What is he playing? The hell I don't get this guy at all!

'Oh. um... t-that's good... em... you don't need anything?' No. No! Just get out! Quickly! 'No. T-thank you.' Oh no. My chest. My throat. My head! 'But I'm a little sleepy so...' He was shocked that I was kicking him out but I couldn't take it anymore.

'O-oh. Okay. Um... Good night Takano-san.' He glanced at my empty bottle of rum and my cigarette (the fifth this night) and finally disappeared. I collapsed on the couch. Good job Masamune. You did well.

And that's when I broke.

§§§

I couldn't take this pain. Fucking hell what was that?! First he tells me that there is nothing between us and that's how he wants this and then, two weeks later, he comes to my house and he asks me if I'm okay?! What is wrong with him? I tried to win him for a year. And when I finally give up he's like that? Stop it Masamune. Don't think about him. Just leave it. Go sleep.

But my pain don't stop. What to do? My cigarettes, alcohol even my pills don't work. The pain is just too much. I can feel knives stabbing my chest and head. And It's just an emotional pain. What if... No. Don't do that. You are already devastating yourself with smoking, drinking, pills and lack of sleep and eat. Masamune! You are not like that! Stop it! But it was already too late. I held a kitchen knife. I stared at it. And started to wonder what it would be like if... if this knife slid through my flesh? Would it be painful? More than the agony I feel now?

Masamune!

Too late...

§§§

I held my arm under the water. It was painful. But it somehow gave me my release. Even if only a little. I felt... better. You are an idiot! Stop the damned bleeding! You should never do this! What if someone finds out! They will send you to the hospital. And to a psychiatrist! Do you even know what you just did!? You cut yourself with a kitchen knife! Yeah and it wasn't that bad...

I was having a cold shower. To cool down. When the bleeding stops I need to hide it somehow. Good I made it kinda high.

I stepped out from the shower and dried myself with a towel. Then I wrapped my cut in some clean cloth and went to the bedroom. Sorata was there in my bed. I forgot to close the window so my room was as cold as the water in my shower. Shit. Now I will definitely be sick as hell. I closed the window and crawled under my sheets closing my eyes and pulling Sorata closer. I heard a purr and then I fell asleep.

§§§

I always knew you were kinda stupid and look - you're sick! Oh yeah. Thanks to that opened window and cold shower. Normally you wouldn't be that sick even if you have spent all night wet outside. But now it's not normal. And I couldn't really open my eyes. My lids were too heavy. Finally I managed to take a look at my clock. It was too early. Or I read wrong time. My vision is so blurry I'm not sure. Oh well. Who cares. I will go to work anyway. Are you serious? Tell me you are kidding! I can't help it - everything here reminds me of yesterday night. Oh... That's a problem...

-knock knock knock-

!

! Don't tell me it's him!

'Takano-san? Are you okay?' What the hell? 'Takano-san! Why didn't you come to work today?' So I really red the wrong time. Shit. Maybe if I don't answer he'll go away?

'Oy Masamune!' Fuck it's Yokozawa! He definitely won't go away. Holy shit! The knife! Oh no. I forgot to clean it and it's still in the bathroom!

I jumped from the bed and hurried to hide it though my vision was still blurry (good I remembered my apartment by heart) and I felt so numb... Somehow I managed to get the knife. Blood was already dry and all over the blade to it so I threw it under my mattress. They had to hear me because they started to bang at my doors. I sighed and went to open.

'Masamune!' 'Takano-san!' Wow they are here together and they don't fight. Strange. What was even more strange - they stood there with stupid expressions on their faces and they were staring at me.

'What?' Uh it hurt my throat and everyone could here it.

'I believe you said it is cold?' Yokozawa said slowly. 'Masamune you look like you're already dead! What the hell!' Sorata came and jumped at me mewling. I caught him and cuddled his head. 'Yokozawa I'll keep him here for a while. 'kay?' He was dumbfounded. I acted like he haven't spoken. 'Thanks. By the way what are you doing here?' I was speaking to Yokozawa. Yesterday night was still too alive in my memory.

'You didn't come to work today. And no one knew why. Only this idiot could tell us that you caught a cold. Why didn't you call in sick?'

I sighed. 'I just woke up. I believe I haven't heard my alarm.'

'God, Masamune, you're so stupid...'

'Yeah whatever. Now could you please leave? I'd like to go back to my bed before it gets cold.' Maybe I didn't speak to him but he still was there staring at me. I couldn't take it anymore.

'But-'

'Just leave. I really can take care of myself by myself.' Liar. You can't. Without this cat you would die because you wouldn't eat anything. But they can't stay here. They'll find everything. That's why I'm kicking them out.

'Bullshit. You look like you are ready to fall.'

I glared at him. 'I just want to sleep. You don't need to stay here.'

'Umm... Takano-san... I-I think you n-need some help.'

I stared at Onodera for a while. What does he want?

'But certainly not from you. If you stay here he'll just get more sick. Go away.' Ah here they are. Fighting over me. But today I definitely agree with Yokozawa. Ritsu will kill me if he stays here. I can already feel my head throbbing with unbearable pain. I leaned against the wall and send them a glare again.

'You know I am perfectly capable of living on my own. If I needed you I would tell you that. Now I'm going to sleep so you can go home. And stop yelling.' They were staring at me for a while. I am harsh but not so much. Hope they'll think that it's 'cause you are sick.

I sighed annoyed and closed the door before their very faces. Sorata mewled. I locked the door and went to bed.

'Fine! As you wish! But I'll come back here tomorrow to check on you!' True friend. I have to make it up to him.

'Thanks!' I tried to yell but I ended up coughing like crazy. Shit. I crawled back to my bed and started to plan my week. Today I'm pretty bad, I suppose, but tomorrow it would be better. And the day after I think I'll go to work.

'Yeah' I sighed thinking about all the pile that was waiting on my desk.

Then I fell asleep.

So how was it? Did you like it? Leave a comment please, I'm waiting for it! :)

You know what? I hate Onodera Ritsu. He's a coward. So I write about how Takano is suffering because of him. But I hope even Ritsu will finally come to terms with his feelings ;)