I AM SO SORRRRY! I know i sent messeges saying I would post this chapter early this morning, but my mom said I had been on the interwebz too long, so she cut me off. Then I slept till six in the evening and after that had to go to church! Well, once again I am sorry! But please enjoy!

'BAM BAM BAM.' Yumichika let out a groan. 'BAM BAM BAM.' He growled, what the HELL was waking him from his precious darkness? "Yumichika, are you up yet? C'mon, we are gonna' be late" Ikkaku's gruff, yet muffled voice shouted through the door to Yumichika's home. "SHIT!" Yumichika shouted as he sat up, feeling dizzy as he did so. He heard his friend laughing out side. "Careful yumi, that is a very 'unbeautiful' thing to say!" he chuckled out as he mimicked his friends choice of words. Yumichika let a grim smile fall on his face, then jumped up and nearly fell. "sigh" he steadied himself then yelled, "Hey, Ikkaku, go on with out me, I'll meet you at work when I am ready!"

After hearing Ikkaku's grunt of agreement he set about getting ready for his day. First, gently washing the blood of his arm and the floor, then bandaging it up. He then went about his morning routine, of brushing his teeth, washing his face, brushing his hair, and putting his clothes on. A little grin settled on his face when he put the colorful feathers on his brow. They were one thing he liked about the pretty act, they made him feel unique, and he thought they were beautiful himself. He sat with a slice of toast with grape jam slathered on it and started eating quickly, washing it down with a cold cup of milk. Rushing to the door, he grabbed the sleeve he always wore and gently slipped it on his arm over the bandages that had very faint red coloring already seeping through, 'hmm, guess I was a little rough on my arm last night…'. He then attached the sleeve to the scarf around his neck, grabbed his sword and put on a cheery face, then took off for the office.

"Feather face!" was the first thing Yumichika heard as he entered the office. Looking over to the side, he saw the short, pink headed lieutenant bouncing over to him. "Good morning, Kusajishi fuku-taichou. Beautiful day, is it not?" he greeting and flicked his dark silky hair behind his ear. "Yep, it is, perfect day to play!" she giggled, causing Yumichika to smile. He always had liked the lieutenant. Though she annoyed most, he found her joyful and care free attitude refreshing. She made him know that not all children had to suffer. "Well, then why don't you go and play!" he said smiling and handing her a lollipop. Her eyes widened and the lollipop was gone, and the small girl out the door with a "thank you feather face!" echoing behind her.

Yumichika was sitting at his neat and organized desk, filling out paperwork and humming a little tune to himself when he heard the door to the office open. Looking up, he saw Ikkaku and Zaraki taichou walking in with Yachiru perched on his back. "Well, look who's up!" Ikkaku crowed and Kenpachi just nodded at him and lumbered over to his own desk. "Of course I am up, it is a most unbeautiful thing to miss work!" he said, raising his nose into the air. "Well, you were late this morning, but I guess that's understandable after having that night mare and waking me up last night." Ikkaku mused. Yumichika winced when Ikkaku said that and noticed his taichou and fuku-taichou look at him. "Did feather face have a bad dream last night?" Yachiru asked sympathetically. He was about to answer and tell her it was nothing when Ikkaku went and opened his big mouth again. "Yeah he did, woke up our whole barracks floor with his screaming."

Zaraki raised an eyebrow, and Yachiru's face scrunched up. "What was your dream about yumi-chan?" the little girl asked concerned. Everyone looked at him curiously. He froze, sweat forming on his brow, eyes widening and he paled considerably. "O-o-oh, n-nothing, just a…silly dream" he replied and chuckled awkwardly. "Well, by your response it doesn't seem to be nothing, or a silly dream." Zaraki stated feigning non interest, when actually curious about Yumichika's behavior. Yumichika was starting to have trouble breathing, little gasps coming from his mouth as sweat trickled down his brow. His dream was started coming back to him. "Yumi, are you okay?" Ikkaku asked, an unusual concerned frown forming on his face as he placed his hand on the other mans lightly trembling shoulders, and was shocked when the other man slapped his hands away and yelled "D-DON'T TOUCH M-ME!" and stood up and shot to the door, franticly slamming it open and taking off. Everyone stared in shock and confusion as they watched the man run down the hall and then disappearing from sight. "What the HELL?" Kenpachi said while Ikkaku and Yachiru stared in silence.

Yumichika ran to his barracks and tried to unlock the door, failing twice before he was able to open it. He then shut it quickly and locked it and ran and sat in a corner like he would do as a child. He let the hot tears fall, and silently cursed himself for being weak and acting like that in front of every body, ESPECIALLY his taichou. "DAMMIT!" he cursed loudly. He pulled himself up and trudged to the bathroom. Reaching into the medicine cabinet, he once again pulled out his blade. Sitting on the floor, he stared at it, staring at the shine it made with the lights shining on it. He frowned, then angrily brought it to his arm and dug it deep into it and dragged it down. He let out a hiss of pain, but then did it again, and again. Each time the pain shot through him he let out a whimper, but enjoyed the feeling of the pain until the numbness washed over him. Heavily leaning against the wall, his eyes filled with tears as he zoned out, another memory coming to plague his fragile mind…

"DAMMIT BOY! CANT YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT?" his father shouted as he slapped Yumichika's already bruised face. "Father! I-" his father cut him off with a hard kick to the gut. "ALL I ASKED FOR WAS FOR YOU TO COOK FOOD FOR ME! AND WHAT DO YOU MAKE? YOU MAKE THIS SHIT! THIS. IS. NOT. FOOD!" Yumichika whimpered and bit his bleeding lip to keep from screaming when his father pulled him up by his hair. "Father, it was all we had…w-we cant afford enough food to make a proper meal, I-I had to use what was available!" the child said with wide eyes that reflected his fathers fist coming speedily towards his scrunched up face. He let out a cry as it came into contact. "Well, MAYBE if you worked HARDER we wouldn't BE in this predicament! You barely earn enough money to buy me my sake! WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER THINK!" he bellowed. Yumichika felt his chest constrict. His mother. She had died when he was 5. After she died, his father became a drunk and stopped going to work and was soon fired. He started taking his rage out on his child, and forced his 5 year old to get a job so that they could keep their lives running, no matter how pitiful their lives were. His mother had been a kind, gentle woman, and she was where Yumichika got his looks from. She had gotten sick, acquired a deadly disease that quickly took her life, leaving her son with the man that she had married. Yumichika barely remembered her, but he at least remembered her love for him, and that was all he needed. He was brought out of his thought when his father shook him roughly. "You are PATHETIC! I don't know why I keep you around! I can truly only think of one reason." His fathers voice got low, and husky. "And now I will make use of your whining, sniveling self. You should appreciate this, your lucky I even spare you a glance. The monster then forcefully, and painfully took Yumichika on the kitchen floor, Yumichika begging him to stop the whole time, but he never did. He didn't even pause.

Yumichika felt himself jump, and it snapped out of the daze he had been in. He looked at his arm and lightly touched the blood flowing from it. It was hot, sticky, wet, and messy. His finger dug slightly into one of the slashes on his arm and he winced. Grabbing a towel and wiping his arm, he started quickly cleaning his arm and the floor for the second time that day, he bandaged his arm just as quickly and slipped his sleeve back on. He had to calm down and act normal. After that little episode, he had a feeling some one would come after him in a bit to make sure he was okay. "Psh, am I okay? If they saw me right now, I am pretty sure they would know, that I am not in fact, fucking okay!"

Resting his head on the wall, he took some deep breaths, rotated his soar shoulders, and walked out of the bathroom. Sitting on the couch he thought deeply about what he could say to explain his behavior earlier.

5 minutes later there was a knock at the door. His head snapped up, hair swishing as he did so, and trudged to the door. The knock came again right as he got to the door. He put on a calm face, knowing it would seem to odd if he was cheery and happy after acting like that. Opening the door, he was faced with a very upset looking Yachiru, and a very confused, yet worried face of Ikkaku. "Yumi-chan? Are you okay?" Yachiru asked, her eyes large and disturbed. "Yeah, what the HELL was that all about?" his best friend exclaimed loudly. "Oh, I just was in an ugly mood. You know I don't like people prying, its quite rude." he stated. He knew it was a weak excuse, but its all he could come up with in five minutes. Ikkaku did not look convinced. "Yumi, I-" Ikkaku was cut off by Yachiru. "Feather face, if you have a problem, you know you can talk to us, we care about you."

For once, Ikkaku didn't say anything about how unmanly that sounded, he just stood there, with inquisitive eyes at his friend. "Yumichika gave a smile, I am fine. But I think I will take a nap. Thanks for stopping by to see if I was okay…I appreciate it. Bye." and with that he quickly shut the door before either could protest, and he knew he was closing off his heart just as much as he was closing the door.

Thanks for reading, now, if you liked it, please review!