Mikau: Hello everyone. It's been a while! Thanks for dropping by to read once again. This chapter is dedicated to DayDreaming0f y0u who thought it would be better if Hakuba had tried to save Conan from Kaito. Thanks to Aniki-xvi, Eevee1118, athieisademon, LMeg9.20, and DayDreaming0f y0u who reviewed. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: If my brother owned it, all the characters would be drawn in the stick figure style, the Detective Boys would be eradicated, and the Black Syndicate would have a legitimate name like "The Samurai Pizza Cats" (which we do not own).

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Omake Three: Meddling Detectives

There was a high school student waiting for Conan when Teitan let out for the day.

This wasn't abnormal; Ran often met him by the gate so that they could walk home together, and Kaito would sometimes surprise him by coming to pick him up. However, it was neither Ran nor Kaito, but Hakuba Saguru standing at the entrance to the grade school.

"If I might have a moment of your time Edogawa-kun, there is something of great importance that I would like to discuss with you," the English gentleman called out to him as the pocket-sized sleuth attempted to sneak away without being noticed.

"What would you need to talk about with me, Hakuba-niisan?" The not-child put on his best cavity-inducing grin.

"It's about your boyfriend," the Brit responded dryly, not appreciating the innocent act. "I saw you two together the other day, and, I must say, I am concerned for your well-being."

The former Kudo Shinichi frowned, dropping all pretense of childishness. "How about we take this somewhere else? I know a good café close by where people mind their own business."

"Wherever you feel most comfortable." The blonde nodded and motioned for the smaller investigator to lead the way.

There was silence between the two until they reached a small coffee shop called Christie's.

"Now, what exactly did you want with my boyfriend and myself, Detective Hakuba?" Conan asked with a glare once the orders for their tea and coffee were in.

"As I stated before," the taller of the two began. "I happened to catch sight of you and your significant other on a date, and your behavior concerned me. Kuroba insists that you are mature enough to make your own decisions, and I agree that you are…unlike other children your age. If you two wish to be in a relationship, I have no right to stop you. I only want to make sure that you are making an informed decision. You do know whom you are dating, correct?"

Conan stared at the blonde like the man was a certifiable loon. "Of course. I'm dating Kuroba Kaito."

Hakuba gave a tired sigh. "Forgive me. I meant, you do know who your boyfriend is suspected of being, don't you?"

"Kaito is Kaito," the young boy stated firmly. "Your suspicions have been disproven every time, and you have no proof."

"Yes, but—"

"—No. No buts." Conan fiercely defended the man that he loved. "Frankly, I don't care. It wouldn't change the way I feel about him, even if he were Kid. I'd still love him."

"How can you say that? You're a detective, aren't you?" Saguru was positively floored by the young boy's reply.

"Unlike you, I don't chase Kid to catch him. I chase him simply for the chase itself. He provides a good deal of mental stimulation, and it's not like he does any real harm.

"You know, I might even love Kaito more, if he were Kid. It would definitely make things more interesting in bed. We could role-play."

The blonde nearly spit his tea out in the little detective's face. "Edogawa-kun, I'm afraid I must insist that you break things off with Kuroba this instant. He's clearly a bad influence, and I will not tolerate any further corruption of your young mind. Children shouldn't even know about such sordid things!"

At this, Conan only chuckled darkly. "If preservation of innocence is what you're concerned about, I think you're focusing on the wrong half of this couple. Kaito is the one you should be worried about."

"W-What do you mean?" Hakuba did a double-take. A perverted grin like that did not belong on the face of a child.

"Let's just say that I have plans for Kaito once I reach puberty, but, until then, I've got plenty of fun games to keep us both satisfied, if you know what I mean." The little instigator smirked, taking pleasure in freaking the other detective out.

Hakuba had no words with which to respond.

000

The following day, Kaito sighed as he and his classmate climbed the stairs to the roof. "You know, you could at least tell me what this is about. I mean, I have my suspicions that you're either going to accuse me of being a thief or a pedophile, so—"

"—Kuroba, it's about your boyfriend. I have some theories, but none of them make any sense. I think that he's an incubus."

The brunette blinked. "Hakuba, are you feeling okay?"

"No! I am most certainly not feeling okay! Just yesterday, a little child went into minute detail about how he wanted to jump your bones! He's obviously the devil incarnate! Or possessed or something! Kuroba, your boyfriend is evil, and I suggest that you break up with him now for your own safety!"

Kaito blinked again. A third time. "You think my boyfriend is evil? Just because he wants to screw like rabbits with me?"

"No. Because he's supposed to be eight, but he seems to have more experience sexually than I do!"

"Everyone has more experience sexually than you do," the magician snickered. "But, that's good to know. About Shin-chan, I mean."

Hakuba simply gawked at his almost-friend.

Kaito sighed. "Okay, calm down. Geez. You look like you're about to have a heart attack or something. Look, I'll let you in on a secret, so stop freaking out already.

"Conan's not like regular kids his age. Think of him as an eighteen year-old trapped in the body of an eight year-old; things should make more sense like that."

The detective furrowed his brow and contemplated the shorter teen's words.

"Better?" the magician chuckled.

"Yes and no," Saguru replied. "If it were true, things make more sense, yes, but…" The gentleman blushed a dark shade of crimson. "You see, every time I look at you, I remember all of the dirty things Edogawa-kun said he was going to do to you, and I get the most awkward images in my head. He was very descriptive. The child has a large vocabulary."

Kaito smirked. "Hakuba, I've got to go."

"Go?" The Brit blinked. "Where?"

"To see my boyfriend," the brunette sang, a mischievous lilt to his voice. "I'd like to hear what he told you personally. Unless you want to do a dramatic retelling?"

Hakuba's cheeks flushed yet again. "I-I think I'll pass. You two have fun."

He mentally made a note to never again meddle in the detective and thief's affaires. As far as he was concerned, the two weirdoes deserved each other—a match made in heaven.

…

o(\_/)o

Mikau: Yes, I know I'm recycling Kara throwing a fit/alien from the new Come to Taunt Me chapter, but…I lack creativity recently. Next I'm going to try to work on Kaito trying to fix Shinichi's love life as requested by athieisademon. Thanks for reading!