okay, so I am posting 2 more chapters after this, kinda gory, just a bit.

The man stumbled, then in his last moments of life, threw a feeble punch at his son, only to have Yumichika stab through his gut instead. Hasako had one hand to his throat, and one to his stomach as he fell to the ground, a large thud echoed around. A sickening gurgling noise was heard as blood bubbled from his throat, desperate, wheezing, sucking noises followed as he tried to breath. Blood was quickly pooling around the body, the puddle rippling as his jerking movements slowed down to weak shudders. Then, it was over. The man that had tortured Yumichika for so long was dead. Not another breath to be taken into his bloodied body.

Not a sound was made as everyone stared at the scene before them. Finally after about 30 seconds, Ikkaku spoke. "Y-Yumichika…? What…why?…A-are you okay?" No one was expecting the sudden burst of movement from the man who stood with a bloodied sword in his grip. Yumichika took off with a shunpo that could have rivaled Yoruichi's, so fast and sudden, he was gone before anyone could even register what happened, much less follow him. "What the FUCK?" was the most popular question that came from everyone's lips as they tried to pull themselves together. Passer Byers stared, then looked at the group in fear, before they ran off, hoping to escape with their lives.

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

"We have to find him!"

"Will he be okay?"

"HOLY SHIT!"

"…I know where he went."

Every one who had been talking stopped, stared, then Rangiku asked worriedly, "Where?"

"The place that we always went when we are having trouble, the place we would always meet up after a long day. The place I built my house…The clearing by the river"

He was sitting by the river, his hands bloodied and shaking. 'W-what have I done…?' he asked himself mentally. "You killed the man who tortured you for so many years, you should feel relief…yet, you don't…" came the concerned voice of Fuji Kujaku in his head. 'I-I know I should feel relief, like you said, I should feel a sense of justice in my mind…but all I feel is…confusion, anger, and…loneliness.' he lightly shook his head. 'I am so pathetic…'

'Yumichika' came Fuji Kujaku's voice again, 'I cant help you if you don't want to help yourself…but, I assure you, once you come to a solution, I will do all I can to help you reach it…' His he said, his voice fading, and soon, it was gone.

Looking at his hands, he shuddered at the blood he saw on them 'that mans blood' he thought with a shiver. He leaned over and place his hands in the river, closing his eyes at the cool, refreshing feeling, also he closed them so he would not see the red water flowing away. Pulling them out, he dried them on his kimono, then rubbed his face. When he pulled his hand away, he saw blood again, At that moment remembering how he had bit his lip so hard it tore flesh, and drew blood. "Damn…" he muttered, scooping up a handful of the cold water, then splashing it on his face, effectively removing the blood. "It seems all I see nowadays is blood…usually my own…"

"Blood is one thing that the body need to keep it going, to keep the organs functioning, to distribute oxygen in the body, to carry nutrients every where…" he muttered, dark thoughts swimming in his minds. "W-what would happen if their wasn't any left…if…if I made all of it leave…?" his answer came to him immediately. "I would die…" he whispered. "It would be so easy. I saw how fast father died…maybe, just maybe, I could do it even faster…" his eyes started watering as he thought of all his friends he would be leaving behind, all the things he had accomplished would be worthless after that. 'but the pain would be gone' was his minds reply. Slowly, hesitantly, he started reaching for his sword 'Fuji Kujaku, y-you said you would do everything in your power to help me once I made my decision…I-I have made that decision…' he felt his zanpakuto horror at the thought he just had. "You promised." he whispered, then he started shakily pulling his zanpakuto out of its sheath, breathing heavily as he thought about what he was about to do.

Then he heard voices, not just any voices, the voices of his friends! Quickly, he sheathed Fuji Kujaku again and turned away from where he heard them coming and started furiously trying to scrub the annoying tears from his sad eyes.

"Yumichika!" Ayuma called when she saw him sitting there by the river, she fell on her knees at his side, and wrapped her arms gently around him, pulling his head to rest against her, as she rested her head on top of his. She heard him quietly sniffle, and knew he was trying to get control of himself. She would shield him from the others till he was ready, till he could hold his tears.

Everyone was silent as they gazed upon the fragile looking Yumichika in Ayumas's arms. A couple of minutes passed, and he soon drew back, giving her a small, sad smile. "Sorry, I-I…" he didn't know what to say. "Yumi-kun, are you okay?" Rangiku asked, getting on her knees also beside the shaken man. "I am fine Ran-chan." he murmured, his hand going to his forehead as he sat there. "Really? Because I don't think I would be fine after going through that…" Hisagi pointed out. Yumichika looked up at him and Hisagi gave him a sympathetic look. Looking down, Yumichika sighed. 'so much for my plan' he thought, pain flooding through his heart.

Ayuma noticed a certain look on her Yumi's face as he looked down from Hisagi. She didn't know what it meant, but she knew one thing. That he was suffering. "Hey, why don't we go to my house, its just up that way." she offered, pointing off to the north of them, causing all of them to notice a small, yet well kept home up the way. "How did we not see that…?" Renji whispered to himself, the few that could hear him nodded, surprised. Ayuma helped Yumichika up and started leading him gently to her house. It was very small, but it looked comfortable. It was put together with planks of wood, very simply, yet it worked. Walking through the door, you could see it was all one room except for a small bathroom in the corner area.

"So, Yumichika, I know you are still upset and everything, but are you going to tell us what all that was about out there?" came Iba's gruff voice after they had all been seated. Yumichika looked up from the tea cup he had in his hands that Ayuma had just given him moments ago. He took a sip, and let it sit in his mouth for a bit. An attempt at stalling.

"Yumi-kun?" Rangiku whispered, placing her hand on his arm with the sleeve on it, making him hiss in pain from his cuts, but everyone else took it as a hiss of surprise. Ayuma narrowed her eyes thoughtfully and stared at the sleeve around his wrist, like he used to do when he was younger to hide his cuts…'he still is cutting…' was the thought that popped into her head. "I…I-" Yumichika was trying to find something to say when he felt a light, soft touch on his arm. It was so gentle that it didn't irritate his arm, just getting his attention. Looking up from behind his hair, he saw Ayuma gazing at him sadly, she gently ran her hand down his sleeved arm and tilted her head, asking a silent question, speaking to him in the way that they did when they were young. Her eyes said 'Do you still do it?'

He lowered his gaze, then met her eyes and bit his lip, but gasped lightly when he felt the cuts there, and instead just gazed at her.

'yes, I am sorry…' his eyes replied.

'I understand, but yumi, let me help you, just like we used to always help each other.' her eyes spoke to his into soul. Yumichika nodded, closing his eyes, breaking off the eye contact.

"Uhhh, anyways, Yumichika, we kinda' are really confused..," kira said, his usually monotone voice shy for interrupting their moment, yet curious for answers.

Yumichika opened his violet eyes, blinked, then opened his mouth and let out a trembling breath, then he began.

Uh, well, thanks for reading, please review!