Someone To Take Her Home ch.3
My jaw dropped, and I sat there, staring at him in silence. I must have misheard him, or something. There is no way on earth that Cedric just said he came back for me. I shook my head slightly, then focused.
"What?" I assumed what ever he said would make more sense the second time around. He had the decency to turn red and look down at the table, clearly embarrassed. The longer that he sat there, staring at his own hands, the more confused I got. Did he really think that he could waltz back into my life, proclaim his undying love for me, and I would be okay with it? I'm a dreamer, so I am pretty good with the implausible, but this… this was just insensitive. Doesn't he realize how much he hurt me?
"What exactly did you expect to happen, now? Did you expect I would be so overwhelmed with joy -you still want me!- and I would say yes to whatever you are trying to ask me? We would live happily ever after?"
Cedric looked up at me. He made eye contact, for the first time since his declaration, and I could see written clearly across his face that he knew I would react this way. But he hoped I wouldn't.
"Hermione…. I- ," he began, but then let the sentiment die. He gathered his thoughts, then tried again.
"This was stupid. I should have know this was a bad idea… you deserve better than this. I'm really sorry, Hermione. I didn't plan on telling you this yet, I guess…" He trailed off, and looked at me apologetically, then returned to examining his hands on the table. We sat there, in silence. I was in a stunned silence now, having gotten my disbelief already out into the open, and he was unreadable.
Had he really changed this much? He had always been so strong, confident, and assertive. I was always the weak, emotional, speak whatever stupid thing I was thinking member of our "relationship." How on earth had he become this… the man in front of me? Was it possible he had really changed this much in the last two years?
Or maybe it was me?
Finally he looked up, and it was Cedric again. His doppelganger, the sensitive, insecure man who was sitting in front of me was gone, and the Cedric I thought I knew was back. He gazed at me steadily for a moment, gathering his thoughts, and the incredible amount that he had changed in mere seconds took my breath away. He had been so open, and I kind of liked it. He may have been insensitive, and probably delusional, now that I think about it, but he was sensitive, and showing me his heart… I had never seen him so vulnerable… or beautiful. But now, blinking back at me from across the table was the man I had fallen for, and the man who had broken me.
Although we were barely three feet across from each other, on opposite sides of the table, it was as though a chasm had opened between us. We could have been miles and miles apart, with the deepest of gullies below us, the river of tears I cried for him flowing through the rock.
"Can we be friends again?" he asked, finally breaking the silence. I shuddered. The thought of being just friends with Cedric was painful. It was never enough, and that was were things got painfully complicated.
"What? What is so bad with being my friend, Hermione? Is the idea really that disgusting to you, or… are you not ready to forgive me? Even now?" He trailed off at the end, looking genuinely hurt by the thought that perhaps I didn't want anything to do with him.
"We can try to be friends, Cedric," I said, uncertainly.
"What I can't promise is that it will work. It may have been two years ago, but… I just can't promise anything, okay?" I wasn't about to tell him that I had dreamt of him of and off since he left, or that I missed him everyday, and still kept a muggle photo of him under my bed in a box. He didn't need to know any of this, or at least not anytime soon.
"Hermione… is there something… I mean… " He didn't finish, but it was clear he didn't understand why I was so hesitant about our friendship. To me, all this meant was that he also didn't understand how much this had meant to me at one point. And it clearly hadn't meant the same to him. I looked down, and caught a glace of the time on my wristwatch.
"Shit! I have to be back on campus in fifteen minutes! There is no way I can be back in time!" I cried out, already standing up and collecting my things haphazardly, throwing my bag together and wrapping up in my coat and scarf. I turned around again, my curly air whipping my face as I turned sharply. He was still sitting there, with an amused look on his face.
"Let's GO!" I exclaimed, annoyed at the look on his face. He looked bemused, but extracted himself from his chair, and put his cloak on. We grabbed hands and apparated, not even bothering to leave the restaurant. We appeared at the gates, which would lock in mere minutes, and ran up the path to the school. After a few minutes, I heard the chime of the clock striking ten, and the gates swinging shut. We ran up the twists and turns toward the school, as I whispered silent prayers that no one would catch us. My hair swung behind me in a heavy curtain of curls, and Cedric looked flushed.
We made it to the school and ran as quietly as we could through the halls. I was struck more than once by the bizarreness of the situation; here I was running through the halls, ten minutes after curfew, with Cedric Diggory. We rounded the corner, I whispered the password breathlessly to the Gryffindor common room. The Fat Lady looked at us disapprovingly, but swung open nonetheless to let us in. We tripped inside, breathless and laughing.
I collapsed onto the couch, and he threw himself playfully on top of me. I froze underneath him. He realized what was wrong, but didn't get up off of me. He propped himself up, keeping me trapped underneath him. He turned so our chests were touching, and my breath grew ragged. He looked down at me, and leaned forward.