I apologize for going AWOL. Haha, I hope this makes up for my MIA. Sandy is (what I like to call) my bottle. She is where I put my uber craziness, my anger, and my sadness. Haven't seen any of that yet, but the crazy part is almost normal by now. Just hinting at content, hehe…

"FIRST REHEARSAL!" Sandy's voice boomed. All the gods felt themselves yanked from wherever they were and to a huge theater greatly resembling Gershwin Theater. They felt themselves be plopped down into a cushy red seat. Dionysus tutted in approval. Then he grasped his surroundings. All the other gods had already drawn weapons of some sort.

"What the heck?" Ares shouted, bazooka ready to fire. Sandy and Bella stood up on the stage smiling.

"My dear Call of Duty buddy," Sandy said comfortingly, "You know Hecate, right?"

Ares nodded. Athena, who was standing as far away from Poseidon as possible, furrowed her eyebrows. Then she unleashed the Searing Eyeball on Sandy. Sandy continued demonically grinning.

"You-us-what-magic-GAH!" Athena sputtered. Poseidon, while twirling his trident, chuckled.

"For once, the pontificator has been silenced," he commented. All eyes turned to him. Poseidon frowned. "Hey, just because I said a big word doesn't mean you all havta be so surprised!"

Sandy was getting impatient. "Yo, I'm not getting any younger," she grumbled. Then her face grew ponderous. "Cuz if I did, that would be bad. Then I'd be a baby or something."

Bella, ever bored, shouted, "We be starting now. Athena, get your butt up on stage!" Sandy reinforced this with a maniacal smile. She snapped her fingers and a grand piano stood behind her.

"Alright, smarticle. You can read music, I assume?" Sandy inquired. Athena flushed.

"Never assume, it makes an mule of you and me," she said. Poseidon laughed loudly.

"Haw haw, Megamind doesn't know something!" he cawed in a very Nelson-like manner. Athena shot him the Searing Eyeball, and he shut up. Sandy giggled.

"Athena, I think you mean it makes an-"

"Starting would be good," Dionysus announced. Sandy smiled.

"Riiiiight."

Three hours later, the cast and directors had bludgeoned their way through half the play and were going over the blocking for 'Be Our Guest'. Apollo was doing quite well as Lumiere, no surprise there, and Poseidon (to all of the others' surprise) was a great Beast. Athena, on the other hand, wasn't doing too well. After twenty minutes of trying to coach her on character, Sandy threw a conveniently placed rock at Bella and dragged Athena out of the theater into a cobblestone plaza with a beautiful fountain adorned with dolphins. Athena (who, as you can imagine, DID NOT like being dragged) grumbled, "What?" Sandy, who hadn't been facing her, whirled around. Athena almost screamed. Sandy's face was beet red. Tiny white crescent shapes dotted her cheeks and her forehead was swollen pink from facepalming so much. Her now normal brown hair was frizzed up like a spooked cat.

"WHAT? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT? I AM IN ONE PLAY AND DIRECTING ANOTHER! HALF THE PEOPLE IN THE PLAY I'M IN ARE INSANE AND CAN'T ACT FOR THEIR LIVES, AND WITH THIS PLAY, EVERYTHING WOULD BE PERFECT AND WOULD COMPENSATE FOR THE OTHER ONE EXCEPT YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACT!"

Her rage over, Sandy said in a normal voice, "What is blocking you, here? I mean, is it that hard to let go of Athena the bossy knowledgeable wisdom goddess and transform into Belle, the chaste and intelligent village girl?"

Athena shrugged. Sandy snapped and smiled, a sudden change from the recent bellowing. "I know! Close your eyes!" When Athena didn't, Sandy said through her teeth, "CLOSE." Athena could hear the vicious ferocity behind the otherwise cheery demeanor, so she shut her eyes. The only things she could hear was the water splashing into the fountain and Sandy's voice surrounding her as she started talking.

"You are not Athena. You are a twenty-year-old woman in medieval France. Repeat."

Athena hesitated.

"REPEAT."

"I am not Athena. I am a twenty-year-old woman in medieval France."

"Your name is Belle. Your father is an inventor and you love and support him. You are pursued by a man named Gaston. Gaston is a cruel, obnoxious man only interested in you because of your beauty. He proposes marriage to you, but what do you say?"

Sandy's voice changed depending on what she talked about. When she spoke of Belle's father it was warm and compassionate. Athena felt the strange need to hug Zeus. When she talked about Gaston, Athena wanted to vomit from the venom in Sandy's voice.

"My name is Belle. My father, Maurice, is an inventor. I love and support him very much." Athena smiled, and Sandy wondered what Athena would be like if she were mortal. My best friend, Sandy decided.

"I am pursued by a shallow, vain man named Gaston. Gaston is cruel and obnoxious and only interested in me because of my looks." Athena sounded annoyed, as if it had been Poseidon proposing to her. Sandy smiled at both the additions to the paragraph and the tone it was said in. She's getting there. "He proposed to me. I denied, thank god."

A calm had washed over Athena in this meditative characterization session. She felt sympathetic for Belle. How annoying. All Belle wanted was to read her books and live happily with her father, and she gets the pig proposing. Athena wanted to spit in Gaston's face.

A sharp "squee" brought Athena out of this state.

"YAAAAY YOU HAVE GOTTEN PAST THE BLOCK!" Sandy squealed. Athena wanted to cover her ears at the high-pitched sound. Sandy sounded like a mosquito. Suddenly all business, Sandy strutted into the building.

"Athena, hurry up. I totes left them alone in there. If the theater isn't totally trashed I'll give you ten drachmas."

"You're on."

Wow, that was fun :D gotta love Sandy. She's a barrel of monkeys! By the way, pontificate means 'to lecture in a dry fashion'. Just putting that out there. Bye!