"Blaine….," began Kurt slowly, his eyes widening in trepidation as his face began to reflect the anxiety that had been building in him since the moment he opened the front door. "Cooper asked you to watch these two for an hour? I've been gone almost four hours…where is he?" Blaine nervously wiped his hands down the front of his thighs.
"That's the thing….he's not answering his phone. I don't know."
"Shit." Swore Kurt. The little girls eyes shot up to stare at him.
"That's a bad word!" She scolded. Kurt winced.
"Sorry." She turned to Blaine.
"I'm hungry."
"They probably both are," Kurt observed. "Did Cooper leave a diaper bag or…anything?" He asked, eyes scanning the room.
"Honestly Kurt he just threw Joey and Roxanne in my hands and took off. He didn't leave anything. I cut up a banana for her earlier though."
"We don't even have diapers!" Kurt shrieked. Unfortunately, his outburst undid all of his efforts to calm little Joey who startled at the sound and started screaming again. Unruffled, Roxanne stuck a finger in each of her ears and kept on staring at Blaine.
"I'm hungry." She repeated.
"We don't really have anything in the house. We should go to the store or something…" Blaine suggested. Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath to ground himself.
"First we're gonna go get some diapers, and then some lunch, and then we can regroup. Keep trying to call Cooper," he instructed. He sniffed the air suddenly. "Yes, definitely diapers first."
"Yeah, yeah – okay," agreed Blaine. He ran a hand over the back of his neck.
"Roxanne, honey, why don't we get some lunch?"
"Okay."
Blaine took one of the remaining sheets of paper and quickly jotted down a note for Cooper explaining where they'd gone and taped it to their front door, "in case he like, lost his phone or something."
With Kurt holding the fussy Joey and Roxanne begrudgingly holding onto Blaine's hand they made their way to the corner market where they hemmed and hawed for ten minutes about what size and kind of diapers to get for Joey before the little boys screeches outweighed any debate and they hastily made their purchase along with some cream, powder and wipes. Luckily the market had a "family" bathroom and the four shuffled inside.
"Your nephew," Kurt declared, handing over the infant to his boyfriend who hesitantly took the child while Kurt pulled down the changing station and took out the supplies.
"Yucky," protested Roxanne as she watched Blaine change the squirmy little boy. Kurt wasn't too good at measuring the age of babies, but this one didn't look more than a few months old. Kurt wrinkled his nose and nodded in agreement with the little girl.
"He's awfully red down here," Blaine observed. "Is that normal?" Kurt turned to look.
"I don't think so. That looks like a rash to me. I'm glad we got the cream and stuff." Kurt turned back to face Roxanne.
"You are potty trained right?" The little girl squirmed uncomfortably.
"Kinda." Kurt raised an eyebrow. Great.
"Do you – um, do you wear underwear or…?" Kurt drifted off, feeling ridiculous for even asking.
"Uh huh!" The girl said proudly, lifting her dress and showing off a pair of little mermaid underpants with a grin.
"Okay, you can, uh, put that away," Kurt muttered. Blaine held up a freshly-diapered Joey, looking awfully pleased with himself at the successful diaper change. The baby gurgled happily.
Kurt took the little boy back in one arm and held onto Roxanne's hand with the other while Blaine washed his hands. After drying them off Blaine reached into his pocket and dialed his brother again. Still no answer. Kurt glared at the phone but managed an only-slightly forced smile and the four headed back out into the market and back into the baby aisle.
"How are we supposed to know what he eats?" Blaine asked exasperatedly. "We don't even know how old he is!"
"I am going to strangle your brother," warned Kurt while Blaine held a canister of Enfamil and a couple jars of gerber baby food in his hands.
"Not if I get to him first," added Blaine darkly.
After a few more minutes of blank staring at the wall of baby food a tired looking mom of twins entered the aisle and began piling some organic baby food into her small cart.
"Um, could you, could you help us?" Blaine asked hesitantly. The woman looked up from her task and smiled at Roxanne, Kurt and Joey.
"What beautiful children you have," she greeted warmly.
"Oh! Thanks, but – um, they're not ours. I…I am their uncle (Blaine seemed shocked at the words coming out of his mouth) and my boyfriend and I are babysitting for my brother but he's going to be gone longer than expected and we don't really know much about babies," Blaine explained. The woman jlaughed.
"Well, judging by the fact that little guys diaper is on backwards I guess you're right," she joked. Blaine blushed and Kurt clapped a hand over his eyes. She waved away their embarrassment. "It happens. I have five, these two are my youngest. I'm lucky if my clothes aren't on backwards." She beckoned Kurt to come closer to her with Joey. Roxanne took great interest in the two twin boys seated in the front of the woman's small cart.
"Babies!" She noted happily.
"Yep. That's Jamal in the orange and Mikal in the blue. They'll be six months tomorrow. Amazing how fast they grow – three months ago they were little peanuts like –"
"Joey!" Roxanne supplied.
"Like your little brother Joey is now. I'm guessing he's about three months old?"
"Uh, around that," Blaine answered.
"Well I breastfed until they were four months old – a lot of people do it longer than that but they didn't want it anymore – but seeing as you guys don't have the right equipment," she paused to laugh at her own joke, "and I'm guessing mom didn't leave you guys with any frozen milk or anything….why don't you try this one." She picked up a baby formula that was described as easy-to-digest and appropriate for babies 0-12 month. They gratefully accepted her assistance and let her help them pick out a small set of bottles and some other supplies.
Blaine grimaced and handed over his debit card as the cashier rang up their order – somehow they'd managed to spend $74.32 and they hadn't even really gotten anything.
"Cooper better be prepared to pay you back for all of this," snapped Kurt as they made their way out of the store.
"Totally. I mean, Jesus I guess these kids are…my niece and nephew and whoa that's weird to think about, but like….this is really irresponsible. I just hope when we get back to the apartment he's waiting there with a broken phone and a very good story so we can figure all this out."
"Are we going to eat now?" Roxanne grumbled.
"Yeah, do you, do you like pancakes?" Blaine asked, searching his head for what kind of kid-friendly food was nearby."
"Can I get chocolate chip?"
"Sure."
Weighed down by their various purchases they slowly made their way to a small café that served breakfast all day. Their favorite waitress, Beverly, welcomed them with wide eyes and sat them in the back. Kurt asked her if she could possibly sterilize the new bottle they just bought and, thankfully, she was only too happy to help with "darling Blaine's precious little nephew – how come you didn't tell me you were an Uncle?" – taking Kurt into the back with her and they arrived back at the table with a full bottle of formula.
Kurt ordered a spinach egg white quiche for himself and Blaine to split, and a short stack of chocolate chip waffles and carafe of orange juice and two coffees while Blaine fed a hungry Joey. Roxanne looked content to stare out the window of the café and observe the busy Chelsea streets.
"So, do you think your parents know Cooper has kids?" Kurt asked, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible, though Blaine's ever-silent cell phone which sat between them in on the booths table, made such nonchalance challenging.
"I have no idea, but I got the impression that until…well, whenever – um, Amber, I think – until Amber showed up at Coop's hotel room he didn't know he had a kid. Or kids." He wiped away a smudge of formula from the corner of Joey's mouth. "This one sure looks like Cooper." He took another long look at Roxanne – the little girl had bright green eyes and fine dirty-blonde hair that was cut into a slightly over-grown bob with bangs. She didn't look anything like Cooper – well, maybe her nose – but it was hard to tell and he didn't know what her mother looked like at all.
"What kind of mother dumps her children off with an irresponsible nit like Cooper?" huffed Kurt. Blaine's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "No offense, but your brother is hardly the beacon of responsibility," Kurt explained.
"It's not that," said Blaine as he threw the little green cloth they'd purchased over his shoulder and began awkwardly trying to burp the baby, "but I remember the days when you thought Cooper was pretty perfect." Kurt rolled his eyes.
"One or two comments when I was 18 don't mean I haven't gotten a more…realistic, picture of your brother over the years."
Beverly arrived with their food and after a second it dawned on Kurt that he should probably cut up Roxanne's food for her rather than hand the three year old a knife so he took to task doing that. He carefully poured out only a small dash of syrup but the little ended up with chocolate and syrup all down her face and over the front of her shirt.
"We should have gotten bibs or something," Kurt noted flatly, taking the little girl into the bathroom to get her cleaned up.
"I have to go potty," Roxanne announced once they shut the door.
"Okay…?
"Turn around," she scolded. Oh, right. Kurt dutifully turned around and, for good measure, closed his eyes. He heard some shuffling in the background and tried to block out how weird this was. He hummed through the whole of "It Only Takes a Moment," twice before asking if she was finished.
"I, uh – help!" the little girl mumbled. I knew I should have sent Blaine to do this, thought Kurt. Kurt had always felt a kinship with women and wasn't easily embarrassed by their needs, but it was one thing to have Rachel and Mercedes discuss their periods in front of him and another thing for a little girl you just met to ask you to help her clean up after going to the bathroom. The two managed to get through the process and remove the majority of the stains off her shirt with only minimal embarrassment however.
Blaine had paid for brunch and had a sleeping Joey in his arms by the time they left the restroom and met him at the front of the café.
"What?" Blaine asked of the pinched expression on Kurt's face.
"Nothing," dismissed Kurt, "when's the last time you tried Cooper?"
"Just a minute ago, still nothing. I have no idea where the fu- I mean, I don't know where he could be. I'm hoping he's with their mom and figuring all this stuff out." Kurt nodded and took Blaine's free hand.
"Yeah that's what I was thinking – really it's the only thing that makes sense." He gave Blaine's hand a squeeze, "it is pretty trippy to see you carrying a baby."
"Right back atcha," Blaine second, "weird but not…"
"Not bad weird."
"Yeah, not bad weird."
"Someday, in the far, far, far future when we have kids I'm sure you'll make a great dad." Blaine smiled and leaned over to kiss Kurt's cheek.
"We'll both be great parents – someday."