The Amorconozkentia Incantationl

Chapter Two

Luna felt abashed. The person she wanted to talk to most in the world was hung up over her hospitalized boyfriend. That is, using a word she had heard Hermione say. To her it just meant he was in the infirmary.

In a perfect world, Hermione would have been with Ron and Luna could just approach Lavender, see if they had anything in common. They probably didn't; Luna had once started talking about Crumple-Horned Snorkacks and how killing them was a part of the Ratfang Conspiracy. Lavender had just stared at Luna as if she came from another world. She didn't understand any of that stuff.

But that didn't mean Luna and Lavender were incompatible. Maybe Luna couldn't talk about Nargles ot Wrackspurts with Lavender. But there were other things the could discuss. And even if there weren't they did say that opposites attract. That was the hope Luna had to hold onto. That Lavender wouldn't dismiss her just because of a little difference in belief.

Their names even matched, with the first letters of both their names being L. They could be double L. Luna and Lavender. Lavender and Luna. Would you paint that moon Lavender? It's the most sparkling color in the world.

Luna's heart filled to bursting every time she thought of Lavender. But see, even if Lavender could like a girl, would she want to date a girl younger than her? Lavender was in Harry's year. She'd probably laugh in Luna's face if Luna suggested they spend an hour together at Hogsmeade or something.

Maybe she could patch Lavender's relationship with her boyfriend. She knew it was on shaky grounds, and even though she thought Hermione and Ron belonged together more than Lavender and Ron, it was probable that Lavender would be grateful to Luna for getting her and Ron's relationship up to notch. All Luna had to do was get them together in the infirmary and get Ron to talk. How hard could it be?

"Ron, it's just me, Luna. I brought you something."

Ron opened his eyes. "Oh, hi. Nice to see a friendly face."

"I hear you see a lot of friendly faces."

"But none as friendly as yours."

"You flatter me," Luna said. "Anyway, I brought you something."

She handed him a green amulet in the form of a monkey.

"This is great. What is it?"

"It's a Simian Broach. Keeps one safe from Vignapples."

"What are Vignapples?"

"They're apples with teeth that go out at night and bite people on the feet, infecting them with gangrene or frostbite."

"Sounds frightful. Thanks for giving me something to keep them at bay."

"You're welcome," Luna said. An awkward pause. Then: "There's someone else who wants to see you."

"Who?"

"Someone who has missed you."

"Oh. Er, I can meet with them if you remain here, Luna."

She didn't really want to stay, but she could see Ron's need in his eyes. She assented. "So I have permission to let her in?"

"Of course," Ron said.

Ron watched the door to the infirmary, and was surprised to see Penelope Clearwater walk in.

"Fancy seeing you here," Ron said. "When Luna said someone who missed me wanted to see me, I didn't think she meant you."

"Don't be silly," Penelope said. "I'm not here to see my ex-boyfriend's little brother. I'm here to see my sister, Emma."

Penelope strode over to a bed at the far side of the room, where a girl with blond curls lay. She looked like she had gotten whomped by the Whomping Willow.

The door to the infirmary opened again, this time presenting Ginny.

"You're the one who missed me? Figures. The girl who wants most to see me right now is my sister."

"I'm not here to see you," Ginny said. "Though I suppose I should give you the chocolate treacle that I saved from the feast last night."

"There was a feast last night? And me here and unable to enjoy it…"

Ginny pulled out some treacle from her bag.

Ron stuffed it into his mouth. Ginny found this revolting and turned her head.

"So, why are you here, then?" Ron asked, after consuming the last ounce of treacle.

"To deliver a message to Luna," Ginny said. "Professor McGonagell wants to see you."

"I'll go to her directly."

"Wait, Luna. You said you'd stay." Ron gave her a puppy dog look.

"Ginny's here now. She'll be suitable company."

"I didn't come here to stay by my brother's sickbed," Ginny said. "But it I must, you owe me, Luna."

"How shall I make it up to you?"

"Practicing the Amorconozkentia Charm."

"When?" Luna asked. She was very eager to do this. Maybe she could figure it out and use it on Lavender to figure out how to win Lavender's heart.

"Well, I have Quidditch practice all this week and then the game on Saturday. How about Sunday? We can use an empty classroom."

"Count me in," Luna said. Then she left the infirmary.

Lavender slammed into her in the hallway. She apologized and looked flustered. Twisting her hair, she said, "Is he ready?"

"Yes. Ginny's in there."

"Oh really?" Lavender asked. She seemed more eager to enter the room now than previously, though Luna could not figure out why. "Well, I guess I better go try."

"You do that." Luna patted Lavender on the arm, hoping that Lavender would take it as a kind gesture, which she seemed to. Then she entered the infirmary.

Luna listened for a bit, and it sounded as though Ron had faked being asleep again. She expected Lavender to emerge, angry at her. She would be happy seeing Lavender show any emotion toward her, even anger. But Lavender did not come out. After ten minutes, she decided to go see Professor McGonagell.

"Would you be willing to commentate at a Quidditch match?" Professor McGonagell asked her.

"Sure," she said. "You can count on me."

At the Quidditch match that Saturday, Luna sat with a magically amplified microphone held aloft in front of her. She started speaking about the clouds and stuff, and every time Zacharias Smith missed throwing the Quaffle in, she said he had "Loser's Lurgy."

Her mind wasn't on the game, however. It was on Lavender. Her skin, her hair, her lips. Oh those lips! To touch them, to feel them, to taste them! But she only wanted Ron to taste them, dammit. Didn't she realize that a great girl was sitting right here, at the commentating table? And the excuse that she might not like girls didn't fly with Luna. Sure, she had a boyfriend, but she had seen her snogging a picture of Hannah Abbott once. She was certain that she didn't like Hannah now. But the fact remained that at one point, Lavender had had a crush on the Hufflepuff girl. So why couldn't she like a Ravenclaw?

Suddenly the big robust fellow whom Hermione had invited to Slughorn's Christmas party sent a Bludger in Harry's direction. Luna shouted at Harry to look out but it was too late—Harry plummeted to the ground, hurt. He could not continue in the game.

When Luna saw the inept Quidditch player later, she noticed Ginny was there, yelling herself hoarse at him. "Do you not realize that you cannot give tips for improving someone else's game when you are actually playing a game? That is for practice only. Not to mention that your suggestions cause our Captain to be incapacitated."

"I was just trying to demonstrate the proper use of a beater's stick."

"Any way that keeps a Bludger from hitting our team members and causes them to hit the opposing team is a proper use. But hitting our own members is not a proper use."

Ginny slapped the boy across the head.

"You just hit me!"

"You don't count as a suitable member, so I think it's safe for me to show you what you deserve."

Then Ginny muttered a spell under her breath, her wand poking out of her robes. Instantly an army of bats fell upon the boy's face, seeming to consume it. He shrieked and ran from the Great Hall.

Ginny then strode over to the table where pumpkin juice was. Luna went over to her.

"This should have been a victory game," Ginny said, sipping her pumpkin juice.

"If Zacharias Smith weren't on the Hufflepuff team, I would say that the Hufflepuffs need to win at something. But he is there."

"Good one about the 'Loser's Lurgy.'"

"He is an awful sport, isn't he?"

"Yes, he most definitely is."

"He was the only member of the D.A. I didn't like."

"What about the Edgecombe girl?"

"Well, I don't really count her. She wasn't part of the D.A., not really. Anyone who betrays an organization isn't ever a part of it. Like this guy who was in the Ratfang Conspiracy and then gave my father an article about it. He can't shut it down himself, but he can inform the world. He cannot be castigated as a member of the Ratfang Conspiracy because by betraying it, he is showing he was never really a part of it."

"That's a pretty neat way of thinking," Ginny said.

As Luna walked out of the Great Hall, she saw something that made her heart skip a beat. Lavender Brown was lip-locking with Zacharias Smith! It was odd enough that the Hufflepuff boy wasn't celebrating his victory in his common room. But for the boy she despised to be kissing the girl she loved…she felt like her heart had been rent in two, then sent down the Isle of Wight. Then swallowed by an alligator, who was in turn swallowed by a Crumple-Horned Snorkack.

Crumple-Horned Snorkacks were relatively nice creatures. If you wanted them, you could call them by giving out a simple hum. You had to be in their country of origin, however, and they had to think that your need for them was sincere.

Luna wanted the image of them kissing out of her head. She had something that should work. A pudding made from the flesh of gulping plimpies. It tasted like butterscotch and acted like Lethe on the mind.

When she got back to the room she shared with four other Ravenclaw girls, she ate some of the pudding. One of the other girls came into the room and gave her a snort of disgust while Luna licked the spoon. Then she left. Luna tried to not let the fact that her other roommates didn't like her bother her too much. So long as Lavender liked her, she was happy. But at this moment, Lavender didn't seem to. She had been kissing some boy Luna didn't want to think about. Who was it again? Ron? No. Ron was okay. She wouldn't be mad at Lavender for kissing Ron. Wait, was she mad at Lavender? Perhaps she was only mad at the boy who had been kissing her. Let's see, who was it? Oh yes, the boy who had hit Harry with the Bludger…

Luna felt her forehead. She felt a little queasy from the puddng. There was only one boy it would be worse to see Lavender kissing than that McLovin' fellow. And his name was Zacharias Smith.

Suddenly it came back to her. Zacharias Smith had been the one Lavender was kissing. The plimpie pudding hadn't helped her drive it from her mind.

Luna felt rage rise within her, a feeling she had never experienced before. She emitted sparks from her wand, and went over to the poster of the Weird Sisters hanging over the bed of the roommate who had just come in and walked out. She burned a hole in the center of the face of the lead singer. Clarissa would notice it of course. But Luna didn't care. She was going to win Lavender's heart, if it meant fighting off a herd of thestrals and even You-Know-Who himself.