The Amorconozkentia Incantation

Chapter Three

I stop Ginny in the hallway to ask her to talk to her brother for me. He pretends to be asleep every time I enter the infirmary. I know he is pretending; I just don't know why. I gave him the sweetest necklace for Christmas. He should be mine forever, wearing that necklace. I know that if he'd just wear it, he'd know that we're soulmates. How hard is it to do that?

And then I notice that Ginny is wearing it. Does she not know the curse that is inflicted upon the wearer of that necklace if they weren't the intended recipient? It means that they will always have hardship in love. Good gosh, she is really unversed in jewelry mythology. Otherwise she wouldn't be wearing it. I'm sure she wants to find love. Though maybe she doesn't. She dumps boys as soon as she's had her fill of them. Michael Corner, Dean Thomas…well, she was still dating Dean but the rumor mill said that she wouldn't be for long. I wonder who her next prey will be.

I don't get a chance to warn her about the necklace before she waves me off. Besides, it might be too late. If she has worn it for more than twenty-four hours, the effects will be permanent. Maybe I should send her a warning by writing it down on a parchment and having one of those third-year delivery people take it to her. Nah. She's too eager to get away from me. I don't know why, though. Furthermore, I don't know why I feel a queasy feeling in my stomach after she has gone. Maybe I had something at lunch that doesn't agree with me.

And then anger rises within me at Ron for giving the necklace I gave him to his sister! That is a total disregard for my feelings for him, for the special connection we have. He is being unfair. Add that to his pretend sleeping and I don't ever want to see him again.

But I do go to the infirmary again after Defense Against the Dark Arts. I hate Professor Snape. He always yells at me for doing my Divination homework during his class. Does he not realize that Divination is the only class that matters anymore? Well, I don't mind Charms too much…but Defense Against the Dark Arts? The only good teacher I had ever had for that course was Harry Potter himself, and even he couldn't coach me well enough to make a Patronus. I still don't know what animal form my Patronus takes. I really want to know. But I am not willing to practice it for Snape's class. Figuring out how a shift in Saturn's position can affect my life is far more important than the garbage he is teaching us. Besides, he expects us to do non-verbal spells, which I still cannot master. At least in Divination, we don't have non-verbal spells because there is no wandwork there. As Professor Trelawney says, you either have the skills for Divination or you don't.

Ron is laying there, still pretending to be asleep. "Can you hear me, Won-Won?" I ask, pretending that I don't know that his ruse of slumber is just that…a ruse. "I saw the necklace you gave your sister. I don't approve of you giving it to her, but I will not try to rule your life. Just speak to me. Please."

He continues to keep his eyes shut. Does he think this is a game? Because it isn't funny.

"I bet you prefer hanging out with that Hermione chick," I say. "Instead of with the girl who loves you."

He ignores me. I want to punch him, but I could never do that. Punching is for boys. Muggle boys, no less. Wizards have their own method of dueling.

"I'm leaving you for now, but I'll come back later," I say. He continues to ignore me. I walk backwards out of the infirmary, hoping that he'll show sign of life, but he doesn't.

Once outside, I rush to the girl's bathroom to cry. Unfortunately, I choose the wrong girl's bathroom.

Moaning Myrtle is in there. She floats around me as I blub, and I try to yell at her, but I can't because my throat catches from the buildup of crying. Or I'm so hurt that I can't make any discernible noises, apart from the sound of my rushing tears.

"Myrtle knows what it's like to not be loved," says the ghost.

I still cannot say anything. I try to rise but the emotional impact of Ron's ignoring me weighs me down. Not the impact itself, actually, but the fact that I know what it means. Ron is planning to break up with me.

"I liked a boy in life," says the ghost. "But he ran after Olive Hornby. I haunted him as much as I could, as I did Olive. Ugh, Olive was awful."

I don't want to hear about Olive. But the thing that bothers me the most is that Moaning Myrtle is commiserating with me. I would not care to be like her at all. At least I have outlived her in number of years.

It would have been awful to die at fourteen. I wasn't even dating Ron then. Not sure I even liked him back then. But things change. And now he's the one who doesn't seem to like me.

I bawl even harder. This is getting extremely difficult to bear. Did any girl ever go through this before in the history of the world? I am sure that none have. No girl could have borne this pain, this needle gutting through my skin. It is like Ron were physically cutting me open, not just tearing me apart emotionally. I want to die.

"I want to die!" I yell out, finally finding my voice.

"Oh trust me, darling, it ain't as fun as it seems from your point-of-view," Myrtle says, patting me on the shoulder. "For one thing, I haven't had rice cakes in ages."

The bathroom door opens, and a blaze of red hair appears there. "Did you say something just now, Lavender?"

My throat clogs up again. The necklace I have given Ron is scintillating around Ginny's neck. I feel a flash of lightning in my head, like I have just awoken from a long period of unconsciousness, and now I am suddenly aware.

"Did you feel something just now?" I ask.

"No. It must be your hurt. What's going on?"

"He's ignoring me, Ginny. I know that he's faking that he's sleeping. But I'm crazy about him!" I wail.

"That's not a reason to kill yourself."

"K-kill myself? I n-never said anything of the sort."

"Just now, I heard you say you wanted to die. I thought you were going to throw yourself down the Chamber of Secrets or something."

I grin, not even knowing why. "I couldn't open the faucet if I wanted to," I say. "Can't speak Parseltongue."

"Yeah. I suppose you'd have to ask Harry to do it."

"He wouldn't make it easier for me to commit suicide, would he? I mean, if that were my intention."

"He might just so that you would stop asking him questions about Ron."

We both giggle at that. I knew I had been annoying Harry, but I had to find out why Ron was pretending to be asleep when I visited him somehow, didn't I?

I suddenly feel a lot better. "Thanks, Ginny," I say. She helps me to my feet. I see that she has teal nail polish on. It looks so gorgeous with her red hair. I doubt that any girl with a different shade of hair color could pull off nail polish of that hue.

"Now you must promise that you won't kill yourself," Ginny says.

"I could never harm myself, Ginny. I'm safe as a rabbit."

"A close cousin of the rabbits, the lemmings, are known to commit mass suicde," Ginny says, sternly.

"You have my word that I will not participate in any mass suicide pacts," I say.

Ginny extends her hand and we shake on it. She leaves me in the hall, and I feel downhearted. Something about wanting her to stay near, I suppose. Why, I can't fathom. We don't hang out much. Ginny's not my best friend; that's Parvati. Although Parvati is gone since her parents got afraid that she and her twin weren't safe here. As if they don't realize that Hogwarts is the safest place in the wizarding world.

I run into Luna when I emerge from Transfiguration. She says she has a way to get Ron to talk to me. I hope she does. My sweetheart and I need to resume communication. I just hope that Hermione isn't at the infirmary when I arrive.

I walk around the front lawn of the school building for a while, to pass the time. I don't have anything to look forward to if Ron won't speak to me. Kissing him is the best thing I have ever experienced, and I want it to continue. I want our relationship to continue. I want to have him all to myself for the rest of our days. After all, a war is going on. It may not have affected us here at Hogwarts yet (other than the few missing students, like Hannah and Parvati), but it is still going on out there. And as they say, a relationship formed in war must last forever.

I go back to the infirmary and get there just as Luna is leaving. She says Ginny is inside, and for some reason my spirits lift. I enter the infirmary, and there is Ginny, sitting on a chair near her brother's bed. But her brother is pretending to sleep again. In fact, he shut his eyes just as soon as he saw me and then began doing a false snoring sound.

I sit next to Ginny. "Seems your brother is asleep," I say.

"Yeah, he is."

I watch him for a few minutes. Then I say to Ginny, "You know, sometimes you are so crazy about someone that you have to do something crazy to get them to notice you. I called Won-Won's name, wishing him good luck, before that first Quidditch match our House had in November. He didn't know I liked him until then."

"There is such a thing as going too far, though," Ginny saud. "I let Ha—someone I know, know that I liked them from the first. He didn't like me, though. So I decided that the only way to get him to notice me was to start dating. I'm still not sure he has noticed me, but it would be nice if he does."

Every time Ginny says the word "he," I feel a knot in my chest. I wonder what it means. Maybe I have crickets down there.

"If only the person we like can like us back automatically," I say, sighing.

"The land of If Only is a dangerous place," says Ginny.

Some strange words rise to the forefront of my mind. For a moment, I seem to have been thinking that I would like to have Ginny for a girlfriend. But that makes no sense. Am I so desperate for the attention that Ron isn't willing to deliver that I'm visiting fantasies upon his sister?

The air suddenly grows stifling. "I need to go," I say, getting up.

"See you at the game on Saturday," Ginny says.

"Game?" I ask.

"Quidditch," Ginny says.

"Oh, right."

"We do share a common room, so we might see each other before then. And I might see you here when I come and visit Ron. But just in case I don't see you, after the game I'm sure I will."

"You'll be playing in it, won't you?"

"Yes, of course. I am on the Gryffindor team, after all."

"We'll need somewhere else to meet for private conversation," I mutter under my breath.

"What?"

"Nothing! I was just regretting that I wouldn't see you in the stands."

"You'll see me flying about on a broom chasing after the Quaffle. I think that's more productive than chatting in the stands."

I nod, even though I'd still prefer to meet Ginny where there's so much loud noise going on around us that only we can hear each other. I know this is silly because I don't even know what I'd say to Ginny in such a situation, but I still want it to take place.

I leave the infirmary and head toward the library to get some research done for a Divination report on the Delphic oracle. But there I see Hermione, the other kitten trying to steal my man. I do not want to work with her in close vicinity. So I head to the common room. I don't have the materials I need there to do my research, but anything's better than being in the same room with Hermione.

The days pass and Saturday arrives. I think fo not attending the match at first, but then Ginny and I will have nothing to talk about afterwards. That thought depresses me, so I go. I avoid the row where Hermione is sitting, though. Anywhere but there.

Luna is commentating today. She talks about a cloud shaped like a gopher, and another one shaped like a conductor's cap. I kinda like listening to her. Her voice, for one thing, is pleasant to hear, and the things she talks about having a dreamlike quality to them. Of course, I don't understand what she's saying half the time. Weird things about creatures one can't see, it sounds like. I don't know the mojo of it, but if I can't see a creature, it isn't there. Simple as that.

I watch Ginny zoom around the Quidditch field. Her red hair matches her scarlet robes perfectly. If the robes had been pink, she would not have looked that good in them. Though I think I still wouldn't drawn the same amount of pleasure from watching her. She darts around in such a cutesy way. It's breathtaking. I only wish she were down here in the stands with me, so that we could discuss how magnificently she flies.

There is commotion when the big oaf McLaggen, whom I wish Hermione had given more of a chance than one date, so that she wouldn't be hankering after Ron, hits a Bludger in Harry's direction, causing our House's captain to tumble to the ground. At least I have something to talk with Ginny about now. I bet she's steamed.

After the game but before I go to the Great Hall, where the Gryffindors are hanging since we don't want to be in the common room when we've just lost a game, I go to the infirmary. Harry is being put into a bed when I arrive there. Madam Pomfrey screeches at me and says that the infirmary is closed. I look over at Ron, though, as I leave, and see him holding hands with Hermione!

I am infuriated. So upset that when I see Ginny, all I can say is, "Too bad about Harry, huh?"

"Yeah, that McLaggen is a tiger."

"So is your brother," I say.

"What?"

"Ignore that," I mutter.

"I will not ignore it," Ginny says, her hand on her hips. "You may be my brother's ex-girlfriend, but I will not have you call him names in my presence."

"But Ginny…"

"Get out of my sight. Now!"

I skulk away, feeling low. Why is everything going so wrong? Ron beng with Hermione is one thing, but when I finally think things are going well between me and Ginny, this rift comes up to tear us apart.

Why do I even care about that redhead anyway? Both redheads, the Weasley siblings. The ones I know well enough, anyway. They're poor and should be beneath my notice. Of course, my mother isn't Ms. Celebrity who has money pouring into her pockets by the pantryload, but still, we aren't in any level of income approaching poverty, like the Weasleys.

Suddenly I loathe myself. I am just trying to justify Ginny's dislike of me by trying to make myself dislike her. But as I watch her yell at McLaggen with all the breath she has in her lungs, I find myself wanting to go over there and place a hand on her shoulder, begging her for forgiveness. But I don't.

And then she's pouring pumpkin juice and talking to Luna. And I get mad again. Ginny talks to everyone, but she doesn't want to talk to me, all because I called her brother a name. But that isn't fair. I'm sure everyone has called Ron names before, even Harry, his best friend! When they're angry at him, that is. And I have a right to be angry at him. He just showed that he is interested in Hermione, not me. What girl wouldn't want to call her ex-boyfriend names after that?

I need revenge. On Ron. On Ginny. On everyone who won't love me, even Luna over there. Looking so pretty and not even knowing it. Or maybe I'm just thinking that because she's in close proximity to Ginny.

I see Zacharias Smith sitting at the Hufflepuff table, a checkerboard in front of him. "Shouldn't you be celebrating with the rest of your House?" I ask him as I walk by.

"I'd rather be out here, with the lovely Gryffindor girls like yourself."

I think, Did he just call me lovely? And I realize that I must have someone love me, right here, right now, and Zacharias Smith has just made an offer to do just that.

I sit down and wait. He encircles his arm around my waist. And then he's kissing me, hard. I feel like I'm worlds away. It's not that I particularly like his kisses; I don't. It's that he is the only one willing to offer them to me right now, and I have to take where I can get.

I open my eyes slightly as Zacharias kisses me and see Luna run from the Great Hall in tears. I bet Ginny has hurt her, too. Ginny seems to be doing that to a lot of people, lately.

I kiss Zacharias more vehemently, thinking that if Ginny walks by, she'll hate me for this, and then we'll be even. Then we can go back to being borderline friends.

I don't know why, but I want to have some kind of relationship with Ginny. Even one on the farthest outer fringes of friendship. Even a hateful relationship would be all right as long as I am an important sphere in Ginny's mind. Something more than her brother's ex-girlfriend.

I wonder if it's the necklace that has me drawn to her. But whatever it is, my need for her to be in my life is strong. Not just as a passing presence, or passive presence, but as someone active. Active in her love, or active in her hate. At this moment, I don't care which, so long as I mean something to her. And so I do this public display with Zacharias Smith, even hoping it will inspire feelings of rage within her on account of her brother's ex being over his being over her so soon afterwards. Muse of Feelings, let me have either Ginny's love or her scorn. I need it.