I'm going to do it this time. I just know it.
But it sure is a long way down…
I look down at my hands. It's so cold that I can barely feel them. I don't even think I'd remember that they were attached to me if I wasn't looking right at them. I can hardly believe they belong to me. I can hardly believe I belong to me.
I look up. The night air whips across my face. The lights from the city look like little gems below me. They're always so beautiful.
Whenever I come up here, I always look at the windows below, at the people inside them. I think about their lives. Not one of them could understand what's going through my mind. In the morning, when they find me on the street, they'll wonder about my life; they'll try to figure out what could possibly lead me to this. They'll come up with all sorts of reasons, they'll try to understand. Why do people suddenly want to understand after it's already too late? Why can't they care while we're still alive?
And they'll never know why, anyway. There's only one person in the world who'll understand.
Zyan-tyan…
My Zyan-tyan…
No, not mine; not anymore. Now he's someone else's Zyan-tyan.
Zyan-tyan: my first and only love, my spirit, my…life.
My life, that's been ripped from me violently and without warning.
I think about today. I really never thought I would see you again. Such a wonderful family you have now, Zyan-tyan. I guess that only proves that I'm just a worthless blip in your life. I doubt you even remember all of the time we spent together. I'm the only one who can't live in the present. I'm the only one who can't let go of the past.
Well, now I'm going to join it. Maybe I'll have better luck in my next life. If I get another chance with Zyan-tyan.
I sigh heavily.
What will he think if he finds out? Will he be disappointed? Will he hate me?
No, I can't think about that now. Anyway, he doesn't care about me anymore. He'll just see the soulless body, the same as everyone else. He won't remember the years we had. All the times we had together. He won't remember all the times he told me he loved me, all the times he held me and told me it would never end…
I guess we were fools back then, weren't we, Zyan-tyan? We thought it could go on forever, we thought that nothing would ever come between us.
How wrong we were…It's incredibly easy to come between two lovers, especially when you're in power. How foolish we must have been to believe that we would be any different. No, how foolish we must have been that we didn't even consider the idea that we might not be together for the rest of our lives.
Well, Zyan-tyan, I guess I'm the only fool now. I'm the one who's about to fling myself of the top of a building because I'm still such a fool that I can't get over you, because I have no other reason for living. I'm such a fool that I never found another.
I stare down at the street below. It sure is a long way down…
But I can't help remembering the past. That's my life now, the past. It has been for so many years.
So as I stand on the top of this building, I remember those years, and everything I've lost…
Notes: Okay, first off I just want to say that I don't own Digimon (in case you didn't know that already).
Secondly, I need to give a huge thank-you to 'Ori' and 'Taiki' (author and editor, respectively, on Taiki Matsuki's profile) for several things. First-of-all, this story was largely inspired after I read "The Passion of The Cut Sleeve" and "Duan Xiu Zhi Pi" (which you should definitely read—now!), and I most certainly wouldn't have come up with an idea like this without them. I even got explicit permission from them to publish this. Second-of-all, I'd like to thank them for inspiring me to write again; I probably would never have worked up the courage to do so if I hadn't read about their 'Re-Upload Project'. Finally they've proved that really amazing fanfiction does exist, and graced us all with their talent at writing and editing (and if you haven't yet been graced, go read their stuff now—my favorites were probably the above mentioned two stories (which are a continuity) and the "Save File"—"Pass The Soy Sauce"—"Christmas Dinner"—"Kako Mo Ima Mo Mirai Mo Kakenukero"—"Mirai No Kodomo" continuity, though everything I've read of theirs is great).
Thirdly, thank you to any people who read my previous stories and stuck around long enough to see this one.
Also, if anyone is really bothered by the Kunrê-Siki Rômazi (that is, if you think it detracts from the story), tell me; if enough people complain (assuming more than two people review, that is), I might go back and change it. Just for clarification, "~tyan" is "~chan", an honorific indicating affection and/or familiarity; it might be used by lovers, or by parents referring to a young boy, or to refer to a girl of more variant ages by almost anyone.
—Dreamstrider