"Mituo-tyan! Come here! I've got great news!"
"Coming, Mother!" I say, truly excited, walking over to the door. "What is it?"
"We're going to go see Misora Hibari at the Tôkyô Dome! Isn't that great?"
"Oh…yeah, that's great, Mother," I say, trying to hide my disappointment. Oh, Mom and her obsession with Enka…
"Oh, come on Mituo!" she says, seeing right through me. "You always refuse to even listen to Kasuga Hatirô, or Murata Hideo; you've never even heard Misora Hibari! Just give it a try, okay?"
"Okay, Mother," I say, bowing my head a little.
Mom frowns a little; she knows I'll go along no matter what I want, but she likes people to actually agree with her, not just to submit to her. Suddenly, a smile spreads across her face.
"Mituo, why don't you invite that Chinese boy…um…Zyan'yû? I got a ticket for Kazuko for her birthday, but she's already got one from her boyfriend…anyway, I bet you'd enjoy it more if he was along—you two always have so much fun together!"
When I hear 'Zyan' and 'boyfriend' so close to each other, I blush a little—but I don't think Mom sees it. That was close! If I'm not more careful, she's going to catch me one of these days…
"Mituo? Hello? Don't you want to invite your friend?"
I snap back to reality. "Of course! I definitely want to go with Zyan-kun!"
"That's my Mituo! Now, go call him. The concert is three weeks from now, on the 23rd. Go tell him quickly before he makes other plans!"
"Thank you very much Mother!" I say, bowing to her, perhaps a little more deeply than I needed to, and then I run to my room and close the door. I pick the phone up off the night-stand, and stretch the cord over to my bed.
I sit down on my bed with the phone in my hand and I smile. I love getting to see Zyan-kun.
Actually, I just love Zyan-kun.
Wow…that's still a little hard to say. Or even think. But I'm starting to get used to it.
I'm a homosexual.
And I'm in love with my best friend. He's the best friend I've ever had. He's just so wonderful. And beautiful. He's so…everything.
I was so scared when I realized it. I found out one day when I went to the movie theater with a few of my friends. It turned out to be a bust of a movie, and Tuyosi and Tomoko started kissing in the row in front of me. I was half paying attention to the movie while watching them. And then, without warning, I thought: Wow, I'd really like to be in Tomoko's place. Then I felt a wave of fear rush over me. I can't be like that! I can't want to kiss boys! That's not right!
I tried to change myself, I really did. When I went to school the next day, I tried to look at the girls in the hallway and convince myself that I thought they were cute. But after about two weeks of that, I realized that I couldn't; my eyes kept drifting to the boys instead. I was disgusted with myself. I thought that I had some sort of sexual obsession with boys.
But then I met Zyan-kun—and fell in love with him almost immediately. And, ironically, that's what made me realize that these feelings were about love, not sex. And that made me feel so much better. It made it a lot easier to accept myself. Even if I do still have trouble sometimes.
But I always think, whenever I start to think that there's something wrong with me: how could anything that made me fall in love with Zyan-kun be wrong? How could these feelings, this happiness, this sense of 'being alive', be wrong?
I go to dial the number. The phone rings several times. After a few minutes, the recording tape begins to play.
"Hello, you've reached 03-7392-1640. We're not home right now. Please don't forget to wait for the beep! " BEEP.
"Hello? This is Yamaki Mituo speaking. This is for Li Zyan'yû. I wanted to know if he is free to go to a performance by Misora Hibari on April 23rd. Sorry for the inconvenience."
I put the phone down on the receiver. I just smile for a bit. It sure is nice to be in love…
I'm so caught up in thinking about Zyan-kun that I don't even realize how much time is going by…
"Mituo! Dinner's ready!" Mom calls from the other room. "We're having udon!"
"Coming, Mother!" I call back. I get up, glance at the phone again, and then go off to the dining room.
Notes: Please tell me what you think; I love constructive criticism, and I'm rather unfazed about non-constructive criticism. Just two notes on things that might be confusing.
Firstly, Misora Hibari is real; she's widely regarded in Japan as one of (if not the) greatest singers ever; she's kind of like Frank Sinatra with the audience and name recognition of Elvis Presley. Even those who don't remember her from her hey-day have usually heard of her, and she was viewed by many as a symbol of Japan's rebirth after World War II. The concert I allude to is also real; it occurred in April of 1988, about a year before she died. You should look her up if you haven't heard of her, because she's awesome!
Lastly, I want to discuss Yamaki's use of the word 'homosexual' to refer to himself. While this is a technical term, it is largely viewed as offensive, especially to younger members of the LGBT community, like me, because of its association with homophobes who use it to distance themselves from the issue and dehumanize us, as well as with the period of time in which 'homosexuality' was classified as a mental illness. I personally try to avoid using it in favor of terms like 'gay' or 'gayness' (which I don't think is actually a real word…but I use it anyway!) because of this reason. However, in order to be accurate with the time period, I feel that it's necessary; the word 'gay' hadn't come into wide-spread use by that time either, and the word wouldn't have been viewed the same way in that time. So, if this was in Japanese (which we're imagining it is), Yamaki would probably refer to himself as dôsêaisya (literally 'same-sex-loving-person').
—Dreamstrider