Yes, Sibuya Station. That was the last thing I did before my life changed. Before the best moment of my life would occur. It all started with 'Zinsê Itiro'. I was about to take my first steps out onto the 'Road of Life'.
If only I'd known what would happen to me when I took those steps. I chose love. I chose to press on, against all the odds. I could never have guessed that the thing that would stop me would be so…circumstantial.
How was I even going to know that I could possibly have you? How did I ever gain the courage to tell you how I felt? How could I possibly have been so apathetic to going to see Ms. Hibari, for God's sake? How could I not see that that would be the single most important thing to ever happen in my life?
And how could I possibly believe that it could last?
Zyan-tyan…oh, Zyan-tyan. I wish I'd never loved you. I wish you'd never blessed my life. Then I wouldn't have anything to regret.
My shirt is whipping in the wind. I suppose if I wasn't such an emotional wreck it would be unbearable along with the burning cold air surrounding me. Well, maybe I won't even have to jump. Maybe I'll freeze to death first.
For the first time, I clutch to a pole extruding from the building's roof. I guess I still have some of that natural instinct left: I really don't want to die.
But then, what else will I do? If I get off this roof and go downstairs, I know that no one will even be suspicious. Onodera and Ôtori will have no reason to doubt that I really did just come up here for fresh air. I do it all the time, after all: what should have made them think this was anything different?
I try to imagine what they'll think when they find me. Their mysterious boss, finally succumbing to some unknown internal dilemma. Will they be upset? Or relieved? I'm not quite sure which would make me feel better.
Oh, Zyan-tyan…that day, the day that everything changed…we were so happy; we felt like we could walk on air. Everything changed, everything was going to be perfect. All we needed was each other. We completed each other.
At least that's what I thought. I guess you didn't need me after all.
Were you actually ever in love with me? Was all that just a show? Were you just humoring a hopeless friend? Just to turn around and marry a woman? Maybe you were glad when it ended. Were you relieved to be rid of me, Zyan-tyan?
No! Zyan-tyan wouldn't do that to me! I should know that!
It's me who has a problem, not Zyan-tyan. I'm the only one I have to blame for my screwed up life.
I cling closer to the pole. It's starting to feel like my arm will fall off from numbness. But I don't really seem to care. I'm barely aware of my body; it's like I'm in a trance.
Why did I ever have to hear those words? To feel the flames of courage burning within me, to feel my spirit pushing me on through my entire ordeal.
To be able to do the things I needed to. To tell Zyan-tyan that I loved him.
It all started with 'Zinsê Itiro'.
Yes, it started with 'Zinsê Itiro', but it's going to end with 'Kanasî Sake'.
Notes: Another 'present-day' chapter. I admit, I'm still not quite sure what to do with Yamaki. I really have everything else planned out, but I'm not sure what to do with that. I think I might be influenced by reviewers. If you want Yamaki to live, beg for his life in a review! And while you're at it, go ahead and tell me what you think about the story, whether it's good or bad. Now for clarity notes.
The words 'Zinsê Itiro' and 'Kanasî Sake' are important, but I'm not going to explain them here because you're not actually supposed to know what they mean until later. If you want, you can look them up, but you're only going to ruin the story for yourself.
Also, 'Onodera' and Ôtori' are better known as 'Megumi' and 'Rêka', respectively, or even better as 'those two women who operate the Hypnos machinery'. It would be more natural for a Japanese person to call someone that they didn't know too well by their last name, often with some kind of honorific. Yamaki knows them so well that he doesn't use an honorific, but he still calls them by their last name because he's not really close to them. To be perfectly honest, I can't remember how he addresses them in the series, though if I really wanted to find out, it wouldn't be that hard. So I'm making an educated guess.
—Dreamstrider