Chapter 5: The Morning After and Decisions to Be Made

I glanced over to where Lisa was still sleeping and smiled to myself. Yesterday was certainly one strange day that's for sure. The irony was that I didn't even think I fancied her at all, she definitely wasn't the type I usually go for but there was something about her that drew me in completely. She murmured something in her sleep, sounded like Simon. Now I knew that she had a son named Simon from the hours we spent talking last night so I assume she was dreaming about things at home.

Now, in the cold light of day I really didn't know how to play this. Do I leave quietly and just get in touch with her later? Do I do what I really wanted to do which was cuddle up next to her and be here when she wakes up?, or do I just walk away now before I did any more damage, and not see her again?

The last one was actually the furthest away from what my heart wanted to do, but in reality it was the most logical one, the one that I should do. I could have cursed myself aloud then and there; I couldn't believe I had ruined one of the best possibilities I had for getting myself mentally right for going back into the ring. Im such a fuck up, I thought to myself.

There was no way that we could remain objective and professional now, I sighed, I knew I had made my mind up on what I needed to do, but it wasn't going to make it any less hard to do. I knew she was going to hate me, and that there was no way I was going to be able to keep in contact with her after this but I knew that this was exactly what needed to happen. I couldn't get into a relationship right now, and id ruined any other relationship I could have. I only had one choice…..and that was to walk away.

I got up quietly, and found my clothes in the haphazard pile I had left them the night before; I smiled to myself despite the horrible situation, it really had been a good night. I looked back over to her still sleeping form and nearly lost my resolve and crawled back into bed with her. But I shook myself out my daydream and reluctantly got dressed.

The other thing to decide was whether to leave her a note, send her a message, or just a Direct Message on Twitter. No matter what I would get hold of her- she deserved an explanation. I decided the last one would be too harsh, too detached and that the note was impossible as I had no paper. Instead I decided that the message was probably the easiest option. I knew that I was stalling not wanting to leave but also realized that I had to. I took one last look back over to where she was sleeping peacefully. Feeling my heart sink as I walked out the door.

"Thankyou Lisa" I whispered over to her knowing that she would never hear it "Goodbye" and I closed the door behind me

I walked quickly towards the lift before I could change my mind, got in, and walked out the hotel exit trying to take no notice of the heaviness in my heart. I got to the car park where I'd left my car last night before I realised I had £20 to pay for the parking, "fucking hell" I went to pull out my wallet but then I sighed to myself as I realised I still had to send Lisa a message. I leaned against my car, got my phone out and started to write

"I really don't know how to start this message, and I know that whatever I write will not be good enough; Yesterday was one of the best days I've had for a long time; Meeting you was a really awesome thing to happen, and I was sure that we could work together, I really wanted that to happen as you are one of the only people that have made me feel good about myself. Last night was wonderful, I haven't felt that happy in a long while, but I know that it has stopped us from having a working relationship now and im so sorry about that; I cannot give you any more of myself than I did last night, im not in a position to start a relationship and to be honest I don't even want to. I just thought that the best thing for both of us was to walk away, but leave you with my thanks for turning my life around a little. I can only hope you don't hate me and that maybe in time we could talk again, even if it's only on twitter. Take care, and thank you;

Stu xx"

I read it back before I finally hit the send button, almost waiting for the nasty reply back, I knew that I would deserve it, but nothing came. To be honest that was worse than getting something back, almost like she couldn't be bothered to reply, was too upset, or more likely to angry. The idea that she hadn't even got my text yet didn't cross my mind. I let out a long breath and started my car wondering what she was thinking, what she was doing. I needed to get her out my head and started my car and drove home to the inevitable inquisition that I would get from my mum.

"Dirty Stop Out" was the first thing my mum said to me as I got home

"Don't mum im not in the mood" I said rather grumpily

"What's up with you? You obviously had a good night"

"Yeah I did" I admitted "But what did we say before I went out, that if I didn't keep my distance I couldn't work with her professionally and now I've totally ruined that"

"But why keep it professional if you have feelings for her. She can help you if you are in a relationship as well"

"Because im in no position to give her anything more, and to be honest I don't want to" I confessed knowing what my mums reaction was going to be "She isn't really my type, it just happened and it meant nothing"

"Wow that's a bit shallow Stu" my mum was not impressed I could tell

"Look I really like her as a friend, and as someone who makes me feel good about myself but nothing more"

"I think you are just trying to convince yourself of that" she accused

"No im not" I said angrily "I wanted to work with her, to make me feel more positive about myself and now I've ruined that so sorry if I'm uncomfortable talking about it"

I stormed out the room, and into the bedroom that had become more like my prison; all of a sudden I couldn't wait to get home to Tampa. The one thing Lisa had done for me was cleared my head about my future and what I wanted. I wanted to get back in the ring that's for sure and I knew what I had to do. The thing was, as quickly as that positivity came, it disappeared and the darkness descended and I slumped on my bed shutting my eyes, trying to shut the world out, but it didn't work; I sighed and looked at my phone. No messages received it told me

"Bollocks" I thought to myself, A minute passed and then my phone buzzed

"How are things going" it was Paul, I was disappointed

"Im okay mate. I went to Physio yesterday and he said five to six weeks before I am back"

"That's good to know!" Paul replied "we will be glad to see you back, we need you back"

"Cheers mate be good to be back" I replied saying it but not really believing it

After a few minutes I ended the call and with my phone still in my hand I had a look at Twitter. I saw the usual messages from the fans, the usual shit from the haters but no message from Lisa. Guess that was the last I was going to hear from her I thought.

I noticed that she was still following me, however, so I guess that's a positive. I didn't know why I still cared, I had made my position clear from the start and in that message but I really didn't want her to hate me, despite that. Her feelings of me mattered a lot for some reason that I couldn't explain, and frankly didn't want to.

I closed my eyes and must have dozed off, because when I woke up it noon.

"Shit" I thought to myself, whispering it aloud and looked down at my phone in hope, there were two messages; My heart dropped despite my earlier hope as I saw one was from Lisa. It read.

"I don't blame you for leaving the way you did this morning, I did warn you last night that we were doing the wrong thing but I guess neither of us wanted to listen; I thought long and hard about whether to write this message at all but decided I needed to for my own sanity; I don't want anything from you Stu, I said that right from the start and it's still the same now; We are both adults, and we can both be sensible about this; I know you needed me to talk to yesterday, to sit down and work through your doubts and I can't believe that this is any different today in fact I guess what happened last night may have made your demons worse and I'm sorry for that. Anyway, I still think that we could make this work if we lay out some ground rules, I could come and see you a couple of hours, three times a week until you feel you are ready and able to go back in that ring 100%. My only proviso is that you have to buy me tea at Costa (haha). Once you are ready to go home, that is when our working relationship ends, I will always be on the end of a phone or email for you but nothing more; The choice is yours, I will be at costa until two pm then I catch my train home; If I haven't heard from you I will delete your number and I ask you to do the same and we both move on with no regrets. Whatever you decide I wish you all the best; Lisa"

I looked at my watch, one pm it stared back at me accusingly; I genuinely didn't know what to do, and I didn't have much time to decide. My heart said go and meet her yet my head said it wasn't going to work; I stood up from my bed and decided to ask the one person who would give me honest advice -my mum.

I showed her the text and she looked at me sympathetically and said "Look, this woman sounds like she knows where you both stand. She obviously wants to help and frankly you still need the help and a lot of it. She's laid out the ground rules now, and it's up to you both to stick to them, if you really want to" she added at the end with an inquisitive stare.

"Yeah but how can we remain professional now?" I asked

"You are both adults" Mum pointed out "Ok so you were both drunk, you had a good night and you are both prepared to move on, so what's the problem?"

"Yeah I guess" I still didn't feel too convinced.

"Seriously Stu you were happier yesterday than you have been for a long time, ok if you don't want a relationship with this woman fine, but don't lose the one person who may be the final piece in the puzzle to getting you back in the ring"

I smiled at her, she was right of course and I glanced at my watch; "Shit its one thirty" I said, I need to go and with a quick farewell to my mum I picked up my keys and ran out the house, I'd been such an idiot, I needed Lisa as a friend and I nearly lost her because of my own stupid thinking, I wanted to put that right.

I arrived at Costa ten minutes before two and sat down at the table I used yesterday, when two rolled around there was no sign of her. I guess she had changed her mind and who would blame her I thought to myself and began to stand, ready to leave.

"Mind if I sit down" a familiar voice spoke to me and I looked up to see Lisa looking right at me, she had bags under her eyes and seemed a bit fed up, couldn't blame her.

"Of course" I smiled warmly "can't have you sitting on the floor like a hobo" she at least smiled faintly at that

"Thank you for coming" she said and I felt so guilty

"Why thank me, I feel like a total shit"

"Yeah you are one too" she replied hotly. I guess I deserved that "I have to admit that I hated you when I first read that message this morning. The fact you couldn't even face me to tell me really pissed me off but I calmed down and tried to see it from your point of view. I guess I understand how you were feeling"

I was astonished; I couldn't believe how stupid I was in thinking that we couldn't talk again.

"You never cease to amaze me" I said sincerely "I wouldn't have spoken to me again if I were you"

"Anyway" she interrupted before I could say anything else "Are we back on for our sessions together?"

"If you really think you can still work with me?" I responded

"Yeah, I think we can as long as we stick to the rules. I think that I can help you get back into that ring before the Money in the Bank match, and my only real payment would be to see you win that"

"You're on then. Bloody hell if I can get back before that I will fly you over myself just so you can see me win it in person"

"Haha you're on" she smiled at me kindly, and my heart leapt a little; (oh hell I thought to myself) She held out her hand and we shook on it. We arranged to meet again in two days' time, always meeting here first and then using a local hotel to sit and talk for the two hours until a more permanent place was found. We finished our drinks and then got up to leave, I said I would drop her off at the station and then head back home in a far better mood than I was an hour ago. She smiled at that last comment.

Once we arrived to the station, she got out the car and I did the same. I walked to where she was; I looked at her, and smiled "Thanks again Lisa" I said and went to give her a hug

"No hugs" she laughed, taking a step back "maybe next time, but I think we would do best to keep it formal at the moment" she winked at me

"Oh bollocks to that" I laughed and gave her a hug anyway

"Tut Tut" she said but returned my hug anyway "see you in a couple of days. Make sure you let me know how your physiotherapy goes" she said sternly

"Yeah I will" I laughed and waved as she moved out my sight, and then I walked back to my car as my phone buzzed. I stopped next to my car and took it out my pocket to read the incoming message.

wadebarrett Keep smiling, and keep going: that ring needs you ASAP

I smiled to myself and replied

CometoLife you betcha. See you soon xx and thankyou xx

I got back in my car full of mixed emotions; I was so thrilled I would have someone who would listen to my demons and calm them like only she could, but there was a small part of me that wondered whether that would be enough, and whether I would want more; only time could tell.