Chapter 10: New beginnings
The day after Stu left was one of the hardest of my life. My mum had invited me over for dinner knowing how I would feel but I literally couldn't take more than a couple of mouthfuls
"You need to eat something" she insisted; I knew she was right, of course but I just couldn't face it I felt sick every time I put anything near my mouth
"I know but I just can't face it at the minute" I admitted. I excused myself from the table and went to lie down in my old bedroom face in my pillow as I cried another set of tears, I didn't think I would have any left to cry. I stared at my phone, no messages, no tweets it was though I was invisible to him now, someone in his past that he had no time for anymore. My mum came into the room
"Still no word from him?" she asked
"No" I managed to choke out
"Give him time" she reasoned "he is probably finding this difficult as well, you know what men are like"
"No. He's back to the life he knows now, no time to message unimportant people like me"
"Stop it Lisa" my mum shouted at me "it was obvious how much you meant to each other, you were just too stubborn to let it out and express yourself"
"Mum I don't need a lecture" I pleaded
"Im not lecturing you but you need to snap out of this. He will be in touch when he is ready, and if he isn't then you need to move on"
Although a part of my mind new she was right this really wasn't helping "I know mum, I am trying"
"Are you watching the show tonight?" she asked suddenly. It made me smile that my mum knew when Raw was on now, and had even watched some of it
"Im not sure. I want to watch to see if he's back but I don't know whether I will find it too hard"
"Just watch it" she said softly "you never know, you may find out something that may give you hope"
"Not going to happen" I insisted. In the end though I knew I wouldn't be able to resist watching, I never could;
I got home about eleven pm and spent the next couple of hours on the phone with Molly. She was really good at picking me up off the floor and by the time two am rolled around I was actually looking forward to watching the show. The Raw credits rolled and I watched in anticipation for what the night would bring; As usual it was a bit of a let-down and I spent my time texting Molly. She was used to it by now I thought to myself. The final thirty minutes came and went, and the final segment was a battle royal between Smackdown superstars to determine the last Money In The Bank contestant. I was confused to see that Stu wasn't there
"WTF" I messaged Molly "Why isn't he in this?"
"I don't know" she replied "perhaps he isn't ready"
"Maybe" I replied slightly worried now. What if he'd lapsed back into his self-loathing ways.
"Fucking Heath Slater!" I shouted to myself when the ginger-haired tosser won the match. I couldn't believe it. All of a sudden a man ran out of the crowd and attacked him from behind; He beat Heath so badly that blood was running from his head.
"Fucking hell this is brutal" I thought to myself and then looked more closely. I saw a familiar face on my TV
"Fucking hell" I text Moly. I was saying that a lot tonight
"You okay?" she replied
"Yeah" I managed to message back however the tears were starting to fall again. The man id left behind twenty four hours ago was back on my TV, where I could see him once again, and I was flooded with so many different emotions it was unbelievable.
I half listened to his speech not taking it in, and then he was gone. Gone from the camera, gone from the stage, and gone from my sight.
"Did you hear what he said?" Molly wrote to me
"Sort of" I replied "Standard heel promo" I responded
"JFC Lisa rewind it and listen again" She insisted "And tell me that it wasn't directed to you"
My heart started thumping; she must be wrong I thought but I rewound my TV anyway and listened more closely this time.
"…..No that's wrong I do that for me and one other person who is a thousand times better than every single person in the building…."
I didn't listen to anymore, my head was buzzing. Why did he do that? I thought to myself. And if it was directed at me then why haven't I heard from him?
"What do I do Molly?" I asked my best friend
"I don't care" she replied "Just bloody do something woman"
I laughed at the message despite the way I was feeling and I did the one thing that came naturally to me and turned to Twitter. I sent a general message to him at first and then sighed and wrote a series of Direct Messages telling him how much I was missing him, that I thought about him every day and that I had found it too hard to message him knowing how far he was away. I can't do any more than this I thought to myself, and trudged off to bed mentally and physically exhausted;
I don't know what made me wake up about an hour later but I woke with a start and saw that my phone was flashing red
"Fuck" I thought and grabbed blindly at it. I had had four missed calls "Fuck" I said out loud and looked at Twitter
"FGS ANSWER YOUR PHONE WOMAN" a message from Stu read. I looked at the time; it had only just been sent. My phone began to buzz again, and I saw the name of the caller. I stared at it like it was an alien being for a second, and then with shaking hands I picked up it up
"Hey" was all I managed to say it took all my strength not to bawl right then just from the sound of his voice.
"Hey a familiar voice spoke to me
"Don't you know some of us are trying to sleep" I said good naturedly
"Sleep is boring talking to me is more interesting" he insisted joking. All at once I felt myself relax. He really did have a great effect on me.
"It's good to hear your voice" I said almost to myself "seems like forever and not only two days"
"Yeah I know" he said "Look Lisa I'm so sorry I didn't message it was just…."
I interrupted him not wanting to hear his excuses but he carried on anyway
"I found leaving you harder than I ever thought I would I was so confused, but I know since I've been home I've picked up my phone a thousand times wanting to call but something stopped me. I didn't know whether you would want to hear from me and I didn't want to interrupt your life"
"Why on earth would you think that?" I couldn't believe he would think that, and when he told me he thought it was only a business arrangement I could have punched him. Why are men so oblivious to everything I thought to myself? I took a deep breath, composed myself and then replied "It was never ever just a business arrangement to me Stu, never"
I could practically hear the frustration in his voice then. It was as though he had realized he'd got me all wrong there and then "Look, I have a plan. Don't interrupt me till I've finished promise me?"
My heard beat a little faster but I promised him all the same
"Come over to me" I nearly dropped the phone at this point "You can get flights every day to Tampa, and I promised I was going to get you here to see me win Money In The Bank"
"You're going to win?" I whispered not trusting myself to say anymore
"Yep I am. But I want you here to see it. All I know is that I want to see you, I don't think we will know anything else for sure until we are back together again, face to face but let's at least give it a try?"
I almost screamed at this point. There was only one snag to this plan "I don't think I can afford…."
"Don't worry about money I will pay for anything, without you I wouldn't be here so think of it as my thank you gift to you"
"I can't…." I tried to say. Once again he cut me off
"Yes you can!" He insisted "will you come?"
"Of course I will" I laughed glad that he couldn't see me bouncing around on the bed in my pyjamas like a giddy teenager. I opened my laptop and within five minutes I had found a flight "there is a flight out Wednesday morning which gets in at 1pm on the same day. Is that ok? I grinned as I said it
"Lisa you are a fast worker!" He laughed at me
"Of course" I retorted
"Okay I will send you the money over. Book your flight and I will be there to meet you on Wednesday" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had so much to do, and so little time to do it. I suddenly felt totally exhausted.
"Okay, now can a woman get some sleep?" I asked him not really wanting to put the phone down, though knowing I should if I was going to have a chance to get everything sorted tomorrow.
"yes yes yes " he replied and we said our goodbyes "Oh Lisa?" I heard him say as I was about to press the end button "Can't wait to see you" I was slightly disappointed at the lack of those three little words. Baby steps I told myself with a grimace
"Same here" I replied and ended the call "I love you" I whispered to the phone knowing that he couldn't hear me…yet
The next day was full of barely organized chaotic madness. My mum was really happy for me, Stu had sent over far more money than I needed telling me to give some to Simon to tide him over while I was away. Simon was understandably happy about this
"How long will you be away?"
"Not sure! I replied to Simon "A week maybe"
"That's not worth you going" he laughed "Don't worry about me if it's longer, I have plenty of money now"
I was grateful that everyone was happy for me because I was still nervous what awaited me over in Tampa; I knew I needed to just take it as it comes but I couldn't bear for things to be different between us; Stu kept texting me and tweeting me over the day, I knew he was working so I couldn't really speak to him but the messages were enough; I smiled at his latest tweet. "Trouble comes back tomorrow, preparing for madness and lots of laughter"
wadebarrett TROUBLE! Who are you on about!
CometoLife I don't know what you mean…..
wadebarrett humph, you wait!
I laughed at our conversation, I was so excited to see him I had butterflies in my stomach and I was almost bouncing off the walls when it was finally time to set off for my early morning flight to Tampa. I gave Simon a quick hug as he trooped off to bed
"Don't mess it up this time" he insisted and I just looked at him with a grin
"I won't" I promised and once the taxi arrived I texted Stu to let him know I was on my way.
"Can't wait! See you there, just driving home to sleep for a couple of hours; text me when you land xxxxxxxxx" He sent back
The kisses at the end made me smile "Will do" I replied and put my phone away
Now I have to say right now I hate flying so my nervousness at getting on the plane took away from the excitement I had when I thought about seeing Stu again. The stewardess looked at my face with a knowing look of her own as I sat in my first class seat.
"Nervous flyer?"
"Very" I replied warily.
"Do you want a drink?" She asked and I took one gratefully. I picked at my food not really eating it, and even tried to watch an in-flight film. Regardless of everything I tried by the time we were getting ready to land I was a nervous wreck;
"You meeting someone out there?" the stewardess asked
"Yep" I smiled giddily and she chuckled at me
"Ah I've seen that look before. I hope you have a wonderful time with him"
Thank you" I smiled at her feeling suddenly even more nervous. We landed safely and I went through the usual lines at customs and then went to the baggage claim area.
"My bags are always fucking last" I muttered to myself as I set myself up for a long wait. After ten minutes I took out my phone and sent Stu a quick message. It read "waiting for my bags, always last" All I got back was "hahahahah" I wondered what was so bloody funny about that!
Finally my bags arrived and I grabbed them hurriedly and began to walk towards the arrivals exit. My legs nearly turned to jelly because I knew that the man I loved was waiting for me on the other side. How would he feel when he saw me, would he even like me still? My bravery left me halfway to the exit and I had to stop to compose myself. This is stupid I thought. He's just the man I spent the last five weeks with. With that thought I strode forward out the door to face whatever my future held.