Penny admired her reflection in the mirror, smoothing out her newly bought black suit. She tied her shoulder length red hair back with a black band, before once again ensuring she was presentable. She glanced at the photograph displayed proudly on her dressing table, and thought about why she wanted to look her best today of all days.
The photograph showed her and her mom, taken a couple of years ago. Jenny was holding on tightly to her daughter, and they were both smiling widely, happy to be in each other's company.
A knock on her bedroom door brought her out of her thoughts, and she took a deep breath as Gibbs entered her room.
'Are you ready to go?' He asked her.
'I…um…I don't know if I can do this Gibbs.' She replied as she turned to face him, her face conveying the pain she was in.
'Earlier in the week you said that you were upset by the fact that you didn't get the chance to say goodbye; this is your last chance to do it properly.' He explained with a soft, warm and comforting tone.
'I know, but I don't want to say goodbye Gibbs. Saying goodbye means that she really isn't coming home, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to handle that.' She explained, throwing her head back ever so slightly as she tried to push back her tears that were pricking her eyes.
Gibbs held out his arms to her and pulled her closely to him when she entered his embrace. To look at them anyone would have thought that they were a father and daughter, grieving the loss of her mother together and trying to offer each other comfort. In reality Gibbs was the closest thing she had to a father since her own had died when she was so young.
'I know I'm a poor substitute, but you will always have me. I will always look after you, and that was a promise I made to your mom.' He explained with a small smile, resulting in a very small laugh from her. 'Come on Penny, we need to get going now, car's waiting out front.' He added.
Penny nodded her acknowledgement and followed him out to the black town car that was parked outside the front of her Georgetown house. She was thankful to have Gibbs with her; he'd been so very supportive over the last couple of weeks, and she counted herself lucky to have him there. Her relationship with Tony and Ziva was still very strained, with her feeling guilty for the way she had treat them, but still feeling let down by them.
She remained quiet for the whole journey to the church where the funeral ceremony was to take place. Jenny's casket had been taken there the previous night, and was now laid in front of the alter, surrounded by several beautiful bouquets of flowers. Gibbs sat in the pew behind Jenny's family, joining the rest of the team who were already there. Penny took her place in the front pew where she joined her mother Sarah, and her eldest sister Heather with her family.
Sarah had taken Jenny's death very hard, and the distress of the situation could be clearly seen furrowed into the lines on her face. She was only sixty-seven, but the circumstances had aged her considerably.
As the service began Penny didn't really pay any attention to what was being said. The Secretary of the Navy stood up in front of the casket and told the congregation of Jenny's achievements politically and for the agency. Although she was incredibly proud of everything that her mom had accomplished, Penny hated that Davenport was talking about them, and about Jenny, as if it was just another business meeting. There was no feeling, no warmth and definitely no comfort.
After a couple of other people had stood up and given their account of Jenny's part in their life, it came round to Penny. She'd chosen to read out a poem that Gibbs had given her to give her inspiration and comfort. It had been one he had read several times himself over the years when he thought about Shannon and Kelly. She stood up, cleared her throat and began to read the words on the paper in front of her.
'Do not stand at my grave and weep, by Mary E. Frye.
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die'
She read the words out loud, and felt some comfort from them as she glanced for the first time at the casket beside her. She froze on the spot as she imagined Jenny's body lying inside. Until that moment she had managed to keep her composure, managed to prevent her emotions spilling out; but as she looked at the casket she felt the stopper blowing off like a champagne cork. She let out a couple of violent sobs and the tears began to flow. Gibbs had been prepared for this moment in a way and immediately went to her. He wrapped his arms round her shoulders and pulled her back towards the bench where he'd previously been sat.
She sat and sobbed for the rest of the service until it was time for the casket to be carried out, which was something Penny had asked Gibbs to be a part of. They carried it to the hearse which was waiting to take Jenny to her final resting place. Those wishing to join the friends and family at the graveside followed the car round to the graveyard.
Once the final part of the service concluded, Penny stood by the grave side, a lot calmer than before, but was still unable to take her eyes from the casket before her. As the other mourners dispersed one by one she was left alone with her mom. It irritated her slightly that there were news reporters standing close by, taking photographs and filming. She understood that it was a big deal that an agency director had died, not to mention the fact that she was the first female director, but she couldn't help resent them for intruding on her privacy, and for making her grieving so public. She glanced over to Gibbs and the others who had stepped aside to allow her to say a personal goodbye, and she saw that one of the reporters was speaking to Gibbs.
'It's a fine mess you've left me in Mom; don't know how I'm going to get through any of this. Heather's taken Mom back to their hotel, I think she's really struggling with all of this, and she refused to stay at the house without you. Was something I very nearly did myself if I'm honest.' She said as she spoke softly to the casket as her eyes began to well up once more.
At that moment Gibbs joined her side once again and hugged her affectionately as the others disappeared out of the cemetery.
'We're all going to head back.' He whispered to her without breaking his hold around her. 'We've decided not to go to her wake, but we may go out for drinks later in her honour.' He added.
She looked at him with understanding as they both began to walk towards the gates. As he led her away she briefly turned back towards the casket, and in the distance caught a glimpse of a red-headed figure. Penny stopped suddenly but could no longer see the person she had seen.
'Is everything OK Penny?' Gibbs asked her, his facial expression contorted with concern.
'Um...yeah, yeah I'm fine Gibbs sorry, it's just that...never mind.' She stammered as she shook her head and put the image down to her mind playing tricks on her.
Gibbs drove her back to NCIS as she didn't want to go Jenny's wake, a decision he respected. They re-joined the team in the parking garage, and entered the bullpen to find a news report on the TV detailing her funeral, making them all feel uncomfortable. Penny retreated back to the elevator and rode it up to the top floor where she made her way to her mom's office.
She was surprised to find that the door was unlocked, and for a split second she expected to see Jenny behind her desk as usual before she remembered that she would never be sat there again. In the three short years Jenny had been director, Penny had gained a lot of happy memories. She thought about the times when Jenny would often work late into the night, and she would often end up falling asleep on the sofa whilst she waited for her mom to finish. Each time she would wake up to find her mom had placed her coat over her for warmth, and more often than not she would have fallen asleep herself in her chair at her desk.
She made her way over to the desk and sat down in the chair, taking a few deep, calming breaths. She glanced at one of the photographs on the desk, a photograph of their father, and smiled.
'Hope you'll look after her for me.' She said with a sigh as she held it in her hand.
At that moment the door opened again and Gibbs strolled in and looked directly at her. He didn't say anything, as usual, but looked at her in anticipation. In the last couple of weeks that had been their routine. Most of the time she would sit with him in his basement and say nothing, but would take comfort from him being there and from watching him work.
'Did you know that when I was six I was hospitalised with kidney problems? Mom flew home from uni as soon as she heard and you'd have thought I was dying the way she reacted.' She said to him with a smile, resulting in a small smile from him.
'No I didn't know that.' He replied casually.
'I just thought I'd come in and clear away her things, make sure that everything I wanted kept didn't go in the bin.' She explained to his unasked question as she placed the photographs into a large brown envelope, along with Jenny's red reading glasses.
'What are you two doing in here?' Vance said as he entered what was now his office, a thought that made Penny feel sick.
'I was just collecting the rest of my mom's belongings.' Penny explained quietly and held up the envelope in her hand.
'Well do you think you could do it out of my chair?' He said as he placed a fresh toothpick between his teeth.
Penny hated him with every fibre of her being in that moment. He'd been so casual about Jenny's death and towards her that she couldn't stand the idea of him being Jenny's successor. She felt desperate to shout that it was not his chair or his office, but she knew that Jenny would want her to behave with the upmost dignity and respect. She was about to head out when Vance stopped them both, just as the rest of the team joined them.
'Bad few days.' He said as they entered solemnly.
Before they'd even stopped moving Vance began giving his orders to the team.
'Officer David your liaison position with NCIS has been terminated, you're going home.' He said to a stunned looking Ziva as she glanced briefly towards Gibbs. 'McGee, I'm moving you across to the cyber-crimes unit. You'll be working with officer Holdsworth starting tomorrow.' He said as he turned his attentions to McGee, before turning them to Tony. 'DiNozzo, you've been re-assigned, agent afloat USS Ronald Regan; pack your bags, you fly out tomorrow.'
Gibbs couldn't believe what he was hearing, but he had feared that something like this may happen. He listened to what Vance had to say just as he turned his attentions to Penny, and he prayed that he wasn't stupid enough to re-assign her. After everything she'd been through, and everything she was about to go through, he was certain that she wouldn't cope with being re-assigned and removed from the place she loved.
'Special Agent Shepard you will remain in the Major Crimes Response Team, taking over from agent DiNozzo as senior field agent.' Vance said before handing three files to Gibbs. 'Meet your new team.' He added which resulted in a look of disgust and concern on the senior agent's face.
'Whoa, whoa, whoa!' Penny exclaimed and held her hand up. 'Is this because I had a go at Tony and Ziva about Mom? I mean I know things are...strained, but...' She said as she tried to defend those she considered family, before Vance cut her off.
'The decision I have made is none of your concern agent Shepard. These orders are in place with immediate affect; I suggest that you all go home and make any necessary arrangements and packing.' He said before he sent them out.
The team all left the office feeling depressed, disrespected and disheartened. If it wasn't bad enough that they were all feeling guilty for their part in Jenny's death, they were now being made an example of, and their family was being disbanded.
Penny felt sick. The guilt she felt twisted round her stomach like a vine on a tree. She felt as if this was all her fault; if she hadn't been so ready and open to blame Ziva and Tony, then Vance wouldn't have known that there were problems amongst the team, and maybe none of this would be happening. As if their lives couldn't have gotten any worse Vance just had to pull a stunt like this and knock them down again, just as they were beginning to pick themselves up.
She sat at her desk and watched as the other three agents emptied their desks of their personal belongings. Everything was done in silence. Gibbs had disappeared to God only knows where, and Abby still had to be told about the recent development. Penny couldn't even look or speak directly to her friends, her guilt overpowering her. She couldn't take it anymore; she had to go to the one place where she could find solace.
It had been a tough few weeks with her first losing her mom and now losing her friends. She felt as if she was trying to hold water in her hands, but try as she might it kept running through her fingers.
She found herself in Gibbs's basement, his boat in the middle of the room as usual. She ran her hand over the wood, feeling calmed by its coolness beneath her fingertips. The smell of varnish and wood filtered through her nostrils as she made her way to the bottle of bourbon on the side. She grabbed one of the glass jars that Gibbs had lying about, and poured the brown liquid into it. She sat in the dark and thought about everything, pouring more and more bourbon into her glass. She wasn't usually a drinker, only occasionally sharing a glass with her mom, but on this occasion all she wanted to do was drink until she couldn't remember the reason she was drinking.
'That's only going to make things worse.' Gibbs said as he walked down the stairs, his shoes beating off the wood.
'Yeah well I doubt things can get a whole lot worse Gibbs.' She replied, her eyes glazed over slightly, her tongue feeling numb and her words slightly slurred.
Gibbs removed the glass and the bottle from her hands without any resistance. He looked at her in silence as he tried to search for words of comfort that he could offer.
'This is my entire fault Gibbs. I should never have spoken to Tony and Ziva like that in front of Vance. It wasn't their fault mom went off on her own; it wasn't their fault that she chose to get herself shot instead of calling me or you or anyone; why didn't she call me Gibbs? Why didn't she let me help her? She was always keeping me in the dark about stuff, pushing me away when all I wanted was to help her.' She said angrily although her tone didn't convey any trace of anger, she remained calm and in control of her emotions.
'None of this is your fault Penny. Things happen for a reason, reasons that we sometimes can't even begin to comprehend.' He said quietly, but he could see that Penny needed to sober up before his words would really take effect. 'Come on; let's get you upstairs for some coffee.' He said as he pulled her up and towards the stairs.
That evening passed by quietly for them both. Penny had begun to sober up gradually as they sat and talked, and was now laid across Gibbs's chest asleep. Her arms rested across his waist whilst his arm was draped round her shoulders. He bent his head forward and kissed the top of her head. He was glad that she was resting as it was the first time in more than a week that she was asleep, making him too scared to move. He sat there for hours with her sleeping peacefully as he drifted in and out of consciousness himself.
He wasn't sure what their future had in store for them, but he was sure as hell that he was going to get to the bottom of the latest development.