The Jean Genie

Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½ or any other manga, anime, or other pre-existing setting that may crop up..

Warning: There will be some OOC. It is an AU though, so that can almost be expected.

I could swear these girls don't know how to relax. Badly hurt, and it never occurs to them to not push themselves. I know I'm bad about that too. But jeez, at least I know not to jump around when recovering from near fatal injuries. Let alone imitate a rocket when I can barely walk. Take that Mercury chick. She'd just come too, finally. And the first thing she does is try finding the life support systems. Or Mars, she's even worse.

First thing she did upon waking up was attack me. Busted arm, shattered thigh, cracked ribs... And that's after the critical stuff mended. And she's jumping around, tossing fireballs at me. Or rather she tried tossing fireballs. It's kind of hard to have a fire with no air. Even a magic fire needs something to fuel it after all. Huh, where'd that bit of knowledge come from? End result? Mars lands on her injured leg, making things worse.

If it wasn't so serious, I'd almost think it funny. My guess is she's use to having any wounds healed instantly. Do these girls realize the problem with doing that? Even I know the body builds up resistance to unnatural healing methods. That's the whole reason they are going to be out of action for so long. Instead of overnight, it took three days for life threatening things to mend enough to stabilize. The one who prayed to me still hasn't woken up yet.

Not only was the child hurt, but she was spiritually exhausted. She pushed herself too hard and almost died. I have to respect that. Willing to sacrifice everything to protect someone else. That's an ideal trait in a priestess. For that matter, almost all of them would make ideal priestesses. Pluto, maybe not. She's too willing to kill someone because they might threaten a dream they know nothing about.

She's a fool. I can understand her, but I think Pluto is a fool. Now I understand something that never made sense before. The mere act of observing something changes the situation. Pluto sees someone might threaten her 'crystal tokyo', whatever that is. She then goes out to try removing the threat. But does she ever wonder if her actions are why the person threatens her dream? I for one would definitely do my best to stop the goals of anyone who tried killing me for no discernible reason. But anyway, back to Mars.

"Are you quite done hurting yourself?" I ask Mars as I put her back in the bed. "Trying to walk on that leg wont speed up it's healing."

Sailor Moon

I stare at the bottle for the twentieth time. Every so often my attention goes back to it. Not that there's many things to distract me in here. The dresses in my closet are pretty, I guess. But it's not things I feel comfortable wearing. Most are too fancy. What I don't really understand is how they all fit me so perfectly. But with few distractions, I can't help but think about what happened a few days ago.

Some girl wants to grant me my heart's desire. But I don't know what that is. Every time I am about to unstopper the bottle again, something stops me. I'm scared, what if this is a trick? What if I'm betrayed again? But what if it's real? That girl, she could be a friend. She looked like she needs one. But what if she's an enemy? It just keeps going around and around. It's all so confusing to me.

Worst of all, I'm the only one able to move on their own. Ami woke up yesterday, but she has to use that chair to move around. According to Ranko, Ami's hip was pretty messed up. She's also got an arm in a sling. Apparently Setsuna woke up too, but is still confined to bed. It scares me sometimes. We almost died. Well, sure the others have died a few times before. But not me. Somehow I always make it out unharmed.

Or at least I had. Not this time though. 'three wishes, three desires, three chances I give' Jeanie had said. But I don't know if I can trust her. Actually, it's been getting hard to trust anyone lately. Even my friends have turned against me before. Sure they'd been under the control of another. Or so they claimed. What if they lied? What if they actually sided against me? I don't actually notice the bottle in my hands as I think. It's only later that I realize I'd opened it while going over things.

"I wish no one could betray me again," I find myself saying in a soft whisper.

Jeanie

When my bottle is opened again I'm on the computer. I'd just submitted a message to one of the boards I frequent. Icy was fishing for information in the Juuban district of Tokyo. So I'd felt the need to tweak her around. Although now I'm curious about the pig demon that was fighting another monster in the ward. Oh well, duty calls. Hopefully this wish will allow me to stay out for a while. One can hope anyway.

Master doesn't seem to notice my exit. She's lost in thought I guess. When she utters her first wish my heart goes out to her. I would grant this one if I could. Gladly would I do so. But it's forbidden to me. At least once more someone has to turn against the child. And that someone will be me. It's not for a while, but it will happen eventually. It must happen, because it did happen.

Without my bid for power, I never would have made the careless wish. Without that wish I wouldn't be a djinn now. And if I wasn't a djinn, I couldn't have made the bid for power. It's ironic really. I can't grant her wish because if I did, I couldn't grant her wish. What else would this one wish change that must happen? I've no way of knowing. How many previous masters had found my bottle because it was fated? How many wishes have I granted that directly lead up to this point in time?

According to the rules I'm bound by, my master just forfeited a wish by making an impossible one. I should count it as wasted. By the rules she only has two left. And yet my heart feels for her. Wonder if she realizes it's only the fact my bottle is open that lets her talk right now? As my arms wrap around the teenage queen tears are falling. It surprises me that I have maternal instincts. I was born a man after all. How was I suppose to know that the most powerful djinn were always female?

"I would gladly grant your desire, if it was allowed. I'm sorry master but it's forbidden." I tell her sadly.

"W-why?" She asks in surprise.

"Because some things yet to happen must still occur. They will, because they already have. If you prevent such events you prevent my even being here."

The future queen leans into me. It feels... nice. Holding her brings back ancient memories of when I'd first become a genie. I can't help but think I should know her. Not just as the queen one day the child will be. But for another reason. Comforting my current master reminds me of back then, and my only child. What was her name again? I can't remember anymore. Sometimes I wonder what happened to my daughter.

The painting on the wall draws my attention. And within it I see my master in her last life. She looked identical to the current incarnation. But what really tears my heart away is the gown being worn. I recognize that dress. I should, I made it after all for my daughter's wedding. Could it be? Could the moon kingdom have been founded by my family? That dress was made with my magic. It would last a million years and stay in pristine condition.

Oh how the fates must enjoy mocking me. To think I tried to destroy my own descendent.

Nabiki

My sister keeps complaining about nightmares. Of people dying, and Ranma's cursed form telling her to prevent it. Today Akane even came to the conclusion it must be a warning. Fat chance. There's no way that jock would tell her to fight. No, the idiot is instead insulting my sister. Something keeps bothering me though. The brain dead ego had done something patently impossible. He'd stuck his head through a camera and out of my computer's moniter.

There's also been unsubstantiated rumors around the school that Ranma admitted to being a goddess to Kuno last week. There was also talk of an unknown gaijin that was somehow involved. The story varied according to the teller. But there were several elements that seemed consistent. One week ago Mousse had been struck by Kuno before school. I somehow missed the entire event despite watching the school's courtyard.. Some claim it was a training sword, others say it was a real katana that was used.

The doorbell ringing distracts me from my thoughts. Odd, no one who visits ever uses the door. Let alone ring the bell. They just knock down a door or enter some other way. Oh well, since it probably has nothing to do with Ranma it's not my business. I let my elder sister get the door while I plan. Still haven't found Saotome, and that means I'm not making as much money as I could. I hate that fact.

One can forgive me then that I was surprised that the guest came to me. Said guest could charitably be called a 'monkey on a stick'. About three feet tall, ancient as anything, and female. Cologne is one of only two people in Nerima that actually worry me. Whenever the old woman shows up, trouble follows. What ever she's up to, I'm ready though. After all these months I'm pretty sure I have a handle on her.

"Where is great grandson?"

Okay, maybe I can't handle this, I think as I ask "Who?"

"My great grandson," Cologne said again. "Where is Ranma?"

Immediately I hold out a hand and demand eight hundred yen. Since the value of the yen went up a little, I find I can't charge quite as much as I use to. Well, I could. But I wont. The next thing you know, I'm waking up on the floor. And man does my forehead hurt. What happened? I didn't see anything hit me. But the old woman is on her feet before me, staff in hand. Did she actually strike me in the head?

"Do you know what happens to those who try extorting my family?" She asks calmly.

This is too much to take. Always before the old woman has called him 'son-in-law'. It's as if she views it a foregone conclusion. Age doesn't mean wisdom I guess. If it did the woman would see the bimbo is wasting her time. The more underhanded tricks used, the more Saotome fights against the amazonian claim. It's also clear, to me at least, that acting like a sex starved bimbo only drives him away. Shampoo has all the subtlety of a brick to the face.

"What happened to 'son-in-law'?" I ask.

I'm still trying to get over the fact she hit me. Let alone made threats. No one threatens me. Not if they know what's good for them at least. Okay, granted this woman can tear me apart. And I doubt she'd have any problems with it either. But if she tries, well there's a reason I'm top dog in this town. All these martial artists shun technology. It's like they don't even realize the world's passed them by. Anything happens to me, and this woman gets to spend the rest of her life rotting in prison.

I've no clue what she is thinking about. She's got a poker face like nobody I've ever met before. But that cackle sends shivers up my spine. In an attempt to regain control of the situation, I try pressing my one advantage. The amazons are in the country illegally. I've not reported them because there was profit involved. Now seems like a good time to play hardball though. With one of my icier smirks I press forward.

"Maybe you should answer me. It would be bad if certain people learned of your presence."

That cackle again, I can't stand it! "Are you trying to blackmail me?"

"Not trying," I state confidentially. "I am blackmailing you."

Next thing I know I'm on the ground again. Damn that hurt! Now I have a serious headache. That's when I hear my own voice. It's a little grainy, but easy enough to understand. I hear myself demanding money. I then hear myself trying to threaten Cologne, followed by admitting to blackmailing her. Shit, when did she get that smart? No, that's not possible. The crone is too caught up in her tribe's precious three thousand years of martial arts. She wouldn't know a tape recorder if it bit her in the ass.

Or so I thought. I might be in trouble here.

Ranma

Ugh, someone make it stop! If I have to decide if one more person's condom or other method of birth control works I think I'm going to scream! It's not every case. If it was I'd have gone mad. No, just whenever someone prays about it. Even so, it's driving me up the wall. Why is it so many care about that, but not their own safety? This isn't what I signed on for! Oh wait, I didn't agree to any of this.

A faint hiss fills the air. At first the cause is a mystery. Within minutes the enigma clears up. Huh, wonder when I learned that word? Once the hissing stops I realize what it was. I can breath now. YES! Quickly I race to the kitchen. Somehow there's running water in this place. Once the tap heats up enough I change into a guy. First time in a week and a half I've been one. Thankfully the prayers stop the second hot water touches me.

I can feel it fading. I'm me again. And with my return I start to lose the knowledge gained before. Another thing happens. Can't walk normally now. Too light, each step makes me fly into the air. After flipping around I bounce off the ceiling. Half way to Pluto's room 'fore I can stop. Stupid panda! It's pop's fault I don' know nothing. And I just know 'Kane is gonna pound me for this. Stupid uncute tomboy.

It takes a few more minutes tryin different things ta figure out how to move safely. Don't think of the problem till I open Pluto's door. Next thing I'm dodging an energy orb. And another. Third one and I'm getting annoyed. Don't wanna hurt her, but what ta do? Figurin the staff is the source, I disarm her. Not hard, the woman can barely move still. Wonder what it's made of? It feels heavier then Ryoga's umbrella.

I rub the back of my neck. "I'm Ranma Saotome, sorry bout this."

Her eyes narrow dangerously. Crap, she's going to attack again. Did pops do something ta her too? Stupid panda. All he ever does is cause trouble an steal my food. Pluto is muttering something about peace or and killing. Makes no sense ta me. Wish people would stop blaming me for everything. It hurts. After putting her staff down with a loud clang I start ta back up. Don't wanna get hit again.

"Just here ta tell you, found more flying chairs. You girls can move bout more now. Mercury said she'd send one to everyone later. She also fixed the air."

That last comment was obvious. Duh, course she did. We're talking. Kinda surprised I haven't put my foot in my mouth yet. I'm fleeing the room 'fore she can think of something ta say. Still gotta tell the others. Not eager to visit Venus either. Got the feeling she's worse then Shampoo. Maybe I'll let Mercury deal with that. I need a nap.

Nabiki

How did I get here? I wonder as I work the dining room. It's odd, but I don't remember anything before my shift started. No matter, it's busy right now. And the respected warrior Shampoo can't keep up on her own. It's lucky her great grandmother lets me work here, I think to myself. A girl with short black hair enters the cafe. I glance at her, but the face doesn't strike me as familiar. And these orders of roman wont deliver themselves.

Yes, it's lucky the Elder took me in. An outcast like myself isn't worthy of their regard. Yet here I am, a job provided and roof over my head. So the work's demanding. I'm not a warrior after all. I can't handle as much as they can. But I'll do what I can to repay my debt. The new customer is approaching me now. Wonder what she wants? The girl moves like a half trained warrior. She forcefully turns me around, causing a customer's order to fall off the tray I'm carrying.

"Nabiki?" She asks me.

Who is this Nabiki person? The name doesn't ring any bells. Should it? Who's this girl talking to me? I don't know. What I do know is that I need to clean up this mess right away. With my usual timidness I deliver the rest of the orders and get out the cleaning supplies. As I'm taking care of the mess the Elder pulls aside the girl to talk. Don't know what they say to each other. It's not my business to know either.

"Return my sister!"

The scream echos through the cafe. It's that girl making a ruckus. I can hear a scratchy voice. It sounds a bit like me and the Elder talking.Does it concern me? I shouldn't, but I can't help but listen in. I keep my eyes downcast while cleaning. Still I move closer to the two.

"Maybe you should answer me. It would be bad if certain people learned of your presence."

That cackle again, I can't stand it! "Are you trying to blackmail me?"

"Not trying," I state confidentially. "I am blackmailing you."

What does it mean? Why is the Elder saying I am being punished?

Jeanie

The castle is lovely, I'll admit that. Since earlier in the week I haven't returned to my bottle. Don't have a task yet, at least not to my knowledge. But the stopper has been left off. Master suggested I stick around for a while. She wants to get to know me. A few days ago someone supplied breathable air, which feels nice. May not need it personally, but breathing is one of those simple pleasures you learn to enjoy when you can.

One thing nobody ever thinks about. A genie bottle is air tight. And since we can't use our powers for ourselves outside of a handful of very minor things, that means the air goes bad fast. But right now I'm heading towards the baths. It's a communal affair I'm afraid. Since these girls are mostly using hover chairs to get around, private baths or showers would be impossible. Up ahead I see a woman with green tresses.

"Hey Set, fancy seeing you here. It's been ages hasn't it?"

The woman in question slowly turns around. Once she sees me her eyes go wide. If she wasn't using that staff of hers as a crutch I'm sure I'd be getting hit with a 'dead scream'. The two of us aren't exactly friends. Not really enemies either. She was my third master. I guess you could say her fate is Set-chan's own damn fault. That's what happens when you wish to, and I quote, 'live to see my great great great grandchild'.

Last time I heard, Setsuna still hasn't settled down with anyone. Can't have great great grandchildren without first having children. Her other wishes had been to live an interesting life, and to meet the perfect man for her. I guess the third wish still hasn't finished being granted. I know she'll meet him, eventually. Wonder who he'll be? Whoever it is, it's up to Setsuna to actually win his heart.

"You're laughing at me aren't you?" Setsuna asks me. "You knew this would happen."

Now a chuckle escapes my lips. "Your fault. You wanted the perfect mate, and it looks like he wasn't born yet. You also wanted to see your own descendents. You'll find him, eventually."

Set-chan looks pained when I remind her. "But will he love me?"

I can hear the loneliness in her voice. And I have to pity the woman. Doomed to outlive three generations of her own children. And cursed to be alone until she meets the one man who's her perfect match. We're alike, her and I. Both the architect of our own doom. It happens to many. Pride creates our downfall. Most of the time I feel a sense of satisfaction seeing those who would abuse my power being humbled. This isn't one of them.

"I don't know," I tell her honestly. "Just because he's perfect for you, doesn't mean you wont have to earn his love. But why are you here?"

Anything else I was going to say gets interrupted. From the baths emerges a (cute) teenage boy with nothing on. His hair is tied back in a pigtail, and those muscles... Yummy! What? I haven't been a guy in so long it's not even funny. Oft times I can't remember what it was there were a few of my previous masters. I tell you, men can be big perverts. When offered nearly anything they desire, some only want my body. I stopped caring about the gender of my bed mate long ago.

The boy bounds down the hall, knocking me and Setsuna off our feet. Seconds later three hover chairs follow him while the occupants are screaming in rage about perverts. When I check on her, my companion looks dazed. She's now licking her lips. Oh boy, guess her third wish is finally going to be fulfilled. That boy looked familiar though. Where do I know him from? Then it hits me. That moron I had just done tasks for had been after the boy.

"You do know he's a goddess too, right?" I ask her.

Author Notes:

Not quite as humorous as the first chapter, I know. This chapter wanted to take a few seriously melodramatic turns. While I am intending a humor piece, the introspective style writing in first person encourages lends it's self well to drama. But I'm trying to interject funny into the serious moments too. And before I forget, thank you PCHeintz72 for inspiring this chapter. I'm not finished with the idea you spawned, but here's the first part of it's fallout.

I'm deliberately trying to vary the narrative by who's 'talking'. Male Ranma is more crude and simplistic. Female Ranma understands far more about the world, and is more mature. Nabiki is (normally) calculating and manipulative. Sailor Moon is... Well, let's just say after reading as much of the manga as I can find... she's a bit of an airhead. As for Jeanie, naturally she's a tad melodramatic. Who wouldn't be after living ten thousand years or more? Especially if your entire life is effectively punishment for crimes you long ago regretted.

As before, got an idea for what Usagi can wish for? I'm happy to hear you out.

Did Usagi waste a wish? How will the senshi react to Ranma? Why is Nabiki a timid servant to the amazons? All these questions and more will be answered next time on Jean Genie. So tune in when next we air: same Bat Time, same Bat channel.