Disclaimer: If I were Paul Dini or Bob Kane then my life would be so much easier. Sadly, I am not either of these men and in fact have no claims to any characters. I do own a golden retriever and some debt. I am willing to part with debt but not the dog.
Edward stared blankly at the piece of paper that had been handed to him. His eyes flickered with the little of something Joan was crossing her fingers for. He looked back at her expectantly. She straightened up back to doctor mode.
"Any questions?"
"Is this a trick?" He flicked the paper with his fingers. The paper gracefully floated in a downward spiral motion to the floor.
"A trick? What do you mean, Edward?" She tried to keep her voice neutral but these Rogues knew all the ways to find weakness and eat you alive.
"I'll rephrase myself. Is this a joke?"
Ah.
"No, Edward. This is a serious," she did not like how that sentence tasted, " it is something that Dr. Arkham is implementing."
"A buddy system?" He arched a brow. None of her colleagues liked the idea either. She released the tension from her shoulders and sighed.
"Yes. You write the names of five friends and over the course of a set time period you spend time with them during recreation activities." Edward squinted and his nostrils flared.
"What friends?"
"If you do not write down names, we will assign a buddy for you." She tried to sound optimistic.
"This is stupid." He crossed his arms and turned his head to the side. he closed himself off from further socialization. Joan bid her farewell and left the room.
Edward peered down at the paper and snorted. After a moment he bent down and picked it up.
Joan's next appointment was a bit more upbeat. For whatever reason, Harley loved Joan. She listened to her, never insulted or threaten her life or pets. She treated Joan more like a friend and not a doctor or enemy. This had been both good and bad.
"A buddy system? Hmm."
Harley took the crayon. She scribbled down several names and proudly fawned over her work. She gleefully handed back the paper and Joan felt a wave apprehension.
1. My Pudding
2. Johnny/Red
3. Hats
4. Cat Lady
Joan tried to stifle her groan of frustration. Cat Lady? Could she mean Cat Woman? She was never a patient. Right?
"Harley. You are not allowed to spend time with The Joker. He's in extreme isolation for assaulting you last week. Jonathan and Pamela-" Joan paused. Harley had her grumpy face on and sat crossed leg and arms crossed now.
"Harley, I'm sorry but-" Joan closed her eyes and braced herself. Harley jumped from her chair and started to rage.
"Pudding wouldn't do anything to hurt me on purpose! And what's wrong with Red and Johnny! You said to write down my friends! This isn't fair!"
"Pamela and Joker are- usually when you relapse and escape, you are either with The Joker or Pamela."
"So!"
"They are also the ones you typically spend the most time with. The object of this exercise is to expand your social barometer."
"Oh." Harley relaxed and sat back down on the chair.
Progress, sort of. Harley asked for another piece of paper and Joan left feeling a little more satisfied. The last appointment of this nature was going to be a little more tricky.
Jervis did not say anything for a long time. The seconds felt like hours. Joan did not want to push him but he was so closed off from everyone and everything in this world. He needed something outside Wonderland and needed it now.
"Jervis, if you don't have anyone in mind, we'll assign someone." She said softly. He continue to sit in silence and stare off vacantly.
"I have someone."
Joan had not expected that and leaned forward, her interest piqued.
"Oh?" She waited for him to speak. He licked his lips before continuing.
"Yes."
She listened and filled out his sheet for him.
After a course of two weeks the first batch of inmates had a trial run of the buddy system that the director of asylum introduced. Recreation hours were longer, it was no longer given on a reward basis and you had to spend your time with your new buddy.
You eat all meals with them too. There was a trial cafeteria as well. The head of security and the doctors fought to change Dr. Arkham's mind but he was the ultimate authority and decided otherwise.
"This is ridiculous." Edward stabbed his "steak" with his plastic spoon. Jervis said nothing and drank cold tea. It was supposed to be warm but it was Arkham, not a higher caliber food establishment.
"The tea is better today." It wasn't but pretending helped. Edward stabbed his food and groaned.
"How am I supposed to eat this with a spoon?" He throw down the utensil in disgust.
"At Blackgate they've killed with spoons." Jervis said tonelessly. He stared at his own food.
"I would be fine with a spork." Edward considered using his hands to break down the food but he was not an animal. Coincidentally, several blocks away The Joker was gleefully doing just that.
"Sporks have those sharp bits. We're lucky we have spoons." Jervis was able to cut his "meat" with his spoon. Edward tried not to appear impressed. He was.
"I've never hurt anyone with a spork!" It's true.
"I threw hot tea at someone once. I believe it gave them scars." Jervis thought back somewhat fondly.
"Are we playing chess again? I like Trivia Pursuit. I want to play that." Jervis did not like that game but for the last three days they did nothing but eat, play chess and hold meaningless and shallow conversations.
"I don't mind."
Jervis traded trays and worked on the Edward's "steak". He wasn't sure if he should be insulted or to eat the food. He chose to glare and then eat.
"What were you before this?" Jervis asked. There was some sadness in his voice.
"What did I do, you mean? I designed computer games for children. Learning games. The kind that made you really think. None of this, say map, ten times crap." He shook the spoon wildly and lost some food.
"I was a scientist. I worked for Wayne Industries." Edward nodded.
"You made those microchips or something."
"Sometimes I miss it." He took a bit of whatever was on the plate. His face turned pale.
"I don't. My boss was an idiot. He screwed me out of all my money." Edward was a bit bitter about that still.
"My boss was awful. She was cold and cruel but I never felt in danger. I miss feeling safe. If I leave here, Batman will stalk my every movement. If I stay, I have to guard myself against the likes of the Joker, abusive orderlies and guards."
"Life sucks."
"Cheers."
They clinked plastic cups.
"What!"
Edward and Jervis whipped their heads around. Harley stood up from her table. Her tray flipped off and landed onto to her lap before bouncing to the floor. She grabbed her ears fiercely and started chanting, "la la la la,"
She then ran from the room while two guards went after her. Edward and Jervis exchanged looks and shrugs.
"Honestly." Jervis chided as he placed an unfolded napkin in his lap.
"If she didn't want Baby Doll as her buddy,"
"She should have something." Jervis concluded.