Chapter 5: Blood Type
I got to English class late.
"Thank you for joining us, Miss Swan," the teacher said in a grateful tone, "We were all terrified we'd have to go on with class without you. I was honestly thinking we'd have to cancel."
I sat down. I was so busy thinking about Edward it took me nearly the whole class to realize Mike wasn't curled up at my feet like usual. Odd…I wondered if he too had decided he hated me so much he would throw away his high school diploma to avoid me. But I figured he was probably just lost and I'd have to put up posters around town: "Missing Boy, white coat, yellow hair, answers to Mike…." Crap. I couldn't remember his last name. It turned out to be a nonissue though, because he met me at the door as per usual.
"I'm going to have to get you a leash," I told him.
He cocked his head and gave me a quizzical look, "Huhn?" he said like Scooby-doo.
I rubbed him behind the ears, even though I could tell he was wishing I'd rub him somewhere else. But I wasn't going to rub his belly this early in the day.
The rest of the morning passed in a blur. I spent it debating whether Edward had actually been nice to me or if I'd imagined the whole thing. One time, freshmen year, I had a short but torrid romance with an exchange student from Bangladesh named Kevin, but it turned out I'd just been eating my mom's "special cookies" and Kevin was just a stuffed bear wearing the Mickey-mouse ears I got in Disney and a baby towel as a cape. So I knew from experience that you can never be too careful when making sure your romances aren't just elaborate hallucinations.
I walked into the cafeteria with Jessica who was blabbering incessantly about inane teenager stuff, didn't she understand I was way too mature for her juvenile gossip? Then my heart fell, Edward wasn't at his normal table! I interrupted her, "Edward isn't sitting with his family!"
"Yeah," Jessica said, sounding annoyed but I don't really care how she feels, "He's sitting over there staring at you, of all people."
I looked to where she'd motioned and was stunned to see Edward sitting at a table by himself. I frowned. The fact that Jessica saw him before I did increased the possibility that he was real, but the fact he was no longer interacting with other people increased the possibility that I was just crazy. As I stared at maybe-real-Edward, he lifted his index finger and motioned for me to go over to him.
Jessica was incredulous, "Is he motioning for you?" she asked, incredulous.
I ignored her stupid question, completely entranced by Edward's entrancing gaze. In a daze I moved toward him, not even in control of my own movements anymore. It was like he was the Fonzi of Forks or something.
When I got to his table I leaned down to kiss him passionately but he held up an apple and I ended of biting into it by accident. As I stood there, awkwardly close to his perfect face, an apple in my mouth like a luau pig, he smiled mischievously.
"I got you over here with one finger," he said, "Imagine what I could do with five."
I imagined it alright. I bet with five fingers he could play a sickly sweet lullaby about our relationship on the piano.
"Why don't you sit with me today?" he gestured to the chair next to him and I sat down. He removed the apple from my mouth and sniffed the bite mark, licking his lips, but he didn't eat the apple.
"This is different," I observed.
"I figured that as long as I'm going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly," he said, flashing a grin at the camera like he'd been working on that line for a long time.
"As a model didn't you sell your soul to the devil a long time ago, though?"
"Literal hell, yes. But right now I'm speaking of a more metaphorical hell."
I stared at him blankly. Did he just switch to Spanish? I waited for him to say something that made sense. He didn't. There was a long, awkward pause. I placed one hand over my other hand and wiggled my thumbs,
"Awkward turtle." I said.
Edward stared at my hands like he wanted to eat them.
"It's not actually a turtle, you know," I pulled my hands away from each other to show him.
"Right, of course," he shook his head, "Your friends are angry I stole you away from them."
"They'll get over it," I said, not really caring if my friends were upset or not.
"I may not give you back," he said playfully, "I may slit your throat and drink all your blood right now."
I gulped.
"You look worried," he said, but he was wrong. I was insanely turned on by the idea of him abducting and killing me because all girls would find that idea incredibly romantic. I mean, that's what happens in Romeo and Juliet, right?
"I'm not worried," I told him, "I'm just surprised. What brought this on?"
"I told you, I got tired of trying to stay away from you, so I gave up."
I knew that all those late night calls to his cell phone and lurking around his car and classes would pay off. Girls, listen up, if you want a boyfriend just don't ever leave him alone. I am living proof that with enough persistence you will wear him down and eventually he'll succumb to your will!
"Cool," I said, "So we're friends now? Frenemies? More than friends? Friends with benefits? It's time to DTR."
"DTR…" he repeated the letters dubiously, "I am unfamiliar with this acronym."
Weird, it was like he was a hundred years old instead of seventeen or something. It must've been a model thing, he probably had people to text for him.
"Define the relationship." I told him, annoyed I had to say out all the words instead of just the first letters.
"Let's try to be friends," he said grinning, "But I'm warning you right now, I'm not a good friend for you to have?"
"Why?"
He shrugged, "I'm pretty flakey, I'm going to make you give me gas money if you want me to drive you anywhere, and I'll always show up to your parties totally wasted, cause a big scene, and piss everybody else off. Also I'll eat your food, borrow money with no intent of ever returning it, and focus entirely on my own needs instead of yours."
He sounded like my dad and there was a need to tame him clawing at the lining of my womb.
"It sounds perfect," I sighed wistfully.
"If you think that sounds perfect, you must be really dumb." he stated unapologetically.
"So as I'm an idiot, we can be friends?" I said summarizing our entire conversation.
"Yup," he said.
I looked down at the table, not really sure where to take this scene but not wanting to end the chapter too early.
"What are you thinking?" Edward asked.
"Oh no no," I scolded him, "If you want to know what's going through my mind you'll have to pay ten to twenty dollars for my novel, just like everyone else."
His jaw tightened, "What do you think I am, some silly teenaged girl?"
I blushed, "I've been trying to figure that out. What you are I mean. I know you're not a silly teenaged girl…I think."
He relaxed now that he knew I wasn't accusing him of being a Twilight fan, "What are some of your theories?"
"Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne, Peter Parker," I said.
"You think I'm a journalist, photographer, or billionaire playboy?"
I frowned, "No, I think you can fly, talk to spiders, and are a millionaire playboy," I said.
"Bella," he gets serious for a second, "What if I'm not the good guy?"
"That would be a twist!" I said, nodding in appreciation of the idea. But that kind of intricacy is a bit beyond me so I threw back at him, "What if you just think you're not the good guy?"
"I know what I am, Bella."
I figured he was pretty smart so he was probably right.
"Then why are you asking me?" I asked, balling my little hands into fists and scrunching my face up in rage.
Edward laughed, "Your boyfriend thinks I am being unpleasant to you."
"Would you just say one goddamn thing that makes sense!" I shouted in frustration. Great, now I've got to put a quarter in the swear jar, "You owe me a quarter," I told him.
"Now who doesn't make sense," he pointed out, "You're boyfriends debating whether or not he should break up our fight.
"I don't know who you're talking about," I said.
"Mike Newton."
That's his last name! "Mike? Gross," I said, "I'm not into bestiality. Well…at least not in this book."
"So Mike's not your boyfriend?"
"Duh! You don't have to be psychic to figure that one out," I rolled my eyes. Edward looked like I hurt his feelings.
"Aren't you going to eat anything?" He asked after a while before I could do awkward moose.
"Oh, I only feast on human blood," I said jokingly.
"Oh my god! Me too!" he squealed in delight.
"Um…I was jk." I told him, then remembered he didn't understand chatspeak, "just kidding."
"Oh…me too," he recovered smoothly.
"Well wanna walk me to biology?" I asked.
"I'm not going," he said.
"Why not?"
"I'm skipping," he narrowed his eyes at me as if daring me to tell on him, "I told you I wasn't the good guy."
He lumbered off moodily very much like Batman.
I got to biology relatively unscathed. Mike said that if I wasn't going to sit with him he wasn't going to talk to me but unfortunately that lasted less than a minute. I sat down at my table and for a second was worried that Edward wasn't there, wondering if he was avoiding me again, then I remembered he was skipping.
The teacher came in, "Today we're going to stab ourselves and figure out our blood type!" he announces.
If it was a bit odd that Edward said he was the bad guy, drank blood, and then skipped the day we're working with blood in class, I didn't notice.
I felt my stomach go queasy. I'm not very good with blood. The teacher handed out some science stuff, including a safety pin he instructed us to open and prick our fingers with, defeating the purpose of a safety pin, in my opinion. I admit that even I was surprised about this lab because most schools I know are really freaking paranoid when it comes to blood cause of all the diseases and stuff. But I was too excited to say anything. Prinking my finger made me feel like a Disney Princess. I was all ready to stab my finger with the unsafe pin when Mike stabbed his own finger and blood started spurting everywhere. Then I remembered I faint at the sight of blood. I could smell it, like a fountain of iron sprouting from Mikes paw. I felt queasy, sick, nauseous, woozy, unwell.
"Bella, are you alright?" Mr. Banner asked.
"I'm dying!" I screamed.
Mr. Banner looked around the room, "Can someone take Bella to the nurse please?" and then I heard him muttering, "Why does this always happen during this lab…"
Of course Mike volunteered, ugh, he wouldn't even give me space to take my dying breath.
Mike put his arm around my waist eagerly and helped me out of the class room.
Once we were out of sight of the classroom building I pushed Mike away and gave him a little slap for his forwardness.
"I just need to sit down for a minute," I told him, sitting down for a minute.
Then I heard a voice which wasn't Mikes, which couldn't have been Mikes because it was deep and male and musical and attractive, "Bella," it said.
I was so embarrassed for Edward to see me when I was on the verge of fainting like an idiot.
"I think she fainted," Mike said, "I don't know what happened, she didn't even stick her finger."
"Bella," Edward was right above me, I could feel his breath like a cold northern breeze on my face.
"No…" I groaned, "Go away…let me die in peace."
"You're not going to die!" Edward said determinedly, "Not while I'm around."
I heard Mike's faint objections and then I felt myself being lifted off the ground and carried.
"Hey!" Mike whined, "I'm supposed to take her to the nurse! And then she'll be so grateful for my kindness that she'll be my girlfriend!"
Edward snorted as he started walking away. Even Edward knew Mike didn't have a chance with me, either that or he knew 'grateful' wasn't really one of my go-to emotions.
Edward carried me easily, as if I weighed ten pounds instead of one hundred and ten (don't worry girls, just because I'm about twenty pounds lighter than the average woman, doesn't mean I'm not totally average and that you can't pretend I'm you, I snickered, yeah right.)
The motion of Edward's swaggerific gait was not helping my upset stomach.
"Put me down!" I demanded, afraid I would totally barf on him. He didn't listen to me, too much of a man to concern himself with my silly feminine wants. I remembered how he joked about kidnapping me back at lunch and wondered if maybe I'd misread him and he was (un)dead serious.
When we finally got to the nurses office Edward burst through the doors like a knight in shining armor, me slung over his shoulder like a pillaged concubine.
"She fainted in Biology," Edward announced, preempting the nurse's questions about what was the matter with me and why was he carrying me in a totally inappropriate manner.
"Mr. Banner's doing the do it yourself blood typing lab again? I keep telling him it's not a good idea, but he just doesn't listen," the nurse shook her head, "Just lie down, sweetie," she said, to me presumably, "The nausea will pass."
I knew that already, because I know everything already. My tummy was already starting to hurt a little less. Edward put me down on a cot and I rested.
"You can go back to class now," the nurse said, rather rudely in my opinion, "I'll get you an ice pack," the nurse said. I'm not sure how that would help me, but I let her go anyway so I could have some alone time with Edward.
"You were right," I told him.
"I know." he said.
"Ditching is healthy."
"I know," he repeated, irritated. "You scared me there for a minute, I thought Mike had killed you and was dragging your dead body off to the woods. I've seen corpses with better coloring than you."
"Haha," I said, not really thinking it was funny. It was a fake laugh. A sarcastic one.
"No, seriously," he said seriously, "I've seen a lot of corpses. A lot."
"Mike must be mad," I said, even though I didn't really care how Mike was because he wasn't as hot as Edward.
"He absolutely loathes me," Edward said, using one of those old-timey words again that made me feel like he was from the past.
"You can't know that," I said.
Edward laughed and winked at the audience like they knew something I didn't. They probably knew a lot of stuff I didn't, though.
The nurse came back in, "You're looking better," she said then paused, "Well…relatively."
"I'm fine now!" I said, springing off the cot, "I'll just leave with Edward then."
The nurse might have found this suspicious, but then a Ms. Cope stuck her head in the door, "We've got another one," she said, "We really need to get Mr. Banner to stop doing this lab."
Edward and I walked out of the room as Mike came through the door supporting Lee Stephens.
"Oh no," Edward muttered. I snorted. I was about to point out how no one in real life ever said, "oh no," when he said, desperation in his yellow eyes, "Get out! Bella! Get out of the office now!"
I knew there was no time to waste so without hesitation I bolted outside to safety.
Edward followed at a casual pace.
"You actually listened to me," he sounded stunned.
"I smelled the blood," I pointed out, not wanting to think I was just some diminutive female he could walk all over.
"Humans can't smell blood," he contradicted.
"Well, I can cause I'm just your normal, average, every day girl next door. Blood smells like rust and salt."
Edward knit his eyebrows together, "It smells like flowers and heroin to me."
"But you said you couldn't smell blood," I had him there.
"No, I said humans can't smell blood."
"Oh."
I guess that made sense, he wasn't really a human, he was a model.
Then Mike came out of the nurses office totally cock blocking me again!
"You look better," he accused like I'd been faking it or something so that I'd be outside when Edward happened to be passing by so he would offer to carry me to the nurses office and further nurture are burgeoning romance. It was a reasonable theory actually.
"Are you going back to class?" he asked.
"No, you idiot, I'd just have to come right back."
Mike pouted, "Whatever, so are you going with us to the beach this weekend?"
"I said I was, didn't I?" I responded aggressively, not appreciating the fact that he was questioning the value of my word. (Note: the value of my words are worth over $473,674,000!)
"We're meeting at my dad's store at ten. Cause if there's anything normal teenagers do on the weekend, it's wake up early enough to be doing stuff by ten."
"I'll be there," I said.
"Okay, I guess I'll see you in Gym then. And whatever you do, make sure you don't invite Edward Cullen."
Mike scampered off.
I turned to Edward, "Want to go to the beach this weekend?"
Edward raised an eyebrow, "I don't think I was invited."
"Nonsense, I just invited you."
"What beach?"
"La Push, on the Indian reservation."
Edward frowned, "No, I don't think I'll go,"
"Ah, come on, why not?"
"I don't go to La Push."
I was sad Edward didn't want to go, but I wasn't about to be a crazy bitch and force him.
Then Edward forced me to leave school early, forced me to let him drive me home, forced me to answer a bunch of really personal questions I didn't want to answer and I was totally into it.