Blessed and Cursed

Disclaimer: Devil May Cry and its characters = © Capcom. I don't make any profit from this story.

Replies

DevilFanDemVlad – I agree with you about Kyrie, she really is a stuck up bitch. And about Nero and Dante… well, we'll see xD
Thanks for reviewing! :D

xXchantillyXx – Aww, thank you *-* My first language is German.
Thanks for the review!

bitbyboth – Heh, Dante always makes an entrance, doesn't he? xD Thanks for pointing out the typo, I fixed it – and also thanks for reviewing :D

SirenaLoreley – Thanks :D Yup, Kyrie definitely deserved that. And about Dante helping Nero… hehehe, we'll see :O
Thanks for reviewing :D

TwWereWolf – The tattoo will be revealed later on, so stay tuned! :P
Thanks for the comment :D

Yoshi333 – Well, I'll try my best to let their relationship slowly develop – after all, they need a reason to fall in love with each other… before they jump each other xD
Thanks for the review :D

Also, thanks to all who added this fic to their faves and / or subscribed to it! :D

Chapter 3 – Callous Heart

If I had been thinking rationally, I would not have found myself in a situation like this. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to think properly now.

I didn't even have a clue where we were now.

I remember that I quickly went home to take a shower and met up with Dante half an hour later. Later this evening, I had a break-down. I told Dante everything about that last horrible year. As always, alcohol fogged my mind and I could only remember pieces of our long conversation.

"Why are you so sad, Nero?", Dante had asked at one point.

"Isn't it obvious?", I had asked back, still drowning myself with more booze. Dante didn't stop me from drinking it, didn't say that I had enough already. I didn't know whether that was good or bad. So I just kept going.

"Is it because you were not the one getting married to Kyrie?", he continued his query.

"No", I replied bluntly, "It's more complicated than that. Also, I'm not interested in her anymore."

"There's no reason to be that dejected, Nero", he had said, "Believe me, you can do better than Kyrie. Any woman will be lucky to –"

"I find women repulsive."

I don't remember his response to that. Fuck.

Later, he had said something amongst the lines of "You sure have changed."

"How?"

"Well, I don't remember you being that depressed", was his answer.

"I'm not depressed, old man." I remember how hard it was to force that smile out.

"You know that I'm not buying that, do you?", Dante asked and eyed me suspiciously.

I shrugged.

He sighed at that. "Seriously kid ... Nero – depressed doesn't suit you. And I know that this cocky brat that tried to kill me back then is still within you. And I will make sure to bring him back to the surface."

"Why are you doing this, Dante?", I asked tiredly.

"I care about you, Nero", he replied and it sounded sincere. For one moment, I actually believed him. I wanted to believe this so badly. But experience had taught me a hard lesson in the past. Don't they say learning is a gift even when pain is your teacher?

"People always say they care", I mumbled, "And then, they throw you away because someone better came along."

"But we're the same", Dante said lowly, "You and I."

He had said that way back when we first met. It warmed my heart somehow. I felt less alone.

And there was another memory, the sharpest of them:

"I don't want to be filled with hate anymore", I had sobbed. I didn't want to cry but the harder I tried to suppress it the worse it got. I was sick and disgusted with myself. I didn't want to feel like shit anymore. I didn't want to feel anything.

"I'm tired of everything and it pisses me off."

"Kid, I understand how hard it is –"

I interrupted him. "How can you understand this?" Anger welled up inside me. I didn't want to hear that. I didn't think Dante could understand how I felt. No one could.

"I'm not going to tell you that I'm older or more experienced", he said, still completely calm while I was still trembling from the tears and anger.

"Because that's not helping your case", he continued, "I know what it feels like to be an outsider because I am one. Being a half-demon means that you neither belong to the human nor to the devil side – keeping an equilibrium is quite difficult and you must learn not to give in to either side. You need to find your place in this world on your own to keep sane."

There was silence for a short while.

"How do you know all of this?", I asked then.

"I used to know someone who let his devil side take control", he explained, "In the end, this was what killed him."

"Who was it?"

"I don't want to talk about that today", he said, "It's enough that you are already that down, no need for me to do the same. I promise I will tell you but just not today, okay?"

I mumbled an "Alright" and thought about what Dante had just told me. It was actually quite surprising how he acted. Behind all that muscles and his hard-ass exterior, there was a deep and sensitive person. I didn't expect that.

"Dante?"

"Yeah kid?"

I avoided to look into his eyes and felt heat flooding to my cheeks. Feeling kinda awkward all of a sudden, I scratched the side of my nose.

"Thanks."

He only chuckled at that.

Why the fuck did I do that? I just had spilled out everything, allowed myself to be weak again over and over. I didn't want to be weak, didn't want anybody to see me weak. Nobody had to know how much I hated myself.

I guess all the pain inside me had finally bubbled up to the surface – with a loud and earth-shattering bang. And now I was at rock bottom again.

"Listen, kid –" I suddenly heard his voice beside me –"I know you're having a hard time now but you need to pull through. This town seems to suffocate you. Maybe you need a change of scene?"

"I kinda tried that before", I mumbled quietly, lifting my head from my arms to look at him. "Didn't work out as I planned." My devil bringer wasn't covered, by the way. I had tried to put the sling back on but Dante had unclipped it again – to throw it away. "No need for that", he had said with an encouraging smile which had surprised me yet again. I really didn't expect him being that ...nice. Maybe he really was a softie behind his tough exterior. Maybe he was just being nice. Maybe he acted this way because he pitied me. I don't know.

I wasn't used to people being nice. Everyone who had ever been nice to me did it for their own advantage. Kyrie did it for her own safety because she knew I could provide her that. Credo had been nice (considering the way he treated lower ranked soldiers one could say he was kinda acting nice towards me) because he needed me as knight for the Order – and well, he had to treat me decently because Kyrie used to like me. And all the guys I had met during the last year had been nice to me because they wanted sex. I don't trust people anymore.

Dante had been the first one to fully respect me. Also, he was the first to give me something instead of taking it: Yamato.

It took a moment for me to realize he had spoken.

"Move in with me."

"What?"

What? My head was spinning again.

"Move. In. With. Me", he repeated slowly, each word pronounced overly clear.

"But I'm… and we're… and Fortuna and the demons and … I and…", I began to ramble incoherently. He looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"Kid, be honest", he said then and leaned close to me. Instantly, my heart rate quickened and blood rushed to my face again. He was way too close. "The people here don't appreciate you as a local hunter. They are afraid of everything that is not human. I bet you get hired for jobs but chased away as soon as the deed is done."

"How'd you know?", I asked. Great, Dante nailed it.

He sniggered lowly. "They worshiped a demon who thought himself he was an angel. We both battled a false savior and to top it off, everything in this city is colored white, the damn color of innocence", he explained, "Ironic , isn't it? Obviously, the Fortunians are just typical religious hypocrites. I don't think that you belong here."

I hummed in response. He was still too close. And all in all, I had drunk too much that day which I could feel by now. My head hammered painfully and my limbs felt as if they were filled with lead.

But Dante just said the things which were running through my own thoughts this entire year out loud.

It was no secret that I was not happy here. Still, I seemed to be afraid of change although there was no reason to. Funny – or even ironic – how the only constant thing in my life had been change during the last year and now everything turned into a tiring routine. And here was Dante – the one offering a way out of that routine. I didn't know what held me back.

"Dante, where are we actually?", I asked, interrupting my own line of thought and looked around in the small bar. It didn't seem familiar to me – it was too dirty to be located in Fortuna where everything looked so neat and clean and light. This bar was dim-lit, the furniture dark and unvarnished, just the opposite of Fortuna's usual bleached rosewood and oak. The people didn't look like Fortunians, too – most of the men here looked dangerous with loads of tattoos and some of them even wore eye patches. Somehow I had the feeling I was inside a pirate tavern. Weird. On the other hand, maybe I was just quite drunk.

"Somewhere on the outskirts of Fortuna", Dante replied, drowning his beer. I watched his throat in fascination as he gulped the amber liquid down and found myself staring at his Adam's apple, fascinated by the way it moved –

He sat the glass down with a loud clang and ended my trance-like state.

"So Nero, are you coming with me?", he asked then, looking straight into my eyes.

His eyes had an interesting color, a clear light blue – almost like ice. They were even lighter than my own.

Nobody should make a decision like that after you've had a bad day like this where you've already had drunk enough to nearly pass out, bathed in the remains of a demon and now were having the feeling that a jackhammer was trying to pry open your skull.

"Yeah, I'm coming with you."

What the fuck did I just say?

It was too late to take that back now. After all, it couldn't be worse than in Fortuna. It was an escape and I was running away again. This time without looking back hopefully. Who did I even try to convince here? It was a bad idea and I knew it.

"Nero?"

I turned my head to the side, facing Dante once again. The look in his eyes was gentle and that confused me. Not only was it gentle but somehow – hell if I know. Nobody had ever given me a look like this, not even Kyrie when things had worked between us.

"Everything will be alright."

He leaned forward, and I felt his lips on my forehead. Then, he took my devil bringer in his hand and brushed his thumb across the red hide. "I promise."

When I woke up, I was feeling like shit again. No surprise here, considering I had cried myself to sleep that night. I rolled to the side, letting the rays of bright sunlight hit my skin. Slowly, I closed my eyes again.

What had happened yesterday? I've been to Kyrie's wedding, met Dante and –

In a matter of seconds, I was on my feet, hectically analyzing the room I was in. It was my own room. My apartment.

How did I get here?

Slowly, I stretched and listened how my bones popped back into their joints. I agreed that I moved in with Dante, didn't I? Great. Why did I say 'yes'?

On the other hand, it could be a good idea. I hated this city. Dante was giving me a reason to leave it.

Why couldn't my head just give me a damn break?

Gingerly, I rubbed my eyes and went to the bathroom. Whoa, not did I only feel like shit, I looked like shit too. The bags under my eyes were just enormous. I opened a cabinet and pulled out some painkillers. Damn headache. Hopefully this would work.

Shortly after, I was stepping out of the shower and indeed, I felt better. I made my way to the living room and froze as soon as I was through the door.

I certainly wasn't ready for that: apparently, Dante had decided to crash on my couch. He was shirtless and the only thing he was wearing were his leather pants. The blanket he had used laid crumpled on the floor so that I could look at his upper body. And goddamn did he look gorgeous. His muscles were well defined – the only thing disturbing the smooth skin was a scar that crossed his upper torso. How was it possible that he had it? The rest of his skin was flawless – considering all the battles Dante had been through he should have more scars, shouldn't he? I asked myself who had inflicted it.

I had the sudden urge to touch him. I wanted to feel the contrast between the marred skin of the scar and the seemingly silken skin. I wanted to run my hand down his abs, wanted to watch his muscles move as they contracted and relaxed, wanted to be pressed up skin against skin with him. My gaze slid lower to the V-shape of his muscles and his hipbones, and lower straight to –

"Morning, kid", he said in a sleepy, slightly raspy voice, successfully ending my ogling session and making me flinch back a little, blushing furiously for nearly drooling over him. "Morning", I replied sheepishly. Get a grip, Nero, get a fucking grip. I was acting like a teenage girl.

He rose onto his feet, turning his back to me and stretching – and there I was again, ogling him shamelessly as his muscles rippled beneath his skin which looked oh so soft, similar to silk stretched over metal –

"Kid, are you listening?"

"Huh?"

"You didn't live in this apartment for long, did you?", he asked.

"I moved in about one year ago", I replied, once again scratching my nose in embarrassment. I really needed to break that habit. "Why are you asking?"

With a raised eyebrow, Dante examined the room shortly, then he looked back at me. "It's quite empty, you do realize that, do you?", he said and for the first time I moved in here I realized that it really was empty. I didn't paint the walls which wear white and slightly yellowed. The paint on the door and window frames was chipped, the windows dirty. As stupid as it sounds but my apartment actually reflected my own state of mind: abandoned and sad.

"There are no pictures here, no decorations, everything just looks neutral", he went on, "You obviously don't feel like home here."

It was true but I kept that to myself. I couldn't stand pictures. The apartment Kyrie and I had shared were stuffed with the pictures she painted and there had been art supplies everywhere. I didn't want anything that reminded me of her. And although I didn't like it here, I was still in doubt about leaving with Dante. I didn't know why I was brooding again. I shouldn't let this opportunity pass, but –

"We should hit the road soon", Dante said, sliding his black shirt over his head and snapping the buckles of his vest shut. "No need in staying here longer than needed."

"Yeah, about that…", I said quietly, "I don't know whether this is a good idea."

"I don't know why it should be a bad idea", he said with a light frown, "And we discussed this last night. Look, I can always provide you jobs, a roof above your head and I won't judge you because of your arm."

"I don't remember much from yesterday", I said and looked to the floor, trying to avoid his gaze.

"Nero, look at me." He had crossed the room quickly, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look into his eyes. "Nobody will judge you in Capulet City or any other town outside of Fortuna, believe me. People there have other problems and won't be bothered by this."

Of course, he was right. I had visited other cities than Fortuna the last year and nobody there had ever asked many questions about my bringer. People just took a curious look but no one questioned why it was there. Nobody called me a demon.

Again, he took my right hand into his slightly calloused hands. Usually, I would jerk away whenever someone tried to touch my bringer but for some reason it calmed me down this time. I briefly wondered why before I made the mistake of looking into his eyes. There was this gentle look in them again, the one he had given me yesterday. Somehow he managed to captivate me.

"W-well, okay I guess", I said in defeat. How did he manage to convince me? "I'll just go pack my things."

"Great", he said, pulled his arm around me and patted me on the shoulder. "I promise you won't regret it."

"We'll see about that, old man", I said cockily as I left the room, suddenly in a much better mood.

I was going to leave Fortuna forever! This was it, I'm leaving. And I'm not coming back.

I was practically bouncing back into the bedroom and although I felt silly for it, I couldn't help but being happy, even though I didn't really know what to expect from the city Dante lived in – Capulet city, wasn't it? All I knew is that I would become his partner, that we would take jobs to eliminate demons. I was convinced that I would actually get paid there. And the people there surely weren't that religious – this made things much easier. Everything would be different. With Dante as a friend, it would be easy, wouldn't it? The old man seemed like a good person deep down after all and I could imagine myself going on missions with him.

Dante as a friend… would that work? Didn't I just practically craved for him when I had seen him? Didn't I let him touch my bringer although I couldn't stand people touching it? Could a friendship between us work when I wanted more? What did he want? What did he feel?

But wait, he kissed me yesterday, didn't he? It was a kiss on the forehead, sure – but it was a kiss nonetheless. Do friends do this?
I pulled out a huge traveling back and started tossing my belongings into it.

Weird – during a fight I didn't think at all. Everything just came to me, like it was natural. But when I wasn't fighting my fucking brain just wouldn't shut up. Why was I asking myself all these questions? I am getting ahead of myself – I can't tell how things at Dante's office would turn out so I just had to wait and see.

I occupied myself with packing my things which went by quite quickly, considering I didn't have that many possessions. I found myself smiling while I packed – and finally it wasn't a forced smile. All of my stuff was thrown in haphazardly but I couldn't care less.

I went and fetched my things in the bathroom, wrote a short note to my landlord and put the money for the last rent in an envelope. It was the end of the month anyway. Well, Dante sure came by conveniently.

There were far more positive arguments than negative for moving in with Dante. No reason for doubts or regrets. Not yet, anyway.