Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.
RACHEL
Rachel wished she could regret what happened their last night together, but she didn't. "Tomorrow" had come and her and Blaine's lives now had a new start, one where they couldn't be the everything they were before, but at least things could settle back into normal. The lines and boundaries were back; even if they were different now. She and Blaine would be friends – strictly friends. There would be no lingering stares. They wouldn't hold hands. They wouldn't even kiss each other on the cheek or be overly affectionate in any way; they both knew they wouldn't be able to handle it if they did. For awhile, at least, it wouldn't be friendly. It would be heartbreaking. But the alternative that as pushing each other to the point that they were out of each others lives, that was even worse.
Rachel wasn't surprised at all when she went home alone for Hanukkah as Kurt decided last minute to stay in the city with Blaine and their renewed romantic relationship. In a way she was relieved that Blaine hadn't back out on his decision. It felt like a real step forward, even if it was a bit reluctant. Still she was glad she wouldn't have be around to see them make another go of it. She had approximately one month to resolve her feelings before she could return to New York and feign happiness for Kurt, though the strangest thing about it all was that she did feel happy for him, because he was happier than he'd been in a long time.
The first time she really realized what a different relationship she'd forced herself into with Blaine was the afternoon of his hearing with NYU. It had gone off without a hitch, his suspension demoted to probation and he was allowed to re-enroll in the classes he'd had to give up last semester. As she congratulated him and Kurt wrapped him up in his arms, she couldn't help the thought that she should have been doing that. They would have gone out to celebrate, either to dinner or to see Marco at their bar, but instead she had to settle for a gracious smile and a brief side hug. It had felt so strange, so unnatural to her that when Kurt did suggest they all go out, she politely declined.
He had texted her later that evening, a short "wish you were here" but she never responded. He didn't need her to explain to him why she wasn't. It wasn't that they never spent time together anymore; they did. Sometimes they even managed with just the two of them, though it was always in public, but most of the time she would end up joining him and Kurt. It was eerily similar to high school and she tried not to feel bitter; after all, it was as much her choice as it was Blaine's.
And then there was Jesse. She had feared he would disappear back into his own world after the winter fundraiser had wrapped up, but he proved her wrong by showing up at her school after her first day back with a mug of hot tea. She'd thrown her arms around him and her fears melted away as he held her to his chest. She didn't feel so much like the delegated third wheel, or quite as lonely when he was around. Because no matter how much he liked Blaine or got along with Kurt, he was her friend. She didn't have to share him and it may have been selfish, but she liked having someone who was only hers.
Every now and then, he would ask if she wanted to talk about Blaine, but she found she had less and less to say about it as time went on. Things seemed to be going well with Kurt, and if that's what made Blaine happy, then she wasn't going to stand in the way. Even if she missed him more than she might admit; she had her own life to live. This semester was decidedly less glamorous than her last, though she did get a certain thrill every time a teacher or another student pointed her out in class as the lead of their very successful musical. She felt now more than ever that she was on the right path; it was validating.
"You look extremely pink today," Jesse said as she put on her primrose overcoat for the walk back to her apartment from his theater.
"It is Valentine's," Rachel remarked with a grin as glanced down at her outfit happily.
"Not for a few more days," Jesse reminded her and she hummed in agreement, "but I suppose that wouldn't stop you from dressing for the season."
"I live by the firm belief that I should be ready to attend any and every public event I may be invited to," Rachel explained pleasantly. "I should always be presentable and in acceptable attire. Since many people like to throw seasonally-themed parties, I should dress to the occasion."
"You must have a lot of invitations then since I don't think I'd find more hearts in one place even if I went to the Hallmark store," he quipped as she playfully shoved him away.
"I have a few solicitations to choose from," she muttered, shrugging her shoulders slightly, "but most of them will be predominated by those with significant others and I'm not sure if I want to spend my evening as everyone's third wheel."
"You don't have a date?" Jesse asked and there was something in his voice that intrigued her. He still carried his trademark smirk, his shoulder casually slumped with indifference, but there was definitely something in his eyes that added weight to the otherwise simple question.
"You know very well that I don't, Jesse St. James," she said.
"I know you don't have a boyfriend, which is different than a date," he insisted and she looked at him, slightly confused. "Oh well," he continued, "maybe you can do something with Kurt and Blaine. There's a fifty-fifty chance that Kurt will end up the third wheel by the end of the evening."
"That is not fair and not true," she said fiercely, annoyed that he would tease her about coming between her two good friends, especially when he knew her past. "Kurt and Blaine are happy together. Besides, they're not doing anything for Valentine's Day."
"And why is that?" he asked unapologetically, which only served to irritate her more.
"They're determined to take it slow-."
"They've been dating for about two months, how slow can they take it?" Jesse interrupted but Rachel just continued on as if she hadn't heard him. "-and they decided that celebrating a holiday centered around romance might be a little overwhelming."
"It sounds to me like Blaine is avoiding commitment again," Jesse said under his breath and she just couldn't help the need she had to jump to his defense.
"Blaine has no problem with commitment," she said, her voice taking on a hard edge. Jesse opened his mouth, perhaps to argue but she held up a hand and cut him off instead. "And before you say he never committed to me, I'll remind you that I never asked him to, but he still showed me more loyalty than most of the relationships I've had."
"But you're the one alone on Valentine's Day while he pretends not to be in a relationship," Jesse countered.
"What does it matter to you if I am?" Rachel snapped, her heels clicking rapidly on the concrete as she increased her pace until she managed to place herself ahead of Jesse. "If you think it's that big of a deal, then you do something about it, otherwise you can spend the holiday alone with just your cynicism for company."
"Rachel Berry, are you asking me out?" Jesse asked, sliding in front of her with ease despite her best efforts to storm away from him. He grinned at her expectantly and she supposed it was a little endearing, if a bit challenging. He often brought the fight out in her, but she was tired of having to push and pull her way through, only to end up having to let everything go. So whatever dare lurked behind his sky blue eyes, she wasn't going to take the bait. It was someone else's turn to play the sucker.
"No," she said, shaking her head, not letting herself feel guilty for the way his face fell. "In fact, I'm starting to feel like Kurt and Blaine have the right idea in skipping the holiday all together."
"That's a little drastic," he argued.
"Is it?" Rachel replied nonchalantly as she realized they has wandered onto her block without her noticing and were nearing her apartment building. As they reached the door, she turned on her heel. "I think it's the best idea I've had in a long time, to be honest."
"I think it sounds a bit dense," Jesse sighed, staring her down at her in a way that used to excite her when they were younger. At that exact moment, however, it just made her feel tired and out of place in her own life. It made her question her own decisions and if there was anything she had learned over the past few years, it was that she needed to stand by her own convictions. It didn't matter what they were, as long as they were hers.
"As far as I'm concerned, the matter is settled," Rachel said in a huff as she began searching for her key before stepping in the direction of the meager reception area. Jesse didn't follow, either because it was abundantly clear he was no longer welcome, or by his own accord. "I already told you what you could do about it if you wanted to change my mind."
-:-
The days passed quickly until Valentine's evening came and true to her word, Rachel was alone on the roof of her tiny apartment, accompanied only by her Barbara playlist and her dad's recipe for substitute pad thai. The night air was probably too cold for her to be barefoot, but she couldn't be bothered to climb through her window, just for a pair of shoes. Not when she could hear music drifting through the streets from the open clubs, or a whispered conversation carried out a nearby window. She could see the lights in the far off distance at the heart of the city, bright and neon and blazing.
This was the New York she was in love with; its vitality, its promise that nothing would stay the same or stand still. There was always another day to step into and you could go forward with someone by your side or you could go at it alone, but either way, there was no going back. It propelled her into her future in a way Lima never had. She got stuck in old habits, clinging onto the smallest thing she could while in Ohio, until she lost sight of the things she dreamed of. New York reminded her of those dreams and beckoned her forward. It was easier to move on here.
Still, Jesse's words kept creeping their way back into her mind and she couldn't decide what bothered her more; that he might actually be right as far as his own twisted logic could get him, or that there was clearly an underlying motive that went beyond his usual snark. Most would say it was uncharacteristic of Jesse to keep his feelings hidden, but Rachel knew him deeper than that. When it came to vulnerable emotions – anything from anger to disappointment to love – he was like a vault and it took a lot of coaxing to get him to admit he cared even the smallest bit.
The hardest part was the waiting. She knew no matter how much she poked and prodded, the first step was always made on his terms. Sometimes she liked it, knowing what her lead was and where to go with it but other times, like now, it was just aggravating. The hints were there, had been for months at least, and contrary to Blaine's beliefs, she wasn't blind to them. It's just that Jesse insisted on being so stagnant and she wasn't willing to take a chance on another undefined relationship – if she were to be in any at all. If he wanted something with her, he was going to have to say so. It was weak, but she needed that reassurance. The only consolation she found was that, no matter how frustrating or stubborn he could be, Jesse was usually worth the trouble.
She heard the creaky metal ladder rattle against the side of the building and jumped. It was unusual for anyone in the building to come up to the roof but as she heard her name being called in a distinctly masculine voice, she relaxed. Unfurling from her chair, she stood up and smiled. It was almost as if he were on cue and hitting his mark as Jesse came to stand in front of her.
"So when you said I could do something about you being alone on Valentine's Day," he said, and her grin widen at his lack of preamble, "I thought about whisking you away on some overly orchestrated date manufactured in a bargain bin romantic comedy, but I don't think either of us would have enjoyed that."
"It could have gone either way," Rachel nodded, stifling a laugh, "but you would get points for the dramatic gesture."
"Well, they say it's the thought that counts," he shrugged, humor glinting in his eyes, "in which case, I have a lot of interest built up that I intend to cash in."
His gaze was intense in a way that only Jesse had ever managed to master and she felt proud of herself that she was one of the few who could ever match it. There was always a charge between them and she felt more and more attracted to it, but she still held back. And she could sense him doing the same as he turned away from her slightly, facing the skyline.
"What are you doing up here anyway?" he asked, the sudden change in conversation not lost on Rachel, but she simply went along with it. Folding his hand in her own, she led him to the edge of the building.
"Do you see that string of red lights?" she asked, pointing as far to the right as she could, her arm swooping in wave to imitated the pattern. "That's the new marquee for Chicago. The girl who just replaced Roxie Hart has been acting on Broadway since she was 16 but this is her first leading role. I sit up here, and it all feels so incredibly close. I know that will be me one day."
"It's an inevitability," Jesse agreed.
"I can do this," Rachel sighed happily, leaning her head against his shoulder, "and when I'm up here, I know I can even do it alone. But when I think about that first curtain call on a Broadway stage, I know I'll go back to these moments on the roof and I know I'll want someone who was here with me now to be there with me then."
"Do you see me there?" Jesse whispered, squeezing her hand tight.
"I do," she whispered back. "I'd even say I need you there."
"You don't need anyone," Jesse insisted so matter-of-factly that she might have been insulted if it had come from anyone else. "So I guess it comes down to who you want."
"I already have who I want," she whispered, staring off in the distance. "There's not a single person in my life I would trade for another. The real question, is if any of them feel the same way."
"I do," he echoed her previous words and it seemed a bonding of sorts to her. He held fast to her hand, letting the moment settle and there was something so monumental about standing on the roof of her tiny apartment, looking out over New York with Jesse, their words lingering in the air. She felt completely at home, the presence of the city enveloping them. However she got there, she was meant to be in this moment with Jesse. And maybe, just maybe, she was meant to carry this forward with her.
It could be worth a try.
-:-
BLAINE
Leaving Rachel's apartment in December had been one of the hardest thing he'd ever had to do in his life and when she met him at the door, wrapped in her bathrobe and holding a bag with everything he had left at her place over that last few months, he almost stayed. But it was in that moment he realized how weak he truly was and it was his weakness that caused the pain hidden under her smile. She was confused – they both were – and it wasn't fair to either of them to ignore that. She wasn't willing to go back to what they were and he wasn't sure that moving forward was possible after the mess he'd made of things. They had reached an impasse and at least this way, they could stop hurting each other. At least this way, they hadn't ruined everything.
He had Kurt to focus on now and that was a daunting idea to say the least. It wasn't that he didn't have any feelings at all for his soon-to-be current boyfriend, it was more that he was still sorting through all the ones he did have. It was like being at Dalton all over again, but with more at stake. Kurt had once again made it clear that he wanted to be with him and Blaine, as much as he liked the boy, wasn't sure if his intentions matched Kurt's. Adding in the history they had, it only seemed more complicated, but Kurt was willing to be patient while Blaine tried to muddle through and he deserved a lot of credit for that.
There had only been one major fight between them, taking place the evening after he officially moved out of Jesse's apartment and back into a dorm room at NYU. The stress of the day, he guessed, was what caused them to finally crack and it took everything in him to keep from running after Rachel when the argument started. But he'd meant it when he wanted to give him and Kurt a real chance and that meant battling out their demons of the past. So he listened to Kurt yell about how he had punished him, had pushed him away, and was still being distant. And Blaine screamed in retaliation, finally telling Kurt exactly how he felt about being left behind in Lima, how it hurt to think Kurt couldn't even wait a year for him.
It went around in circles for hours and Blaine was sure their attempt at rekindling their old relationship was going to end before it had really started when Kurt finally broke down. "I'm sorry!" he half-screamed, half-choked, sitting down on the floor as if his legs had given out. "I screwed up. For the first time in my life, I felt accepted and wanted and it wasn't just by one person or my dad. It was everywhere. It was this city and the people. I got confused, thought I wanted someone new. But I don't, okay? I just want you and I've known this for a long time. I know I took you for granted and I know you have every right to be angry but please just believe that I am so sorry Blaine."
All these things Blaine knew, or at least guessed at, but hearing the words finally come from Kurt seemed to make all the difference. "I do believe you," Blaine said as he sat on the floor next to him, crossing his legs and tucking his hands under his knees. "At least I do now, but back then all I felt was that I was being abandoned and when you came back, when I came here, I just couldn't let that happen again. It was the loneliest I think I've ever felt and if you could do it to me once, you could do it again."
"I won't," Kurt insisted, his voice full of promises.
"I believe you won't mean to," was his only response.
"This is what I'm talking about," Kurt groaned in frustration. "How are we supposed to move forward when you don't trust me? It's like you want us to fail and I can't do anything about it because you don't let me."
"I told you before we got into this-."
"I know you did, but I can't carry a relationship by myself." Guilt began to prickle at Blaine's skin as he took in Kurt's defeated voice and the sadness in his eyes. "It's too hard and if this is the way it's going to be, then we should back out now before you end up hating me more than you already do."
"I don't hate you Kurt," Blaine insisted, a little shocked to hear that Kurt thought it was even a possibility, but he had to admit he'd given him every reason to think so. Because as much as Blaine wanted to pin all the blame on Kurt for the way things had been over the last year, he also knew it was just as much his own fault. He had made sure to hold back around Kurt; he had been cold, intentionally and accidentally all while Kurt tried so hard to make things better between them. "And now I'm the one who needs to apologize," Blaine realized as he turned to Kurt, "because I put all this pressure on you and maybe it was my way of trying to give myself a loophole. That was wrong of me."
"If you want out, just say so," Kurt whispered. "I can't make you stay."
"I don't want out," Blaine shook his head. "I just... I'm sorry for making you feel like it was all up to you. I'm going to start trying now. It's going to go both ways, okay?"
"If you're just saying that-."
"I'm not," Blaine said, interrupting him this time as he reached over to Kurt's worrying hands and held one in his own. Kurt glanced over at him with a hesitant smile, which he returned in kind.
-:-
Blaine wished he could say that everything fell into place after that, but things between them still weren't as effortless as they had been the first time around. To Blaine, it still felt like he was going through the motions and he knew Kurt could feel it as well, but still they tried. They went on dates, actual real dates with just the two of them. They texted through classes, and Kurt would still go out of his way to visit Blaine at the new Starbucks he had transferred to. They talked on the phone on the nights they couldn't see each other and somewhere along the lines, it stopped being an effort and started to feel more natural.
Still, when the subject of Valentine's Day was breached, he couldn't fight back the hesitance that coiled in his stomach. He couldn't properly explain it to himself, but as much as he believed he and Kurt were starting down the right path, the whole Valentine's Day experience seemed incredibly heavy to him. He used to enjoy the holiday, but it didn't feel right to him this year. He saw all the couples floating around, head in the clouds as they made plans and couldn't see himself or Kurt in any of them. Not even the new couples, the ones just starting out after one of the worked up the courage to ask the other out for the day. Honestly, they were the worst of all; if they could be happy on Valentine's then what did that say about him?
He tried to be as honest as possible, and Kurt didn't seem terribly disappointed, claiming he had a lot of work he needed to catch up on for the second half of his advanced theater class. Blaine was grateful for the excuse, citing his own homework even though he was merely repeating the classes he'd lost credit for his last semester. So while they agreed to spend the evening together, it would be spent studying over Chinese food and text books. No hearts, no candy, no flowers. No pressure.
But even as he sat cross-legged on his bed on Valentine's day, surrounded by notebooks and highlighters, he wondered if maybe they should have at least done something. He knew in his heart it had been the right decision to more or less skip the holiday – to skip the reservations and the dates and the hearts and the declarations of love that only seemed to last the course of one evening – but it felt so strange and somehow selfish not to celebrate that he did have someone to hold. It was almost like he was taking the whole thing for granted and that scared him; after all, that had been Kurt's admittedly biggest mistake and he didn't want to make the same one.
"Don't get mad," Kurt said by way of introduction as he walked though Blaine's open doorway, carrying several bags. Blaine looked at him warily, but didn't say anything while he jumped up onto his bed, shoving a plastic bag tied tightly at the top into his lap. "I know we said we weren't going to get each other anything, but I saw this and it reminded me of you."
"Kurt-," he started carefully, not even sure of what he was going to say but was thankfully saved when Kurt began to babble in distress. He did look a little troubled, a little ashamed that he'd broken his promise, which told Blaine that at least he had tried to stay within their agreement instead of planning this behind his back. His apprehension began to fade as his listened to Kurt try to explain how he was only going to pick up their food, but it was on the counter and it reminded him of Blaine and he just couldn't say no. It wasn't really a present, anyway, he stressed, especially not a Valentine's Day present. "I didn't even wrap it," Kurt continued. "It's still in the tacky plastic bag."
Indeed it was, and Blaine smiled to himself, knowing how hard that must have been for Kurt to present something to him with so little ceremony. His gifts were usually impeccably wrapped in color-coordinated papers and bows, sometimes even followed a theme. For Kurt to just tie the bag shut and drop it in Blaine's lap, that was a sure sign of spontaneity on his part. If he'd picked it up at their take-out place, it couldn't possibly be expensive. Blaine couldn't even tell what it was through the plastic and it seemed silly to argue over something that clearly came with the best intentions.
He began twisting the knot loose as Kurt watched him, wringing his hands nervously until the tie gave way and the bag fell open. Held down on the cardboard base with wire, were two plush puppy dogs with long floppy ears facing and half a heart drawn on the side of their snouts except for when their noses touched and the two halves were made into a complete heart. Scrawled hastily across the bright red base in Kurt's handwriting were the words "puppy love".
"Do you remember this?" Kurt asked quietly, leaning his shoulder against Blaine's.
"Oh God, this was like, four years ago," Blaine laughed, beaming from ear to ear as he thought back to that long-forgotten day in his sophomore year in high school. "That was kind of our first Valentine's if you think about it."
"It's hard to believe we've known each other that long," Kurt chuckled, picking off the tag from one of the toy dog's ears. "Sometimes it feels like we're just getting started."
"You think so?" Blaine wondered aloud. For him, The Lima Bean felt like a lifetime ago, like a distant era. When love meant knowing the other's coffee order, when you merely had to say "I like you", and things were as simple as holding hands. He'd been a different person then; Kurt had been a different person. They'd had different hopes and dreams, yet there was so much to look forward to. And now they'd grown up and being in a relationship was the hardest thing in the world, even when you were starting to love the other person every bit as much as they loved you.
"Not all the time, obviously," Kurt sighed wistfully, gazing off in the distance at something only he could see. Blaine wondered what he was thinking, what they looked like through his eyes. "We've been through a lot, but yeah," he smiled as he used one finger to push the noses of the dogs together in a playful caricature of a kiss, causing Blaine to laugh. "You know, sometimes it's nice to remember how young we are. We can be stupid and optimistic and buy cheap gas station toys."
"Thank you for this Kurt," Blaine said, smiling as wide as his face would let him, but it still didn't feel like it was enough to express how happy he really felt at that moment. Because he really was, this was the Kurt he had been in love with, the one who let his walls down and allowed himself to be free and content. This was the one Blaine was seeing more and more of and it wasn't hard to imagine falling for him again. He could definitely be in love with this boy, if he let himself. And in moments like this, it was okay to do that, despite whatever confusing feelings he might have left over; it was okay to be in love again.
Kurt grinned happily and Blaine added, "it's adorable," as he leaned over and kissed his boyfriend. As he did so, that moment he'd been looking for, the one where everything came together and clicked, finally fell upon him. He still had things to work on, things to leave in the past, but maybe he could do that. At the very least, it could be worth a try.
-:-
RACHEL
Jesse had started being distant, and she just couldn't understand why. If this had happened at any point before their evening on the roof, she could have accepted it but it was over two weeks later and he barely seemed to exist at all. When he bothered to respond to her text messages, it was always with one word and the most frequent of all was "busy". But she couldn't seem to find him. He wasn't at his apartment when she went by, and was nowhere to be found near his theater. Either she had the worst timing in the world or Jesse was a master of avoidance and since this was the same guy who lived and worked only a few blocks from the school she attended for a year, she strongly suspected it was the second occurrence.
"Don't ask me what Jesse does with his spare time," Blaine had said to her as he sat with her during his break at work, sipping her tea absently.
"You lived with him!" she reminded him, grabbing her drink away from him as he laughed. "You have to know something."
"He was barely there," Blaine shrugged, "and when he did come home, he went straight to his room with whatever date he had that week and since I usually ended up at your place on those nights, I wouldn't see him 'till maybe days later."
"You were terrible roommates," Rachel grumbled.
"I could have spent more time there if you had ever let me leave your place."
"Blaine!" Rachel laughed, feeling her face turn red. "I'm trying to be serious here. I need to talk to Jesse and I can't if he's avoiding me."
"Why would he be avoiding you?" Blaine questioned, his brow creased with concern. "What's so important anyway?"
"It's kind of..." Rachel trailed off as her thoughts swirled together. She wasn't sure what she could tell him, what would be the proper response and it hurt her inside to know that she had to second-guess herself with Blaine now. As friendly as they had remained and as much as they could joke about their past dalliances, there were instances such as this that still arose between them when the line blurred between what could be said as friends and what could hurt as exes. "I'm not sure exactly and that's why I need to talk to him."
"Did he say something to you?" Blaine pressed as he slid down in his chair and crossed one leg over his knee.
"About what?" she asked, trying to hide her discomfort by taking a larger than necessary drink of her tea.
"About you."
Rachel choked, the tea unceremoniously dripping from the corners of her lips as she sputtered. Blaine's mouth fell into a grim line and he passed her a napkin, waiting for her to collect herself. "Not in so many words," she finally said. "How did you know?"
"Call it a hunch," his voice was flat as he spoke, even though she could see the effort he was making to smile at her as if it actually amused him.
"Don't be mad," Rachel pleaded. "It doesn't mean anything. I mean, it doesn't yet. I just mean it wasn't like this when you and I were-."
"Relax Rachel, I know," Blaine jumped in, cutting off her fumbling speech and this time, his smile was a little more genuine. "We talked about it once, Jesse and I, or it was more like I talked at him. It's not a secret that he has feelings for you; even you know it."
"Is that such a bad thing though?" Rachel wondered to herself more than to him, though she voiced it aloud. "I know no one ever approved of Jesse, but I've always enjoyed his company and you have Kurt now."
"Just because I 'have Kurt now' is not a reason to jump into anything with Jesse," he grumbled much too loudly for her to have mistakenly overheard it. She shot him a glare across the table, which he returned.
"I'm not jumping into anything with Jesse," she replied heatedly. "And even if I were, it's really not your business at all, is it?"
"I'm just looking out for you," Blaine asserted, "and him. I don't want to see anyone else get hurt, and especially not you. Not again."
"It's not like you did a great job of that the first time around," Rachel snipped.
"Well someone has to learn from the experience," he shot back. She shook her head, scoffing as she did so, even as he continued on. "Kurt and I, we're getting there and yeah, we're better today than we were a few weeks ago but it's a lot of work. This can't be something you do just because you're lonely. You have to mean it."
"I'm not a child anymore Blaine," she said evenly, trying to keep her anger out of her voice. "I don't need a boyfriend and it's a mortifying that you even think that of me. I know how to be alone, believe it or not. I did it for sixteen years before I got together with Finn, before you even knew me, and I can do it again. But maybe I don't want to. Maybe that's the difference, did you ever think of that?"
"That's not what I meant!" he argued. "I just... I'm sorry okay? You're right. It's not any of my business."
The chair scraped against the linoleum floor as he stood up, tossing his cleaning towel over his shoulder with a resounding snap against his back. He ran a hand through his hair, agitating the gel and shaking a few of the trapped curls free. She should have found joy in that, as she had been disappointed when he started styling his hair shortly after January, but she was too upset to really process it. "Where are you going?" she demanded.
"Back to work," was his short answer. "If I hear from Jesse, I'll tell him to call you."
-:-
She didn't hear from either of them until a few days later, strangely only an hour apart; Blaine first with a lengthy apology left on her voice mail, which she quickly returned to say she had already forgiven him. Jesse's text came after and it was the longest one she'd received from him in weeks.
My theater. After curtain call. Name's on the list. - Jesse
She could barely focus on the play his company was putting on. Instead she sat nervously in the back, twisting the sleeve of her jacket in her hand until the house lights came on and the crowd started to make their way outside. She waited until the majority of the people were in the lobby and wove through the few stragglers towards the steps she knew were hidden behind the thick black curtain hanging off the sides of the stage.
Her heels tapped against the floor as she searched for Jesse through the remaining cast members still milling about. Most of them remembered her from Cabaret and said hello, but disappeared before she could ask after Jesse. She was growing more and more frustrated and even entertained the idea of storming out before he could find her, but she knew she would regret it by the time she got home. And he might not even try to speak to her again if she did. No, this could likely be her only chance. So she would wait.
She felt absolutely ridiculous as fifteen minutes passed with no sign of him. She checked her phone, but there were no new messages and every time she typed one out to send to him, she ended up deleting it and starting all over. Eventually, most of the people had ventured far back stage or gone home and she was till sitting on the edge of the stage, waiting for a man she was almost certain was toying with her at this point.
"There you are," she heard Jesse's voice echo through the rafters. She looked over her shoulder to see him waking towards her. He offered her a hand and helped her off the floor while saying, "I was looking for you outside."
A small smile played at her lips, accompanied by a light blush. She felt silly for doubting him. "I guess I just assumed you would want to meet here."
"It's not a big deal. I haven't been very communicative lately," he said with a shrug of his shoulders as he casually led her to the center of the stage. "Blaine said you wanted to talk to me."
"My two hundred messages didn't tell you that?" she asked, her eyebrow arched in disbelief.
"I got the general idea," Jesse teased, "but it really hit home with Blaine's angry labradoodle voice mails."
"He called you?" Rachel repeated slowly, unsure of how to feel about that, but she shook it off to worry about later.
"Consistently," Jesse nodded. "I stopped listening to them after I heard actual yipping in the background."
Rachel laughed quietly at his words, a silence settling upon them for a moment before she realized it was up to her to push him onwards. "What made you finally decide to give in?"
"It's actually extremely exhausting trying to avoid you," he said with a grin.
"So you were ignoring me then," she sighed, gazing down at her feet. "Did I do something wrong? I thought we – or that maybe you – I don't know what I thought, but we were there together on the roof and I felt like something happened. Did it not?"
"It did," he admitted, his voice sober.
"Then what changed?" she demanded as gently as possible.
"I wanted to be the good guy this time," Jesse said, the tips of his fingers toying with the hem of his long sleeves, the only sign that he wasn't as confident as he was trying to portray. "To let you have all your feelings and whatever else you needed before I told you that I wanted you but that involves waiting and patience and I canceled my subscription to that months ago."
"But why now?" Rachel inquired, crossing her arms over her chest as Jesse ran a hand through the length of her hair. "I thought I was fairly obvious on Valentine's night, but you didn't say anything then. I have to confess, I'm a little confused here Jesse."
"Then let me be clear. I want you Rachel. I'm not going to make the same mistakes he made by pretending to be casual," she winced slightly at that as Jesse whispered. His fingers crooked under her chin as he brought her forward until his lips hovered over her. "This is real and it's you and me, all or nothing."
The distance closed between them and she had been expecting his kiss to match his words – direct and purposeful, assurance laced with the hint of desperation – but it was the exact opposite. It was soft, sweet even, an old kiss for old lovers, but it made her heart spin in the direction of her toes and her skin felt as if they were filled with electric sparks. Even as her mouth fell into his own, it held a kind of rediscovered innocence, like the last weeks of winter that promised spring.
"Okay," she breathed, against his cheek as she looped her arms around his neck. His hands went immediately around her waist, the fabric of her dress crinkling under his touch as he pulled her into his chest. It was an embrace as familiar as it was new and an elated giggle escaped her as he spun her around on the spot.
"But you can't just run away the first time I do something you don't like," Rachel insisted as he put her down.
"And you can't expect me to agree with everything you do," Jesse said with a nod. "We're probably going to fight and we probably won't speak to each other for days but this time, the difference will that we're in it for us. I won't ask you to be someone you're not, as long as you don't expect anything else from me."
"Agreed," Rachel grinned as she once more leaned into his chest, her arms loosely around his waist as one of his own was slung around her shoulders. "Oh and one more thing," she said, her voice light and teasing as he looked down at her questioningly. "You are never allowed to make me breakfast."
AN2: This chapter is significantly shorter than the others, and I'm sorry about that, but I really struggled with this one and I'm still not 100% happy with it, but everything I tried to change made it worse, so I had to settle. It happens sometimes. Thanks again to Ashley (forever) for essentially holding my hand through this. I don't think you understand how important she is to writing this.
I write, you read, you review, and I write more. I promise.