Hermione Malfoy, Chapter Whatever-the-fuck (oh! It's 12, carry on!)
A/N: Umm.consider this my bashful look. (Not updating and whatnot.)
A/N 2 aka "Random Sharing": So I caused a three-car accident today. Two cars totaled.my car barely has the paint scratched. Heh. What can I say? Totally didn't need all that insurance. But anyway.
A/N 3 (the thank you portion): Some of you like to be thoughtful and thank every single one of your reviewers. You might think that I avoid this because there are a lot of people I'd need to thank. That's not true, I'm just lazy as hell. So, we'll just say it in one: Thank You to all those that love this story and are nice enough to say something. I appreciate it and I love it.
A/N 4 (assurances): Haven't quit, still going. Will I be updating more frequently?!? Drum roll. Umm, no. Sorry.
^Heh. That was fun. Anyway.on to the story.
***
As he had learned very well growing up, a wife was the person to see to your physical needs when no one more attractive was present, order about the house elves so everything ran smoothly and sit around the house, looking pretty.
All in all, Hermione had to be the worst bloody wife ever.
The fact that the marriage was, at best, a political strategy, only made it that much more annoying.
"Malfoy," Pansy crawled next to him on the couch.
"Bloody hell!" Draco jumped. "Where did you come from?"
She gaped at him, "I've been here the whole time, you were looking right at me! I told you about how-"
It became clear why he'd tuned her out in the first place.
He couldn't believe Hermione would just take off. They had plans, after all. Well, he had plans. But they were pretty fucking important plans. People did not just consummate non-marriages every day of the week. He grinned. Well, he certainly intended to, but that wasn't the point.
SNAP. He blinked.
"Draco, I'm TALKING," Pansy glared at him.
"You're still here?" he groaned. "Get out. I'm busy."
"You're staring into space, mumbling incoherently!"
"Right. So what about that involves YOU?" he raised an eyebrow.
"I just thought, you know, since your wife is gone, you might want some company?" Pansy asked in what she had to think was a seductive voice or he'd really like to believe she wouldn't use it.
"I'm fine, thanks. Run along. Don't you have rounds to make? You might be late for your 9:00 and throw off your entire evening," he tisked. "Ohh, wait, you could double up, do Crabbe and Goyle at the same time."
She glared at him, "I'm not some cheap whore, Draco!"
"Don't get much cheaper than free, Parkinson."
"As I recall, you're not so hard to get yourself," she pounced onto his lap, grinding her body against him.
To his disgust, he reacted to the friction and Pansy grinned triumphantly.
Draco rolled his eyes and stood up, letting her fall to the floor in a heap. "If you're trying to prove how remarkably indiscriminate the male body is, you really couldn't do better. Impressive," he sneered.
"Damn you, Draco Malfoy, you'll never know what you're missing!"
"Syphilis?"
Pansy was beyond words in her rage, but her face turned a very defiant shade of red as she storm/crawled out the door.
He was being propositioned by Slytherin sluts while Hermione hung out with that girl, Weasley and a questionably gendered freak.
All in all, not that different from any other day.
***
"So you really haven't had one," Ginny smirked.
"Haven't had one of what?" Blaise wanted to know.
Hermione glared at her friend, "Nothing, nevermind."
Ginny and Blaise exchanged a 'Tell me later?' 'Oh, hell yes' look that did nothing to improve Hermione's mood.
"So.you read the whole thing?" the Head Girl asked nervously. "Both of you?"
"Enough," Blaise settled into a chair with amusement. "So normally, I would be finding out how much you're willing to pay for my silence, but since you're now practically Slytherin-by-marriage, I'll let it slide."
"Worried about Malfoy kicking your ass?" Ginny asked.
"Like you wouldn't believe."
"So you guys won't say anything?" Hermione started breathing again.
"Not to anyone else," Ginny sat back, "But we might tell Malfoy about that list unless you spill on the details," she grinned cheekily.
Blaise's mouth dropped. "It might be early to mention this, but I think I might love you."
Hermione pouted. It was so unfair. Why couldn't her love life be simple, like Blaise and Ginny's?
They laughed uproariously.
What?
"You think our love life is simple?"
Bloody hell. Thinking. Speaking. There was a difference. And honestly, a bisexual and a hermaphrodite? Did things get easier?
"You're a Malfoy now," Blaise shrugged, "Not much filter from the brain to the tongue. And you try switching from boy to girl."
Hermione's eyes widened. Did she do it again?
"No, you just have an expressive face," Blaise chuckled.
"ANYWAY!" Hermione cut off the discussion before she had to crawl under Ginny's covers and gag herself. "I'll just be off then."
"Oh, no," Ginny shook her head, "Not until you give me the juicy details on why Merlin's name you haven't shagged Malfoy into the ground."
***
Knocking on the door, Pansy muttered to herself.
Syphilis. Ugh.
Not only was that an insult to her taste in men.she didn't just jump sailors right off the dock, thank you very much, but it was a degrading statement about her abilities as a witch, for who couldn't mix a simple STD potion, really.
She huffed.
"Yes?" her teacher opened the door, finally.
"Miss Parkinson? What can I do for you?"
"I need to talk to you, Professor Malfoy," Pansy did her best to look sorrowful.
***
"You just left him in the closet?" Blaise wiped tears from her eyes, "Merlin, that's too priceless."
"Well I didn't realize it was.umm.such a big deal, until Ginny mentioned it," Hermione muttered defensively.
"She told you about it?" Zabini asked her 'friend.'
"Right in front of Harry," Ginny nodded.
"Oh no," the Slytherin held her stomach, "I have to pee."
"Anyway," Ginny took over point from the convulsing brunette, "Why have you not hit that?"
"We're married, Ginny!" Hermione explained carefully.
"All the more reason! Seriously, Hermione, if you pass this up, you'd be in a category on your own as the only person that waited for their second marriage."
Hermione studiously ignored the loud snort from Zabini. Yes, her life was funny. Bloody hermaphrodites. "Look, I'm not waiting for my second marriage!"
"Then what are you waiting for? Everyone in the wizarding world knows, or soon WILL know you're married to Malfoy. Unless you give it up to a muggle, which," Ginny made a face, "I don't really recommend, a boyfriend down the line would wonder. Believe me."
"Well, I'm sure I could find one would understand and I don't know what I want," Hermione shrugged, "Love.a connection? Someone I haven't hated all my life?"
"You know what they say about love and hate," Ginny shrugged.
Hermione rolled her eyes, "Secretly, they're the same?"
"Hell, no, but they both make for some great sex."
"This is ridiculous," Hermione shook her head obstinately, "I can't just.shag Malfoy!"
"You can. You will. It's just a matter of time, " Ginny shrugged. "In fact, you can go now that we have the story."
"OH, no!" Hermione planted herself in the sofa and pulled her wand defensively.
"Merlin, Hermione, I wasn't going to drag you there! It won't even be hard, he'll do all the work. You just have to show up."
"He might be asleep-"
"Pfft," Blaise rolled her eyes, "Malfoy goes to bed around three."
"But, I just, he-" Hermione tried to explain.
"Uhh." Ginny nodded slowly, "We'll keep that in mind."
"If what you've said is true, Malfoy hasn't been laid in, what, a month now?" Zabini chuckled, "If you've the slightest interest, he'll get you eventually, probably the next time you see him."
Hermione swallowed, images flooding her mind. Draco kissing her, undressing her, worshiping her body until-
"-have an idea now, or it won't work."
Zabini was still talking. "Pardon?"
"If you don't want our local Head Boy to shag you until you can't walk. Which, personally, I think you do-"
Her cheeks heated and Hermione shook her head furiously. While she couldn't deny wanting to rip his clothes off and jump him, she most certainly DID want to walk. What an embarrassing accusation!
"-or it won't work."
Huh? Hermione grimaced. Sorry, didn't hear you again. Fantasizing, you know. "I agree," she spit out quickly.
"Good. So what's your plan?"
"She doesn't need a plan, she's gonna go back to her room and jump him. Aren't you?" Ginny asked.
"Erm, no, I couldn't just-"
Ginny frowned, "All men are easy, Hermione, you could."
"Hey!" Blaise pouted, "I resemble that-- Well, sometimes resemble, that remark."
"Just part of your charm, baby," Ginny winked.
"Couple hours, I can show you the other part," Zabini grinned.
"Oh, either way is cool with me," the redhead gave the Slytherin a once over.
Girl-on-girl-'til-the-girl-turned-boy-action.right in front of her.
Springing to her feet quickly, Hermione walked for the door, "Actually," she babbled, "I'm sure I can go back, he's probably asleep and we're mature adults, I'm sure there won't be a problem and I can just turn him into stone or something if he tries something, it's Malfoy-" she tugged on the door.
"Hermione?"
"Yes?"
"Alohamora," Ginny muttered and the door opened.
"Right, then. I'll be going."
"Cheerio, love," Blaise waved her off and started kissing Ginny's shoulder.
"Wait," Hermione frowned, looking at the ceiling. "You're a Slytherin and shortly, you'll be male, you're not allowed in-"
The image of their faces as they read her pro and con list flashed before her eyes.
She cleared her throat, "-you guy have a smashing evening!"
***
"Phobic?" Blaise raised an eyebrow.
"So it seems," her date grinned, "Whatever shall we do without her?"
"Tell Parvarti we caught them shagging in Dumbledore's office?"
"You have such a beautiful mind," Ginny put a hand over her heart.
"Just wait 'til you see my rack."
***
Hermione tiptoed back into their common room, trying to see in the darkness.
Amused, Draco watched as she slunk past him toward her bedroom. Surely it wouldn't be wrong if he just bent to temptation this once.
In fact, it would really be a travesty if he didn't.
Oh hell, who was he kidding? He didn't give a fuck anyway.
***
She was almost there. A few more steps and she would be safe. One more day of survival without seduction. Without her bloody humming and Draco's body pressed up against her.
His hands gentle, but firm against her, pulling her further and further into the abyss of passion, running all over her body.
Why was she avoiding this again?
Hairs prickled on the back of her neck and she heard someone screaming as a large hand clamped onto her ass and she found herself in midair.
"Pelamicus!" was the first word out of her mouth and she immediately regretted it. A, her wand was on the floor where she dropped it. B, it didn't mean anything and C, by the way Draco couldn't stop choking, she suspected the whole thing was marvelously entertaining for him.
Bloody hell. She couldn't just get a normal husband, could she? Hermione pouted as she surreptitiously peeled her body from the ceiling.
"Trying to freeze a llama, Granger?"
"Shut up, Malfoy, I'm going to bed."
"Whoa, whoa." he was off the couch in a flash, his arms around her waist, "Let's not be too hasty, love. Why the rush? Let's sit, talk. Bond as a married couple?"
"Well, I might be interested in whatever you've been drinking, but let's save it for the weekend, no?"
"C'mon, Mrs. Malfoy. Let's talk," he maneuvered her onto the couch. Well, not so much the couch as his lap.but he was on the couch and didn't seem to find it necessary for her to move away.
"Draco."
"Good start," he nodded, nuzzling the nape of her neck, "Just louder, with feeling," he grinned against her skin and kissed her.
The hand on its way to slap him dropped abruptly and Hermione moaned softly as he sucked and nipped her skin, leaving a trail of open mouth kisses to her lips.
There had been a very good reason for her not to be doing this, but she failed to recall what it could be as his tongue massaged hers, sending waves of electricity through her body, every nerve tense. Ready.
He explored her mouth so possessively, she felt captured, helpless.and powerful. Her body moved against him, straining for closeness and Hermione grinned when he broke away with a moan.
***
His fingers moved under her skirts and up her legs, pulling her hips down, hard against him.
She was moving against him without protest and he couldn't wait much longer for her. It had been six weeks, a long six weeks since he'd been laid and the idea of finally moving inside her almost made his eyes cross as his hips bucked, rubbing against the ultra thin material that separated them.that absolutely needed to go.
Pushing her back into the couch almost roughly, Draco tried to find her buttons, but the damn things eluded him.
Hermione chuckled and lifted her shirt over her head, "That what you wanted?" she asked, tracing his calf with her foot.
"It's a start," he nodded quickly, slipping his fingers into the waistband of her panties and tugging to get them off.
"Oh no," she shook her head, "You lose your top first. Only fair.
"It would be fair if you lost the rest of yours," he looked pointedly at her lacey bra as he unbuttoned his shirt teasingly. "You like?"
"I'll survive," Hermione shrugged, pulling him back down on top of her.
Draco smiled against her lips, flicking her bra open with practiced ease.
***
Her bra disappeared rapidly and Hermione gasped as his chest pressed against her as they kissed. His tongue explored her mouth as his hands possessed her skin, sliding higher and higher until she wanted to scream in anticipation.
CRASH!
They both sprang up on the couch and Hermione clutched Draco's shirt to her chest, oddly embarrassed to be caught half naked in front of what turned out to be the Malfoy family owl.
"What-?"
Draco had no time to ask before the red letter was dropped and started screaming.
"DRACO MALFOY! WHAT'S THIS I HEAR ABOUT YOU TRYING TO GET ME FIRED?!? OF ALL THE UNGRATEFUL, SPOILED BRATS! EXPLAIN YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY!!"
Swallowing slowly, Draco glanced at his wife. "So.I'm guessing that killed the mood?"
TBC