A/N: To those who have so helpfully let me know that in the books, Ron and Hermione have a crush on each other - Yes, I know. It's part of why I don't read the books. I don't believe in unchangeable characters. Liking someone at 12 does not in any way obligate you to marry them.

Hermione Malfoy, Chapter 15

Walking down a crowded hallway with four people squeezed into an invisibility cloak built for a child caused a lot more hip to hip squeezing than one might like.

At least that's what Draco found. He suspected Weasley was enjoying himself.

"Ronald, really, do you have to make that grunting noise?" Hermione scolded quietly.

Hah! Draco smirked. He wasn't alone.

"I'm walking sideways. It's not so easy."

"Actually, it is, fuckhead-"

They turned the corner and Hermione interrupted their fight, as always, "Is Neville looking at us oddly?"

Sure enough, there was Largebottom, alone in the hallway, goggling at Potter's foot as, step by step, it kept escaping the confines of the cloak.

"Eep!" Draco shrieked as a hand grabbed at his ass and Neville's eyes widened,

"Potter, if that's your hand, you're losing it."

"It's mine," Hermione chuckled.

"Oh," he grinned, "Well, then, carry on."

"Actually," she pinched the cloak just past his ass and lowered it slightly to cover Potter's troublesome, large ass feet and Draco repeated to himself, the guy mantra: Size doesn't matter.

Not that he had any concerns in that department, mind.

"I give him 5 seconds to faint," Draco smirked, watching Neville's eyes dart around nervously.

"Draco, that's mean-" Hermione chided, as though to make some sort of point.

"5-"

Neville licked his lips.

"4-"

Clearly sweating.

"3-"

He wiped his palms furiously on his robe.

"2-"

-looking wildly for a place to run.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Draco screamed.

Neville toppled.

"One," Draco stated triumphantly.

Harry leveled his gaze at Hermione, "So this is love..."

"Shut up, Harry," she muttered.

There was very little bickering after the 'Neville incident' as Hermione considered it. She liked to think it was out of deference to her that they all kept quiet.

Or in deference to the fact that any time one of the boys opened their mouth, she kicked them in the shin.

Hey, whatever worked.

It wasn't until they were right outside Narcissa Malfoy's apartments that it dawned on her an oh-so-tiny problem.

"How were you geniuses planning to get in?" Alarmingly, she and Draco seemed to be on the same wavelength.

"Knock?" Weasley suggested tentatively.

"Just hoping she'd step back far enough to let ALL of us in, unawares?" Malfoy asked.

"We could apparate-" Harry suggested.

"Yes, because it's worth getting splinched for-" Draco rolled his eyes.

"I haven't splinched anything!"

"First time for everything, fuckwit. Weasley might even lose his virginity."

Hermione could see the blood rising in Ron's face.

"Draco-"

"You're right," Draco laid his hand over his heart, "No one's that desperate. Unless..." he turned to Harry inquisitively.

"I swear I will beat the life out of you, Malfoy," Harry glared at him.

"Stop it!" Hermione warned, "I have an idea."

"I never like it when she says that..." Ron muttered.

"What was that?" Hermione pinched him.

"Owww! Nothing," he whined.

"That's right," she nodded.

It was grand when Hermione gave into her more violent side. She was passionate and physical...and, most importantly, a little sadistic, which boded well for the future.

And beating up on Weasley? Well...the swelling in his heart could only be pride. Any other swelling, he couldn't be blamed for, as her ass kept rubbing against him as they walked.

"Draco..." Hermione hissed.

"Your fault," he shrugged, pulling her against him.

She giggled.

"Oh, HELL no," Potter shook his head, "If you want to go at it on your own time - well, it's still pretty disgusting, but if you're going to shag right in front of us, I will puke on you. Just FYI."

"Merlin, Harry, you don't have to be so nasty about it," Hermione gave him a prim look. Little minx.

Potter and Weasley exchanged a look, "Right, then, we're separating you," Weasley stepped between Draco and Hermione and Potter stepped in next to him, effectively cutting off all contact between the married couple.

And, as it happened, making Weasley's ass back right into Draco's crotch.

Instantaneous mood kill, that.

At the Broomfield:

"No means no, Hermione," Draco shook his head.

Of all the things she'd never expected to come out of Draco Malfoy's mouth.

"It's a simple flight, Draco, really - if we all just smoosh together-"

"Uhhh, Hermione," Harry interjected, "I'm going to have to agree with Malfoy on this one."

"Let's take a moment to reflect upon this statement," Ron snickered.

Hermione turned to Ron hopefully, "So you're in, then?"

"Ohhh, no," he shook his head, backing away from her.

"It's simple, really. We can all smush together on one broom, keep the cloak over us and just fly through her window - what's the problem?"

"That would be the 'smushing' you mentioned," Harry sighed, "You see, Hermione, as males, we are not allowed to 'smush.'"

"But you smushed under the cloak..."

"Which we will never speak of," Draco interjected.

"Agreed," the boys nodded.

"There are limits, Hermione," Potter tried to explain.

"Basically, we of the heterosexual persuasion prefer not to be 'smushing' the jewels anywhere some other bloke's arse," Draco shrugged.

"How could you know anything about the heterosexual persuasion, Malfoy?" Weasley wanted to know.

"Awww, Weasley, are you making a gay joke? Don't you feel guilty? Like you're betraying your own people?"

"You're the only one who knows how that feels, Malfoy," Weasley glared at him and Draco felt the hit. Yes...he was the only one who betrayed his people. Apparently the fact that his people were murdering bastards wasn't going to be taken into account, though.

"Ron-" Hermione gasped.

"Sorry," he muttered.

"It's okay," said Draco, "I understand that he's very touchy about coming out of the closet-"

BOOM, Weasley hit him and the boys went tumbling to the ground, hitting and gouging at each other's eyes. It was immediately clear that Ron had never been in a fist fight in his life...which was a relief since Draco never had either. What was the point when you could simply hex them?

It hurt like hell, he discovered immediately and he fought like mad just to avoid taking another hit himself. But somehow, pain covered his body and his skin stretched tightly around him. The world outside got larger and larger until he recognized the now familiar feeling.

Fur.

Twice in an hour. Unfuckingbelievable.

"Aww, aren't they cute?" Harry laughed, eying the bouncing animals before them.

"Of course, they're bunnies, it's what they do."

"Uhhh, it's not all they do...they ARE both still male, right?"

"No promises," she shrugged, "Come on, grab Ron," she leaned over to pick up the white bunny, holding it out from her body just in case Draco was up to his old tricks. He gave her an insulted look, as though that were soooo a hour ago, and how could she think it of him?

Flopsy-Ron, meanwhile, relaxed very easily in Harry's arms. It was rather creepy.

Draco's plan of revenge was very simple. Wait for the right opening - bite hard - leap away and let the betraying bitch bleed.

All was going well until she started scraching behind his ears.

Now, wasn't that just lovely? He rubbed his head back against her, unmindful of the fact that she was climbing onto a a broom with Harry. Her grip on him seemed to tighten, but that was all right - he enjoyed her hands roaming over his now horrifyingly puffy little body.

And WHY was he always white? Yes, he realized he was blonde and it was true, he had more fun, but shouldn't a person's over all character be protrayed when transfigured? Shouldn't he be black - the ultimate color of badassness?

He snuggled into Hermione to ponder.

Maybe Draco realized he shouldn't struggle while on a broom or maybe he just liked her hands all over him. The latter seemed far more likely, but there were no rabbits lost mid flight and the foursome made it safely through Narcissa Malfoy's window to hear see her laughing with Pansy over what appeared to be one of the largest piles of junk food Hermione had ever seen.

"I thought they were getting high," Hermione frowned, "Not having snacks."

Harry sighed, "Just trust me."

Hermione didn't know what to think about the situation, but she quickly waved her wand, turning Draco and Ron back into humans. It didn't stop Ron from sniffing at Harry - but what ever had, really?

Draco looked at his hands and around the room and his gaze finally landed on Hermione. "My dear, you are so dead."

"I got us in, didn't I?" she muttered, he got into such a tizzy about being turned into animals. It was so tiresome.

"It's not her fault," Harry tried to step in.

"Oh, was it yours?" Draco seemed to like this concept and turned on Harry.

"Draco, shhh," Hermione tried to silence him before his mother, only ten feet away, heard the argument.

"Yeah, shut up, Malfoy," Ron threw in.

"Weren't you the fucknut that attacked me in the first place?"

"And I was beating your ass!"

"Really? Because your eye and your lip say different."

"Shut up!" Hermione hissed.

"Want to see it again?" Ron lunged at Draco who took a remarkably quick, almost fearful step back and Ron plunged to the ground, taking the cloak with him.

"What was THAT?" Narcissa Malfoy turned and her eyes lit up, "Sugar plum! You came back."

"Merlin, why?" Draco moaned under his breath.

"I'm sorry, how rude," his mother laughed and held out her joint, "Did you want any?"

Right. Well... This could be a setback.

To Be Continued...