Here it is, the long awaited sequel to the previous chapter. Basically this continues directly where the last one left off. This chapter is a bit of a repeat of some of the ideas that I presented in the last chapter, but hopefully it still sparks your interest. If nothing else this has helped me to figure out my overall plot for this originally plotless collection of oneshots. Though, I suppose this is now a twoshot.
Merlin smiled as he watched his mother laugh and smile as she talked with Gaius. Few things made the warlock happier than seeing his mother happy. Arthur had left, saying that he had duties to attend to, a few hours ago and while Merlin had enjoyed seeing Arthur so at ease, the odd and calculating looks the king had been throwing his way had been a bit unnerving.
It didn't take a genius to figure out what the three of them had been talking about while he had been making the soup. Under normal circumstances he had no problem with his mother telling anyone that story—it was a thing of his past and it had stopped bothering him years ago—but hearing the story had caused the usually oblivious Arthur to start noticing a few things, and Merlin wasn't sure if that was a good thing. The last thing he wanted was for Arthur to actually pay attention and then Merlin would have to be even more careful with his magic, which could end up getting Arthur killed.
As much as Merlin hated lying to Arthur and sometimes got fed up with his obliviousness to almost everything of importance, he hated the idea of Arthur getting hurt more.
Merlin's eyes drifted back to the necklace he had given his mother. Because of Arthur's presence he had been unable to tell the whole truth about the crystal, but he had tried to get the whole point across nonetheless. Yes, Merlin had bought the crystal, but it hadn't been capable of casting images of different animals. That had been a clever spell he had cooked up. Later he would have to be sure to tell his mother that at noon, when the sun was at the highest point in the sky, the crystal would cast the shape of a dragon flying. No doubt she would like that.
Sighing in contentment, Merlin walked away, leaving his mother and his guardian to talk alone. He could see the need for it in their eyes. Hunith would tell Gaius all the fears and worries that had been plaguing her during her son's absence and in return Gaius would explain in detail every event and circumstance. Really, both of them were his parents, and as such they needed to worry and fret. And Merlin wouldn't be surprised if Gaius even took some pleasure in telling his mother of all the trouble he had gotten into since the last time they talked.
Of course, Merlin knew that with every passing year the parental talks grew more and more serious and worrisome. Every year things got worse. More people died, Merlin had to make harder and harder decisions, and he lost more of himself in the process. Even now, happier than he had been in a long time, Merlin felt so different from the person he had been when he had first arrived in Camelot. He had changed much and he wasn't sure if it was for the better.
It was his mother and Gaius' job to worry about him, always had been, but now every year there were more and more things to be worried about. Merlin desperately wanted to comfort his mother and the man who was like a father to him, but he knew that nothing he could ever say would alleviate their pain. They both had to stand by and watch him try to fulfill his destiny and stumble through so many mistakes.
Merlin had known ever since he was a young child that his magic was unique to others and it was his and his alone to control. When it came down to it he was the only one who could make some many of the decisions that came his way these days and he would also be the only one responsible for their consequences. And his mother and Gaius could simply just stand by and watch unable to change and often affect any of the horrible things that came his way in life. It was hard enough having what felt like the weight of the world on his shoulders, but Merlin couldn't imagine how difficult it would be to witness everything and be powerless to change it. Merlin knew he didn't have that kind of strength.
And he hated it; Merlin hated the stress and pain that the life he was leading was causing the ones he loved, but there was nothing he could do. He would never leave or stop protecting Arthur and he would continue to follow his conscience and do what is right to the best of his ability. But the consequences of the dangerous life that he led were that there was often a great deal of pain that came with it. Merlin could deal with the pain himself, but Gaius and his mother suffering just by watching his pain was something that broke his heart. But there was nothing he could do. This life; protecting Arthur and using his magic to hopefully one day bring about Albion, was the path he had chosen and he wasn't going to look back. He only wished that people didn't have to suffer because of it.
Merlin rubbed a spot over his right eye, a spot that often ached when his thoughts became tied up in knots like they were now, and resolved himself, for he hundredth time, to continue doing what he had been doing since first arriving to Camelot. In his life there were rarely ever any easy answers or solutions and so he had learned to simply follow his heart and hope that it wouldn't lead him astray.
"Merlin! Wait, Merlin!" a voice from behind the said servant called.
Merlin turned around and saw a stable hand, a boy name Eric, running towards him and waving his arms. The lad was hardly even seventeen yet and had a tendency to look up to almost everyone he encountered, including Merlin. But Merlin liked him. He was honest for he seemed incapable of lying, he was hard working and he didn't shy away from difficult things unless he was absolutely positive that he wasn't able to overcome them. He was intensely loyal, especially to anyone who was nice to him, had a very kind and pure heart. Merlin knew for a fact that almost all of the money that Eric made he spent on gifts or necessities for his younger sister.
Merlin had grown quite fond of the boy so he smiled as he noticed him and stopped in the middle of the hallway he was in to wait for him.
Eric reached him a few seconds later and was panting, a bit out of breath. Merlin knew that he was still recovering from a particularly vicious cold and felt a little guilty that for whatever reason the boy had deemed it necessary to run to meet him. "Merlin! I was just in town getting a few things and I overheard this man asking people where you lived." Eric rambled out. "He's fairly young, maybe in his late twenties, and he didn't seem at all dangerous so I don't think you have to worry." Eric paused for a second to smile here at Merlin. The boy loved to smile and rarely ever found something not worth smiling about. "Of course, a lot of people in town know you and where you work and live, so no doubt he's been told by now. Anyway, I just thought you might want to know. He seems nice. Actually, he seems like the kind of person you'd get along with really well." The grin widened and Merlin got the impression that the lad was done.
"Thank you, Eric. I'm glad you told me. I was considering going out to collect herbs, so it's a good thing that you stopped me." Merlin gave a little sheepish smile, but then his face turned serious and concerned. "But you really should sit down. You're not fully recovered and I'd hate for you to get worse."
Eric looked a little guilty. "I know. I just wanted to reach you in time. I'll go sit down."
Merlin nodded and said again, "Thank you," and then went off to the main entrance of the castle. If this man who was asking for him was going to seek him out here then he'd mostly likely enter through there.
Merlin was actually quite curious about who this person might be. Little did he know that he wasn't the only one.
Ever since Hunith had told him that horrible story about Merlin's childhood Arthur hadn't been able to concentrate. How many other things didn't he know about Merlin? The very fact that Merlin had been that strong and sacrificing for his friend showed that there was a depth to him that Arthur hadn't previously even considered. Now the king was beginning to wonder what else he had missed.
And the notion of anyone ever purposely wanting to hurt Merlin was very unsettling, especially in light of recent events. Arthur didn't remember much from that event, but he knew it had been awful.
Originally Arthur had been headed somewhere important, but as he looked up he realized that he had been wandering the castle's halls without a purpose for some time. Mentally kicking himself for getting so lost in his thoughts, Arthur turned around and starting walking to the council chambers. But just as he passed by one of Camelot's many hallways the king heard a voice calling out, but not to him.
"Merlin! Wait, Merlin!" Arthur looked over just in time to see a boy flash past an opening that led the corridor that Arthur was currently walking down to presumably the one Merlin was in. Curious, Arthur peered through the connecting passageway to see the boy just catch up with Merlin, who was looking both curious and a little exasperated, though, not by much.
And as Arthur listened to the rushed out words of the lad the king found himself becoming very intrigued as to whoever might come to the castle looking for Merlin. Months later when he had decided to tell Gwen of his many spying endeavors Arthur would be ashamed that he snuck behind Merlin and followed him, just as eager to have his curiosity sated as his servant. Arthur was beginning to think that the only answers to his questions about Merlin would be found by observing him. The prat didn't think to simply ask.
Suddenly Arthur saw Merlin screech to a halt ahead of him as the clumsy idiot collided with someone. "I'm sorry," Merlin said, but then froze when he looked up at the man.
Arthur couldn't see Merlin's face, but he had a perfect view of the stranger's. The man's complexion turned pale and he looked shocked. "Merlin," he said, his voice shaking slightly.
"James." Merlin's voice was layered with emotions that Arthur couldn't read, though, maybe that was because his own were going through the roof.
James! The James? The boy who had beaten Merlin into the ground multiple times in the story he'd been told only a few hours ago? Rage so strong that it took him completely by surprise bubbled through Arthur and he barely managed to keep himself in his hiding spot and not running James through right then and there. Hunith's words from earlier that day echoed in his head.
"I kept seeing that last beating he gave to him…you have no idea how bad it was. Almost all of his ribs were broken and there was hardly an inch of skin on him that wasn't a deep shade of blue and black."
This was the man that had done that to Merlin and now he was here, far too close to Merlin for Arthur's comfort.
"Merlin," James repeated, still looking like he had seen a ghost. "I'm not sure what I expected when I decided to come here and find you, but I didn't think it would be this…hard." Arthur mentally took a step back at those words. They weren't really what you expected a sadistic bully to say.
"James, I—" Merlin started, but the man cut him off.
"Please, just don't say anything for a moment." He closed his eyes and he looked like he was struggling with something. "I know it can't be easy, seeing me after all these years, but there's something I have to tell you." He opened his eyes and Arthur saw guilt and sadness reflected in them. "I am…so, so sorry." Now Arthur really did have to take a physical step back.
Arthur could see Merlin's face now and it looked almost emotionless. It was blank, but not in a cold, heartless way, but rather the blankness of someone waiting for something. Merlin was waiting for him to finish. Still, though, Arthur could swear that he saw Merlin's features soften slightly when James began to apologize.
"What I did to you…" James continued and Arthur thought he saw his eyes become a little wet, "was horrible and I haven't stopped regretting it since. Knowing what I did, what I'm capable of—" he cut himself off and then continued after a moment. "I know nothing I could ever say could make what I did go away, but I want you to know; I came here to tell you how sorry I am." James truly looked sincere. "And I think you should know that I never, ever, hurt anyone the way I hurt you again. I haven't so much as thrown a punch in over ten years. And I've changed, I really have. I'm married and she's pregnant now. I make shoes. I try to be the best I can be so that what I did to you never happens again." James was rambling a bit now, but he slowed down and calmed himself.
"I didn't come here expecting to be forgiven; I know that an apology doesn't just make things disappear, though if I could take back what I did I would." Arthur could see pain clearly written in his eyes. "I just wanted you to know that I didn't go on to terrorize others or become some kind of criminal. I thought that maybe if I apologized then you might get some closure. Knowing what I can do…it's been like a sword hanging over my head. I can so easily become a monster. But better to feel guilty than to repeat the same mistakes." James sighed. "I figured that I owe this much to you. I can't ever heal the wounds that I created, but maybe I can make things a little better.
"No one should have to go through a beating like that, let alone multiple times. But you were protecting your friend and we were just kids. You were one of the last people on earth who deserved that. There's no excuse for what I did. I just hope that over time you managed to put it behind you. I'm sorry, I'm so, so, so sorry and I wish that I—"
"Stop," Merlin cut him off. "Stop beating yourself up. There was never any need to feel guilty all these years. I forgave you a long time ago." Merlin gave a small smile and put a hand on a shocked and stunned James' shoulder. "I'm not angry at you. I don't hate you. And I healed of any physiological wounds years ago. Stop." Merlin looked at James and Arthur saw so much compassion in that gaze.
For the second time that day Arthur reeled at new information about his servant. Sure, Hunith had told him that Merlin had been surprisingly forgiving even back then, but it was different to hear and see the sincerity and compassion and pure kindness that the servant felt for James.
"And when I asked him why he didn't defend himself, do you know what he told me? He said that he didn't want to hurt James."
Even after hearing Merlin say that he wasn't angry Arthur had trouble believing it. James had beaten Merlin nearly to death over and over again and all for no good reason—not that there would be a good reason. Arthur himself wanted to punch that man into unconsciousness and here Merlin was comforting and consoling him.
"You…what?" James asked, completely stunned. "Why? Why would you forgive me? And for that matter, why didn't you fight back all those years ago? I showed you no mercy, but you are still far nicer to me than you should be." Arthur had to admit that he wished to know the answers to those questions himself. The mystery of Merlin and why he had forgiven this man was something that was seriously bothering him. He had never understood Merlin, but now more than ever he was beginning to think that he knew nothing about him. Maybe Merlin was a complete stranger.
Merlin smiled sadly and said kindly and softly, "I have the same answer for both of your questions. James, when I was a very young boy I had no friends, no one who I could relate to. Most everyone thought I was weird and they kept their distance from me. Growing up…I felt very alone and isolated. And then I met Will and immediately he befriended this strange little kid that no one else even wanted to talk to.
"We got along so well. In no time at all we were best friends. I would have given my life for him." Merlin smiled at the memory of his friend, even though Arthur could see a hint of sadness that tainted it. Arthur himself was feeling surprisingly and uncharacteristically jealous. He'd be lying to say that he and Merlin were like that. Truthfully their friendship was a lot different.
"And then you came along," Merlin continued with no hint of malice or anger or even blame in his tone, "and I knew as soon as I saw you how lonely you were. You had that same lost, alone expression on your face. I identified with you and I wanted to help you. Personally, there are few worse fates that I can think of than never having a friend, especially one as good as Will. I felt sorry for you.
"But before I had a chance to offer you my friendship you attacked Will…and I got angry. And then you started attacking me and that was when my anger cooled down. You wanted to inflict pain because you desperately needed your own to go away and every time I looked at your eyes I could see that." Merlin sighed sadly and there were tears budding in his eyes. "I didn't have the heart to fight back at you, not when I could empathize so completely with your pain." Merlin's face turned very serious. "I'd rather be tortured than be alone and friendless. I need people; they are what give me a reason to fight, a reason to live. And I saw that you didn't have that."
Arthur could clearly see that James was having trouble not crying at this point. Even the emotionally stunted king could tell that this story held painful wounds for the both of them, especially James.
"So the answer to your question is simple," Merlin said, composing himself. "I took the beating for Will; I refused to fight back for you. And every time you caught up to me I would hold out my hand and ask you to be my friend. I even did that in the beginning after the beatings when I had the strength. I knew you needed a friend and I tried to offer that to you. But you never listened. I think you were in too much pain to even hear what could end your pain."
James' eyes widened and he stumbled back. His face was whiter than snow. "I had forgotten about that," he said in a haunted voice. "I'd forgotten that you tried to be my friend. I think maybe I didn't want to remember at the time. If I did then I'd have to face what I'd done; face my guilt." James looked at Merlin. "Even after I beat you half to death you still tried to be my friend. Will was lucky to have a friend like you. I'm so sorry that I didn't listen."
Merlin put his hand up. "I already told you, it's okay. In fact, I'm actually a little glad of it." Both James and Arthur from where he was hiding gave Merlin a confused and quizzical look. "Because of those events I learned that I'd do anything for those closest to me. I think something like that is good for someone to learn early on. It makes a lot of tough decisions a lot easier." Merlin smiled, but Arthur shivered at the thought of what kind of situations you need that knowledge for. Suddenly he found himself wondering how many times Merlin had gotten hurt in his life because of some sort of sacrificing choice.
"I…I don't understand you, Merlin," James said, shaking his head and apparently recovering from everything he had confessed and learned. Being baffled by Merlin seemed to have a very calming and centering effect on people.
"Most people say that to me," Merlin replied, grinning. "Actually," he clarified, "usually it's my best friends who say that to me." The grin widened. "What do you say," Merlin asked, holding his hand out, "friends?"
James stared at that hand and Arthur could imagine all the things that were going through his head. Arthur remembered the first time he had met Merlin and the boy had called him a friend. Even after seeing him bully a servant Merlin had still tried to be nice and maybe had even attempted to become Arthur's friend. Of course, being the prat that he was, Arthur had refused the friendship and the two of them had gotten off to a bad start. But even when they had fought the idiot really hadn't so much as given him a cut.
There were a lot of similarities between how James had met Merlin and how Arthur had.
"I could never be friends with such an ass," Merlin had said. Now look at where the two of them were. Arthur was spying on Merlin because, honestly, he cared enough about Merlin to be curious, and for Arthur that was saying something special. Merlin had pulled him out of the way of that knife all those years ago, despite the fact that Arthur had purposely gotten him thrown in the stocks. And not long after he had become his servant he had warned him about a knight who was cheating with magic in a tournament and Arthur had eventually refused to believe him and had even gone so far as to yell at him and fire him. But Merlin had been right and if it hadn't been for the foreknowledge he may not have been able to react quickly enough when the snakes had, inevitably, come out of the shield.
But Arthur often pushed Merlin away and the king knew that their relationship was nowhere near as close as what he and Will had had. And yet Merlin stayed. Merlin gives far too many second chances, Arthur thought.
The king finally broke out of his thoughts just in time to see all the indecision fade from James' face and watch as he reached out and shook Merlin's hand. "Friends," he said, smiling a genuine smile.
Merlin's own grin widened more than Arthur thought possible and he said, "I'm so glad you came and found me. I've been wondering what happened to you for a long time, hoping you've been good. But now not only do I know that you're happy and married but now I've got a new friend. I can never have too many friends." Merlin brought his other hand up to clasp James'. "Seriously, though, I've been hoping for such a long time to be your friend, I'm glad you finally listened and let me in. And people say I'm stubborn!" Merlin laughed slightly and then froze and closed his eyes slowly.
"Ahh, I just remembered that I have to do something for Arthur. No doubt he's just looking for an excuse to call me lazy." Arthur inwardly laughed at that. Merlin started to turn away but James stopped him.
"Arthur, as in, King Arthur?" he asked incredulously.
"Yeah, I'm his servant," Merlin replied, looking a little confused at James' reaction.
"You're his servant?" James exclaimed. "Servant to the King? Well, if you think I'm stubborn then he must be impossible."
Merlin gave a gentle and fond smile. "Actually, I consider him to be my greatest friend. I'd do anything for him. More than anyone he has my complete loyalty. There's a lot of people I'd die for, but the future that I know he will create; that's something I'd live for. In some ways we might not be as close as Will and I once were, but in other ways it feels like…like I've never met someone better suited to my personality. Will and I were very similar, but Arthur seems like…well," he gave a small chuckle, "like one side of a coin. Somehow our impossible friendship works…mostly. There are those times he chucks goblets at my head, but usually that's because he's cranky from being woken up." Merlin looked a little sheepish and James just shook his head in wonder.
"It's like you attract strong friendships, Merlin. I have trouble believing that I or anyone else could ever have wanted to hurt you. One would have to be pretty heartless to hurt you, Merlin."
"Or just in a lot of pain," Merlin responded. For some reason Arthur found himself shuddering at what James had said. Unfortunately the king didn't know that that was destiny nudging him. There were people who wanted to hurt Merlin as they would both find out.
"Anyway, I guess you should go tend the King," James said, looking a little sad that they were parting ways.
"Yeah, before he gets mad. I've got a pretty good record going about not being thrown in the stocks. I'd hate to break it." Again Merlin turned away, but again he was stopped.
"You're trying to fix him, too, aren't you?" James asked solemnly.
Merlin looked back. "He can be a real prat sometimes…and then, sometimes I can see the good in him and it is so powerful. You should know, I don't give up on people, not as long as I still see good in them." There was a certain ancient sadness in his voice when Merlin said that. "He was raised by Uther. He taught him many things; how to hate and fear magic, how to protect and rule his kingdom, how to cut off all emotion so that way you can't get hurt and damaged beyond repair, and many other things. Some of those things I think he needs to unlearn. I think Arthur is beginning to realize that the best way to serve his kingdom is to become attached to its people. Already they love him more than they ever loved Uther, as much as he did for them, because Arthur loves them more than Uther did. Arthur has a big heart for his people and he's learning how to use it." Merlin chuckled. "You should have seen him when I first met him. There were a few times when I almost gave up." Merlin sighed. "See you later, James."
The new friends went their separate ways and Arthur couldn't help but notice how both of them looked like a huge weight had been lifted off of their shoulders. James no longer had to feel guilty, though Arthur doubted the self-blame would go away entirely, and Merlin had finally managed to become friends with someone he had been offering it to for many, many years. But Arthur himself felt heavy, the weight of all he had seen and heard today was great. He was having trouble taking it all in.
But one thing was perfectly clear to the king, master, and more importantly, friend of Merlin: he was so lucky to be one of the people Merlin had offered his friendship to. He remembered Merlin's words about how they had first met.
"There were a few times when I almost gave up."
Arthur knew he had changed a lot over the years and there was no doubt in his mind that Merlin was a big part of it. Before now Arthur hadn't realized what went on behind that idiotic mask he usually wore, but now he was beginning to understand that Merlin had reasons for everything he did. Hearing the explanations of why he didn't like hunting had changed his whole view if his servant. The king was learning that there was much, much more to Merlin than he had any idea if. Later, months in the future, he would explain to Gwen how listening to Merlin and James' conversation and seeing the birth of their friendship had precipitated the weeks and weeks of spying that he had done.
"I saw a new side to him that day," Arthur said, thinking back. "His ability to not only forgive what James did to him, but also alleviate his guilt and become his friend was nothing short of amazing. It's also a skill I know I'd never have the goodness of heart to possess.
"There was so much about Merlin that I didn't know and for the first time that bothered me. Maybe spying on Merlin like I did was wrong, but I don't regret it. Both you and him and even Gaius have accused me of not paying enough attention to him or giving him enough credit. I guess I just wanted to unravel the mystery of Merlin. Maybe I should have done it differently, but I'm glad I did it the way I did. I wouldn't have believed or taken it seriously otherwise. Seeing and hearing those things with my own eyes and ears makes it realer than anything else could have.
"For the first time in six years I feel like I actually understand and know something about Merlin, but there's still something huge I'm missing."
"I just hope," Gwen replied, "that if Merlin ever finds out that amazing forgiveness will extend to you. And whatever this huge thing is, don't fight to figure out what it is so hard that you hurt Merlin in the process. All you have 'learned' about Merlin means nothing if you don't treat him better because of it."
Arthur took those words to heart.
It would take Arthur at least a week before he would be able to make sense of what he thought about everything he had learned today and indeed what he would learn in the coming months. It was hard for the king to believe that the day had started out with a simple cut to his arm and Merlin insisting that it got taken care of. In the space of a few hours his whole perception of Merlin had been changed. Now Arthur didn't know what he knew about his servant. Was he a bumbling idiot that had hardly a care in the world and very few thoughts, or was he the deep, loving, self-sacrificing and so compassionate man that seemed to be able to forgive any wrong done against him? It was like Merlin was two separate people and now neither one of them made sense, but as Arthur walked back to his rooms he decided that he would figure out which one was the real Merlin. Because Arthur was no longer content ignoring and staying oblivious to all the strange and sometimes even wise things that Merlin said or did.
Merlin had been Arthur's servant for over six years and the king was just realizing that he had no idea who his manservant was. But he intended to find out.
There we have it. As you might have guessed I am going to have Arthur spying on Merlin quite a bit, because, let's face it, there's a lot of things Merlin wouldn't do if he knew Arthur was watching. There are whole conversations I have planned for Arthur to listen in on, hopefully that doesn't get boring. Anyway, from here on out Arthur is going to be paying a lot more attention. By the way, I'm sorry if this story came across as a little slashy, that was not what I intended, but bromance is a difficult line to walk.
Also, I just want to point out that no matter how long I go before updating I will not abandon this story. If I choose to do that then I'll remove this story altogether. I just have another story that is priority. Plus, these oneshots take longer to write than most chapters because I have to set everything up instead of jumping right in. Oh, and if anyone has any ideas for oneshots with the general theme that someone notices something new about Merlin then please tell me, I'm always open to more ideas since, technically, this could go one forever. Of course, at some point when I feel like I've built up to it enough, I will start developing the plot much, much more, but even then I can always do oneshots back in time. Oh, and if anyone has any ideas that take place in previous episodes and seasons, say, season two, then that is also perfectly welcome. Please review.