Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Sorry it's a bit late; I had to figure out the perfect prank for John and Sherlock to pull on Mycroft. I wrote it as soon as I got the whack in head from my muse!
I made up all the technological stuff in this story. The musical greeting cards are real though...
Marylouleach requested a prank on Mycroft, and my sister requested an epic payback. Hope you'll all enjoy!
I don't own the characters of BBC Sherlock, I'm just pranking them!
Snowball pranks: Mycroft
Sherlock bent over the stacks of Christmas greeting cards. How did people come up with the sheer amount of variety for a single holiday was beyond him. No wonder people are so dull, they spend all their time and energy on something as mundane as holidays!
"Well, Sherlock, you're spending your time on Christmas, so don't go judging us mere mortals now!" John interrupted Sherlock's train of thought. He straightened and stared at John. Sometimes the army doctor could be scary.
"Just returning the favor!" John said airily.
"How on earth did you know what I was thinking John?"
"When you were looking at the greeting cards you had your what-is-it-like-in-your-funny-little-brains face, then when I commented on it you were surprised, which indicates my guess was accurate. Yes, I know, you're rubbing off on me."
Sherlock scowled. John grinned, "Annoying, isn't it?"
"Very!" Sherlock replied darkly. He randomly picked a card and opened it. An electronic and grating Christmas tune stated to play. Sherlock winced and quickly closed the card. "Where do people come up with these horrid monstrosities?"
"Allow me to introduce: Sherlock, musical card, musical card, Sherlock."
"Very funny John!"
John chuckled. "Oh, come on Sherlock, cheer up! You wanted me to show you Christmas cards and here we are. You don't have to get a generic one, there are cards that can be customized." John walked to another stand and pulled out a card randomly and handed it to Sherlock. "Something like this, you can record your message on it", John handed him another, "or this one, you can write whatever you want on the inside."
Sherlock looked at the cards in his hands. The recordable card had a Christmas tree with red bulbs on it. He scowled at it and handed it back. The other one had a cartoonish boy sliding down a white slope on a sleigh. Sherlock tilted his head at it and John saw his expression soften.
"Did you go on sleigh rides often when you were a boy, Sherlock?"
"No."
"Did you ever want to try it?"
"What does it matter, John? It's something in the past and beyond my control. I don't see the point in continuing on this subject." Sherlock was becoming irritated.
John quickly changed the subject, "These recordable cards have so much potential for becoming prank tools, you know!" He waved a card with a wreath on it in front of Sherlock.
"How so?"
"Do you remember in the second book of Harry Potter angry parents sent Howlers for their kids?" John continued after seeing Sherlock's confused expression, "Audio letters that screamed the message with a rock-concert-worthy volume, we can do something like that."
Sherlock opened the blank card and inspected it. "I don't think they have the capability to produce such volumes." He muttered, "What are the components of these cards by the way?"
"Um, a cardboard card, and a sound module I suppose."
"A sound module?"
"Ya, a unit made of a cheap speaker and a microchip of sorts."
"Did you say microchip?" Sherlock perked up.
The corner of John's mouth started to pull up. "What do you have in mind?"
Sherlock held the recordable card in front of his eyes. He had a full blown mischievous grin on his face. "I think it's high time I send my dear brother a Christmas greeting card, don't you?"
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John was looking at the computer screen over Sherlock's Shoulder. Sherlock clicked the mouse button.
Plunk!
John giggled. Sherlock smirked and clicked again.
Plunk!
John was giggling uncontrollably and Sherlock was chuckling now. This went on for about half an hour until they managed to compose themselves.
"What if they find it too soon?"
"Don't underestimate my abilities John. They'll never know what hit them!"
"This is so funny, maybe I'll use this later after we're finished pranking Mycroft with it!" John snickered, "By the way, won't it cripple the system for too long if they can't find it?"
"I'm not that cruel, John. I set a limit for it."
"How many?" Sherlock showed him the number on the screen. John whistled, "Christ, that's a lot!"
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Anthea sorted out the mail of her boss and placed them in front of him. Mycroft picked up the stack and went through them. Christmas cards from diplomats and ministers from all around the world. Heck, some of these countries didn't even celebrate Christmas; politics could be so tedious sometimes. It was at times like these that he envied Sherlock and the anti-social façade he had made for himself.
As if on cue, an envelope with Sherlock's name caught his eye. It was a large envelope made of a thick cream colored paper with Sherlock's handwriting on it. Mycroft weighed the parcel in his hand. It was sort of heavy but the shape suggested it to be a card, a very thick card too.
Mycroft's curiosity got the better of him and he tore off the top of the envelope with a letter opener. He pulled out a festive green Christmas card with snowflakes out. It was one of those horrid musical greeting cards, with that god awful music they played out of those cheap excuses of speakers.
Mycroft rolled his eyes and opened the card. What greeted him was not what he had expected. Soft, melodious violin music filled the room. It took a moment for Mycroft to recover from his shock and place the notes as belonging to "silent night", his favorite Christmas carol. He looked at the inscription, it read "Merry Christmas Brother, try not to ruin your diet in these festive times!"
Mycroft smiled and shook his head fondly. Leave it to Sherlock to show his affection in the most unusual way. Mycroft pitied the poor DI who worked with his brother, goodness knows what kind of inscription he'll get from his brother, most probably something along the lines of "Merry Christmas. I hope your deductive abilities improve enough so I wouldn't have to solve all of your cases for you!"
Just then an agitated technician hurried into the room. "We're under attack!" she panted.
Mycroft placed her as one of the surveillance team; she was in charge of the Backer Street flat to be precise. "How so?" He asked her calmly.
"The surveillance footage shows objects similar to snowballs being thrown at the cameras, but there is no one on the screen!"
Mycroft bent down on his desk and opened the Baker Street surveillance window on his computer. All seemed fine until-
Plunk!
A snowball hit the screen and the snow slowly slipped off. Just before the snow cleared from the screen another one hit the screen just where the mouse cursor was. As Mycroft moved the mouse a string of snowballs hit the screen, following its course.
"It's a virus; get the IT team on it." Mycroft said blandly.
"They're already on it; they've been working on it for half an hour now. They're baffled by it, no matter what they do, they can't even find it!"
"Are you telling me that the best IT technicians in the country can't deal with a simple computer virus?"
"It's a very sophisticated virus; we haven't seen the likes of it before! We can't even figure out how it got in the system."
"A 'sophisticated' virus?" Mycroft snorted "Please, I would have said this is funny if it wasn't so inconvenient, it's more in line of a teenager pulling a-" his eyes drifted to the musical card from Sherlock and it dawned on him "-prank." Well, at least the mystery of how the virus had entered the system was solved. The sound module in that card must have contained a Bluetooth or Wi-Fi device in it as well, sending the virus into the system when it passes the nearest computer in the building.
"What should we do about it sir? An attack of this caliber can be a threat to national security!"
"Hardly, just keep count of the thrown snowballs and report the number when they're finished."
"Sir?"
Mycroft's eyes were gleaming dangerously. "Do as I told you. I have to think of a nice snowball to throw back!"
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The technicians had given up on eliminating the virus long ago and had decided to have a bit of fun with the virtual snowballs, since their computers were practically useless for doing anything else.
"Ha! I managed to dodge 30 snowballs! Top that Sam!"
"Great, how many times were hit in the face Mark?"
"Fifty." Mark slumped a bit at that confession.
Anthea smirked. "I dodged 80 and got hit ten times."
Mark and Sam were gaping at her.
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Mycroft ushered his mouse cursor to the window and quickly moved it away. Three snowballs hit the screen in its wake, but none of them hit the mouse pointer. Mycroft gave the screen an amused half smile. He remembered how he longed to have snowball fights when he was a boy. But oh no! The posh little snobs he went to school with were above such trivialities. Self-satisfied, stuffy brats!
He sighed as he looked up to see Anthea standing beside his desk. "I take it the attacks have seized?"
"Yes sir, they have."
"Have you taken account of the thrown snowballs?"
Anthea handed him a paper with the figure on it. Mycroft's eyebrows rose.
"What are you going to do sir?"
Mycroft smirked, "I think it's high time I sent my little brother a New Year's greeting card, don't you?"
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John and Sherlock were staring out of the door of their flat. Well, staring into a wall of snow, to be precise. Sherlock slammed the door shut before the snow could cave in and bury them. They rushed upstairs.
"I'm so glad Mrs. Hudson has gone to her sister's house for the holidays. I don't know how she would have reacted to this!" John said as he closed the door of 221B behind him.
Sherlock grunted while pacing around the room. He glanced out of the window and froze in his tracks. John noticed the change right away. They both went over to the window and looked out. They sucked in their breaths simultaneously as the sheer scope of their predicament became clear to them.
A gigantic pie of snow was settled in front of number 221, blocking the door and windows of the ground floor and reaching high up in front of the their window. On the peak of this snow hill was a red envelope. Sherlock reached out and took it. He opened the envelope with the jack knife on the mantle and pulled out a cardboard greeting card. He opened the fold of the card to read "the equivalent of 3,000,000 snowballs, Happy New Year!"
Sherlock was roused from his stupor by John's exclamation, "Oh, look Sherlock! The kid on this card looks so much like you!"
Sherlock turned the card in his hand to look at the picture. It was a cartoonish boy on a sleigh, sliding down a white slope. He wore a black coat and his blue scarf was flying behind him. A mop of black curls was peaking from under his hat with ear flaps. Sherlock snorted after noticing that last detail.
He heard a clatter and looked up to see John entering the living room carrying two lightweight sleighs. He raised his eyebrows questioningly at John as he was handed one of the sleighs.
"I don't know what possessed me to get these, I'm just glad I did!" John told him in way of answer.
Sherlock held the sleigh in his hand and stared at it. John handed him his scarf and a matching blue knitted hat. "Put these on Sherlock, we don't want you to catch a cold now!"
"Are we going to do what I think we're going to do?" Sherlock asked a little nervously.
"Well, there's only one way out of the flat, and going with a sleigh is much more comfortable than going on a piece of cardboard." John calmly explained.
They climbed out of the window and stepped on the snow hill. John beamed at Sherlock. "Ready?"
Sherlock was grinning madly "As ready as I'll ever be!"
"Great! On the count of three, one, two, three, Wheeeee!"
Hopefully Sally and Anderson will be next!