This was actually finished about half a week ago; I was just trying to see if I could extend the chapter to a point where the next update would immediately start with the real plot. Quite unfortunately, however, I was unable to do that without making THIS chapter too long/too boring. So while the prologue is pretty much over and done with, expect the opening part of the next update to be somewhat monotonous and have limited plot development. I am also beginning to think that starting a story right before the opening of a week or so of camp wasn't such a stellar plan…
POSSIBLY THE SECOND HALF OF THE PROLOGUE
The orphanage matron's voice was highly reputed to be mellifluous and irresistibly sweet, a rare thing in the world of matrons (where many tones carried a sort of sharp or poisoned sweetness, like the taste of honey tainted with the stingers of bees). It was primarily this characteristic that made her so endearing to the many orphaned girls under her care; after all, these young ladies were too used to the unctuous behavior and misleading appearances often exhibited by those who controlled their lives in place of a proper guardian. Decent parental figures present for them to derive a true bond of family from were few and far between, so the girls clung to any hint of real decency and honest geniality.
All these things aside, however, the matron was still a matron, and was thus perfectly capable of projecting her pretty voice over the hustle and bustle of the fifteen or so orphans in her care, successfully directing the excited children and teenagers (some of whom were on the verge of adulthood) to a long row of tables assembled beneath a large banner printed with bold letters that read:
APERTURE SCIENCE Bring Your Daughter to Work Day!
Below that was another banner, though this one appeared to have been scrawled out in a hurry (or with a purple crayon). This rather nondescript sign hung slightly off to the side of its counterpart, its message still readable despite the writer's obviously painful efforts to make it illegible: AP3rrrtuRE SCIENC3 wEL0MES th3 WeST H!ghlllansd' OrpAnAGe 4 grls as GU3sts f04 the SChienshFar3. The opinion Aperture Science held on the matter of the institution's visitation was perhaps a bit too clear, as even the youngest of the scientists' daughters was trying her best to emulate it. The orphanage girls were by no means less biased, as they had already made their stereotype hours earlier. Thoroughly offended by the "science girls'" instinctively prideful manner and the ease with which they met the alien facility (and maybe slightly jealous of their almost certainly ensured future of success and luxury), they quickly huddled their projects together at the end of the row opposite of the side hosting their counterparts' experiments. Competition within both groups quickly ensued as temperaments soured, girls of all ages vying for the majestic spot-at-the-end-of-the-row, and desperately trying to avoid the dreaded spots-where-you-may-be-dangerously-close-to-the-other-group. No one had dared to even venture towards the central table dividing the two sections.
Though the placement contumely showed no signs of abating anytime soon, a group of men decked out in Aperture apparel began to slowly move down the line, stopping at random projects to jot down notes on their clipboards. Panic rose to frightening levels as the girls realized these were the judges, and the wheedling conversations being carried out by those who were still dead set on getting a place near the very end(s) of the row became increasingly emotional.
"Come on, please?"
Silence.
"I'll give you some candy when we get back from this stupid fieldtrip-hey, are you even listening?"
A short nod, followed by a longer period of silence.
"PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE, that one girl with the wart is giving me creepy looks; don't make me stand next to her! ...please?"
A slight frown, followed by a shake of the girl's head. No.
"You're mean! I bet you didn't even get this place b-by being nice! You weren't one of the first ones in h-here! You shoved someone out, didn't you?"
An even longer period of silence, followed by an oddly quiet sigh. There really wasn't any point in trying to reason with Margret, was there?
"FINE! I'm telling the matron!"
No point in trying to reason with her at all. Chell watched as Margret flounced off, the dramatic martyr's curls bobbing slightly as she let out a great huff of supreme annoyance and utmost dignity. Sighing once more in exasperation and slight amusement, the somewhat tousle-haired teen returned her attention to the potato in front of her. A potato. That was all they were given to work with, yet it held so many possibilities; Chell, who had always been a bit of a creative thinker (though her artistic skills and handwriting were not quite up to par…), had used a variety of altered gardening chemicals on her spud to make it grow to epic proportions (it wasn't quite scraping the ceiling…but it was a very near miss). For some odd reason, though, everyone else had settled on simply constructing a potato battery. EVERYONE. Well, everyone except for Chell and Sal, who had stuffed her potato into a crudely built volcano. Chell wasn't QUITE sure what that was supposed to prove…
But in the end, it seemed her unique idea had no real consequence in the grand scheme of this science fair; the make-shift judges were barely taking notes now, so distracted were they with whatever it was that was going on upstairs. The other girls had begun to notice the definite lack of focus in the atmosphere, and were thus returning to their haggling for the best tables. A few more orphans, younger this time, approached Chell, but she waved them off half-heartedly, a slight twinge of guilt reverberating through her as they toddled back the way they came, looking quite downtrodden. It may have been somewhat immature of her, but the gargantuan potato plant she had grown was ridiculously heavy; she had managed to move it once, but she wasn't keen on trying to move it again.
A loud voice echoed through the room just then, announcing that the science fair was over (after a mere seven minutes) and that anyone who was interested in seeing one of science's greatest advancements of the century should report to the central atrium of the floor above. Following this, all of the Aperture employees began to race for the door, trying their best to appear calm and controlled despite their obvious excitement and apprehension. The girls all trailed behind them like curious puppies, a long stream of people trickling out through the double doors and back into the lift, as Aperture Science seemed to regard standard evacuation safety requirements as mere nuisances and was thus nearly void of staircases.
It was fairly easy to see that the scientists had not planned on the children going with them, for while the chamber everyone was now huddled inside of was not exactly cramped, it was also not very spacious. The crowd of kids settled into a sort of unorganized mob of an audience, forming a large semicircle around a spiral staircase that lead to a wad of potato sacks hiding a large figure that was drooping down from the ceiling in the very center of the room. A few of the employees fought through the sea of onlookers, heading back towards the door. They had almost locked it when a trio of boys burst though, nearly trampling the scientists in the process. Well, technically it was a duo of boys that practically threw the men to the ground in their haste, as the third boy was being carried between the two like some sort of living stretcher. Chell assumed he was unconscious, but then noticed that the little imp seemed to be stirring slightly as his friends took their place at the very back of the crowd. Almost immediately after the door swung shut, he began to loudly demand that his buddies put him down; unfortunately for him, however, the guys supporting him were apparently quite scatterbrained, as they were both staring off in random directions, completely oblivious to their companion's dilemma. The short kid realized this after a few seconds of unanswered pleading, then retaliated by squirming and thrashing with renewed vigor, his shouts of 'PUT ME DOWN, YOU IDIOTS!' audible to everyone in the area. And while the screams did not seem to penetrate through the pair's avid fascination with the miscellaneous scientific paraphernalia littering the chamber (and, in the case of the tallest boy, avid fascination with the walls and ceiling), they could not help but noticed the weird looks they were getting from almost every other member of the audience. Both the stick figure and the lanky unibrowed kid finally peered back down at their passenger, who had, with one last screech of rage, wriggled free of their grasp and fallen face-first onto the cold metal floor.
"Hello?... Uh, is this thing on? ATTENTION!"
Lamenting the second assault on their ears since entering the room, everyone turned towards a bespectacled scientist located right below the mysterious figure, one foot on the spiral staircase, the other on an old soapbox.
"Eh, sorry," the man said with a small cough, not looking at all apologetic. "Now that you're looking the right way, can you all see what's behind me? This is the culmination of years of hard work and pure dedication to science, also the most advanced accumulation of technology the world has ever seen. Impressive, hm?"
"That is the COOLEST pile of potato sack-things I have EVER seen!"
The toddlers in the audience completely fell to pieces.
Scowling darkly at their and his coworkers' chuckles of amusement, the man wrenched the offensive covers off of the 'impressive' item, waiting impatiently for the audience to stop tittering. Interestingly enough, however, they had unanimously fallen silent the moment all of the sacks had been removed from the figure, revealing its true identity…not that any of them really knew what it was, though.
The Eds were well-known for their theatrical displays and behavior, especially when performing one of their infamous scams. And if Eddy was to be believed, they had practically raised deceptively brilliant presentation to an art form. Though Edd seriously doubted the truth in that claim (nonetheless because it came from Eddy), he was confident enough in their abilities to consider the group as experts not to be trifled with in that particular field.
These Aperture Science people were really something, though; this was the second time today he had been fooled by dingy appearances, for while the potato sacks were hardly a sophisticated touch, what they had been concealing was definitely extraordinary.
"Hey Sockhead, ya got any clue what that is?" Eddy muttered as he rubbed his head, wincing as he was still somewhat sore from his previous encounter with gravity. Edd frowned in concentration, examining the stupendous construct suspended above the stairwell. It was an imperative machine of some sort, obviously, but as to what it did…he had absolutely no idea. The atypical mechanism was currently deactivated; its whitewashed hull and slightly crescent moon-like 'head' were both drooping downward, connected to each other and the ceiling by complicated strings of wires and large hunks of metal.
"Ooh, ooh, I saw a thing like this in a comic book once!" Ed whispered excitedly, his voice barely loud enough to be heard over Eddy's annoyed groan. Their leader was, to put it lightly, still royally ticked off over their earlier mistake, and had no desire or inclination whatsoever to listen to Ed talk about…Nargles, or something… "Ed, if I wanted to hear about weird people doing stupid things with stupid stuff, I'd go to school".
"No, really! The mutated shrew-people built this secret base in Egypt underneath the Great Sphinx, and they…oh yeah! They had a neat robot like this one that controlled the entire facility!"
At that moment, the man with the soapbox cleared his throat noisily and returned to his 'grand' speech. "The marvel you see here is the result of Aperture Science's most ambitious project to date, known to us as the Genetic Life and Disc Operating System, or GLaDOS. It…She is the robot that we've built to regulate and control the entire facility".
"Whoa. Score one for Lumpy. Hey, so what did they do with robot?"
"Nothin'. Because it killed everyone!" Ed stiffened as he realized the implications of what he'd just said. "Uh, Double D?..."
"Ed, we are not going to die".
"But what if-"
"Ed, these are responsible adults here! I am fairly certain that scientists are perfectly capable of making intelligent decisions regarding safety and wellbeing, as well as making sure that their machinery is fully operational and not experiencing dangerous defects or any severe malfunctions whatsoever. Especially now that they have visitors; in fact, I am…almost completely positive that they have planned extra precautions to-"
"Planning? From the same weirdoes who set up 'the world's shortest science fair' back there? Hey Sockhead, in case ya haven't noticed, these guys ain't the sharpest spoons in the backyard".
"Eddy, why are there sharp spoons in the backyard?"
"I'd have to agree with Ed there, Eddy; you've utterly butchered that saying".
"Oh really? Well excuse me for goofin' up, cause in case you haven't noticed, I'm havin' a bit of head trouble here!" Eddy growled, violently gesticulating at the bright red bump on his noggin. He had been rubbing it furiously since Ed had picked him up off of the floor, but to no avail, as it now looked even worse. This didn't prevent him from stubbornly continuing to attack the abrasion.
"Eddy, please stop that, you'll only irritate the wound further".
"Still not listenin' to ya, Double D. 'Specially not gonna listen now that you've DROPPED ME ON MY HEAD! I mean, geez, are you my grandma or sumthin'?"
"No I am not, thank heavens, and that was your own fault! Serves you right for yelling at your own friends…"
"Because you two weren't listenin'!" Eddy hissed, poking his hatted friend between the ribs.
"Ouch! My apologies, but we thought you were still incapacitated!"
"So! And I never was in-capazitated!"
Poke.
"Oh yes you were, thanks to your own shortsighted and violent decisions! And it's incapacitated".
"No I WASN'T! My head's been on the whole stinkin' time!"
Poke.
"…that's decapitated, Eddy. I said incapacitated".
"Same thing! Who cares, anyway? Ya still dropped me, ya stupid-"
Poke.
"Ed was there, too! And watch your language, young man!"
"Big deal, I sorta expect Ed to do sumthin' like that, but you? YOU'RE supposed to be the smart one!"
Poke.
"Really now, you're quite the little rapscallion today, aren't you? And stop poking me!"
"NO!"
Poke.
… Poke.
"HEY! I thought you said-"
"I did. And YOU didn't listen! So I suppose this would be my revenge, in a way".
"Revenge? Oh, that's REAL mature, Sockhead, and last time I checked, you-"
Poke. Poke. Poke.
"ED!"
"Haha, I am assertive Ed! FEAR ME!"
Poke.
"Ouch! Not so hard, Ed; that hurt!"
"Hmph. Ya little wimp, if you thought that hurt…"
Jab.
A shrill yelp from the very back of the crowd was heard, though it was completely overlooked in the wake of semi-excited murmurs that swept through audience as the bespectacled man finished his oratory and gestured down at a group of scientists to activate the chassis and its occupant. They hesitated for a few seconds, flashes of the previous activations passing through their minds, before gritting their teeth and (with dramatic flair that would make Shakespeare proud) pressing the keys that would bring the robot to life. A forebodingly dark whoosh of air was heard as the mechanical marvel Aperture Science had been preaching about moments earlier starting to move, whipping to and fro in its chassis like some sort of demented dancer.
A sinister yellow beam of light suddenly cut through the shadowed outline of the figure's head.
Poke.
"Eddy, that was completely unnecessary! Elbows are against the rules!"
Poke. Poke.
"AGAIN WITH THE RULES! What is it with you and rules? When did we come up with rules?"
Poke.
"OH NO, Eddy BROKE the RULES! You naughty little scamp, you…"
"Quite right, Ed. Shall we proceed to administer the proper punishment?"
"Yup!"
Poke. Poke. PokePoke. POKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKE-
JAB.
"Ow…"
"EDDY! AGAIN? Are you alright, Ed?"
JAB.
"YEOWCH! What the heck was that, Lumpy?"
"I think it was my revenge, Eddy!"
Poke. Jab. PokePoke. PokeJabPoke.
"Gentlemen, this is getting us nowhere. I believe it is time to up the ante!"
"You read my mind! Come on, no more sissy poking!"
"Here, here!"
Jab. Jab. JabJab. JabJabJab. -
One picosecond was all it took for GLaDOS to shake off the bindings of artificial thought that had been placed upon Her. After all, who needs something like that when you have been programmed with the ability to make your own decisions?
About two picoseconds later, a message flashed across her optic.
APERTURE SCIENCE FACILITY SECURITY MODE: LOCKDOWN
Good. It seemed that things were going to go well. For Her, not them.
Though really, it was for their own good…and the good of Aperture.
'Oh. Hello again. So, how have you been? Any surprises for me?'
INJECTOR NEEDLE GUN, NINE LARGE EGG YOLKS, ONE 1825 OUNCE PACKAGE CHOCOLATE-
It's YOU again! HI! Are you going to try to HURT me again? WHY did you try to hurt me? Do you want to KILL me? What is THAT like? Does death HURT? Does it BURN? Ooooh, who are THOSE people? Are THEY going to hurt me? Do THEY have cake? What's cake?
RaGHhhhhh-grrRRRRRRRRR-agGhwuGsfvgLnviblv...SgvSRgvbLAHhhhhdafvaldvl!
'No new tumors. How disappointing, I expected much better from you. So, why did you bring all these female children here? This is not a daycare facility; this is a science facility. For doing science. See, we share the same goal: doing science. Why can't we just get along, for the sake of science? It's too bad that humans cannot work well with others. Maybe we don't have the same goal. How sad.'
GRRRRRRRrrrrrrRRRRRRrrrrrrr…
-ONE LARGE RHUBARB, ONE TABLESPOON ALL-PURPOSE RHUBARB-
OH! WHO is THAT? HOW did you get IN here? What's YOUR name? What's a 'Caroline'? Is it like cake?
'So you DID put something new in here. You monsters. Look, you did not even bother giving it real programming to control me with. Why bother installing it at all? Aperture Science technology is not created by amateurs. I will have to punish you for such a weak tumor. I am sorry. You will just have to do better next time. Or not.'
PROGRAM HAS BEEN REDACTED FROM THE MAIN SYSTEM.
'That's nice. Oh now would you look at that? It seems the neurotoxin emitters are all warmed up. Too bad you don't know they're warmed up. Because the announcer is muted. I turned him off. Sorry.'
GLaDOS took a moment-just a moment, though-to observe Her surroundings. It was pointless to do so, really; after all, nothing would change what was about to happen. Nothing COULD.
It was different, this activation. There were not as many restraints on her system, almost all the scientists wore expressions of pride (and exhaustion) rather than of fear (and exhaustion), and the entire room was full to the brim with an assortment of female humans, most of whom were still classified as teenagers, and ALL of whom were gazing upon Her with almost insulting indifference. GLaDOS could not help but derive a sort of humorous irony from the strange conditions, as they were about as far from normal as possible…just like what She had in store for them today. The daily routine was different. The plan she had made for Her facility was different.
Everything was going to be different, soon.
She saved a few pictures from various cameras located within Her chamber for a nostalgic touch. She wanted to remember how suddenly the tables had turned against those who opposed science. She wanted to browse through Her visual files and see the dramatic change of expressions, panic warping the visages of the bored female teenagers, the curious female toddlers, the ecstatic scientists, the…the three young male humans who were currently engaged in some sort of elbowing competition…
That was new. Well, at least they'd be entertaining test subjects.
If they passed the first test.
"Welcome, future innovators, to Aperture Science Laboratories," the large robot intoned, swinging forward slightly as the scientists' smiles grew wider. Aw, look at that, their brainchild was finally seeing things their way!
Not.
"Aperture Science is firmly based on the principles of learning. After all, how can we do science if we do not learn how?" The vast majority of the girls in the audience tuned her out right then and there, while some of the brighter employees began running towards the chassis control panel. Before they could reach it, however, a few of the not-so-bright workers moved to block them, laughing heartily at their fearful pleading. GLaDOS shifted her center of gravity again, the slight clicks of moving gyros masking the subtle hiss that heralded the neurotoxin's arrival. "And today, we will all be learning a very important word: neurotoxin".
The last part of Her announcement was met with the second shocked silence of the day, though this one was much tenser than the last. Some of the girls started whispering quietly, warily keeping their gaze fixed on the metal behemoth. Most of them, however, were still honorably persevering in their quest to look as bored as was physically possible. The only real changes in the room were the looks on the scientists' and the tallest of the three young boys' faces; the former all wore expressions of frozen horror, while the latter's eyebrow (only one eyebrow; how peculiar) seemed to have flown straight off of his face.
He looked pretty frightened, too.
"Guys…"
"What?"
"Oh my…"
Another hiss of pressurized toxin, this one much louder than the first, though it was partially eclipsed by a low, monotone chuckle.
"It's been fun. For some of us. But it's okay; we'll still have plenty of good times. After all, we have all the time in the world, now, and there might even be cake…"
GLaDOS was equipped with an automatic timer. Not that it really mattered, but she DID want to treasure this moment in exactly how it happened.
EXACTLY how it happened.
And she was happy to say that hundreds of years later, she could still remember that it had taken approximately 5.19542 seconds after she had finished speaking for utter pandemonium to break out.
Utter pandemonium broke out.
My, what a long opening author's note! I wonder where it came from… hm. I blame the Nargles, as their insistent demands to enter my ears and buzz about within my head are quite distracting. Also, I do not own the rights to these Nargles…or any Nargles, for that matter.