As for my first story on THG, and practicing the new style (Collin's style) I'm pretty excited. So don't shoot me for the choppiness, errors and grammar. But I really need REVIEWS to improve myself also for inspiration. Without reviews it seems like I'm writing to no one. I may sound mean but the next UPDATE will never come unless I get at least 5 reviews from you. It's not a threat but I need them to keep the ball rolling. so don't stay silent, speak up what you want to see.

Also check out my one shot "There are still times" where Katniss and Peeta's daughter encounters Peeta's flashbacks for the first time. Of course never forget to leave reviews.

I wish I could master Collin's magical ability. Sadly I can't (Plz, Don't remind me. I'll cry.)

As the district 13 hoverplane speeding up, I am pretty much anxious for any attack, but nothing seems bothering us. After exchanging some confirmatory notes between Plutarach and the pilot, I begin relaxing a little. Sure I've no way to stay of my own, as I feel Coin's eyes will never stop following my moves beneath her half closed lids. Finnick is busy in tying knots at the end of a rope, Haymitch in his usual drunken stupor, Gale busy with a weird looking device on his wrist checking for the tracking signals from Capitol. Yet air is heavy with tension, I can hardly breath. Everything they are doing just to keep themselves busy.

I check my wrist for today's schedule; 18:30- Reflction. It must be the only time for the district 13 inhabitants to taste the sunlight in the underground world. All the survivors of District 12 are given instant citizenship of 13, provided with quarters and jobs; still I think they miss their old home.

Home?

Here I'm in district 13, only survivor of Mellark family, where is my home? The answer is difficult to find. I flipped the game bag, pulling out the old family book of Everdreen family. My finger traces the tiny careful handwritings.

Katniss!

She is the only home I can imagine. She is the only one left for me in the world. She is the…

Oh! What I'm thinking!

I told her once, everything I told her during the games were only for television. But did I really mean that? Then why my heart breaks at her painful scream? Why I feel so lost without her?

I eye to the half sleeping president two seats away. Can she read my mind? Then why they rescued me? Why it wasn't Katniss? Isn't she the real Mockingjay? Isn't the real face of the rebellion? Then why she chooses me? Just because I'm good with the cameras? Right now they leave me alone considering my emotional breakdown of losing my so called wife; everyone is tolerating my meaningless deals. But it can't last forever. Neither can they postpone the rebellion depending on the one teenage girl. If they can't have her, then they will find another.

From the landing pad, Finnick accompanies me to the underground, compartment 307. I hesitate at the door marked 307. This is the compartment allotted for Everdreen family.

"What I shall tell them?" I ask Finnick.

His large hands instantly pat my arms. His sea green eyes reflect the sadness. I know how he feels. Annie is also taken by Capitol. Our hearts bleed probably in same way. But Finnick Odiar is really different. The usual sexy cloud consumes his sad eyes as soon as our eyes meet.

"But they are looking at you, Peeta." He says "Possibly they trust you."

I take a deep breath and knock the door. It is Mrs. Everdreen who opens the door. I see the hope in her face as she looks at me. My head instantly hangs to my chest. I've nothing. No good news. My eyes catch the little girl, clinging to her mother's arms- Prim, Katniss's little sister. The light goes out from her blue eyes the moment our eyes meet.

"I'm sorry, Prim."

Mrs. Everdreen remains as silent as before. It is Prim who walks forward and takes my hand. "Come in, Peeta.' She chirps with false enthusiasm. Her smile mimics Effie. Looking into her face I begin to feel guiltier.

Couldn't it be me instead of her? She has a family, worried sick for her while I've no one. Possibly no one would miss me if I was gone.

"I've something for you, Prim." I try to smile handing her the family plant book. Her eyes lights up with joy when she sees the book. But only for a second. They turn in the deserted coal mine again when her eyes catches the familiar handwriting.

"Any news of her?" she whispers.

Suddenly I begin to feel a lump inside my throat. What I shall tell her? The horrible scream I heard in the hoverplane? The pain in her every words? My failure of protecting her? What can I say?

The silence become too painful as her hopeful eyes keep watching me. I really don't want to hurt this girl. Really not!

She hugs the plant book to her chest, and places on the table. Mrs. Everdreen sinks into the nearby chair, her emotionless eyes staring at the ceiling. Buttercup, Prim's cat hisses at me. I sit on the chair, alone.

They hate me. I'm worthy to it.

The painful silence ends with the ringing of the diner bell.

Trailing down the dinner hall I meet Gale on the hallway. His face is like stone. He doesn't bother to exchange any words as we reach the end of the stairs. I decide to part my path on the way to the dinner hall.

"The command wants us to of us." Gale's voice stops me at my pace.

"Another bargaining session?" I turn back, not much willing to speak.

"I'm not sure."

"I'm tired of all of this. I said you all, I'm not going to be the face of rebellion."

Gale let out a stiff laugh. "But I think that is not possible anymore. You are a charmer. You're chosen. Katniss is gone." His grey Seam eyes are reflecting the dim underground light "You're lucky man Peeta Mellark."

Lucky man! What he wants to say? Being chosen? No I'm not the one supposed to be chosen. So Coin chooses me just for my appeal on television? No, it's not fair.

"I don't believe Katniss is gone." My jaw stiffens "If they want me to join the rebellion, they can't do until they can rescue her."

His eyes soften. "I don't believe any of your words." He mutters under his breath.

A sigh escapes from my mouth. I know the reality. Katniss is disappeared like a vapor. Six weeks! No news, except a horrible audio tape.

Possibly both of us feel in the same way.

I follow Gale to the command room, a high tech war council room complete with all kind of technology one can imagine. Pluterach welcomes me with a grin. "Hi Peeta, nice to see you again."

"No more stupid welcomes." I mutter under my breath. All of them gather around a television screen for a show. No one notices me as I take my seat in the last row sandwiched between Finnick and Haymicth. Finnick welcomes me with a warm smile. We grow since he restarted my heart in the arena in quarter quell.

The seal, the anthem, the show begins. Caesar Flickerman, the host of Hunger Games appears on screen with his colored hair and sparking blue suit, smiles with his usual artificial grace. And the next moment the camera moves back, I see the guest- Katniss Everdreen.

A gasp escapes me. It is not the Katniss Everdreen, the survivor girl I knew. The sparkle of her grey eyes is lost. Makeup can't hide the bags under her eyes. I assume I can count each and every rib under her pale pink, baby girl dress. Her hands are freighting upon the armrest of her chair. Her eyes move at every possible direction for the invisible attacks. And right then the camera moves. I feel another tight grasp around my wrist- Finnick, eyes wide with shock and fear. My eyes turn towards the screen to find another guest- Annie Cresta.

"So, Katniss Everdreen and Annie Cresta, two of our former victors." Caser smiles looking at them "Nice to see you two again."

Annie gives a silent nod, her eyes mimics fear. Katniss's arms soon find her to comfort.

"So how about the night in the arena?" Caser smiles at her "Can you just tell us, the audiences?"

"No."

"Why?" Caser raises his eyebrows.

"Actually Johanna knocked me out. I've a concussion. I don't have clear memory of that night."

"Or you don't want to remember how he abandoned you?" He crosses.

"He never abandoned me." Katniss grits her teeth; her jaw tightens so hard that her cheekbones swell over her polished face.

"So Katniss," Caser nods at her sympathetically "Last night we got the medical report. It says you are not pregnant anymore."

Katniss tries to smile at the camera says "Yes, I lost the baby in the arena."

"I'm sorry." Caser looks at her sympathetically "But you can't deny that Mr. Mellark plans to leave you in the arena."

"I don't know his plans. He never tells me." Her finger traces the smooth plane of the armrest.

Annie grasps Katniss's arms. Her eyes are now wild. Katniss gives her a consoling nod and turns to the host.

"Are you sure?" Caser asks.

"Of course I do."

"Then you are confessing that he never loved you. The star-crossed lover thing is only a plan."

My eyes concentrate upon her face, the frown between her eyebrows, the lines forming in her forehead. I escape a glance of Finnick who is drinking Annie's face, her haggard look. I know he is feeling the same.

"I have not told that. I still love him. And I still want to go back to him." Katniss's soon ease the growing tension with a fake smile plastered upon her lips. "But everyone has a secret. Peeta has that too. But I know he does it all to save me."
"But he risks the lives to many innocent people." Caser cuts her off "District 12 is destroyed. You've seen the footages."

With the single sentence Katniss's eyes stop moving. The smile disappears from her lovely face. Her face contorts in an effort as if she is in pain, inhales sharply, trying to make some words from her lips.

"Do you Katniss… still want to be the Mockingjay?"

"Who want…." Her body begins trembling, even Annie's hold can't steady her. Her wild eyes fixes over the camera, her lips move in a hissing whisper "No! I will never be the Mockingjay."

The audience gasps. I see Gale's face tenses. His jaw tightens. My breathing become shallow as I begin hyperventilate. I look at Finnick who seemed shocked too.

"It's a betrayal." He whispers. Traitor, liar…all the words begin flooding through the room. Even President Coin's words can't stop their outrage. Even some moments their angry eyes flash towards me. Probably they are not so sure about me too. Finnick and Haymitch garb my arms together in the right time and clear me from the outrageous crowd.

"No! I know she is trying to protect us." I struggle against their iron grip, ready to crush the crowd, to tell the truth'I know she wants us to go on with the rebellion. But Finnick and Haymitch are not ready to let me go. They begin dragging me towards my compartment.

"I say, they tortured her and make her say all of this." I shout at the top of my lungs. Yes, I'm not so violent person. But when it involves Katniss and her safety, I'm sure I'm ready to fight everything. But both of them are strong enough to pick me up, carry towards the tiny compartment.

"I know, Peeta, it is some kind of deal." Haymitch says, after depositing in my bed "She is dealing with capitol to protect us from becoming another district 12."

"But who will believe her now?" someone pushes the door open, the last person I expect to visit my compertment.

Gale!

There is a big gash in his forehead. Possibly he had a bit fight with the angry rebels about Katniss issue. But the angry youth is gone I met a few moments ago. Now he seems broken. May be I'm wrong but I see a drop of tear sparkling at the corner of his eyes. "Does she have any idea what damage she makes tonight?" He drops into a nearby couch holding his head between his fingers. "I know the rebels very clearly. No one believes our story."

Anger courses through my veins. "We must make them believe."

'You can't. Everyone knows that you want to save her." Haymitch whispers, turning his grey eyes upon me "Now the rebels are losing hope. All the time they waited for their Mockingjay. Now she is gone."

My chest tightens with his word. She is in a grave danger. She makes a deal, a dangerous deal. She will die whether in Capitol or the hands of the rebels. No one trusts her. She is just a pawn, a helpless pawn. My feet are getting cold. My throat feels dry. Angry tears begin flooding my vision.

"But…" I open my mouth.

"I know how you feel Peeta." Right then Finnick cuts me in. He lowers his sea green eyes into my blue one "Capitol planned it so well. They will torture them more; make them to say many other things in public. And they will make us to see that."

"What makes you so sure?"

"They will do whatever to break us all."

I gaze the sobbing Gale. Obviously he is broken. For a moment a bleeding, crying for help, gasping sharply for oxygen Katniss flashes tough my mind. My body loses control over myself as I collapse into the white sheets.

"I'm sorry boy." I hear Haymicth's whisper, Finnick's sigh, Gale's sob and the faint angry mutterings of the rebels outside.

Katniss is my life. I have made that fact public knowledge. To think all I wanted was to help her and now my affection for her has put her in the worst possible situation.

May be all of us are now in the worst situation. After this everyone will search for another face of rebellion. I know all the arrows are pointed towards me. But how can I do that? It means betraying her. How can I betray her? But I can't let this rebellion stop, leading many more people be dead like District 12.

But what can I do now?

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As for my first story I really need to HEAR your thoughts because they'll keep my inspiration alive. May be still I'm following the book but from the next chapter I'll try to add my creativity. Who knows where it goes?

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