Thanks for all the reviews and subscriptions. You're angels! But I really need REVIEWS. I want to know what you think, what you want. It's like I'm writing to no one. I may sound mean but I'll not update if I don't get at least 5 reviews per chapter.
I wish I could do a neuron mapping to get Collin's powerful abilities (Don't tell me. I'd better do a research on genetics of mutts.)
Nights come with all the terrifying dreams- mutts chasing my parents, brothers before Capitol bombs hit. This night a bleeding, burning, screaming, battered Katniss joins the cast. I lay on my bed, tangled in sheets paralyzed with horror, frantically searching for a tortured Katniss in the middle of the nights, only to find an empty bed and the loudly snoring Finnick in the next bed, murmuring Annie's name in sleep. After tossing and turning for hours, I finally accept that it will be a wakeful night. I wish I could scream like Katniss, thrashing around the bed while a pair of soft arms will hold me, comfort me saying everything will be alright soon.
Watching the empty bed, I've to realize that there is no one to hold me; no one is to whisper something comfortable in the middle of the night. At last letting a sigh to escape, I tiptoe to the window, let my body sink into a nearby chair. I lean my head against the back and close my eyes.
What I'll do now?
The whole rebellion is depending upon my one decision. But how can I take Katniss's place? My fingers run down to my knees where an artificial leg replaces the old one. The tourniquet- it took away the leg. But she did it to save my life.
My life! Don't I owe her so much?
Then how can I let her to be tortured this way?
"Feeling bad?" Finnick says. He is awake; sea green eyes piercing me through the darkness.
My head hangs to my chest. I'm not so good in concealing emotions.
"Everyone thinks her as a traitor. Both of us know through what she is going through."
I tilt my head so that the sky blue meets the green sea. Those are not the eyes I saw in the televisions long ago. Suddenly I find someone different there, more understanding besides my father.
"But…" I trail. His fingers press my shoulder. "Do you love her boy?"
His eyes are not questioning anymore. His peering glare is measuring the depth of my soul. Then what I must say to him. What kind of relation I actually share with Katniss? I tell the whole world about my love for her. But how much truth is in them? She loves Gale. Her eyes says that all. I can't force her loving me.
"I'm confused."
Finnick's eyelids drops, his lips twist into a familiar grin. "People tell me secrets, Peeta. And I know yours too."
Now I'm really confused.
In the morning, I see that 7:00-Breakfast is directly followed by 7:30-Command, which is fine since I may as well start the ball rolling. At the dining hall, I flash my schedule, which includes some kind of ID number, in front of a sensor. As I slide my tray along the metal shelf before the vats of food, I see breakfast is its usual dependable self-a bowl of hot grain, a cup of milk, and a small scoop of fruit or vegetables. Prim takes her seat beside Gale, longingly watching his mashed potatoes. Gale who slips a few pieces in her plate, under the watchful eyes of the guards, smiles at the little girl. His eyes meet me for once.
'President Coin wants to meet you after the breakfast." His voice is cold; his glare is burning me with the each look.
"But I think I'm supposed to attend the public communication class by then." I reply, munching some of my turnip.
"Missing one class will not stop you becoming another Caser Flickerman." Gale stubs his potatoes mercilessly, eyeing Prim who just smiles after all the time we met in the last six weeks.
"Peeta will make another great television host." She giggles. I smile back to her. Her eyes are shining with a genuine pleasure. It's such a relief that she actually doesn't hate me so much. Gale rolls his eyeballs and suddenly the pale potatoes on his plate become the most interesting thing in the room. I don't know what kind of feelings he had for me during the games. But now he actually hates me. I can't blame him for any of this feeling. Katniss is supposed to be grow with him, get married someday. Possibly it's me who stand between them, leading her to the dangerous path, abandoning her in the danger, leaving her to suffer. I can't blame him for any of this. Probably I should hate myself too.
Does Katniss hate me too?
That thought jumbles my brain for a second. I need to assemble that. So I plan to use a old trick which the Capitol doctors taught me after my first game, when I was much mentally distressed with my lost leg.
I'm Peeta Mellark, seventeen years old, saved by district 13 from the quarter quell. My family is dead. Katniss is taken by Capitol. Her family hates me for that.
Riiip! Someone draws a chair beside me. My head instantly turns towards my new companion- Prim.
"Peeta!" she whispers. Her blue eyes are locked into mine. Instantly I move my head, lower my eyes. I've not much courage left to face her sad eyes again. But her little hands find me again, caresses my chin, so that her sparkly blue eyes can pierce my soul once more.
"It's not our fault. It's not your fault that she is taken by them. You're not responsible that everyone is thinking her as traitor. I don't hate you Peeta." She tiny fingers curl around mine. Buttercup hisses at her feet. Gale glares.
"Prim!" I mumble. She sounds like thousand years old now. The trembling girl on the way to the reaping is gone. Does Katniss know that her little sister has grown up so much?
A small smile laces my lips. My finger caresses her smooth cheeks. "Thanks Prim. It's really nice to know that one less person hate me now."
"It's not a question of hate; it's the question of faith. I know you've always tried to protect her."
"But I failed. Capitol took her."
"Then you'll bring her back.."
My eyes widen at the tone of her voice- there is nothing but trust. She trusts me!
"But she refuses to be one." I say.
Then she does something that I never imagined before. She tiptoes and kisses my cheeks, whispers "Then you'll make her the Mockingjay. Don't you?" I nod. I'll try.
Another thought joins me. I've to save her.
By the time I follow Gale (Who actually gives me a cold shoulder all the way) to Command, Coin, Plutarach, and all their people have already assembled. The television set has been brought in the middle. When we enter, Coin raises one eyebrow at Gale. Sure she isn't so happy with him after his clash with the angry rebels yesterday, deciding whether to throw him out or not. Plutarach gives her a distant cough. Haymitch looks more human than yesterday, shaved and gladly out of his drunken stupor.
"Sit down here, kid." He says without taking his eyes off from the screen. We take our seats in the last row again with Gale in the usual distance. All of them are waiting for the morning news.
Just when the clock ticks to 8:00, the screen comes into life. The newsreader reads about the usual prosperity and peace all around the country, advertise some fancy products in the breaks, reading out some announcements from President Snow.
"Who is our guest in the interview part?" The pink headed newsreader smiles to her companion.
"You know it well, Feiona." The green headed man smirks "The hot topic in the country."
My heart stops. I eye to Gale who is tensed under his apparently emotionless mask.
"So welcome our guest, Katniss Everdreen." With the announcement the camera moves to the studio where Caser Flickerman welcomes the audiences with the familiar grin. I forget to breathe when the camera focuses on the guest- Katniss.
She isn't the same girl I saw only 12 hours ago. The dark circle underlines her eyes, she looks skinner, and her eyes are moving with a terrified gaze. She curls up in a ball, like a frightened doe looking for a hiding spot. And today she is alone.
Caser pats her eyes sympathetically "So Katniss, what about your feelings about the attack on district 4, last night?"
My mouth hangs open.
"The rebels got desperate, attacking one after one?" Caser asks her.
She remains silent. Her eyes are locked at a distance.
"So Katniss…." Caser takes her hand, almost whispering "They killed your district, many innocent people. Do you still support them? Peeta is now one of them. Do you want to join him again?"
Her eyelids flickers at the sound of my name, her face twists in a mocking grin of a decomposing corpse "Who wants…" She gasps again "I told you I'll never join them. I never will."
A noise of disappointment rises in the room.
"No! Katniss, don't be silly." Suddenly I do something really silly. I run near the screen knowing it is useless, practically hugging the television "Don't." I whisper.
'Peeta, she can't hear you." Haymitch's arms find me instantly, pulling me away from the television. "Don't act like an idiot." He says. But my whole body is trembling.
"It's a trick." Gale's voice echoes among the rising noise. I see him standing from his seat, practically begging to Coin "She is tricked."
Unfortunately she can't hear any of us.
"NEVER! NEVER!" her voice continues reaching to the higher octaves before the peacekeepers grab her arms and drag her away from the screen.
The screen becomes dark.
The telephone begins ringing- calls from the other districts!
Coin rises to receive the calls while Haymitch accompanies me to the seat where an angry Gale hissing in a chair next to mine.
"It's your fault." He hisses through tears.
"Why you call me here?" I turn to Haymitch "To make me to see all of these?"
"Nope!" He grins again. I wish I could burn him to the ashes right now. He takes a glance at hissing Gale and whispers "I want both of you work together."
"What?"
My whole body is full of dissatisfaction; my every being wants to scream at him but Haymitch stops me.
"Look at her." He says pointing to Coin.
Coin's face is turning grimmer with each word coming from the other side.
"The rebels of District 4 decides to leave the team." At last she puts down the receiver.
'What!" all our mouths hang open with the announcement.
"We've worked for this for so long." Now Boggs muses "But we never imagine this?"
"They are disappointed." Plutarach takes a sip from his glass "After all they've waited for the Mockingjay so long."
"We've planned all the time." Flavia sighs.
"But we can't lose them." Gale speaks after a long pause "I'll go there and convince them."
Coin's mouth twists into a sly grin "Soldier Gale, I don't think they will be convinced by you. You're not a well known face of the rebellion."
"But I've saved the survivors of District 12." Gale insists, face red with anger "And I've spend my life with Katniss."
"But you're only her cousin." Now Haymitch who drops the bomb "You're not her pair in the star-crossed lover plan."
"But I'm not her cousin." He says.
"People still eat the star- crossed lover theme." Plutarach cuts him off.
My head is spinning. Who actually cares for Katniss? She is suffering in the Capitol while the rebels are treating her as a traitor and I'm sitting here silently measuring the amount of my guilt. Gale is willing to step forward for her, and I'm…
A coward!
Did I really love her? Or everything is just a Capitol made illusion?
"You'll make her the Mockingjay, Don't you?"
Shouldn't I do something? For her? For my family? For the remainder of my people? My skin itches with the ashes of the dead. The burnt rubbles of Mellark Bakery crumble under my feet.
My head shot up.
My eyes meet Plutarach for a second. He nods.
"I'll go to district 4." My voice is still horse "I'll convince them." My eyes turns to Gale who stands at a distance, measuring my honesty "We'll convince them about the ongoing of the rebellion- Gale and me together. Both of us closely related to the Mockingjay. Probably they will not distrust us both."
Dead silence!
Gale stands there stunned. I feel his body tense, his muscles swells up beneath his smooth skin. If he thinks that I want to humiliate him, let him think. But I'm ready to do everything for Katniss.
Flavius seems unimpressed. Possibly she can feel the rising tension between us.
"Alright, then we can play the romance thing mixed with family sentiment!" says Plutarach, enthusiastic.
"Alright!" Says Coin flatly.
"That's what I want." Plutarach mutters under his breath "A young man fighting to save his love."
"It's it wonderful." Flavius massages his sore back "We'll get Poulax and Cressida packed for district 4."
"So that's what you want!" I hear Gale's mutterings under his breath. His grey eyes are burning like Seam coal.
I decide to ignore him.
"And another thing." I clear my throat. All the eyes are turned to look at me. "I'll not be the face of the rebellion."
"What?" Both Plutarach and Coin almost yell at unison. Gale looks a bit distracted.
"Then what do you want, Peeta?" Coin shoots back not missing the tone.
After a dramatic pause I decide to declare "Katniss will remain as the Mockingjay."
"No!" Coin says flatly, hiding behind her mask again "Do you know how much damage your decision will make? The rebels think her as the traitor."
"Then you'd better give up district 4 from your team." I reply, my voice doesn't weaver a bit. My whole body is trembling with anger under Plutarach's hopeful gaze, with Haymitch's appreciating pressure on my hand "Bravo, boy. I want you to speak up." I frown at him, not willing to talk. So that's all this sober man wants from me.
Coin stares at me. I keep staring back at her, not wanting to lose the challenge.
"All right, Soldier Mellark." For the first time ever, I see the hint of a smile on the president's lips "Agreed. But you can still reconsider your decision."
"I've decided." I declare without any second thought.
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From now on Peeta will be bolder and things will not be so easy for him because the story is twisted.
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