I can't breathe. Alright that's not completely true, I've trouble breathing. Not only that few of my ribs are broken, I can take many arrows for her but also a strange pain is weighting me down. I'm back in 13 again, in the hospital. Katniss's arrow had broken some of my ribs. Alright, I can take that again, if Snow wants this, but nothing can break me like he did to my dear Katniss. Mrs. Everdreen takes care of me, although her face looks still haggard. I've no idea if she hates me or not. She thanked me for saving Prim, but what about Katniss? Can she ever forgive me for her daughter's sufferings?
It was Boggs who knocked out Katniss with one blow before any permanent damage could be done. I guess Haymitch is pretty disappointed. He can't even predict that Capitol would use Katniss as a trap, to kill me. No, I'm wrong again, to kill all of us.
But I keep insisting the doctors to let me visit her. They don't. But after a long conversation with Haymitch and others they at last decide to give me the clearance. So this time Haymitch accompanies me through the corridors of District 13 hospital.
The corridors are clean and white, too white to dazzle your eyes. The air is heavy with the smell of Phenyl and other disinfectants. "Boy, there you go.' He shoves me into a room where Plutarch, Beetee, and all others are waiting. My stomach twists into knots when I find Finnick sitting at the remote corner of the room, with one arm wrapped around a woman, green eyed, tangled dark hair in noting but a bedsit. Their lips are touching each other, arms imprisoning one another in a tight hug, the world disappeared around them, there is no tomorrow for them. None of them even bother my presence there. Even unwillingly I can't stop looking at them.
"Stop looking at them." It is Haymitch who slaps my head from back "Haven't you seen anyone kissing before?"
"Ah, yeah." I turn my eyes away from them, embarrassed "I just…"
"Stop envying other's good luck." He replies, grumpily "We have many works to do other than watching others kissing."
"Let go, Haymitch." Plutarch says, waving his hand towards the sober man, then turning his eyes towards me "Sit here Peeta. Prim has gone to meet her. It will be your turn next."
Gratefully I take my seat beside him. Finnick is still too much busy kissing Anne. I hope Mr. Cresta is now easier to handle as well as district 4 rebels. As far as I know, everyone is rescued, Johanna Manson, Annie Cresta except Enoubaria. I guess she isn't held, since she is from district 2. Gale is probably injured, because I don't see him among these crowds. Mrs. Everdreen is busy somewhere. I guess she is trying to keep herself destructed. It is better for her. I wish I can do something to keep myself busy.
The air is heavy with tension; pin drop silence prevails in the tiny room. We can say nothing before Prim returns. Every second feels like a decade. When she will return?
Possibly I've counted three times from hundred to zero in reversely (a trick that my father taught me) until the knob turns at the door. And Prim enters into the room, with Buttercup in her arms.
"Prim" instantly I rush beside her. Her face is stained with tear as I wrap my arms around her. "Peeta." She throws her little arms around my middle, slightly shaking.
"Prim. Prim" I encircle my arms around her automatically, kneel down beside her, stroke her hair behind her ears 'What happened?"
Rest of the room gathers around us, Even Finnick and Annie. Prim is still sobbing. Haymitch wraps his arms round her shoulder 'What happened, Prim? Anything wrong?"
Prim raises her eyes. Those blue eyes are cloudy, clearly mimicking fear. Her gaze is unsure, from that I know it certainly involve Katniss. This poor girl doesn't want to ruin her sister's reputation in public. "Prim." I cup her chin and tilt her face so that she is looking at me "You can tell me."
All the five pair of eyes settles upon her, Prim hesitates. "We'll tell no one else." Plutarch assures. Hesitantly Prim at last moves her lips. "Buttercup." All she can choke out.
"What about Buttercup?" I ask her, pressing her shoulder gently. But the little girl's eyes moves towards the ugly cat lying motionless on the floor. Annie is tending the ugly cat in her arms, eyes soft with affection. As she walks near us, Finnick rushes beside her. "What Annie?"
"Don't worry." Annie shakes her head, smiling "He has passed out for a while."
Prim seems relived but my mind reels on other things. Looking into her eyes suddenly it becomes all clear to me. Should I ask that?
Before I can process that thought aloud it is Plutarch who speaks "Is it Katniss?"
My breath catches inside my chest. No, please. Let her not involve here. She is in already worse condition. Now this.. Unfortunately my wish doesn't come true.
"Yes, it is her.' Prim nods 'Katniss tried to strangle Buttercup."
My hands slip from her shoulders as Prim breaks into sob again. "It's ok, Prim." Finnick takes her hand and leads her to the other corner of the room. Annie joins him. She has somehow a loving aura round her. Sure she can help Prim go through this.
"I'm sorry, Peeta." Plutarch places his one arm around me. I look at him, shocked. What had they done to Katniss?
"So, Peeta, Katniss's condition has come as a shock to all of us," says Plutarch. "We couldn't help but notice her deterioration in the last two interviews. Obviously, she'd been abused, and we put his psychological state down to that. Now we believe something more was going on. That the Capitol has been subjecting her to a rather uncommon technique known as hijacking. Beetee?"
Hijacking. What is that ? I've never heard that term before?
Gazing into my questioning eyes Beetee shakes his head, sadly, "Sorry Peeta. I can't tell the specifics about it. Capitol keeps their torture techniques very secret. This we do know. It's a type of fear conditioning. In English "Hijack" means seize. And they possibly seize her with high amount of tracker jacker venom."
"Those cause hallucinations?" I ask, remembering the time when they stung me in the first games. I was drowned in the sea of worsening hallucinations- fear of loosing the people I loved, my family, Katniss.
"And they distorted her memories with them." Beetee nods.
I start to feel sick. Is that what they've done to Katniss? Taken her memories of us and distorted them so they're scary? I am afraid that I will faint at any moment. How can it be? Katniss can't remember me? Us? All the beautiful memories we shared together? No. it is worse than nightmare. Capitol took my family away from me, and her. What I've done to them?
Tear clogs into my throat. I can barely swallow them. I guess all of them feeling the same. The rebellion, the Mockingjay- all their plans are now ruined in any moment.
'Isn't there any chance of recovery for her?" I can barely choke out.
"We afraid not." This time Plutarch replies. His eyes are sad.
No. I can barely believe his words. "No." I scream, hiding my face behind my hands, tears well up from my eyes, I can't resist them. "I don't believe this."
"Calm down boy." Haymitch slips his arms around me "We are trying.."
"No you are not." I bust out, shoving his arm away from me. Haymitch is startled. I'm not usually a violent person but when it comes about Katniss, I can't keep myself together. "I'm going to see her now."
"But she is life threatening." Beetee warns as I take a step to the door.
"Peeta, don't.' Haymitch rushes towards the door, trying to stop me. But I completely ignore him. I push the sober man out of the way and push the door open.
()()()
I go into the small room and push the door open. I see her, lying on the bed, grey eyes gazing aimlessly to the ceiling. A cry almost chocks me as I walk close.
Hearing my footsteps her eyes widen in alarm, and then become confused. I try to speak gently not to alarm her "Katniss, it's me."
Her eyes gaze into mine for a long time as if she is trying to process all the memories at a time. She tries and fails. Confusion mars her face. She turns her eyes towards the ceiling again. "Where am I?" the first time in all the weeks I hear her voice. It is as beautiful as before. Her face is still like an angel, but those eyes.. those eyes that made the whole difference with the old Katniss. They were cloudy and haunted.
I walk close to her and take her hand, "We are in 13, Katniss."
Her eyes give an unsure expression as if she can't process the information. She even never bothers to look at me.
"That's what those people have been saying. But it makes no sense. Why aren't we home?" asks Katniss.
She looks so small and venerable that I don't want to flood her with all the bad news.
"Um.. we are just.." I bit my tongue "There is an…."
Her fingers are continually fidgeting with the hem of the bed cloth, as if she is trying to remember. Suddenly her grasp around my hand becomes firm "An Accident." She completes the sentence. Her eyes move from the ceiling and turn straight towards me. Fire is dancing in her grey eyes as if she can remember my face at last.
"And you are Peeta Mellerk." She sits up on the bed suddenly "Aren't you?"
"Yes." I'm tearing up once again. I wish I don't cry in front of her. But I can't just take her like this anymore.
"You were in the games with me?" She asks.
"Yes." I whisper.
"You said I was pregnant." Her eyes are taking me in. anger is rising in her eyes. My body tenses in alarm. I know if I don't move from here…
But it is too late. All on a sudden she jumps over me, knocking me on the floor. My head hit the floor, a big gash appear in my forehead. Luckily I was able to push her away from me and move aside.
"Look Katniss, I…" I can taste blood at the corner of my lips.
"You've killed my baby." She hisses, launching over me one more time. she has the speed of a hunter, this time I can't escape. She corners me on the floor; her fingers are pressing my throat. I never knew that she is so strong. As much I struggle to breath, I can't.
"Katniss, I've never…" I try to choke out.
"You, child killer." She continues hissing, her face is stained with tears for the imaginary child. "You killed my child. You mutt." She continues yelling in fanatic voice, strangling me. I would better die if my death can heal her.
A hand reaches through the doorway, pushes a needle into her arm, she collapses on the floor. Haymitch pulls me out, and the door swings shut. "It's alright, boy." He keeps saying as he leads me out of the room where rest of the team waits with a bunch of doctors. They are scribbling something in the notepads, whispering, I can hardly understand.
I sink into a chair at corner. A cry is chocking me. My throat is burning. I wrap my arms around me. I want to cry. Prim scoots close to me. She says nothing but gently rests her chin on my shoulder. Both of us know each other's pain.
Not only does she hate me and want to kill me, she believes that I'm the murderer of our imaginary child. It is more painful than being strangled.
At last tears well up from my eyes, I can't stop them.
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