Sorry for the late update. Actually I'm too busy with study and the coming exam. So the updates will be infrequent. But don't worry I'll never give up a story. Stay tuned.
I've a major writer's block recently a weird kind- I know how this story will end but I can't fill up the gaps in the middle. Help me please?
They say that her memory is tempered, filled with horrible thoughts about me. They don't allow me to go near her or talk with her even. Day after day I see her though the one way glass, shouting, cursing even tearing her own hair. In times she gathers her arms near her chest, cradling the imaginary baby of ours. Only that time her eyes turns soft, there is no fire anymore. For a moment I see the old Katniss who tended me in the cave, almost snatched me from the impending death in our first games. And she kissed me. I remember those warm fuzzy feelings though they most of them are only for television but yet the warmth in her eyes I saw those moments can't be entirely false.
Eight days have been passed since her arrival and she is still in that glass room alone. A sigh escapes from my lips when I find her struggling with the doctors, trying to run away from them. I don't know what she actually wants but I can feel she is still suffering from the delusion of the loss of her imaginary baby.
"No one can reason her." It is Finnick who says from behind. I turn my head to meet his sea green eyes as he continues saying "Peeta, she is lost. Capitol took her away."
"But why?" My voice is almost chocked with tears I can't speak much "Finnick?" I stand up from my chair, my arms unknowingly finds him for support "Why her? Not me?"
The doctors are restraining her to her bed, with three straps on her each arm but she keeps fighting them. Her gaze is lost, there is no fire. They are hazy like a broken glass.
And I'm broken too.
I feel Finnick's arms softly patting my shoulder. "Be strong, Peeta." He whispers softly in my ears "We all have to."
My head shots up with his words. My eyes move from him to Katniss in the other side of the glass. She is staring at the ceiling, her eyes are vacant.
"Yes." I say. "I will."
A big smile crosses his face when he slaps my back "That's like Peeta, now. Let's go. Everyone is waiting."
He pulls me into a private conference room. I look around the room at all the faces. Gale, Haymitch, President Coin, Plutarch, Prim, and Katniss's mom. I am overwhelmed with anxiety. This is the day when the authority of 13 will decide Katniss's fate. I'm not really much fond of the idea. But I can feel the reason. The fighting is going on. District 2 is still helping Capitol with their supply of weapons and they are continually attacking the rebel houses around the country. Now the rebels are also becoming impatient. They've waited for their Mockingjay for long. But now it's getting too late. The rebellion is going out of our hand.
My mouth is feeling dry. I don't want to be in this room. I feel something bad is waiting for her. I want to be with Katniss. I need to be there to protect her.
I take my seat beside Gale. He is supposed not to be here. He was confined to bed with some kind of shoulder injury. He looks still pale and sick. His one arm is hung in with a sling around his neck. His free arm is freighting aimlessly with the hem of his trouser. He doesn't even bother to look at me when I take my seat beside him.
When all of us are seated President Coin stands up from her seat and clears her throat. "My dear fellows." She begins and with her words the whole room fells silent.
"We are here to talk about Miss Everdreen." She pauses, studying our faces "You know about her condition. But we can't delay about the Mockingjay issue."
I really don't like this woman in grey. There is something in her eyes that reminds me of President Snow. I don't know why.
Gale moves beside me unhappily. For a moment our eyes meet. I can read the clear hatred in his eyes. Does he blame me for everything?
"What do you think about her progress, Doctor Rodrig?" She turns to the head doctor of 13. Haymitch takes another gulp from his liquor bottle. He is getting really impatient now.
"We're trying everything." The head doctor stands up from his seat "But we've a very little data on that. Capitol distorted her memories into scary ones. She is near insane."
"But can't you reverse it?" this time Plutarch interrupts "How can she take this responsibility of a Mockingjay like this?"
"But we've a very little knowledge about the treatment." Dr. Rodrig nods sadly "We tried to get information from Capitol database. But we can't access it."
"Yeah. That is secured with a password even I can't hack that." Beetee who is sitting next to Plutarch adds.
Oh, no. I want to run away. I want to cover my ears with my hands. This isn't happening. my Katniss… she will spend rest of her life in a glass room, slowly dying. No, I can't even imagine that.
"That bastard." I hear Gale cursing under his breath. His grey eyes are burning with low fire. Prim also looks uneasy. But she has no scope of talking in this meeting. Mrs. Everdreen is as silent as before. But I know she is breaking too.
"That means she will never become normal?" Coin's eyes are cloudy with fake grief. I may be wrong but I can see a slight hint of secret smile at the corner of her lips.
"We are not sure." Doctor replies sadly "But we'll try. We'll prepare a team of mental health an military professionals for her treatment. But we don't know how long it will take."
"Can we wait for our Mockingjay that long?" Coin's voice is veiled with fake sorrow as she looks around her "Can we?"
"What do you mean by that president?" Now Haymitch speaks up for the first time. his voice is still thick with the effect of alcohol.
"My meaning is clear, Mr. Abernathy." Coin smiles sadly but to me it seems like a ghost of smile "Miss Everdreen can't be the Mockingjay."
"But we waited for her all these times?" This the usual gentle sarcastic Haymitch bursts out "How can you convince the rebels, president?"
"But we can't have an insane girl leading a revolution." Coin bits her lips, her cheeks flushes with anger. She takes a deep breath and continues "Is is sane?"
She is talking so much like Snow. All of a sudden I realize she is actually happy with Katniss's hijacking.
"Is it sane, Mr. Abernathy?" she repeats, fixing her gaze right into Haymitch's eyes. "If she never recovers then shall we stop this revolution? Just for a girl?"
Haymitch's head hangs to his chest, he can't answer. The question is so true. I see the color rising to his cheeks; even the sarcastic Haymitch doesn't know the answer.
Silence wraps the room once again. No one knows the answer.
What have Capitol done to my Katniss?
"Do you want her to keep locked in a padded room and let her suffer?" the silence shutters with Gale's voice who suddenly decides to speak up after this heated conversation. "Is it justice?"
Coin's eyes turns to him, her eyes narrowed with smile "Well, what else we can do Soldier Howthrone? She believes Mr. Mellerk killed her child, all of us have destroyed district 12. She believes no one except herself. Capitol has wiped away all the memories about her past making her believe all of us are mutts. Every human she sees thinks that they are trying to murder her baby. She thinks everyone around her works for Capitol. She tries every person she sees. How can we let her have this responsibility? She is nothing but a killer machine right now."
Gale lowers his head in defeat as Mrs. Everdreen stands up from her chair and storms out of the room. "Mom." Prim gets up from her chair anxiously and follows her. She is always concerned about her mother. After her husband's death she went into a depressive trance but when she is getting back to normal again Katniss's hijacking changes the whole matter. I know Prim fears about her mental condition. She lost her sister but she can't lose her mother now.
Annie is murmuring something about Capitol and Finnick is consoling him. At one point he also leads her out of the room leaving us behind.
"But she will be ok?" Plutarch asks Haymitch. The situation is getting worse than I thought. I shift my arms slightly so I can see his expression through the crack. He's exhausted and discouraged as he admits, "I think Katniss might get somewhat better. But...I don't think she'll ever be the same." I snap my arms back together, closing the crack, shutting them all out.
"At least she's alive," says Plutarch, as if he's losing patience with the lot of us. "No matter what happens with the Mockingjay issue."
But his attempt to handling the situation backfires. Coin is silent for a while. This time she again decides to open her mouth "But we need another Mockingjay, don't we?"
No. no. I want to shout out now. I saw her appeal as Mockingjay. I see that in district 4, dying happily with the hope that their Mockingjay will return one day.
She is the real Mockingjay. She always was.
But before I can open my mouth Haymitch throws the question "Then who will be the new Mockingjay?"
With a smile Coin's eyes moves towards me "We have Mr. Mellerk. Don't we?"
"No." I try to protest "I can't take her place. "
"But people want you, Peeta." but she smiles as if she didn't hear me, gets up from the room leaving rest of us, dumbfounded.
The next moment, Gale's reaction is truly disastrous. He jumps from his seat, grabs my collar and pushes me against the back of my chair "All of this is your plan." He hisses in my ear "You wanted to be victor, the Mockingjay. Don't you? You always want to make Katniss to be depended on you."
I feel an angry stir inside but I remain calm "God forbid what make you think like that Gale? I tried to deny but Coin…"
"It is another of your clever plan." Gale cuts me off in the mid-sentence as he pushes harder "You are happy I know. If you really want Katniss to get well, then you'll try to help her. You'll never sit here doing nothing."
My heart squeezes with his words. No one knows how much I want to help her. But she hates me. Doctors said that my presence would make her condition worse. They don't even let me to see her. Doesn't he know how much I'm suffering?
May be he would say many other things but it is Haymitch who walks between us in right time and grasps Gale's shoulder. "Gale, have you gone mad?"
"It is his plan." Gale struggles as Haymitch pulls him away from me. his eyes are sending fire to me "He just…"
"It is not his fault." Haymitch says as he pulls him to the door "Peeta doesn't know anything about Coin's decision."
With his words Gale stops struggling. But I see something else in his eyes. "Gale." I stand up from my chair, taking a deep breath "Let me explain…"
"No." He looks away from as he takes a step to the door "I don't want to talk with you Peeta. I'm going to tell Katniss everything about your plan, right now."
"Don't." suddenly I realize what he is going to do. Before he can reach the door, I rush beside him "Gale, listen…"
But he shoves me hard on shoulder and pushes me out of his way. I feel all the air leave my body and before I get my lungs back he is out of the room.
Worst chapter ever. I know the story is getting slow but I don't want to rush into things. Ok, in the next chapter we'll have a little Gale-Katniss-Peeta scene.
So stay tuned and of course review.