5)Community : New Life
Chapter 1 : Shots
The previous evening was hellish for their bodies. Volumes of alcohol consumed in many small quantities - usually called shots - were not good for the body. But, the group had felt it's fair share of pain and un-goodness. The next morning they'd go and take another group of shots. At animals. From inside a forest. With rifles.
"I still don't agree with this at all." Britta continued to make her point made from the corner of the room, arms crossed, and leaning against the wall. Troy had decided to sit out with her, and Abed was 'ill'. Or just not leaving his room for whatever reason. That left Annie and Jeff to suit up and go outside.
"Screw you and your beliefs. I have mine and so does Annie. People do this everyday, in much greater numbers. We are simply partaking in a local tradition."
"I kinda don't want to say it, but I'm with Jeff." Annie struggled to say from behind a scarf wrapped around her face. She was in a matching, bulky jacket and big boots. Jeff wore the same, as well as a hat. Annie had ear muffs.
"There we are then. We're off. Be back in 3-4 hours. With dinner, and cold hands." Jeff picked up a rifle from next to the door and stepped out.
"Bye guys!" Annie waved enthusiastically and followed Jeff.
Outside of the lodge was extremely cold, white and snowy. They had parked up the RV under a shelter and rented two rooms for the next few days. The guy in charge, Jack, offered a quick shoot that day. He gave them both some basic training and sent them off together. One rule - no friendly fire. The expanses of Canada were unwelcoming but perfect ground to shoot on. The sparsely packed woods and forests made animals easy targets. Jeff took lead and led Annie up to a cliff top.
"Now. We could hunt, or just fire a few rounds and just admire the view up here. Together."
"I like the sound of option dos." Annie pulled the scarf up a bit more over her nose, and reached for the rifle. She shifted onto her knees and let Jeff move the gun into the right place. She pushed the bolt in and took aim. Jeff picked up a pair of binoculars and the two silently scanned the snowy expanse before anything was seen.
"Right, 2 o'clock." Jeff whispered, trying not to startle her or any nearby animals. She turned 30 degrees right and quickly shot.
"I think I got it!" Annie excitedly got up and ran down the hill, trailed by Jeff who was trying to stop her falling over. She stopped at the body of a caribou. Already dead. "What do we do with it?"
"Take it back. We can get some cash for it. Their fur is a great coat insulator and whatnot." Jeff attempted to pick it up, but Annie just laughed.
"Jeff. Stop the tough guy act. Let's get a sled."
"Back already?" Britta commented the moment she recognised them.
"Yeah. We need a transport for a large male stag."
"Oh, that's nice. What about it's family and children?"
"What, you want us to hunt them too?" Jeff laughed at Britta, who just seemed hurt by his disregard for anything. Jack emerged from a cupboard with a big red plastic sled.
"Ease it on with this rope and tie it. Then just bring it back. I'll pay you $100 and completely ice proof your car. Assuming its as big as you make out."
"Sure."
"Christ. That's a heck ton of meat and fur." Jeff pulled the sled harder up the final incline to the lodge door. He dropped it at the top and sighed a breath of relief. "Let's sell this thing."
Chapter 2 : What now?
As Jeff laid back in a reclining armchair next to a crackling open fire, with a window to his side displaying the fantastic countryside, and with a glass of 12 year old scotch in his hand. What could be better? Oh, yeah. Annie. They'd had experiences with alcohol together before and it had worked out. He never found out what she liked to drink - just a bit of everything. He should take her to L Street... She's old enough now... Isn't she? Doesn't matter anyway. She got in last time. For her 22nd he had something big planned. He'd been saving for a year... Only a few more months. She did something to him, that only she could do. Not physically, to his knowledge. Just something... Psychologically. She was his missing piece. Ugh, that sounded really cheesy and just sickening. But she was.
"Jeff! Can you come help with the clothes?" Clothes? They unpacked a week ago! Jeff got up and waddled over with his glass and leant in the doorway.
"What?"
"You heard." She pulled him in and shut the door.
"What clothes?"
"These." She dropped her black silk dressing gown to reveal... Not much in the way of clothing.
"I thought you were complaining that I was too horny."
"You are. Just... I'm in the mood right now. Last call!"
"Sold, to the handsome older guy in the corner!"
Britta flicked the small plastic circle. God fucking dammit! They never went where they were meant to! Damn tiddlywinks. It was all she could find in her room in the way of games. Troy was trying to coax Abed out of his room... For the first time in a week. She was alone for a while. Sure, the view was nice and the beverages cool. But she was bored. She didn't have a partner like Jeff who he could call on for whatever things they did. Hah, Troy probably would have said "Butt stuff" right then. Bit nasty really, but if that's what he liked. Troy. He wasn't a full time partner. Just a good friend.
Annie gasped slightly at Jeff's hand.
"Cold!" She whispered into his ear.
"Warm!" He knew by now what made her tick. And so did she for him. Her 'clothes' were actually some custom made lingerie Jeff spotted online. She'd gone out of her way to get them and pack them for this day. Not before, not after. She wanted something, or was just being nice. He slid his finger under her bra strap, not breaking his kisses.
"Jeff! That was fast..." Annie murmured in between Jeff's attacks on her mouth.
"Abed! Pleeeeease let me in! It's Troy! Remember?" A faint click came from inside the door. Troy tried to open it again but it didn't budge. "Was that another lock?!"
"Maybe."
"Abed! I mean the best for you when I say let me in."
"Hold on." Abed closed his laptop and removed the USB. He slid the locks open and Troy burst in.
"You must be starving! Thirsty? Bored? Anything?!"
"No..." Abed shuffled around as he tried to get the USB in his pocket.
"Abed... What's that?"
"Nothing. Honest!"
"Abed. You lie as badly as the booby traps in the Lost Ark. What is it? I won't make fun of you or anything. I just wanna see it!" A small black rectangle fell from Abed's hands onto the floor. Troy and him scrambled for it, but Troy emerged victorious.
"Hawthorne Industries USB- oh my god Abed." Abed braced himself for an attack.
"That's awesome!"
The days continued to pass, with back and forth trips from the hotel. They saw almost everything within a 5 mile radius, down to the tree stump. Inevitably, their time was coming to an end. With 1 day left, the Greendale 5 (at that moment...) prepared themselves for leaving. Annie was packing a suitcase while Jeff scoured the room for any signs of left clothes. Once they had all finished they met in the sitting area, around the fire.
"So, Britta. How would you rate this holiday?" Troy looked over at her.
"Good. Not fantastic." She emphasised 'fanastic'. "But still very good. Vegas was a bit nicer though."
"What about you, Annie?" She was curled up against Jeff, both looking into the fire.
"Great." She sat up and stretched a bit. "Is that the time? I'm gonna shower." Annie got up and went off to the room.
"Me too." Jeff got up and chased off after her.
"Oh... Well. That was nice." Britta slumped into her chair.
"I offered it to you numerous times, but you didn't want any weird stuff!" Troy blurted.
"I know, ok?! We're just both a bit amateurish in this field. That's all."
"Well okay, George Takei."
"Don't start this again Troy. You know I suck."
After an hour of antics and attempts at charades, Troy, Abed and Britta noticed Annie come back, a bit dazed.
"So, Annie. How was it?"
"Britta. You should know." She slumped into the sofa, elated.
"Hello, fellow friends and colleagues. Should we just head off today? It's a bit colder today with some bad weather forecast." Jeff poked around the corner from the reception.
"Sure, I guess. We go back to Greendale on Monday... Only a week away. Just enough time to get back without stopping for deserted Target's and Vegas."
"Well, pack your bags. I'll get the heating started in the car." Jeff grabbed his and Annie's suitcase and disappeared again.
"You're so lucky, Annie." Britta walked into Annie's bedroom. Annie was making some final checks.
"About what?"
"Jeff. He's everything you could want and you are everything he wants. You're good for each other and both just... Good people. I'm still buzz kill Britta."
"Oh, Britta. If you want, we could try a three way?"
"Annie?! What has Jeff done to you... Done to me..."
"He educated me. I'm still Annie. Just satisfied."
"Hmph. If you say so." Britta disappeared around the corner towards the reception. Annie was dreading going back to Greendale. It's no secret about her and Jeff... And they wouldn't be alone from now on. But still just... Happy. Back to routine and the usual people she spends her days with. She'll go home to Jeff though. Just... It was going to be different. That was certain.
The RV door shut and Jeff shouted some final words to the hotel owner.
"Cheers for the scotch and the hunting! Will come back soon!" The RV pulled away into the road and continued on its way home.
"Jeff? Will you actually come back?" Annie asked from the passenger seat.
"Meh. Probably not. It's just a nice thing to say."
"Oh, Jeff. I love you. Both old and new you, as Britta would say."
"Me too... I mean, back at you. Not loving myself... Only a little. Dammit."
"-and the weather today will be windy and rainy as Hurricane Sandy begins her destructive journey from east to west. Many evacuations ordered and warnings issued on the west coast, with the central states told to keep an eye open. Now, some music."
"Well shit. I can see this ending badly." Jeff turned to face out the window. He was sitting at the kitchen seating area, radio on the table and rain spitting against the glass.
"It won't be that bad, Jeff. Have a maom." Annie slid a sweet across the table.
"*sigh* Back to normality. God, that's crap. Crap crap crap. Literally, we should just not go back."
"Why? 1 more year! 1 year till freedom! You'll be back in your job. I'll be somewhere..."
"See? That doesn't help. I'll be leaving you all. I'm not doing a Pierce. That's just creepy. Besides, I do want a job and freedom. Just not... Now."
"We'll have to figure something out then." She reached over and held his hand and gave him a smile.
"I'm not leaving you. That's one promise I will keep. You know, of you want..."
"Of course! Why wouldn't I?"
"Okay, well... I'll stay in the apartment with you. I'll just not be at Greendale."
"Sounds to me like the only real solution." Abed popped out of the ceiling.
"How much of that did you hear?"
"The bit after the radio guy stopped the weather announcement."
"All of it then. Abed... What are you gonna do?"
"As a job? I don't know. Honestly. I'm just happy staying as I am."
"Me too." Troy's head appeared out of the front cabin.
"I guess we all would. We've found our perfect setup. We just need a utopia to live it in." Annie slumped back into the chair. Jeff had suddenly made her realise her future. Their future. And it was a horrible feeling.
Chapter 3 : Welcome, Reality!
The study group all sat silently at the library table. Abed and Troy were wearing headphones, watching Inspector Spacetime on Abed's laptop. Annie and Jeff were just sitting next to each other, staring at the floor. Britta was reading 1984.
"Okay! What happened with you 5 during the holiday?!" Pierce slammed his hand into the table. "Dammit."
"We had a holiday. Like you'd expect." Jeff briefly looked up before returning to his solitude with Annie.
"Something happened with all of you." Shirley blurted.
"Dean dong! Hello... Hmm. Post holiday depression. I get it. Anyway, lessons won't start till after lunch today due to a technical fault with the auditing... With student lesson timetables. Oh god why..." Dean walked out, depressed too.
"Did you all have a holiday? Without us?!" Pierce looked around the group.
"Maybe. Maybe not. We didn't think you two would want to go." Annie didn't leave her solitude while speaking.
"I don't care about that! What happened to make you all so... Down?"
"We all realised that within one year the group would begin its slow disintegration. Jeff would leave and slowly we'd drift apart in the winds of time. Like we were a pile of leaves and Jeff was glue." Abed went back to his laptop with Troy.
"Well, damn. That is depressing." Britta looked up from her book.
"Britta? You weren't depressed already? Besides your usual self of course..."
"Pierce. I wasn't. I am now though. I missed that conversation." Britta slid deeper into her chair. "And now we all have 1 year of depression before inevitable suicide."
"Maybe not that bad. But still bad." Annie started to perk up. "But we've been though bad times. We can survive this, surely? We should all get Skype and have a group conference every week."
Jeff sat up a bit.
"Here we go. Jeff speech." Abed pulled out his earbud.
"Annie's right. We've survived darkness and gloom. We've got though the bad times and enjoyed the good ones. Heck, we saved this school from an insane Asian with a keytar. We've had intimate moments and shared experiences we'll never forget. Besides that Halloween where the Army came. My point is - we are a team. An unstoppable platoon of soldiers fighting time itself and surviving. We are survivors - why stop here?" Jeff sat back down, feeling better about himself.
"I missed the Winger speeches. Thanks for that." Troy leant into the table. "As Dean needs to sort out the timetables - are we all sure we want to do Biology together again? For one year and a basically free credit?"
"Yeah. It'll be easy. We don't need to do the boring theory parts - we aren't gonna take it any further. And we know the teacher. Maybe we could grow another yam."
The group lined up for lunch, getting their usual food in sequence. Jeff got his food first so chose the table. Annie followed close behind and sat next to him. Shirley, Troy and Abed went to Shirley's Sandwiches to get their food. Routine continued until they were all at the table.
"So-" Jeff was cut off by a depressed Dean.
"Bad news. It's going to take longer than the morning. I'm closing today until I get it done. My time-desk story will have to wait... Again."
"-as I was saying. In fact, that doesn't even matter anymore. Let's eat and go out somewhere." Jeff dived into his lunch, quickly followed by the rest of the group.
"God this sucks. I'm just gonna say it. I knew school was bad but this... This is something else." Troy put down his cutlery and just sat there.
"I know! Everything is just... There. Nothing seems to be that attractive anymore... Besides Jeff." Annie giggled a little bit and put her head on Jeff's shoulder.
"We should just go. Maybe we should have let the school get trashed last semester. Chang would have done a good job." Jeff stood up and made a bee-line for the exit. Dean popped up in front of him.
"Oh, hello Jeff. I didn't see you there."
"Bullshit. We were just gonna go. You know... Home."
"Oh no! Jeffrey! I can't! I have a job for you 7!" Dean grabbed Jeff's hand and dragged him out the door.
"Crap?" Britta sighed.
"Crap." Annie responded before running after Jeff.
They found Jeff in the library, sitting at the table. A book sat on the table, completely motionless.
"Jeff?"
"Did you see what that fuck tried to get us to do?!" Jeff stood up and flung the book against the wall.
"'How to be a good Dean.' Huh. Okay. What about it?" Troy moved over to his seat.
"We've been lost. Literally. City College got bragging rights. Dean fucking bet their Dean that we would do something. I don't know what it was, just that he lost. What kind of retard does that?! Now we either transfer or leave."
"What?!" Pierce barged through the crowd in the doorway and grabbed the book. "My ass he did! I've been here 13 years. I'm not leaving."
"That's where it gets interesting. Only 5 of us need to go. All can, but that's the minimum. It's like some kind of psychological warfare." Jeff threw his pen at the floor. "What the fuck?!"
"Hold on. Hold on. What?! What's our job?"
"Well. It appears that was his problem with the auditing was probably getting us off the system. If Chang was behind this I'll bloody-"
"Jeff! Calm! We'll sort this out. One way or another." Annie sat next to Jeff. The rest of the group moved in next, to their usual seats.
"So what now? Jeff? Jeff?"
"Huh?!"
Jeff awoke with a start. Shit. Why? What was that?! He looked at the clock. 6:37. It was... The first day back. Annie was next to him, still asleep but looking restless. She started murmuring.
"Aaaah! Jeff!" Annie sat up and looked genuinely terrified. "Wha- you're awake? And here?"
"You got some crazy dreams too?"
"Yeah... We all got split up. Sounds crazy but... You spaced out in it. And disappeared. We all started freaking out. And... You're here. Oh my god..." Annie held her head in her hands.
"It's cool. Mine was worryingly similar. I'll call Britta." Jeff slid himself off the bed onto his feet. He walked out the bedroom to the main lounge area and grabbed his blackberry. Incoming call.
"Britta?! What the actual fuck? You freaking out too?"
"Like hell I am. Troy already called - apparently Abed is in a corner moaning to himself about some crazy, crazy stuff. How's Annie?"
"A bit shocked but okay. We all had this at the same time? 6:37?"
"Ish. You went first - literally. The dream felt so real and then you fucking disappeared! We thought we were all tripping. Shirley and Pierce seemed unaffected. Annie was the most worried but it was just freaky. We need to meet. I'll pick up Troy and Abed. If Pierce or Shirley call-"
"Haha! I don't have Pierce's number. What am I? Not 'that' guy."
"If they do. Wait there."
Annie stopped her shakes and almost woke up properly. She was under a blanket on the couch with Jeff.
"What?"
"Yep. I don't know. Just stay here. Everyone's coming."
"...What's the time?"
"6:50."
"Shiiit. I really don't know what to say. It's just trippy. Did we all eat or drink one thing on our holiday?"
"Which telepathically joined us all? Unlikely. We just had... A moment."
"Your speech was good."
"Okay this is just weird. We all actually remember everything like we were there?"
"Yeah. I remember what we ate. That Dean was complaining about his timedesk. Something about Pierce not being to bothered about us leaving him."
"That was weird."
*knock knock*
"Troy and Abed very scaaared!~"
"Come in. It's unlocked."
Britta came in with Troy and Abed. They all got up an moved to the dining table together and sat like they would at Greendale.
"Any news from Shirley or Pierce?"
"Probably not." Britta gave Jeff a disapproving look. "Kidding. Nope. Niet. Nothing. They didn't go on the holiday?"
"I did consider that." Abed joined in the conversation.
"So did I. Bit strange though." Annie squeezed closer to Jeff.
"I think strange is an understatement and off the table. We all shared a dream across a few miles and all tripped balls at the same time."
"How can we go in today?! Thats gonna be surreal." Troy did his shocked face... Like with LeVar Burton.
"Indeed. But we need to. First day."
"And our last."
"Britta! That doesn't help morale at 7 o'clock!" Annie was clearly affected by the experience.
"Look, Annie. We all experienced something weird. We all feel fuck scared right now. We just need to... Try it anyway?" Jeff shivered at the thought. "Is it cold in here?"
"Yes! Turn the heating on... And turn a damn light on! It's not helping."
"Okay. We'll all hang out here then and go in together. We could walk and think things through?"
"Naa. Let's get things over with."
"Fine."
8:45.
"Shit. It's time guys." Jeff slid his shirt on over his head. They were all ready. For whatever waited ahead. The past 2 hours or so were soooo slow and depressing.
"I really don't want to do this. Really." Britta sat at the minibar.
"I get it. We all do. Just... Teamwork. We all trip out for real and we are together at least. Come on." Jeff picked up his keys for the apartment and the Lexus. They made their way out and to the cars.
"Okay..." Jeff got in with Annie and Abed. Britta and Troy got in the Hyundai. The engines started and they went off. To the great unknown.
The Lexus swung around into the faculty space and went quiet.
"Oh god..." Annie held her head again. "This isn't right. At all."
"Yeah. But we have to do it."
The group waited a bit and eventually decided to go in. The 5 entered the school, their stomachs in their mouths. The library was on their right.
"Okay guys. Wish us luck."
"Hey! Jeff! Annie! Britta, Troy and Abed! We thought you'd left!" Shirley got up to greet them. Pierce and her had already arrived. After the usual greetings they all sat down.
"Say, Shirley and Pierce. You didn't happen to have a strange dream last night?" Jeff leant in over the table.
"No... I was woken up by my alarm at 7:30 for my boys. I go in later than them."
"Pierce?"
"Hah! What am I, queer? I don't get bad dreams. I'm a man."
"Okay..." The group all sat in silence.
"Hello everybody! Welcome back to a new semester - a new year. I hope- Post holiday depression? I get it. Anyway I need to sort out something which may mean delayed lesson start time-"
"Wait." Jeff took the role of spokesperson for the 5. "Is it by any chance writing your story about the timedesk?"
"Gosh, it would be. Sadly not. I need to edit some student stuff. No biggy. Just some timetables. Dammit, now I'm depressed." Dean left and disappeared off to his office.
"Shit." Troy muttered under his breath. The Dean came over the school speakers to prevent any future talking.
"HELLO GREENDALE! YOU'LL ALL BE HAPPY TO KNOW THAT LESSONS WILL BE LATE TODAY DUE TO MY NEED TO EDIT SOME STUDENT TIMETABLES. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION!"
"Shit." Jeff muttered under his breath.
"Is something wrong?" Shirley looked around the 5 depressed friends.
"Yeah! What happened to you to make you so... Down?"
"Shirley. Pierce. Something happened last night." Jeff started.
"Yeah. We all had the same dream. We were here-" Troy continued before being interrupted.
"-in Greendale. Dean came around with the same announcements. We had to wait-" Annie started until Abed joined in.
"-until after lunch for lessons. Then we discovered we had been lost-" Britta barged in.
"-to City College in a bet. Probably because we won the paintball prize. And we had to leave." Jeff came back.
"And I disappeared. Apparently. I was too busy back in real life in a cold sweat."
"And then Annie went! We all woke up at 6:37." Britta finished off.
"May God have mercy on your souls." Shirley made a cross on her body.
Chapter 4 : Psych Major Britta
Britta hadn't put the textbook down. There had to be a logical explanation for what happened! Her major didn't actually come in useful here... Which sucked. She'd worked hard for that and it didn't cover anything like this. The closest thing it had was a shared similar dream or imagined event because the two people involved knew each other well enough to predict what they'd say. But it never happened on such a scale before.
"Britta! Britta!" A sharp whisper came from the vent next to her.
"Chang?!"
"Britta! I'm a doctor! And I heard about your... Morning. Anyway, just came to say you're probably all insane." Chang scuttled away from the vent grate.
"Wait! Maybe we are!" Britta flicked back a few pages, and then just threw the book away. She grabbed her bag from her chair's side and pulled out some forms.
The forms that declared that all but one of them was insane.
Jeff waltzed back in to the study room and sat down. Only Britta was there and she ignored him.
"Hey." He poked her. "Hey Britta!"
"Yes, hello Jeff. I'm on the verge of a psychological breakthrough!" She slid the sheets across the table. "We're insane."
"What."
"Insane. Just that. Look at the forms."
"I didn't fill mine out properly."
"Bullshit. Look at the answer to number 5 - What would you rate yourself out of 10? You put 9.5 because of your choice of socks that day."
"Well, one of us wasn't insane."
"That's Abed's form. And... It's Abed. He probably answered it pretending to be Han Solo or Inspector Spacetime."
"So... That's it? We all foretold the first few minutes of our day TOGETHER and all wake up at the same time and suddenly we're just insane? We have a fucking telepathic link here!"
"Jeff." Abed sat up on the sofa.
"Oh Jesus."
"Jeff. I think she is wrong too. If you think about it, we had all been on a holiday. A shared one. The chances of us dreaming about all of us together would increase. Then we all didn't want to come back here, so we played out the events of the worst day ever. In our dreams. And if we all did that... There is a small percentage chance that we would wake up at the same time with memories. We just got lucky."
"Damn." Britta pulled her psychology glasses off. "Abed should be the psych major."
"Not really. I just used some logic."
Annie came in next and stopped at the doorframe.
"Okay. What's happening?"
"You expect me to believe that we all disliked the thought of going back to school? All hated the idea of losing each other?"
"Yes." Jeff put his hand onto Annie's. "Yes I do. Because its true. We have a bond together. From the past 4 years - almost. We are friends. Almost soul mates after we discovered our telepathic link. Splitting us up would be the worst thing ever."
"I love you guys!" Britta stood up and commenced a Greendale hug. Troy ran in and saw them without him.
"Noooooooooooooooo!"
"Troy!" Britta lifted her arm towards him.
"Greendale Hug!" Troy threw himself into it. The 5 friends continued until the Dean came in.
"Oh, so sorry. Did I interrupt anything? Hi Jeff."
"No no. Make your announcement."
"Thank you Jeffrey. I'm afraid you're lunchtime."
"Afraid?"
"Yes. I'm afraid. I need to audit an entire school system. Enjoy lunch." Dean walked out, near crying.
"We'll just ignore that and pretend we never knew anything?" Jeff turned to face the group.
"Deal." Troy shook his hand and ran off to the cafeteria screaming. "I need ma chicken!"
"So, this is it?" Abed stepped forward.
"Huh?" Jeff was completely confused now.
"Remember our dream. This was towards the end. Jeff - if you see the Dean run away. Run as fast as you can." Abed ran off towards the cafeteria, followed by Britta.
"Where were Shirley and Pierce?" Annie looked around the room.
"They weren't here. It wasn't an official meeting time. We all just sort of gravitated here anyway. Milady." Jeff lent her his arm.
"Milord." Annie accepted and they started walking out. Annie quickly looked back at the study room, over her shoulder, and stopped walking.
"What's up?" Jeff turned around too. "Oh. My. Foosball."
Chapter 5 : Enter Reality, Stage Left
"What the hell- What's wrong?" Jeff ran over to the Dean at the study table.
"Oh Jeffrey! I'm an awful Dean! I shouldn't even have the right to see you both right now-"
"And you don't."
"City College. If you're here to take us away then you can go screw yourself."
"Oh. Craig already told you?"
"What kind of sick mind game are you playing at?!" Annie stepped forward towards the other dean.
"He lost fair and square. You are my property now - and I want you to skedaddle. Forever."
"WHY?! What kind of sick fuck does this?" Jeff stepped closer too, sizing himself up.
"The one who lost to City College fairest and squarest." He pointed to Dean Pelton.
"Oh, it's my fault now?!"
"Yes Craig. You lost."
"Lost what?!" Jeff was going to snap.
"Why, that's just it. Nothing. City College is nearly dead thanks to you 7. The paintball game winnings was just the start. 100,00? Gone. In 6 hours. And then you ruin us with your 'space simulator' but actually taking all of our press! Then your little concert and firework display earlier this year?! We couldn't afford one. And all of this was rectified once Craig lost the bet."
"He posed as a Persian barista. I gave him the story. I lost everything. Including you. But thats not why you're here."
"You know what? I don't even want to know all the fucking details! Just let us stay and you'll be able to leave." Jeff stood right in front of the CC Dean.
"Craig lost the no.2 best community college pass rate percentage. He bet 2 years ago that he'd keep in the lead. That was the one place he did. Until today!"
"What?! You actually bet on people here not being stupid?" Jeff turned to Dean Pelton.
"I'm sorry. I wish this hoodie were a timehoodie... Or this desk was a timedesk."
"You know what? Give us our degrees we would be getting this year, now, and we'll leave."
"Jeffrey! Noo! You're a lawyer! You know the legalities of this! Find a loophole."
"Sorry Dean. This isn't my field. You made a bet. Just give us our degrees and we'll go. City College will be our of your hair... Head."
"What about Pierce?" Annie grabbed Jeff's hand.
"He can stay. So can Shirley if she wants. It's you 5 troublemakers. Pierce will soon get some disease of the brain and Shirley is too cooped up with her kids and the shop to care. Get them their degrees, Craig."
The Dean crawled out crying.
"Why me?!"
"Why would you do this? Breaking apart an inseparable group."
"To help my school of course."
"That's what you say." Troy and Abed came around the back door of the library.
"It's just you and your ego." Britta came in through the door Dean Pelton left through.
"How did you all get here?!"
"We have ways. Just give us our degrees and we'll go."
"HOW DID YOU KNOW I SAID THAT?!" The other dean began to twitch.
"I have the forms here. Goodbye, Jeffrey." Craig Pelton entered with a pile of paper. "Oh, you're all here."
"It's fine, Craig. For the sake of this school we'll go."
"Yeah. We don't care about City College." Annie continued. One by one they took their form.
"We hope you're happy." Britta was next. Troy and Abed said the next line together.
"We're better than you."
Troy put the pizza boxes down on the table.
"I thought I'd just get it myself after last time's... Shenanigans." Troy opened the box and went over to the fridge.
"So. We're free. At last." Jeff dug into the pizza.
"Yeah. I love the mind games bit at the end." Britta seemed happier now than before. She took a slice of the vegetarian pizza.
"It's all a clever plan. Their dean will feel bad now whenever he sees Greendale anywhere. Which he will. We just have to wait it out until we're invited back. With degrees." Abed went for the meat pizza.
"That's true - I hadn't considered that. I was happy with us actually leaving." Jeff picked up the glass of scotch.
"Well, do we want to go back?"