Anakin was not in the room when Obi-Wan woke up and for several minutes, he was convinced that he had sleepwalked into Anakin's room and then imagined Anakin being there. Conviced he was deluded, but never the less, he decided to stay in Anakin's quarters and prepare breakfast. That was easier said then done. He grabbed a mug to brew his tea when for no explainable reason, his fingers just decided to let mug went shattering to the ground and he struggled to pick up the pieces, his hands still quivering. He cut himself one of the sharper pieces of ceramic, and to his horror, he didn't notice he had been cut until he saw the blood flecks on the floor. He pulled his hair expiramentally. He winced. So not all of his nerve endings were gone. He slowly and carefully disposed of the rest of the pieces in the dustbin, seconds before Anakin came rushing in the door.
"They're sending Bant and Garen officially. They left this morning, after,of course, Bant gave me the, 'Anakin Skywalker! If Obi-Wan Is not in perfect health when I return I will murder you, ' I don't know what you've told her about me, but she must blame me for every injury you've ever gotten!"
"She's just overprotective. I-I might have give her reason to doubt you initially."
"Master, if I ever gave you a reason to doubt me than I am sorry."
"Anakin, I owe you the apology. I have been thinking lately of how I treated you as a Padawan. I was not the most understanding Master. I - I think you would have been better served if Qui-Gon had been alive to train you." The words were coming out slower now. His mouth was starting to feel as if it was filled with cotton swabs. Please, please don't let him lose this. Not now. He had to tell Anakin he was sorry. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he didn't apologize for this. Whatever power was still left in the universe that cared about him, may it give him another hour or so. Just enough to let him apologize.
His hands were still shaking. Anakin, sensing the significance of what Obi-Wan was trying to tell him, took Obi-Wan by the hands and sat down facing each other on the couch. Obi-Wan couldn't feel the warmth of Anakin's hand, or the cold of his durasteel one. All he felt was the pressure of Anain's hands pressing against his. But, at the moment, it was enough.
"You were the best Master I could have asked for."
"I wasn't, Anakin. I - I resented you for so long. I felt that you replaced me. Qui-Gon's dying words were instructions for me to train you and I hated you for it. I thought that you came along and in a few days took my Master away from me. I didn't realize it until later that he knew we would heal each other. He knew we would balance each other. But...I often complained to Bant. I didn't want to train you, Anakin. I had just passed my trials, I wasn't prepared for a Padawan and I would rather have chosen my own Padawan rather than being given one." His tongue felt strange in his mouth. His words were starting to slow down even more. It made him seem very pensive and serious, almost to the point of being cold, and Obi-Wan prayed that wasn't the impression Anakin was getting. He had promised to not read his mind after all.
"You were so different from me, Anakin. You wanted comfort and physical affection and I gave you none of those. I - I- want- want -..." His voice degenerated into a mesh of incoherant babbling. He couldn't feel his tongue in his mouth, it was a dead weight; he could tell it was there, but couldn't use it.
Anakin looked stunned for a few seconds and then suddenly understood what happened. Obi-Wan was still annoyed with him. He hadn't wanted Anakin and he still didn't. He knew how different he was from Obi-Wan, but it had never bothered him. Their differences were what made them unique and perfect together. But what if Obi-Wan didn't feel the same way? Did he feel Anakin demanded too much emotion? Too much attention that Obi-Wan did not want to give? What if Obi-Wan felt the differences were tearing thm apart? So Obi-Wan was breaking up with him? Now? He had stayed behind to be with him and Obi-Wan was going to break up with him?
"You're breaking up with me? Now?! I mean, I know we're different and everything but I thought that was made us stronger. I...I know you never wanted me as a Padawan. For awhile, I didn't want you as a Master either but...I realized how difficult I was as a Padawan and what a burden training a nine year old, supposed "Chosen One" was for you, particulary after being forced to be a Master so soon. I - I guess if you still feel like I'm too different from you I - I understand."
No! No that wasn't it! That was so far from the truth, but how was he supposed to tell that to Anakin? He started shaking his head violently, hoping that Anakin would get the message. Anakin however, was clearly seething. He had even gotten off the couch, pacing back and forth in front of the couch. Obi-Wan was still panicking, almost screaming in his head for Anakin to listen to him, to understand what he actually meant. He wasn't breaking up with Anakin. The thought of not being with Anakin paralyzed him. Anain stopped pacing and stared at Obi-Wan.
"Obi-Wan, can - can you speak? What are you trying to tell me? Are you breaking up with me?! Please, I need to know. I can't...I have to know!"
Obi-Wan shook his head sadly. He still needed to apologize, desperately. There was no way he could get Anakin to understand him. At this point, he wasn't even sure if his legs could support him. Anakin scrambled to his feet. "Wait here."
He came back with a pad of paper and a pen. Obi-Wan gratefully too hold of the pen, only to find out that his hands were shaking too badly to hold it. The pen slipped out of his grasp and clattered to the floor. Tears started leaking out of the corner of his eyes.
"Obi-Wan, I don't understand. You're panicking. Why? Don't you want to break up?"
Obi-Wan shook his head again, gesturing frantically to himself.
"I can't read your mind, Obi-Wan. I promised I wouldn't."
Obi-Wan tried to take of one Anakin's hand, but his fingers still wouldn't properely curl around Anakin's. Anakin placed his own hand over Obi-Wan's, allowing Obi-Wan to guide his hand where he wanted. Obi-Wan placed his and Anakin's hand up towards his forehead.
"You want me to read your mind? Are you sure?"
Obi-Wan nodded.
"You know I can't read that much...you're going to have to really concentrate on what you want me see...I don't want to pry." It was a huge leap of trust for Obi-Wan to trust Anakin like that.
Still, Obi-Wan nodded, tears still leaking out of the corner of his mind. He once again touched his hand to his temple, silently begging Anakin to understand. Anakin brushed the tears gently away from his face and then said lightly, "It's okay, Obi-Wan. Don't be afraid. I won't...no matter what I see...I'll understand."
Obi-Wan concentrated. Anakin was hit with a strong series of images.
Obi-Wan was complaining to Bant, "Completely disrespectful. He sneaks away from the Temple at odd hours, working on those junk droids of him. He doesn't get along with any of the other Padawans...he's a total nightmare, Bant. Reckles, irresponsible...what am I going to do? What was Qui-Gon and the Council thinking letting him be trained? He is far too old!"
Obi-Wan shouting at Anakin, again and again, for the same old things. Sneaking out to build his droids, being reckless, arguing with the other Padawans, skipping sparring classes because he was so ahead of his fellow clasmates.
Anakin looked up at Obi-Wan. "I know. I know. You hated me. I was the Padawan you never wanted. Now you're going to say that saying you cared for me was a mistake. You just admitted it because you were stressed and with the situation...I get it, Obi-Wan. You don't need to show me this."
Obi-Wan started to panic and gesture frantically again, and Anakin relented. "Okay, okay. What else do I need to know? Another hunderd of scences on how you hated me? Fine."
A wave of panic again assailed Anakin, who put his hand to his head. "Obi-Wan, I'm going to pass out if you keep assulting me like this. Please, calm down."
Anakin, I stopped hating you. I realized Qui-Gon knew how much I could learn from you. I trusted you - I still trust you, with my life. I was too cold with you. You were a scared boy and all I did was lecture you. I could have shown you so much more compassion then I did. I - I failed you as a Master, Anakin. I'm sorry.
Anakin looked stunned. "Master, I could have been a less difficult Apprentice as well. We both learned from each other and...we made it work. Look where we are now. I trust you with my life, I would die for you and I love you, Obi-Wan."
Anakin was once again hit with a huge wave of everything. I'm not going to break up with you. Never going to break up with you. Loveforeverbewithyouforever, Anakin, careforyousomuch. Don'teverleaveme. Don'tleavepleasedon'tleave. Goingtogoblind. Won'tbeabletohear. Can'tfeelmuch. Can't taste or smell or talk. Donotwanttobeuseless, Anakin. Sosorry. You know I love you just as I burden you.
"Obi-Wan. Shhh. Anakin pressed Obi-Wan's hands against his heart. "You aren't a burden to me. I love you, Obi-Wan. I'm not going to leave you. I'm always going to be here for you. Even if you can't see or can't hear, know this: I will always be there for you. Even if you can't sense me or hear me or see me, I will always be there for you. I love you and I am not going to abandon you.
Obi-Wan wished he could say "I love you" back. He wished he could convey his gratitude He had no idea what he had done to deserve Anakin, but sent a silent thanks to Qui-Gon. His dying words hadn't just been for Anakin. It had been for both of him. Somehow, Qui-Gon had known that Anakin and Obi-Wan would be each other's saviors. If only he could tell Anakin how much being his Master meant to him. Or how much every kiss and embrace meant. But as Anakin grabbed Obi-Wan roughly towards him and passionately kissed him, he knew the message had gotten across.
A/N: Thank you to Grey for her opinion on the slowly losing touch and therefore tongue, and Abigail for her wonderful suggestion for the chapter. I hope I did your idea justice! Reivews are always loved!