Mermaid Man Tribute by Androidfish7
Notice: This story has been typed by me in tribute to Ernest Borgnine, who died on 7/11/12 at the age of 95. I do not own "Spongebob Squarepants" nor do I own any rights to Nickelodeon or anything by Viacom.
The next morning (day of the funeral):
Upon further analysis, Blake determined that the Corpse Ripper used .50 handgun ammo. This was easy to obtain, so ammo would never be an issue. Blake stood outside the entrance to the Bikini Bottom Funeral Home, awaiting Barnacle Boy and everyone else who would set up the funeral to arrive. It was about 5 AM, little less than 1 hour until Barnacle Boy was expected to arrive, and little less than 2 hours until the Funeral Home crew was supposed to show up, and guests would be allowed in. Blake noted that the funeral would be under high guard, as there were some sniper towers nearby and a few DragonFire MQ-27 Drones were patrolling the inside of the Funeral Home. Not many, but enough to keep out the few troublemakers that didn't like Mermaid Man when he was alive. Blake reasoned that only the truly insane would interfere with the funeral of such a public icon such as Mermaid Man, but taking precautions was wise. There were some boats (cars) passing by, a few people roamed the streets of Bikini Bottom, and the morning Clams chirped evermore. There was not a sound in the air as the morning sun came up and Blake realized that it was 6:15 and Barnacle Boy was running late. No sooner had Blake thought this, than Barnacle Boy did show up. "Hello Blake" Barnacle Boy greeted Blake. "Hey, you're a bit late" Blake said. "Yeah, that'll happen, this Invisible Boatmobile doesn't get by traffic too easily, people keep cutting me off and passing me because they don't realize the Boatmobile is invisible. Anyway, how're things? Everything looking clear so far?" Barnacle Boy asked. "Oh, I hope so, you'd really have to be a true nut job to interfere with a funeral like this, but then again, the world is #$%ed up so I don't really know. Nothing yet, but this Funeral Home isn't exactly defenseless, which is good" Blake said. "Well, I guess we just wait here. I brought a few Krabby Patties if you could eat" Barnacle Boy said. "For the same reason I don't need sleep, I don't need to eat" Blake said. "Oh yeah, I just remember you getting the Krabby Patty at the Krusty Krab awhile back" Barnacle Boy said. "Yeah, I'm gonna bring that back home and give it to the others, Eugene'll know how to make them, he never stops rambling about how he was the Navy's master chef before becoming a Commander." Blake said. "Smart thinking. Run Ol' Man Krabs out of business" Barnacle Boy said. Blake shook his head. "I have no ill will towards Mr Krabs, I just think it'd be something for Eugene to do." Blake said. "Well, alright, really doesn't matter too much to me anyway" Barnacle Boy said, as Blake nodded. "Wow, look at the time, 7:00 already" Barnacle Boy said, as no sooner had this been said, than did a car with a sign on it, reading "Bikini Bottom Funeral Services" pulled up. A few people stepped out of the car, and one of them pulled out some keys and unlocked the door. The person turned to Blake. "Pleasure to meet you 2, my name's Fred Richmond, and I am the owner of this Funeral Home." Fred said, shaking Blake's hand. "Pleasure to meet you as well Mr Richmond" Blake said, as everyone entered the Funeral Home. "So, what time are guests scheduled to appear?" Barnacle Boy asked. "Oh, we've had a change of plans, we've got about 2 hours until they show up" Fred replied, as the people with Fred began taking positions, 2 in Sniper Towers, and 1 of them began to program the MQ-27 DragonFire Drones. "I hope we don't need them" Blake said, pointing to the Drones. "Me too, but stay attentive. You never know." Fred replied. Then Blake noticed something. "Your suitcase (The one Fred was carrying) is full of 5.5 MM Rifle bullets, you're armed." Blake said. "Yes, I have with me my M16. I never leave home without it, and what better day than today to have it, am I wrong?" Fred replied, as Blake shook his head. "Guess not. I have a Corpse Ripper on me" Blake said. "Ah yes, we reviewed the will, and we finally managed to distribute to everyone what Mermaid Man wanted." Fred said. Barnacle Boy got annoyed. "Why do you seem so happy? We're at a god damned funeral!" Barnacle Boy said. "Nice day out isn't it?" Fred asked. Blake noticed that Fred did not answer the question. "Hey, I'm pretty sure Barnacle Boy just asked you a question" Blake said. "What? Oh yes, I am not happy at all. Nope, not one bit" Fred replied. Barnacle Boy frowned. "Alright then." Barnacle Boy said. "We also managed to get the Silver Bullet band to show up today, they were Mermaid Man's favorite band" Fred said. "Hmm. I like that idea" Barnacle Boy said. "How did you manage that? Didn't the band break up?" Blake asked. "Yes but they reunited for this one last performance." Fred replied. "But you don't understand, half of the band died of old age! (in the future)" Blake replied. "We have interns who can play just as good as the oldies" Fred replied. "Blake, any chance I could talk with you in private for a second?" Barnacle Boy asked, as they walked outside of the entrance, out of ear shot. "This guy's #$%ing insane" Barnacle Boy said. "Yeah, he sure is, and I can't wait to see how this whole Silver Bullet thing plays itself out. But let's just try to forget about it for now." Blake said. "Alright, but I'm keeping my eye on that guy" Barnacle Boy said. "You think I'm not? Let's just go back inside, let it all go, maybe everything is fine" Blake said. "I hope so" Barnacle Boy said, as they re-entered the Funeral Home.