READ THIS FUCKERS!

RESPECTMYATHORITAH- I notice that this is NOT the long, cool, chapter we promised.

MagicNinjaUnicorn- Because we're bad people.

RESPECTMYATHORITAH- But we had a special guest! Meet my cousin, Alfonso! (That's not her real name)

Alfonso- Hi! I didn't really help a lot on this. I'm busy.

RESPECTMYATHORITAH- At being lazy.

MagicNinjaUnicorn- This doesn't make any sense, so enjoy! By the way, we started writing this at 11:30, and it's 2:00 now.

"So what did you buy me for Valentines day?" Cartman asked all sweetly, smiling unnaturally innocent at Butters.

Butters looked shocked. "Well..."

Cartman's face changed in a split second. "You didn't buy meh fucking present yet?"

"Dude, its January!" Kyle said, turning to face him.

"Jesus Kahl, put a shirt on!" Cartman yelled.

"Its a locker room! What am I supposed to do?" Kyle asked.

"YOUR MOM!" Cartman screamed. They both paused for a moment and then Cartman exclaimed "WAIT, NO! NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

"HOLY CHIZ!" Kyle yelled, backing away.

"Harry Styles is pregnant." Clyde said, turning around.

"Who's the dad?" Kyle asked.

"Simon Cowell!" Stan answered happily.

There was silence.

"WAIT, I DID NOT MEAN THAT!" he protested.

"DUDE, NO!" Kyle yelled.

"Exactly!" Tweek agreed. "Everybody knows that Zayn is the dad!"

"Hold the fuck up," Kenny interrupted, walking out of a locker. "Clearly, Louis is the father."

"WHAT?" Tweek protested. "Nononononononononono! BLASPHEMY!"

"Larry Stylinson for the WIN!" Kenny screamed.

"ZARRY RULES OVER ALL!" Tweek argued.

"Bitches please, we all know Narry is the best!" Clyde said, stepping between them.

"WHAT THE SHIT?" Tweek and Kenny demanded simultaneously.

"ZAYN AND HARRY ARE MARRIED!" Tweek insisted

"NO THEY'RE FUCKING NOT!" Clyde argued back. "NIALL AND HARRY ARE!"

"...then Harry's a slut?" Kyle asked.

Everybody seemed to agree on that, and the shipping war ended.

"I like eggs." Craig stated.

"I used to have eggs..." Kyle said sadly.

They all stared at each other in oddness.

"PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE!" Some random person said, barging in.

"Who the hell are you?" Craig asked.

The random person looked around. "Wait, this isn't my gym class!" He turned around to leave, but turned back and said "AIR TASTES GOOD and so does foot parrot shit. WELL BAHHHH!"

"He's right. Foot parrot shit is amazing." Kyle nodded.

"You mean amaZAYN." Tweek grinned stupidly.

"You're not smart." Kyle complained.

So Craig punched him in the face. "You are cute." he said to Tweek.

Then Stan punched Craig in the face. "YOU ARE A BARNABOOB!" he yelled. After he made sure Craig was broken, he bent down to help Kyle.

"DON'T BE A HEKPO!" Tweek screamed. "I DO NOT WEAR A BRA!" and with that he punched Stan in the face.

"OW!" he fell in slow motion to the ground.

"How is he doing that?" Clyde whispered to Token, who shrugged.

"Maybe he's Tamaki Suoh." Token replied.

"WOOHA, I LURVE PUNCHING PEOPLE!" Kenny exclaimed joyfully, turning to punch Cartman.

"FUCK YOU KENENEH!" Cartman cried, waving his arms around.

"That's not my name!" Kenny sang. They failed to notice, however, that Creek and Style were currently in a punch war.

Here's how it happened: Craig punched Kyle, which made Stan punch Craig, which made Tweek punch Stan, which made Kyle punch Tweek, which made Craig punch Kyle, and it just went on and on.

After a few minutes, their faces were pushed into their heads, and none of them could see anything. So really, they were just running around and punching the air.

Suddenly, their mean teacher Ms. Stumpy flung open the door. "What are you little shits doing?" she demanded.

"EATING SOAP." Kenny said sarcastically.

"READ THE DIRECTIONS BEFORE YOU DO!" she ordered. She gave the fighting couples an odd look, shrugged, and left.

Token, Butters, Clyde, Cartman, and Kenny all took their time getting changed before bothering to help the others.

Token stood behind Tweek, Clyde behind Craig, Cartman behind Kyle (which could only end so well), and Kenny behind Stan (Butters just left-he couldn't be late to gym.). On Token's count of three, they all whacked the back of the now faceless boys' heads and hoped for the best. Sure enough, it worked, and their faces popped right back into place...completely unharmed.

"Well that's enough of the world for today." Kyle stated.

And everybody lived hoagilly ever arfta.

THE NOT END.

"That hurt. That hurt me in the face. "Stan said to Tweek."

"I'm sorry." Tweek apologized. "And I don't wear a bra."

"We know, Tweek. We know." Kenny said.

"But what about-" Clyde started to talk, but got interrupted.

"Shit cheese." Craig said. "I'm gonna take a shower."

Craig grabbed his shirt, and with a tug, he ripped off his clothes (including his pants). He spun around and walked into a shower.

"Who takes a shower BEFORE gym?" Token asked.

"Clyde, didn't you borrow my pants last week?" Stan asked.

"Yeah." Clyde said. "Why?"

"Can I have them back?"

"Sure." Clyde opened his locker, only to figure out that his pants were not in there.

"Uhh..." Clyde threw some shirts and a deodorant stick. "It's here somewhere."

"I'm waiting."

Clyde threw a couple more objects out of the locker. After there was no more items to throw, he sighed and turned around. "I lost them."

"YOU LOST THEM?!" Stan walked quickly to Clyde's locker.

"Why did you need to borrow his pants?" Kyle asked, obviously confused.

"I lost mine." Clyde admitted.

"No. I took them." Token said, holding Clyde's pants in his hand.

"Why?" Clyde asked, taking the pants.

"I like pants." Token answered.

"Token has a pants fetish!" Cartman teased.

"Shouldn't we be leaving?" Token suggested, ignoring the previous dialogue.

"To go where?" Kyle asked.

"Gym."

"We actually NEED to go?"

"I thought this period was meant for fucking around in the locker room." Craig announced from the shower.

Stan tried his best not to laugh. "You do NOT know how wrong that sounded."

Butters ran through the door. "Where were you guys?"

"Gym ended already?" Kenny asked. "That was quick."

"Oh, and-" Butters looked around the room. "Did Craig and Tweek disappear?"

"No, Craig is in the shower." Clyde pointed out. "And Tweek is..."

They looked around the room, not realizing that Tweek disappeard awhile ago.

"Where did that fucker go?" Cartman asked.

"He's in the shower with Craig." Token said.

"Oh." Clyde said.

The bell rang.

"Well." Clyde got his bookbag. "That's another zero for today."

Next chapter will be the cool one. WE PROMISE.