Losing Her
5 years ago...
Beca was sitting in the quad working on her newest mix when a shadow passed over her. She felt the person sit down next to her and her lips moved up in the faintest smile.
"Chloe." She stated. She didn't hear a reply, so she paused her work and turned to the red head. Her eyes were sparkling in excitement, and the smile she had plastered on her face could have lit up the world. The sight alone made Beca excited.
"You're not going to believe what I'm about to tell you " She exclaimed. Beca let out a little laugh at Chloe's excitement; she was adorable when she acted like this. Adorable? Where'd that come from?
"Should I be worried? Did Aubrey cancel practice today?" Beca asked, smirk in place. Chloe just looked at her. "Alright, I give. What's up?" Chloe stood up and took a few steps backwards.
"Nope. I'm not going to tell you now." She said, backing up more. Beca let out a sigh.
"What do I have to do this time?" She asked. Chloe shrugged.
"Nothing. We'll try this again later." She winked and gave a small wave goodbye before turning around and walking away. Beca sighed and rolled her eyes at her best friend's antics.
...
The next day, Beca texted Chloe constantly to get her to tell her what seemed so important the day before. She never replied, and Beca was a little upset. Chloe never flat out ignored her. She was sitting with Jesse watching another one of his classics for her 'moviecation' when she finally got an answer from Chloe.
Chloe- Dinner? I'll tell you the news ;)
Beca- Tempting, but I'm watching a movie, what else you got?
She sent the message and looked up to find Jesse looking at her with a quirked eyebrow. Beca just shrugged her shoulders and turned back to the screen.
"Beca," he whined, "You're not supposed to text during movies." Beca sighed.
"You know I don't like movies. And it's one text. No big deal." Jesse pouted, but eventually turned back to the screen. Her phone vibrated again, and she read the message.
Chloe- Aww... is the boyfriend makin you watch another classic? That's alright. We can do this later :)
Jesse let out a sigh and looked at her again. She gave him an 'I'm sorry' and turned back to her phone.
Beca- No, that's okay, I'm sure he'll forgive me. What time?
Chloe- 30 mins. Meet me at the quad xoxo
Chloe's reply was almost instant, and once again Jesse sighed at her.
"If you don't want to watch the movie, we can do something else." He said hopefully.
"You know what, Jesse, I'm actually really tired, so I'm going to just head back to my dorm. Okay?" She asked.
"Alright." He said. They both stood up, and Jesse pressed his lips to hers. Nothing. Once again she felt nothing. She quickly pulled away from and left his dorm. Don't ask her why she lied to Jesse. She didn't know.
Thirty minutes later, Beca walked to the quad to find Chloe already waiting for her. She gave Beca a quick hug.
"Hey, Becs." She said. Beca smiled as she pulled back.
"Hey. Where are we going?" She asked as they began walking.
"Well, I thought I could show you these really cool dead bodies at the morgue, and then eat in the hospital cafeteria." Chloe said. Beca stopped in her tracks and gave Chloe an incredulous look.
"No way, Beale, sarcasm is my thing."
"Whatever." Chloe said. She linked their arms as they continued their walk. "I'm taking you to your favorite burger place." She said after a while.
"Ooh. Burger King. You're definitely a keeper." Beca said. Chloe giggled and hit Beca's arm.
"Watch it, Mitchell, anymore sarcasm and this will have to wait till tomorrow." She teased.
"Alright, I get it. I'll shut up." Beca said throwing one of her arms up. They continued walking in comfortable silence until they came up to Beca's favorite place to get a burger- Dave's. They walked in and headed towards a booth by the windows. They both already knew what they wanted, so when the waitress came by for their drink order, they ordered their entire meal.
"Okay, Chlo, spill the beans. What's that exciting news?" Beca questioned while leaning back in the booth. Chloe leaned forward excitedly.
"Well, you know that new club, Purge, right?" Beca nodded at Chloe's question. "Their opening DJ isn't going to make it next week..."
"Chloe, you didn't-" Beca stopped when Chloe gave her a broad smile and nodded her head enthusiastically. "What?!" Beca shrieked. It was very un-Beca like. "How?!"
"The owner of the club is a friend of mine's brother, and when I found out, I mentioned that I just so happen to know the hottest, most bad-assest DJ in town. They couldn't say no to that" Chloe answered. Beca jumped up from her side of the booth and enveloped Chloe in a tight hug.
"I freakin' love you, Choe Beale!" She exclaimed. Unbeknownst to Beca, Chloe felt a chill travel up her spine at Beca's words. When Beca pulled away, Chloe chuckled and spoke up,
"I love you too, Becs." She held Beca's gaze for longer than neccesary, and only when the waitress came with their drinks, did she look away. Once the drinks were on the table, she turned back to Beca. "And, you get to bring as many people as want with you." She said.
"How did you get so amazing?" Beca asked. Chloe blushed and winked at Beca in response.
Beca stayed next to Chloe for the rest of the dinner with a bright, genuine smile on her face. When it came time to pay, she insisted on paying. Chloe agreed, and they left the diner like they arrived- arm in arm. Beca spent the entire walk to Chloe's apartment thinking about how she would express her gratitude to the red head. They got to Chloe's door when she finally spoke.
"Chloe, thank you so much. This is seriously the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I'm so glad you barged into my shower that day. You're the best friend I could ever have."
"Oh, Becs." Chloe pulled Beca in for hug. They stood there for a few minutes before Beca pulled back.
"Seriously, Chlo. Thank you." Chloe took Beca's hand in hers.
"You're welcome, Beca." She said while giving Beca's hand a squeeze. Once again, they stood there for a few moments, Chloe watching Beca; Beca watching their entwined hands. Beca didn't know what was wrong with her. It shouldn't be feeling like fireworks went off when Chloe grabbed her hand. They both jumped from each other when the door to Chloe's apartment opened.
"Geez, Chloe, hurry up. Some of us are trying to study." Aubrey said before shutting the door closed again. Chloe rolled her eyes and opened the door again. She stepped inside and turned back to Beca.
"See ya later, Becs."
"See ya." Chloe gave her a small wave and shut the door behind her. As soon as she shut the door, Beca leaned against the wall across from Chloe's door with a goofy grin plastered on her face.
Why do I feel this way?
XXXXX
Present (5 years after Beca started college)
"Beca… Becaaaa…"
Beca shook her head and looked in front of her. She was in her studio recording Sarah's newest album. Sarah was one of Beca's first singers to sign on with her. She and Beca both shared a sarcastic attitude, and the two had become friends after a while. She had short blonde hair and green eyes that were the color of emeralds.
"Sorry, where were we?" Beca asked.
"Well, we were recording a song, but now we're discussing this." She answered motioning around her.
"Discussing what?"
"This."
"What's 'this'?" Beca asked putting qoutations around 'this' with her fingers.
"Oh, I don't know... Maybe the fact that you keep spacing out with this goofy-ass grin on your face." She said with a smirk. Beca frowned at her.
"I don't know what you're talking about. Let's take it from the top."
"Oh no you don't." Sarah said while stepping off the stool. She barged out of the recording space and stood in front of Beca. "Talk." She ordered. Beca scoffed at her and turned her chair away from her.
"I told you, we aren't talking about this."
"So there is a 'this'." Sarah said looking triumphant. Beca stuck her tongue out at her. "Becs-"
"Don't call me that!" Beca snapped. That caught Sarah off guard, and she softened her voice.
"Is this about Chloe?" She asked. Beca let out a little gasp and her face softened for a moment. She tried to turn the expression to one of indifference, but Sarah had already seen it. "So it is about her." Beca looked up to her.
"How do you even know about her? I never told anyone." Beca knew she had lost as soon as Sarah saw her expression earlier. That was one of the things Beca liked about Sarah- once she thought she was right, the argument would never end.
"Remember when I called you Becs the first time?" Beca nodded. "You said 'only one person calls me that, and she's gone'."
"That doesn't tell me anything." Beca said.
"That's because I'm not done yet." Sarah paused, giving Beca a pointed look. When Beca motioned for her to keep going, Sarah continued, "One night, when I was staying over with you, you had fallen asleep listening to one of your mixes. I went to take your headphones off, and I happened to notice the file you were listening to." She paused trying to see if Beca would catch on. When Beca kept looking at her expectantly, she continued. "The title of the file was 'Chloe', I may not be that smart, but I can put two and two together."
"No one was supposed to see that." Beca mumbled. Sarah pulled up a seat across from Beca, obviously expecting her to speak up. Beca wasn't sure if she wanted to tell Sarah about Chloe. After she left, Beca never spoke about her, but she thought about her all the time. She was stupid. She shouldn't have run; she shouldn't have ignored Chloe for years. She should have stayed; should've talked to Chloe.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Beca didn't answer. "Beca, I've been your friend for four years now, if I was going to hurt you, I would have done so by now." Beca looked up at Sarah. She was looking at her the same way Chloe used to when Beca wouldn't open up. Beca let out a frustrated sigh.
"Why can't I stop thinking about her?! It's been years!"
"Because you care, Beca." Sarah said. "Look, I don't know what you two had, but you can still talk to her. If she cared about you as much as you care about her, she'll forgive you."
"No, she won't. I broke her heart. I ran away from her, Sarah."
"Talk to me about it, maybe I can help." Sarah pleaded. Beca looked at her, and was silent for a few moments. She seemed genuine, and at the moment, Beca felt like she was going to burst.
Why not?
XXXXX
5 years earlier
"This is awesome!" Beca exclaimed. She was in the DJ booth at Purge with the owner, Zac. The place was awesome. The DJ was above the dance floor, and she could see the whole club from her spot. She couldn't believe Chloe hooked her up with this. Zac chuckled.
"Alright, kiddo, we open in an hour. You'll play until eleven, and then house DJ will start. I've got to go do business things. Have fun." Zac left the booth and Beca stayed up looking at all the equipment again. Then, she went over to her bag and pulled out a flash drive. She made a special mix, and it would be the last one she played that night. She felt her phone vibrate, and she put the flash drive next to the computer before pulling her phone out.
Chloe- Hey! We're here... what do we do, the line's pretty long. xoxo
Beca- Hang on a sec, I'll come get you :)
She put her phone in her pocket, and then left the booth. She walked out the front doors, and Chloe was right- the line was already to the corner of the building. She walked down to the end of the line where Chloe, the Bellas, Jesse, Benji, and a few other Trebles were.
"Hey guys!" Beca said. She walked towards them, and Jesse gave her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. Once he let her go, Beca walked up to Chloe and gave her a huge smile. Chloe opened her arms up, and Beca rolled her eyes, but stepped in to hug her anyway.
"Hey you." Chloe said.
"Hey." Neither of the two noticed Jesse's eyes on them during the exchange. They pulled apart and Beca looked at everyone. "You guys ready?" She asked. Everyone nodded or shouted an agreement. Beca turned to Chloe and grabbed her hand. "Come check out what you scored me." She pulled Chloe with her while the rest of the crew followed behind them. Once again, no one noticed the frown on Jesse's face as he watched Chloe and his girlfriend. Beca never initiated contact, with anyone, but she does with Chloe. He couldn't help but feel a little jealous. Beca practically bypassed him to get to Chloe.
Beca led Chloe and the others to the front of the line where a very large bouncer stood.
"Hey, Joe, they're with me." Beca said. He nodded and stepped out of their way. Beca led everyone inside the club. She turned to everyone. "I'm going to be up there for my set," she said while pointing at the booth above them. "Up there is the VIP space, just show them your pass, and they'll let you through. And there's the bar, it's open for you guys right now if you want a drink. The doors open in thirty minutes."
"WHOO!" She heard Fat Amy scream. "I was the best binge drinker in Tasmania. They didn't call me the Taz-Amyian Devil for nothing!" Fat Amy and the majority of the other headed over to the bar. Chloe turned to go, but Beca, realizing she still had a hold of Chloe's hand, tugged her back.
"Come on, I want to show you the booth." She said. Chloe smiled at her and allowed Beca to lead her to the booth. When they got up there, Chloe let out a gasp.
"Wow, Becs, this is so cool!" She said. Beca was watching her expression when Chloe started to move towards the computer. Beca wasn't sure why, but she didn't want to let go of Chloe, so she followed her to the computer. "Can we play something?" She asked with her puppy eyes in place. Beca sighed, she couldn't resist that look.
"Yeah, I guess." She let go of Chloe's hand and pulled up a playlist on the computer. She motioned Chloe over and let her scroll through the list. She was very much aware of how close Chloe was standing, and Beca couldn't take her eyes of her. It was like she was captivated. Chloe turned and faced Beca. They were so close, all it would take was one push forward, and her lips would be on Chloe's. Beca let her eyes flicker to Chloe's lips, she didn't even realize Chloe was getting closer.
"Beca?" She jumped away from Chloe and turned towards the door.
"Zac!" She said, she hadn't even noticed the door open.
"We start in a few. I hate to be a party pooper, but your friend can't be here while you're performing." He said. Beca nodded and closed the door to leave. Beca turned back to Chloe.
"I should go. I'll see you after set, yeah?"
"Yeah. See ya then." Chloe smiled.
"I wonder if they have good jiggle juice here." Chloe said with a wink.
"Just make good choices, Red."
"Always do." And with that, she was out the door.
...
Beca spent her set thinking. Sure she was having a ton of fun, but her mind always ventured to a certain red head. She couldn't shake off these feelings she's been having for her best friend these past few months. She couldn't stop thinking about how she should be feeling this way about Jesse, not Chloe. She knew she should break it off with Jesse, but he was safe, Chloe wasn't. She didn't mean that in a bad way, but her mind kept telling her that she would only get hurt if she gave into her feelings. She put a stop to her current thoughts and looked at the clock. She had time for about one more song, so she grabbed her flash drive and plugged it in. After her current song ended, she paused the music and spoke into the mic.
"Before you all get mad at me for pausing, there's something I want to say before I play this last song." The majority of the club actually stopped to listen. "This next song is for someone who's really special to me." She caught Chloe's gaze and kept it there as she continued. "If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here DJ-ing for you all tonight. So, thank you, Chlo!" She finished and the entire club started cheering, even though they had no idea who Beca was talking about. Suddenly, one of the spotlights landed on Chloe and the applause got louder. "Alright, here it goes!" Beca yelled into the mic. Then, she started her mashup of Titanium/Wild Ones. Chloe was grinning broadly at her, and Beca smiled right back.
The rest of the night went by in a blur. Beca was having the time of her life and she didn't pay attention to hardly anyone around her except Chloe- much to Jesse's annoyance.
...
The next few weeks, Jesse and Beca got into more arguments, and Beca would find herself hanging out with Chloe after all of them. One day, Jesse finally snapped and broke it off with her. Both were actually fairly calm throughout the whole ordeal. Jesse had just said that he wasn't feeling it with Beca anymore and she agreed. That was that.
After a few weeks Jesse and Beca were back to a fairly good friendship. But, Beca found herself falling for Chloe more and more every day. Beca wasn't even sure if Chloe felt the same, and she probably didn't. Beca needed to stop before she ended up getting hurt.
It was about a week before graduation when that fateful day that ruined both Beca and Chloe's relationship happened. They were sitting in Chloe's room listening to music.
"Beca?"
"Mhmm."
"If you didn't like Jesse in that way, why did you kiss him?" Chloe asked. Beca sighed and faced the red head.
"I don't know. I guess it was because he was the first person who liked me for me. Y'know?"
"There are plenty of people who like you for you." Beca snorted. "You're perfect, and if you ever like someone who doesn't feel the same, then they're the stupidest person on the face of the earth." Beca looked into her eyes as Chloe grabbed her hand. "You're amazing, Becs." And there it was again, that feeling in Beca's stomach. Chloe moved her head closer, and Beca showed no intentions of pulling back. Their lips were centimeters apart. Beca's eyes flicked to Chloe's lips, and that's when the red head leaned in. Her kiss was soft and delicate, and Beca kissed her right back. They pulled apart and Chloe's eyes were closed. She opened them and stared at Beca.
"Beca... I love you." She said. Her voice was barely above a whisper. That's all it took, and Beca started panicking. Her mind was screaming at her to run. Chloe could see the panic in her eyes. "Becs..." But Beca couldn't take it, and she jumped up.
"I'm sorry. I-I can't." She backed up and when she hit the doorknob, she turned and fumbled with handle. Once she got the door opened she ran out as quickly as possible.
"Beca, wait!" She heard Chloe plead. But she didn't listen, she didn't listen to Chloe, and she didn't listen to the little voice in the back of her mind that was screaming at her to turn around and run back to Chloe's arms. "BECA! PLEASE!"
She kept running, trying to keep the tears from falling. Once she got to her dorm, however, she fell to the foor as the ghost of Chloe's screams haunted her, only stopping when she feel into a deep sleep.
XXXXX
Sarah watched as Beca struggled to wipe away the tears that were slowly falling from her face.
"I ran, Sarah. I ran from the only exception to all of my rules." Sarah cautiously wrapped her arms around Beca and allowed Beca to sob into her shoulder while she continued to listen. "She texted me and called me non-stop, and I ignored all of them. People came by to try and get me to talk to her, but I wouldn't listen. Why am I so stupid?"
"You're not stupid, Beca. You were just scared."
"I shouldn't have ignored her. I should have talked to her; I should have listened. God, I'm screwed up!"
"You are not screwed up, Beca. You just made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. It's okay."
"It's not okay! It was the biggest mistake of my life, and I'll never see her again!" Beca said. She was now sobbing uncontrollably, all her bottled up feelings from the past few years finally finding an outlet. "I loved her." Her last sentence came out as barely a whisper, but Sarah heard it, and she held Beca tighter. Beca needed a friend right now, and that's what Sarah was going to be.
XXXXX
Thanks to everyone who followed, favorited, and reviewed! Let me know whatcha think of this chapter!