Title: From the Ashes

Rating: MA

Genre: Angst/Drama/Romance

Characters: Katniss/Haymitch; Katniss/Peeta

Summary: What could possibly be more dangerous for Katniss Everdeen than The Hunger Games?

Author's Note: Takes place at the end of Mockingjay when Katniss and Haymitch return to District 12. I own nothing. Please ignore any typos…my brain certainly does. This chapter comes to you from Haymitch's P.O.V.

Katniss slides off of my lap with a stoic expression and I watch her tug on her clothes, wondering at the change in her demeanor. Does she know I'm right? That fooling around is a bad idea, dangerous for her if Peeta were to find out about it? She must know it would destroy him…and any shot they might have ever had at happiness. I may be a demoralized scoundrel, but she doesn't have to be.

I get to my feet, knowing she'll be leaving now that she's gotten what she wants, and am completely taken off guard when she spins around and slaps me across the face. For a second, I'm too shocked to even react, but then the anger is the first thing to surface. "What the hell is your problem, sweetheart?"

"How long?" She demands. My mind is working as fast as it can to connect the dots and figure out what the hell she's talking about, but she connects them for me. "How long have you been in love with me, Haymitch?"

I know it'll piss her off even more, but I can't stop myself from laughing. Sure enough, Katniss lunges for me, trying to shove me with all her might, but this time my reflexes are ready and I catch her wrists, holding her back as she struggles against me. "Don't flatter yourself, sweetheart. I'm not the loving kind."

This takes the fight out of her for a minute as she looks at me with confusion and disbelief. "Then what did you mean by that?"

I think back to what I'd said. "That this is dangerous?" I let her go and touch my chin, looking up to the right as I mock her. "Gee, let me see…what could possibly be dangerous about you and I fooling around? Oh, here's one: Peeta. Did you stop to think about your little boyfriend before you started kissing me? Think about how he might react when he finds out about us? He's not exactly the most stable person in the world right now, Katniss."

Her eyes are narrowed into slits. She knows I'm right, yet she still wants to blame me. That's fine; that's nothing new. She's been blaming me since the first day we met.

"If you're so worried about what Peeta might think, why did you…" She doesn't finish, and I see the fierce blush on her face.

"Why'd I what?" I take a step towards her, knowing I'm antagonizing her now. She stands her ground, but I can feel the waves of tension radiating off of her. I lean in and brush my lips over her ear. "Why did I eat your pussy? Is that what you want to know? Why did I kiss you? Finger you? I don't recall hearing you complain, sweetheart."

That does it. She snaps like a rubber band being stretched to the limit and knocks into me like a cannonball. We crash to the floor—she's more solid than I thought—and she's pinning me down with her forearm across my neck, her teeth bared, eyes blazing with rage. My mind flashes back to the day on the hovercraft when she tried to claw my eyes out, and I refuse to let this little twit of a girl best me again.

Wrapping my leg around hers, I lunge up at her with all my strength, flipping her under me and pinning her to my floor by her wrists. I stretch my body out along hers, my feet pinning her legs down by the ankle.

"Get off of me." She hisses, struggling beneath me.

"Or what?" I'm enjoying rattling her cage a little too much, growing hard against her as I refuse to release her. I decide to use this against her as well, rolling my hips against hers.

"Let me go." She tells me, but the fight is leaving her as the arousal begins to take over.

"Why?" I tease her, leaning down to brush my nose along the side of her neck. I hear her breath catch, her pulse quickens, and she's moving against me slowly. "Seems like I've got you just where you want to be."

I've let my guard down a second too long and Katniss takes advantage of the slack in my hold, rolling us back over so that's straddling my hips, her fingers locked between mine as she tries to press my hands against the floor next to my head. I'm still physically stronger, and I pull her down until her lips are within reach. I lift my head and kiss her. She doesn't resist. In fact, she's kissing me as hungrily as she did that first time. As angry or pissed off or whatever she is at me, it's no match against her arousal.

I still don't think fooling around is a good idea, but what Peeta doesn't know won't kill me. I'll worry about that when—if—he ever comes back here for Katniss.

This time I want more than to give Katniss what she wants…this time I want something in return. We're kissing so hard that it hurts my lips, but somehow it still feels too good to be true. I'm yanking her clothes back off of her and she's fumbling with the buttons on my shirt in return. So she wants it as bad as I do… I try not to grin, knowing that my smugness could bring back her self-righteous wrath and ruin the moment.

We vie for dominance, rolling around on the floor as we wrestle each other out of our clothes, until we're finally both fully naked and pressed together with her beneath me. Katniss yields, stretching her body out and pressing as much of herself against me as she can. Her nails scratch up and down my back and I can almost hear her purring. This time I do grin, but only because her eyes are closed and she can't see me.

"Is it safe to assume you've never done this before?" I ask, though I'm sure I know the answer.

Her eyes fly open and she looks at me with muted embarrassment. "Done what?"

"Sex, sweetheart." I say plainly, wanting to make her blush again just because I know I can. "Have you had sexual intercourse with a man before?"

"Does it matter?" She looks away from me as that flush of red creeps along her cheekbones.

"It does if you don't want it to hurt."

This catches her by surprise and she looks back at me as if this is the first she's heard that it might be painful. Normally I would probably laugh at her, but she's so naïve that I can't bring myself to find humor in this moment. "Trust me." I tell her, rather than explain.

She glares at me for a moment. "Stop telling me to trust you."

"But you're too gullible; I can't resist." I lean down and kiss her before she can start yelling again.

I slide my hand between her legs, playing with her until she's good and wet. I'm so hard it hurts. I can't remember the last time I've had sex—other than with my own hand—and it takes every ounce of my control not to force my way inside of her. I press myself against her entrance. It's warm and wet and I can feel the pulse of her arousal even here. A groan escapes me as I nearly lose it right there.

"What's wrong?" Katniss says, tensing beneath me as she misconstrues the noise.

"Not a thing, sweetheart." I tell her as I slowly start to work my way inside of her. My fingers work her clit to distract her and help relax her, and soon she's trying to thrust herself up against me. I take advantage of each of these thrusts, letting myself slip a little further into her, muttering profanities as she slowly encases me within her warmth. I feel the resistance of her maidenhead and know this is the part that will hurt her the most. "Kiss me." I tell her. When her lips meet mine, I thrust my tongue into her mouth and break through the resistance between her legs. She cries out, the sound muffled by our kiss, and I distract her with my fingers and tongue as I let the pain pass.

After a few short moments, Katniss is moving beneath me again and I know that the pleasure has returned full force. I pull back to the tip, then sheath myself inside of her again. Katniss rips away from my mouth, crying out in new-found pleasure, her knees drawing up even further and I know I don't need to hold back anymore.

I lose myself in the bliss; the hot, wet, tight space that I'm the first person to ever enter. She's moaning, crying, sighing beneath me. Her nails dig into my back as I take her. It's been too long and this feels too good, and I know I'm not going to last for much longer, but I can feel her quivering, her inner walls starting to clench and contract around me and I know she's close. I find her clit again, eager for her to experience this type of release with me, and I send her over the edge.

"Haymitch!" She cries, clinging to me as she writhes against me, a growl forming in her throat as she finds her orgasm. "Haymitch…Haymitch…oh…Haymitch…yes…yes!"

I realize I'm coming along with her, too wrapped up in the experience of her first real orgasm and the way she's saying my name to be mindful enough to pull out of her. Oh well, I think, knowing it's too late to worry about that now. As damaged as my body is from years of alcohol abuse, it would take a miracle for me to actually be able to do any damage this way.

Her name is on my tongue as I let the pleasure sweep over me, but I force myself not to say it. Things are already too mixed up between us; I don't want to add to it by mindlessly murmuring sweet nothings in her ear. When the last wave of ecstasy dies out, our bodies melt together, too sapped to hold up any longer. Katniss drags my head down against her shoulder, holding me tightly, and I let her, knowing I don't have the energy to resist.

"Was it…" her voice sounds small and unsure—very un-Katniss-like—and I wait for her to finish. "Good?"

I huff out an exhausted laugh. "Trust me, sweetheart…you have no idea." My eyes feel heavy and all I want to do is sleep, but I know I'm probably crushing her beneath me, so I finally gather up my strength and roll off of her. I feel her sit up next to me, and hear her sharp intake of breath. My eyes fly open, muscles suddenly tense and ready to spring into action in case some unforeseen danger has just made its presence known, but Katniss is staring at her fingers, which are shaking and tipped with blood.

I immediately recognize it for what it is and grab my shirt, wiping off her hand. "It's normal." I tell her. "Most women bleed their first time."

"I didn't expect that." She says flatly.

I stand up and offer her my hand. "Come on. Let's clean up."

Her eyes briefly glance down at me before they snap back up to my eyes and I grin at her. "It's alright, sweetheart, take a good look."

I waggle myself at her just to further embarrass her and she scoffs and pushes me aside. I laugh as I watch her storm away; the effect is lessened by her naked state, but I quickly follow her to my bedroom. She's already running the shower, turning the faucet until steam rises, and climbs under the spray. I don't ask her if I can join her, I just do. Katniss turns to face me and wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me under the shower head. I squint against the scalding water and find her squinting up at me curiously. This time when I kiss her, it's because I really can't help myself.

"You really don't love me?" She asks, her tone suggesting she still doesn't believe me.

"Love is a liability." I answer, moving her out from under the flow of lava and adjusting the temperature to something a little more humanly tolerable as I start to wash myself off. "The more you love someone, the more likely they are to get hurt. If you don't love anyone, then no one can get hurt."

She's quiet as she takes in what I've just said and I know she's considering the truth behind my words. I tip her chin up until her eyes meet mine, not wanting to be the one to crush whatever hope still lingers inside of her. I kiss her gently. "There's no happy ending left for me…but you and Peeta still have a chance. Things are changing…maybe there's still hope."

"And if Peeta doesn't want me anymore?"

I think of the right thing to say, but what is there? I shrug and give her my most obnoxious smile possible. "Then I guess we don't have to worry about fooling around behind his back, do we?"

Katniss rolls her eyes but can't contain her rueful smile. "Just when I think you might actually have a heart, you go and prove how much of a jackass you really are."

"I'd hate to give myself a bad reputation."

She's laughing again, pushing me out of the water so that she can wash herself off, and I find myself trying to remember the last time I made anyone laugh because I'd meant to. As we playfully fight each other for the water, it dawns on me that this situation is as dangerous for me as it is for Katniss. The more time I spend with her, the more I find I like being around her. I've spent too many years shutting myself away from people for me to give in now, but she's like a drug I can't give up and I know I became addicted long before we returned to District 12 together.

Suddenly, I find myself hoping Peeta comes back sooner rather than later to take Katniss off my hands. The longer we're together, the harder it's going to be for me to go back to living alone.

When Katniss leaves, the house feels heavy with her absence and I trudge into the kitchen out of habit, reaching for my long-time friend. I break the seal on the cap, and take several large swallows before I realize that I don't really feel like drinking. I stare at the bottle in my hand, baffled by this.

"Huh…" I say to the empty air around me as I recap the bottle and set it down on the table thoughtfully. There has never been a single minute in the past 25 years that I have not wanted a drink. I briefly consider that I might be ill—maybe my liver has finally given up on me and gone on to commit suicide. It would serve me right, really, after the way I've tried to pickle myself. I remember the hell I went through when the people of District 13 had tried to dry me up. Weeks and weeks without so much as a drop of anything remotely similar to alcohol. I thought it was going to kill me. This feels different though. This time, I don't need to drink.

I leave the kitchen as quick as I can before I consider the implications of my self-imposed sobriety, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that it's because of Katniss. Not for her, but because of how I feel when I'm with her. I guess I wasn't far from the mark when I considered that she was like a drug to me. I never realized she'd be a stronger vice than the drink. Yep…this is going to be really dangerous.

I wake up as the sun bleeds in through the curtains, disoriented at first. I never sleep at night, but somehow I had no problem with that last night. If I dreamed, for once I don't remember, and for that I do thank Katniss. Now that I'm awake and it's daylight outside and I still don't need a drink, I have no idea what to do with myself.

Since I'm already damned anyway I look at it, I get up, get dressed and make my way over to Katniss'.

She answers the door bleary-eyed , hair mussed from sleep, but she looks nowhere near as rested as I feel. "Haymitch? What time is it?"

"Early." I say, looking at the barely-risen sun. "When did you go to sleep?"

"I dunno." She yawns and lets me in. "A couple of hours ago, I guess. It's too quiet here. I hate it. Being here just feels…wrong."

"You could stay with me." The words are out before I realize I've even said them, but it's too late to take them back.

"Really?" Her voice is hopeful, but careful.

"Yeah,sure. I mean…at least until Peeta comes back." I add the last part because I know I should.

"Until Peeta comes back." She agrees with a nod, though the words are hollow. She still doesn't believe he'll ever return. Part of me is still hoping he won't, but nothing truly good ever holds out in my life, so I know it's just a matter of time. Make the most of it. I tell myself.

TBC