Chapter 2

No one's gonna love you

Freddie had been having a hard time sleeping since the incident. Since he'd been released Bel had spent a few nights at his apartment. She insisted on sleeping on the couch, but even from the living room she could hear Freddie thrashing around in his sleep. Occasionally she'd hear screams coming from his room late at night, or the sound of him startling himself awake. His dreams were being haunted by the memory of the attack.

"What do you remember?" Bel asked.

" Just sporadic things.I'm not sure wether most of them are actual events or just my mind trying to fill in the gaps while I'm asleep." Freddie said, Sticking his glass out for Bel to fill it again. " I remember reciting Abe Lincoln to Cilente and then he was Miss Delaine on the show and then it's all fuzzy again after that."

"Why do you always have to be so... YOU? Can't you ever just hold your tongue. He almost killed you." Bel insisted. It wasn't like they could change anything about what had happened now.

"Well who else would I be? Also, there's one dream I had that I want to ask you about. Like I said, I'm not sure if any of these things actually happened or not." Freddie said.

Bel couldn't swallow. All the sudden she had a dry lump in her throat. She was nervous, already having some idea about what Freddie could possibly want to ask her.

"I had this dream a couple of nights ago where... It was after I was attacked and I was laying in the grass out in front of Lime Grove studios and I was awake and you were sitting in the grass with me... and You told me that you loved me. You said I wasn't allowed to die on you because you needed me." Freddie said.

"Unfortunately Freddie that was just a dream." Bel said, Now is just not the right time. Freddie begs to differ though.

"oh..." He muttered. This whole experience had given him quite the scare about his own mortality. That was a lesson that Bel hoped he would look back at before making irrational decisions. "It felt real to me." Freddie stood up. "I'm going to go have a shower. Shouldn't you get back to the office?"

"I'll wait. What if you fall or something. I'll just turn on the tele or something." Bel said.

"You worry to much. My legs have been pretty stable for a while now." Freddie reminded Bel.

"I know. I just, I worry about you alright. I felt so bad about leaving you here alone last night but I was hoping you'd realize you weren't ready to go back to the office yet." Bel said.

"Maybe it was a good thing. If you don't leave me on my own I won't have to work at getting things back to normal to where I can do them myself. Might take a few dozen tries but I can get the hang of things." Freddie said. Bel rolled her eyes.

"Not without breaking something you can't."

"That's not true I haven't broken anything yet today." Freddie said.

"No you've just shouted abuses at them." Freddie had no response to this. He only walked off in the direction of the shower.

Bel sat down on the couch and started flipping through day time Television shows, looking for something that wasn't total rubbish and thinking about wether or not she'd done the right thing to tell,that it was all just a dream. She'd have to tell him eventually,and the longer she waited the angrier with her he would be when it finally did come out.

"Freddie." She called to him walking into the bathroom. She pulled back the shower curtain.

" The hell Money Penny!" He said.

"I lied. It wasn't a dream. It happened." She said. averting her eyes from him Freddie said nothing in reply. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence he grabbed the woman in front of him pulling her into the shower with him, pulling her close to his body and kissing her. Bel stood there, pressed against his chest waiting for him to say something, not caring that she was getting soaked.

" I had a feeling it did. It all seemed to real to have been a dream." He said, holding her tightly.

"I was so worried about you. I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost night and when I got to you... There was so much blood Freddie. You kept whispering Money Penny, Money Penny, over and over. You told me You loved me and I couldn't take it I just couldn't stand the idea of a that being the last time that I would ever talk to you."

"You don't have to worry anymore." Freddie said, smoothing Bel's hair down with his right hand, left hand still wrapped around her waist. Both his hands shook violently.

"I'm getting soaked, I'll let you get back to your shower." Bel said, pulling away from Freddie. He shook his head.

"I'm done anyways, let me get you some dry clothes." He said, reaching to turn off the shower. He fumbled with the handles for a bit before Bel reached over and turned it off. He pressed another kiss to her cheek and got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and handing one to Bel as well.

She Followed Freddie into his bedroom. Despite the towel she'd draped around her shoulders her clothes still dripped water onto the floor. Freddie handed her a pair of pants as well as a shirt that she could change into before turning his back to her so she could change and trying to put his own clothes on. He settled for pants and an undershirt. Anything more was just unnecessary at the moment.

"So do you still love me then?" He asked once he'd gotten changed.

"Freddie are we really going to talk about this right now?" Bel asked.

"Absolutely. Make my day a little brighter." Freddie said. Bel sighed, she loved Freddie she really did. This new Freddie though, he wasn't her Freddie. He was much more distant. His wit and ambition seemed to have been sucked away from him and replaced angst and a Jaded outlook that belonged to a man twice his age.

"Freddie you've been drinking." She said, trying to avoid the conversation she didn't want to happen.

" Not that much." Freddie shot back. Her avoidance told him all he needed to know. " and apparently not nearly enough." He walked out of the room and off towards the kitchen to bury himself in the bottle of whiskey.

"Freddie..." Bel called after him. She followed, grabbing his wrist. He turned to face her. " You haven't been yourself later. I think we should hold off on talking about us until you're feeling better. Until you've recovered."

"Well what if this is as good as it gets Bel? What if I'm like this forever? I need to know.

"I'm not ready to answer that Freddie." Bel said. Looks like they could both use another drink.

" I knew getting out of bed this morning was a waste of time. I should have listened to you." Freddie said, he's never one to admit he's wrong easily but he knows when he's been beaten. "You don't have to stay around and take pity on me. I'll be fine alone."

"It's not pity Freddie I care about you." Bel said.

"That's not enough! Not anymore." Freddie snapped, downing the drink in his cup. " Has anyone gotten a hold of Camille. She ought to know what happened. She's my wife after all. She'll come back if she knows what happened."

"If you want her here then why haven't you mentioned it all this time?" Bel asked, She's got a feeling that Freddie is only bringing up Camille to rile her up.

Freddie didn't answer. He got up from the table and moved to go sit on the couch. He wanted to get away from Bel. Try to collect his thoughts. He didn't want to go to far though. He never wanted to be to far from her.

"I'd certainly love you more then she ever did." Bel said. She fidgeted with something in her coat pocket. It was the letter that she'd written to Freddie when he was in America but never sent. The one that she'd been reading the night he'd turned up in front of the studio. "When she first left you, you said you didn't miss her. That it was me that you missed. You brought up how I'd never written you back while you were in America." She paused debating how to broach the subject. "I did write you back. I knew I'd never send the letter. I was to scared, but I did write it. I would have told you when you came but. I planned on telling you the night I came over. Then I met Camille. I was furious that you could have gotten married. I was jealous of her, so jealous you can't image. you're supposed to be mine Freddie."

"You could have had me anytime you wanted me. I was never exactly subtle about how I felt." Freddie said, refusing to look at her. Bel stood behind the couch, clutching the letter with one hand. She pulled it out of her pocket and set it in Freddie's lap, walking away from him so that she could read it. Freddie finished the letter and laid it down on the couch next to him.

"I let myself fall in love with Camille because I didn't think you'd ever be honest with me and I couldn't spend the rest of my life waiting on a woman who couldn't do something as simple as tell me the truth." Freddie said.

"I couldn't stand admitting to an arrogant, insufferable know it all that he was right ." Bel said.

"No, you were right in your letter it's because you're a coward." Freddie said. "I want you to say it to my face and not just because you think I'm dying Bel."

"I-I love you Freddy Lyons you magnificent, stubborn, egotistical Jerk. I love you regardless of how much you constantly make me despise you because all of those things get out weighed by the fact that I can't live without you. There's no one else. There's just you and there will only ever be you as hard as I've tried to make things be otherwise"