Priorities

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing does not belong to me. It belongs to its respective creators and authors. The characters, ideas, and settings do not belong to me.

Warning: Rated for language and dark themes. Serious angst is involved. It contains yaoi. Don't like, don't read.

Pairings: 1x2 1xR

Duo POV

Chapter Two is up! I feel really guilty after getting much more feedback than I expected and not continuing to write…but really I did not have the emotional motivation to move on with it.

READ THIS!

ALSO! The previous chapter was a bit of a ramble so timeline wise it was foreshadowing the rest of the story. This is technically the first chapter. This chapter happens BEFORE the previous chapter. Sorry for the confusion XD

Flashback Commentary

CHAPTER ONE: The Last Promise

I never wanted to be Heero's secret lover. I swear I told myself I would leave him forever the second he got engaged. I threw myself into my work at my salvage yard the second I heard the news. I threw out all radios, television, and computer screens, anything that could constantly throw stories at me about 'Relena Sama's Perfect Wedding Planning'. I figured if I exhausted myself mentally and physically I wouldn't take much notice of the emotional exhaustion. I worked hard all day and partied harder all night. It's a plan of absolute genius if I do say so myself.

It was during one of those party nights where my worst nightmare, and greatest fantasy, caught up to me. He ambushed me as I was dragging myself home after hours of drunken dancing. He'd obviously been watching me that night, and probably other nights as well given how he was able to find me and knew my routine. He was waiting next to my car and drove me home without saying a word. I didn't ask questions. My head ached, my body ached, and my soul ached. I was in no condition to say no when he settled into my bed and touched his lips to mine. Damn he looked good. I challenge anyone to tell me they would have been able to resist. Simply not possible.

I woke up the next day, naked and guilty, thinking I'd been victim of a one night stand. To my surprise Heero was still there, staring at me with a pained stare. From that night on we built on our twisted agreement. He'd come to me periodically. We'd occasionally be out in public but never during the day. We didn't talk about the future and we didn't mention Relena. He told me he loved me constantly, so it wasn't like I was a high end escort or anything like that. He told me he planned on having a future with me. He never acted on it though.
"Someday" he swore. "We'll be together someday". But someday never came and there was no sign that it ever would. All I ever had were words. His words, promising me paradise if I would just wait for him a little bit longer. He was waiting for the right time, the right situation to leave his place. Situations came and went. They fought bitterly many times but he always ran back to her, begging for forgiveness. Each one of those times I fooled myself into thinking about Someday. It never came.

Part of me knew where he was coming from. He had obligations. He was center stage of the relationship of the century. I like to tell myself that he proposed out of duty. It was what he thought he should go. It was part of an unspoken mission. He couldn't cause a scene. He couldn't afford to have any negative energy from the public. That's what I told myself at least. Am I absolutely delusional? Most likely. But it's Heero Yuy. I have to get as much of him as I can. God knows how long it'll last.

~~~~Month's Later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Bullshit!"

My own voice echoed harshly inside the small room.

"Duo-"

"No Heero, I'm sick of this. I can count the days you've spent with me during the past two months in one hand! I finally get you to myself after months of work assignments and the first thing you tell me is that you're going to the Sanq Kingdom for the weekend…"

My voice trailed off weakly. I couldn't be mad at Heero. I tried to sound as angry as I was but, to be honest, I was too scared of doing anything that would push him away. The situation is absolutely fucked up.

Heero stared at the wall. It wasn't the confident stare he wore during the war. That stare was gone. His eyes, once full of intent and power, were now clouded with shame, confusion, and fear. This situation is really, really fucked up.

"Heero, talk to me…."

It was the silence I hated the most. It wasn't at all a comfortable silence. It was a loaded silence, full of unanswered question.

"Talk to me dammit!"

My tears flowed freely now. Heero scooped me in his arms He made soothing sounds and rubbed my back until my tears subsided. He comforted me so easily, as he wasn't the one who caused all my pain…as if he didn't have the ability to stop it all.

"I can't take this anymore, Heero. Do you even care about me?"
"I do care" he finally spoke.

"Then why?" The vague question lingered heavily in the air. Why is it so hard to be together? Why doesn't he just leave his relationship? Why not run away with me? Why aren't I important enough for him to abandon his fear of looking bad? "If you really wanted to be with me you'd stay"

"I do want to be with you." He was so good at evading my statements. I've got nothing by his word.

"Then don't go"

"I already told Relena that I would go…"
"Fuck Relena!" my voice echoed again.

"Duo…"

"You're supposed to be trying to get away from her. You promised me you'd take the next chance you could to break it off with her. This will only make you two closer. I don't understand…"

Before my tears fell once more Heero took me in his arms. He tilted my head up and kissed me. It was a soft, passionate kiss full of meaning and in seconds I was his. I don't know how he did this to me. He makes me forget all the hurt, all the pain and betrayal, just by kissing me and holding me. I'm not sure what I should make of this. Does he do it to give me a moment of peace from my torment? Or does he do it to shut me up for a while, knowing that I won't pressure him for a while.

Either way, it worked. For the next few hours all of my anxieties were gone. My focus is entirely on Heero. Heero's whispers of love fill my ears. His kisses fill my body. His hands roam my body as if wiping away all of the hurt.

I awoke hours later to the feel of Heero's hands brushing my hair. The previous night flooded into me.

"Don't go Heero…"

He sighed at my feeble whisper. It wasn't an aggravated sigh. He knew I would ask again.

"I have to go"

"Then promise me it will be the last time!" My voice was high pitched and trembling. Here I was begging again. I didn't care about how pathetic I'd become. All that matter was Heero. "Promise me you won't go to her again after this."

Heero was silent.
"Please Heero…please don't hurt me anymore"

Heero's eyes watered. I'm not always the good guy. I've never been the victim. This is a fucked up game we play and it hurts us both.

"I promise"

I stopped cold. I wasn't expecting him to give in so easily.

"Do you really mean it Heero?"

"I mean it"

"You better" I hugged him with all my strength.

"I love you Heero"

"I love you too"

~~~~~~~ TBC ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Author's Note:

Man this time line is so messed up. I wish I would have known where to go with this story before posting the first chapter.