Soda ended up leaving the hospital, he ran for awhile, I was really hoping he wasn't gonna do something stupid like Dally. He just couldn't do something to get himself killed. If he did, Darry would be alone, I didn't want that. But he didn't, all he did was ran, for the longest time. He didn't stop till he got to the lot. The same one were the rumble was held not too long ago. Everybody was gone now. There was still some mud everywhere, and a few broken or empty bottles. The bonfire was out, now there was only burnt wood and a few embers.

Soda stood there for a few minutes, just looking around, breathing heavily since he'd just been running. Then all of a sudden, he just snapped. He first just started with stamping his feet, then he went over to a tree nearby, and began taking branches off them and snapping them in half. Then he went to over to what use to be the bonfire and took a still that wasn't too burned and banged it on the ground. He saw a empty bottle on the ground, so he picked it up and threw it at a tree, making it smash into a bunch of pieces. The whole time he'd be muttering swears to himself. I really wished he stopped, I hated seeing him like this. I felt like soon he might hurt himself. I wish I could tell him to stop.

He finally did. He sat on the ground and put his face into his hands. He was bawling real hard now. In between sobs I could hear him saying my name over and over. "Ponyboy...Pony..." I don't think I ever seen him this sad, even when Mom and Dad died. Yes he was very upset, but he wasn't this big of a mess. And since I was sad too, we just sat and hugged each other while crying. But now I wasn't there. I left him, I'm the worse person ever, maybe that's why I'm a ghost now. I'm not good enough to be in heaven, but never did anything bad enough to land me in hell. Seeing Soda like this made me feel like I did though.

I don't know how long Soda was crying for, awhile I guess. But then somebody called him. "Sodapop..." He liked up, it was Darry, slowly walking over to him. Once Soda saw it was him he got up and ran over. When he got to him, the two hugged each other for a little bit, Soda still crying a little. Darry doesn't cry in front of people too often, it's just not his was of grieving. He probably would cry later though when he was by himself.

"Everyone's looking for you." Darry told Soda once they stopped.

"Do they know? About Pony?" Soda asked.

"Yeah me and Johnny told them."

"How are they taking it?"

"Steve and Dallas don't know how to take it. They're sad, but they don't know how to show it. Two-Bit started crying a little. First time I've ever seen that guy sad."

"What about Johnny? How's he doing?"

"He keeps blaming himself. Saying it's his fault." Darry said. I was a little surprised by that. Even though I probably shouldn't be. Maybe it was because that's how I reacted when Johnny died.

"It's not his fault." Soda said quietly.

"I know, I know." Darry said and patted Soda on his back a few times. "Come, let's go find the rest of the guys."

Awhile later everyone was back at our house. They were just sitting in a circle, being absolutely silent. 'Somebody say something please!' I wanted to yell at them, I hated the silence. I got a good look at all their faces while they were being quiet though. Dally and Steve looked emotionless. But I know them well enough to know that with them it means they're actually really feeling something. And right now that was sadness and grief. Two-Bit was on the verge of tears, I really hoped I didn't have to see him cry. I really hated myself even more now, for making the happiest person I know be so upset. Soda had calmed done, but he still looked sad and had some dried up tears on his face. Darry could not stop looking at the ground, his hand halfway over his face. He was trying really hard to hold in how sad he was.

Johnny was the worse though. He was crying softly. He was worse earlier, everyone had to take turns comforting him. I really wanted to ask him to stop crying. 'Please, I did this for you, so you could live. I'm starting to regret it, but I still you want to be alive.'

"It kinda feels like a bad dream." Johnny finally said once he stopped crying enough to talk.

"Yeah I know what you mean Johnnycake." Two-Bit said then took a long sip of his beer, it was his second bottle since they got here. Dally pat Johnny on his shoulder, but he didn't respond to it. He kept looking at the ground like it was the most interesting thing in the world. At of all of them, I felt the worse for Johnny right now. It was hard enough seeing my brothers going through this kind of pain, but now I had to see my best friend go through it. I couldn't stand it.

"What makes it worse is that I feel like it should've been me." Johnny said quietly, but loud enough for everyone to hear him.

"No don't say that Johnny, it shouldn't." Said Dallas. Johnny finally looked up.

"Yeah it should've. Think about it, I'm going nowhere in life. Ponyboy was smart, he had a good future ahead of him, now it's all gone." Johnny said. Everyone was real quiet for a long time, probably cause they knew he was right. Darry finally stood up after awhile.

"We should all probably go to bed. Let this day end." So they did. The other four were crashing here tonight, they didn't think Soda and Darry should be alone right now.

"Johnny, you can have the couch." Two-Bit said pointing to it. Johnny walked over and laid down. Dally walked over to a chair and got himself comfortable. Two-Bit and Steve were gonna sleep on the floor.

"I don't wanna sleep in my room." Said Soda. No one had to ask him why. He was use to sleeping with me, now that I was gone, he didn't wanna be in there alone.

"I can sleep on the floor of your room if you want." Steve offered. Soda agreed. I followed them to me and Soda's room, but now it was just Soda's. Just as they were about to fall asleep, Steve said, "You know, I regret being so mean to the kid now."

Soda just nodded his head. "I know he forgives you though." He told him, and I did. That made Steve feel better.

Once the two were asleep, I checked on Darry. He was still up, and he was just sitting on his bed. It took me a minute to notice that he was crying. It made me feel terrible. Darry rarely cries, seeing it broke my heart. I wanted to make him stop somehow, but I knew the only way was for me to somehow be brought back to life. I'm not sure if that's possible, I wish it was though.