It was about a week after Johnny and Dallas left. I wanted to go with them, but I was too worried about Soda and Darry, so I stayed. After they got the letter from Dallas, Soda started crying again. I've never seen him cry this much before, not even when mom and dad died. And I knew it was my fault and I hated it.

The gang was kinda broken up now. We all use to spend at least ten hours a day with at least one or two of the other guys. But after Steve and Two-Bit went back home the four only saw each other less than two hours a day. Two-Bit spent his days drinking away. He always liked his liquor, but he knew when he had enough. I'm started to get scared he's doing it just so he can die of alcohol poisoning or something. Steve never stopped working now. He was always at the DX, while Soda asked his boss for some time off while he got over this whole thing.

But it wasn't helping, he still sat in his room all day, not doing anything. The only person he really talked to now was Darry, but neither one of them liked talking about their feelings so they weren't getting any better. Darry was working again but not as much as he use to. Due to the fact that Darry and Soda were working less there wasn't as much money coming in. I knew that was gonna be a problem when it was time to pay bills. And there was still funeral arrangements coming up. I knew they were putting those off on purpose.

Now whenever the gang did get together, they could only talk about two things: Me dying or Johnny and Dallas. I knew they all figured it would somehow make them feel better, but it wasn't working. It was just making them all feel lousier. Plus they were basically saying the same stuff over and over. Two-Bit would say how he missed his buddy and keep drinking, Steve would talk about how sorry he was he was such an ass to me. Soda kept saying he still felt like he was in some bad dream and couldn't wake up.

What Darry said always got to me the most though.

He'd always talked about how good of a kid I was. Yeah I was a greaser, but I never did anything to get me into trouble. I'd rather read a book or see a movie then start a fight or get drunk at a party. I was good in school and enjoyed it. I could have gotten a scholarship to a great college. One night he said something that really stabbed me in the heart.

"God's unfair. He took one of the few good things out of my life, again." He then started breaking down sobbing. Like Soda the night I died. For a moment, the other three just sat there, frozen, not knowing how to react. None of them ever saw big tough Darrel cry. Especially like this. Sodapop finally went over him and started hugging him. Darry started hugging back tighter. When they finally let go he started talking again.

"I just can't stand this anymore. We lost mom and dad, now Pony. We nearly have no family as t is, now it's just me and Soda."

When he finished everyone was quiet, but Steve finally said, "Well, you still got us." I was a little surprised he was the one to say it.

But as I watched all them sit there, I knew Darry was right. Him and Soda were the only family each other had now. The longer I am this way, the more I regret making that wish.

Later on that night, I was watching Soda sleep. I know that sounds weird, but it's the only time he's a peace now. Same with Darry. I trade off each night. I was sitting on the bed, where I use to sleep. I don't know why, but at one point I just said his name. It was barely above a whisper.

"Soda,"

But after I said it, Soda's eyes slowly opened. He sat up, worried I got off the bed. He turned on the lamp and looked around the room. He was looking right where I was standing, but I knew he couldn't see me. I could tell by his eyes he was looking right through me.

"Ponyboy?" He asked. Did he hear me somehow? He said my name again. "Pony?" I wanted to say something, just to see if he could hear me. But for whatever reason I was too frightened too. Soda finally sighed, shut off the light and went back to sleep.

I don't know if I should be scared or revealed that there's a chance Soda might know I'm here. I'm not sure if I want him too. he probably thinks I'm in heaven or something, I'd rather him think that. But if I could somehow talk to him, I could tell him everything's gonna be ok. Even though with the way things are going I'm not so sure they will be.

Hey guys. This is a quick message for people who read 'Something Golden'. Once I'm done with this story I was thinking of taking a break from the squeal I'm writing for SG right now ands start a new one where Pony and Matty are at college. Let me know if that's something you're interested in. And if you haven't read it yet please do. It's a little long but it was my first fanfic and I'm proud of it.

Stay Gold!