A/N Since this one-shot got such glowing reviews, and several of you asked for new chapters… well I think I might expand it into a two-shot, maybe possibly a short story.
So, here's my attempt at making a second chapter to a one-chapter story…
Disclaimer: I don't own Kung Fu Panda. I'm not that awesome, unfortunately.
Po had his eyes squeezed tight shut as he braced himself for what was potentially going to be the most excruciating beating he'd ever undergone. He sat there; bracing himself for what seemed like much longer than the few seconds it would take for Shifu's staff to impact his face… Actually…
Shouldn't I be in awesomeness-induced pain right now? The panda thought in confusion, What happened to Shifu trying to murder me?
The panda tentatively opened one eye… and gaped.
Tigress was stood in front of him, the tip of Shifu's staff held in her right paw as Shifu stared up at his adoptive daughter in a mixture of shock and utter confusion, "Tigress!? What is the meaning of this?"
"Master… I… well… I don't want you to hurt Po." Tigress said.
"What? Why not?" Shifu demanded, "That bumbling oaf kissed you!"
"It…I mean… I…" Her hesitant, unsure tone startled Po. Since when was the ever-confidant, strong-willed, hardcore Master Tigress unsure about anything? She was the most un-unsure person he knew! "I… liked it."
"You…you…what!?" Shifu exclaimed in utter amazement, "You liked it? Being kissed by… by… a big fat panda?"
"The big fat panda." Po said before he could stop himself.
Shifu's gaze fell on him like lead-weighted doom. Po gulped. Uh oh.
It took all of the old master's considerable willpower not to let go of his former master's staff and pummel the panda to death with his bare hands. Shifu took a deep, calming breath, "So, panda, when did you manage to slip catnip into Tigress' soup?"
"What?" Po exclaimed, "I'd never do that!" He hesitated, "Actually that would be pretty fu-" Shifu's eye twitched, "Uh I mean never!"
"Well, that is the only rational explanation for her behaviour." He said calmly, "And because this is the only explanation I will countenance I will not punish Tigress for her insubordination. You, however, will not be so lucky." Po decided that now would be the best time to start praying to the gods for deliverance. "Your punishment, panda, is to run my obstacle course sixteen times in a row, without breaks, and that from hence forth I will personally take over your Inner Peace training."
The obstacle course! Sixteen times in a row! Po thought in horror, Still, it could be worse he could put me on a diet.
"And in order to better focus your mind on the spiritual matters involved in perfecting Inner Peace…" Shifu's smile was cold and there was a sadistic glint in his eye, "I shall put you onto an ascetic training regimen."
Po looked at him in confusion, "What does that mean?"
"It means, Po, that I am going to take you to the Dragon Grotto and keep you there until I decide otherwise. You will meditate every day for at least six hours without breaks and you will be permitted only a single mouthful of water and a single crust of bread per day, except during the three-week long fasts that I will enforce upon you." Shifu said. "Regularly."
Po's jaw dropped, "Master Shifu! You can't! Not fasting! Dear Gods in heaven, anything but fasting!"
"Unfortunately, Po, your violation of my daughter has forced my hand. It is my fatherly duty to inflict upon you the most severe punishments as inhumanely possible. The fact that I am also your master just eases the process."
Po whimpered.
Tigress sighed and shook her head, "Master…" When Shifu ignored her, focused as he was on punishing Po she said, "Baba!"
Shifu's head whipped round and he stared at her in shock. She hadn't called him father for almost twenty years, "Tigress…"
Her eyes were hard, "Baba… Father I love Po. I've loved him for a long time now… but I've only realised it recently… he makes me happy. For the first time in a very long time, I'm happy."
Shifu stared hard at his adoptive daughter, scanning her face. It was true. He'd seen the changes the panda had wrought upon her, upon all of his students really. But… to go this far… to fall in love with him, "But… you're my daughter!" Shifu said hotly, "Nothing less than a son of the Emperor himself is worthy of you!"
Tigress smiled slightly, "Perhaps, but I don't want the Emperor's son… I want Po Ping, the Dragon Warrior. The clumsy panda that falls down steps and cooks noodles and saves China and smashes the Urn of Whispering Warriors every Tuesday."
Out of the corner of his eye Shifu could see the wide, idiotic grin that was spreading over the panda's face, "You're serious aren't you?" He asked in disbelief.
"Yes, I am." She said.
Shifu sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose, "Very well… if… if Po makes you happy then I won't stand in your way…" He opened his eyes and fixed the panda with a hard glare, "Po, I am entrusting my daughter's happiness to you. If you dare so much as contemplate hurting her I will hunt you down to the ends of the earth, castrate you and then make you run the obstacle course until your eyes bleed and then I'll have your mouth sown shut and lock you in a room with your favourite meals."
Po's grin vanished and he paled under the dire threats, "Do…uh...I have any choice in this?"
"No." Both Shifu and Tigress said.
"I thought not." Po said mournfully, He perked up again, "Does that mean I'm not going to be punished?"
"No, Po, you will not be punished for kissing my daughter." Shifu said as he turned around and began walking away. The grin that began reforming on the panda's face vanished as the red panda said, "However, you did interrupt Mantis, Viper and Crane's training session earlier. So I want you to wake up at dawn tomorrow and clean the entire Jade Palace from top to bottom until it is so clean I can eat my breakfast off of the floors. If it is not up to my standards you will not be fed. Nor will you be fed for three days afterwards. Is that clear?"
"Y-yes, Master." Po said.
"Good." Shifu said, "Tigress, I expect both of you to return to training in half an hour… and if I catch either of you doing anything I do not approve of… there will be hell to pay, am I understood?"
"Yes, Master." They both said.
With a curt nod, Shifu made his way back up the Thousand Steps.
Once she was sure he was gone, Tigress turned back to Po, a predatory smile on her lips, "Well, panda." She purred, "Alone at last."
Po gulped, he could feel his face heating up, "Uuh… Tigress? You do remember what Shifu said about not doing anything he didn't like."
"If he catches us." She said, tracing a claw over his chest, "And I can be very… stealthy if I want to be."
"Holy Secret Ingredient Soup." Po said in awe.
As Tigress leaned down to kiss him, they heard somebody clear their throat, "Ahem…"
They both turned to stare up at Mr Ping. Po's eyes widened, "Uuh… Hey dad."
"Finally!" Mr Ping exclaimed, "I've been waiting for this since Po got named Dragon Warrior! Oooh, I can't wait for the wedding! When are you going to give me grandchildren Master Tigress?"
"Daaaaad!" Po groaned.
The elderly goose's smile was so wide that Po wouldn't have been surprised if he could sail one of Shen's warships over it, "I've been waiting almost thirty years for this, aren't I allowed to get excited about my little Po finally getting a girlfriend?"
Tigress looked bemused, "I'm certain Po will forgive you this embarrassment if you let us have our first date at the Noodle Shop, free of charge."
Mr Ping winced, "Ah my girl, you're a shrewd one, then again I'm not surprised considering Shifu's your father…"
She inclined her head; "I'll take that as a compliment."
Mr Ping nodded, rubbing his wings together, "I can finally start using my list."
"List?" Po asked, startled, "What list?"
"The list of all of the most embarrassing things I can do or say now that you've got a girlfriend."
"Wh-what!?" Po choked out, "You have a list for that!?"
"Oh yes, quite an extensive one at that." Mr Ping replied, "And I have a stack of never-before-seen baby paintings hidden away for the next time Tigress comes to the shop."
Tigress's ears perked at that, "Oh really?"
"N-no!" Po cried, "Don't you dare!"
"Why Po, keeping secrets is bad for relationships you know." Mr Ping chided.
"Bu-but." Po began.
"The next time Master Shifu takes Po off on one of their meditation excursions to the Pool of Sacred Tears, I'll take you up on your offer, Mr Ping." Tigress said with a smile, "I might even invite the rest of the Five, and make a day of it."
"Tigress!" Po exclaimed in shocked horror, "You wouldn't!"
Tigress grinned, showing off her razor sharp teeth, "Wouldn't I?"
"But… but… but!"
She smirked and rolled her eyes, "Gods panda, you're so gullible!"
Whilst Mr Ping was busy embarrassing his son, with Tigress enjoying every moment of it, no one noticed a certain green snake hiding in bushes near the Thousand Steps, a wide smile on her face.
Viper suppressed a squeal of girlish delight. Sure she'd been worried that Po was about to be mauled, that's why she'd followed Tigress and Shifu… instead Po was dating Tigress! Of all the crazy couples that could have happened in the palace, this one was, in her opinion one of the craziest. And cutest.
The green snake coiled in on herself, a dreamy smile on her face, "Just wait until the others hear about this!"
A/N Okay, so there it is. I've got a lot of university work, so I might leave this as a two-shot, I'm not sure if I can get enough ideas going to make this into a short story anyway. But if more is demanded and inspiration strikes I might expand it again.