First of all, no I did not die. I did get a really gross cold though and then became outrageously busy BUT here I am with a new chapter of Interruptions. And secondly, is there any scripted show on tv that is better at being shit than Glee? I guess it's true that everybody is the best at something! LOL
Santana finally got her shit together and made it official but there's a few more hoops to jump through. Are her jumping abilities like Michael Jordan or more like Bruce Vilanch?
Chapter 6: Meet The Parents
"I'm so fucking nervous that just a second ago I screamed at the Breadstix delivery guy for fifteen minutes about how his handlebar mustache was aggravating my severe anxiety and then demanded that he buy me a subscription for Xanax!" I paced back and forth at a speed that surprisingly didn't make a grove in my absurdly expensive stolen bear skin rug.
"Why?"
"Did you miss HANDLBAR MUSTACHE?"
"No no, I mean the nervous part. Why are you nervous?"
"I'm meeting her parents Wheezy! HER. PARENTS."
"That's it? Guuurl, you've met them a million times and you know better than anyone that they're just as crazy, welcoming, and batty as their offspring." I gave her a warning glare. Nobody calls Britts crazy or batty. The one with the questionable weave simply shrugged in resignation. "You ain't got nothin' to worry about. You've got this on lock ma."
"But do I Minnie?!" The girl with the car name perked an eyebrow and did a sassy head swivel that was clearly supposed to call attention to her disapproval of my new nickname for her. What? Girl could cook. It was a compliment. I didn't bitch her out when she called me Rosie Perez the day before. "BECAUSE before I was Santana FRIEND of Brittany, then Santana BEST FRIEND of Brittany, and now there is the word 'GIRL' attached to the word 'FRIEND' and it adds just a weeee bit of pressure to the whole situation. What if they don't like me? They could HATE me and ban me from their home!" Mercedes took a moment to give me her trademarked, copyrighted, and patented 'Bitch you done gone cray cray' expression.
"What in the damn hell are you going ON about? You know they already like you because they have just as bad of taste in people as their daughter does." I ignored her insult because I was becoming too jittery to actually come up with Snix level witty replies anymore.
"They liked me when they didn't know that my face has invaded their daughter's vagina on the regular for the past three years." Mercedes simply shook her head.
"You're being irrational even for you. It's going to be FINE girl."
"You've never met her dad though. He's like a big Dutch tree of muscle and super intimidating accent. Brittany's intimidating enough when she speaks in Dutch, let alone that dude…Do you happen to know if the US has okay relations with the Netherlands?" What? I didn't want to get into some weird political argument at the dinner table. Mercedes then gave me a look that said 'I'm gonna save you the embarrassment and just forget that you asked that hot mess of a question.' Later I would thank her for her discretion.
"I didn't know she even knew the language?"
"She only speaks it with her family or when she's really mad…or well…" I smirked. "There's another time." Kurt who had been sitting there silently reading a vintage copy of Vogue Paris made a gagging sound. Sadly, this caused visions of Blaine to enter my brain which I at that exact second decided to get Kurt back for in the not too distant future.
"You are Satan Santana, stop being intimated by a man who bought his daughter a Volkswagen bus with a unicorn painted on the side. The worst he's gonna do is throw some waffles at you….or is that Belgium?" Mercedes gave us this expression that screamed 'How have these fools managed to know absolutely nothing about other countries?'
"Kurt, you're asking the woman who thought James Earl Jones killed Martin Luther King Jr. Homegirl doesn't know the answer nor will she ever."
"You guys are NOT helping! I'm gonna sweat out my relaxer with all this stress." At the troubling thought of hair being ruined, both of my friends stood up straighter and made attempts to actually alleviate my nerves.
"Well," Mercedes started. "Does your fear have something to do with being a part of the reason her parents know that she's bi now?... Cause we all know how that went with your Grandma."
"Oh no no, her parents have known THAT for ages."
-Many years ago when Brittany was in middle school-
Brittany's mom was in her eldest child's very colorful bedroom picking up laundry, when she found the corner of a box sticking out from under said child's bed. She pulled the box out and peered suspiciously at the top of it, which had a label on it that read 'TOP SECRET'….Which of course would be the stealthily sneaky tactic any person in dire need of keeping their belongings private would use. Brittany's mom, finding the whole situation rather odd, decided to open the box. The contents were not exactly what she expected to say the least.
"OH MY GOD, KLAAS!" She yelled in her native tongue.
A few minutes later Brittany's dad ran in the room wondering what the big deal was.
"LOOK AT ALL THIS!" She shoved the box in his face.
"A DVD of antiperspirant commercials and a vibrator? What the hell is this?"
"What are you guys doing?" Both of the parents turned to find their daughter giving them a disappointed look.
"Oh I don't know? Just standing here looking at a magazine that has a man with no pants on, a shirt that has a picture of Richard Nixon printed on it, and is so cleverly entitled 'DICKS' that my fourteen year old daughter has hidden under her bed. Seriously Brittany, what do you have to say for yourself?" Brittany's only response was to shrug. "And this one…AMERICAN BREAST ENTHUSIAST?" More shrugging. "What does this all MEAN BRITTANY?"
"Ummm." They continued to stare at her questioningly. "Umm…well…It's just that…."
"What?"
"I like boobs and dick."
Both parents slapped their foreheads.
-Present time-
"Well…" Kurt started. "That's slightly less dramatic than how you came out."
"You mean how I was thrown out, by your big boobed brother."
"His breasts are only an a-cup now after his doctor recommended bosom reduction and yes he's a moron that I can't believe I ever had a crush on now but let's get back to the fact that you have no reason to be scared of this parental situation because nobody in this room can stomach the thought of Finns chest for a second more." We all nodded in unison. "You've been through a lot of stuff Santana and have become an even more fierce fabulous and strong woman because of it. If you can deal with all the things you've gone through, you can easily deal with meeting the parents. There's nothing to worry about. They know you're the biggest bitch this side of Ryan Murphy yet they've still liked you all these years. You're gonna be fine."
"I appreciate your attempt but I really do have everything to worry about. Everything is different now and I somehow have to make them comfortable with knowing that I'm the one with their daughter instead of like…Artie."
"If it makes you feel any better, they can't be any worse than Blaine's parents aka the dad who thinks I'm too girly for their son even though he still wants him to date a girl and the mom who Blaine inherited his eyebrows from."
"Yeesh." Mercedes replied.
"Her face is even worse than you think." We all shivered simultaneously. "Now, Miss. Lopez. Let's pick out a dress for you that says 'I'm a respectable choice for your beautiful daughter'."
-Five hours later outside Brittany's parents house-
Okay, be polite, don't curse, don't stare at Brittany's boobs…or her moms…Does this dress show too much cleavage? No, it's Kurt approved to not cause parental distress but to also be just tight enough to not cause suspicion that I am trying too hard to impress them. Don't make out with Britt in front of her parents and make sure to make fun of her sister's boyfriend. That should be the whole list.
I checked off everything on the checklist I had made. What? I like to be prepared okay? You have no idea how long I prepared that speech in front of our lockers when I told her I just wanted to be with her. I don't like going off plan. When I go off plan I often say something stupid and fuck it up and I couldn't risk fucking this up. These were Brittany's parents. I had to be charming. I had to make them think I was a suitable choice for their amazingly perfect gorgeous daughter. Or…at least make them think I wasn't an offensively bad one.
Okay Santana, just breathe. Remember what Aretha and George Michael said. There is nothing to worry about. Nothing to worry about. Just don't be a bitch. Repeat. Don't be a bitch.
I knocked on the door and fidgeted like the spastic wonder I was. After my body spasmed without my consent, I proceeded to hold on to the bouquet of ridiculously overpriced priced flowers I had purchased for dear life while I sweated it out on their doorstep. It goes without saying that I had never looked more confident in my life. Right when I was starting to feel like I had been standing there for hours, the door opened to reveal Brittany's mom.
"Santana!" Her thick Dutch accent always charmingly evident. "It seems like it's been so long."
"It has Mrs. Pierce...Here." I shoved the flowers gracelessly in her face. She took them and smelled them clearly ignoring my glaring inability to have any semblance poise whatsoever.
"Santana, we've known each other for years. You know you can call me Hennie." I did but I couldn't remember my own name at this point because to phrase it like Brittany would, my nerves were playing kickball with my brain even though I had told them to stop being meanies and to just leave me alone. Britt's mom clearly had zero nerves in relation to our get together because she gave me a warm and inviting side hug and then told me to come in inside...WANKY.
ANYWAY, here's the thing with Brittany's family, they're all gorgeous. Brittany's mom looked like a blonde Sandra Bullock…kind of like she did in 'The Blind Side' but with a more European sensibility and adorable accent. I'm not gonna lie to you…I kind of had a slight crush on her when I first met her but then Brittany grew up and I forgot all about her mom and every other woman in existence really. Hennie was so sweet and polite and nice and pretty and tall and personality wise, everything my mom wasn't. My stepmom Maribel is great but my birth mom Nina…well…I inherited both being a bitch and my plastic surgeon from her. I think this explains why I was so jealous of Brittany's family growing up. They showed so much love for each other and in my home it was just 'Throw money at the girl so she won't care that we didn't show up for her recital or talk to her at the dinner table or give a fuck about how she feels about anything in her life'. Unlike mine, Brittany's parents were attentive and thoughtful and accepting and seemingly perfect. I'm lucky and grateful to have my stepmom but the rest of my family is a disaster…Okay, besides my dog Carlos. He's a pimp that makes the bitches cream themselves. He learned that from me of course…Okay, he may have actually learned that from Brittany, but let's keep that information to ourselves, shall we?
We entered the kitchen to find Mr. Pierce cooking some super Dutch thing I likely didn't know the name of. I always liked his cooking; I just never knew what it was.
"SANTANA!" He stopped stirring whatever he was stirring and came over and gave me one of his signature lift you off the ground and spin you around in the air bear hugs. The man was about Finns height so when he lifts you, you're pretty far from the floor.
"Hi Mr. Pierce."
"What have you been smoking Santana? We're not in Amsterdam. It's not legal here. I don't want you going to jail." He gave the pensive expression that Brittany gives when she's legitimately worried.
"Nothing Sir, I promise you!" I choked out frightened whilst still hanging in the air. All I could think was 'HER PARENTS THINK I DO DRUGS! HER PARENTS THINK I DO DRUGS! WHAT IF THEY DON'T WANT ME AROUND ANYMORE? WHAT IF THEY TELL MY PARENTS AND THEY SEND ME TO REHAB?!'
I was never one to jump to conclusions.
Klaas set me back down on the ground and peered at me investigatively. He then turned to his wife and questioned something to her in Dutch as if I weren't in the room.
"What's wrong with her?"
"I don't know, she's been acting weird since the second she showed up."
"You think she's having that time of month?"
"Just because a female is not making any sense doesn't mean she is having her menstrual cycle. You are now on whipped husband tampon buying duty until further notice for asking that question." Klaas sulked for a second before directing his attention back at me.
"Little Lopez," He began in English with the nickname he had given me when we first met when I was thirteen and painfully small for my age. "You know you're like family, right?"
"Yes, sir."
"Stop with that sir stuff. I'm Klaas! You've been calling me Klaas for years…And that time I had to go and fix the septic tank you even called me 'ass' when you didn't think anyone could hear but Brittany," I blushed at being caught. "And then you wrote that hip-hop song about Klaas being knee deep in shit from everybody's ass that was about six minutes long with a Brittany beatbox breakdown in the middle of it." I blushed even brighter. "I still say it's better than Trouty Mouth….but not quite as good as My Cup." I now looked like a tomato. A mixture of both the green and red ones. I can't imagine why? There's nothing embarrassing about your girlfriends father knowing about the song your girlfriend wrote about her love of going down on you. Nothing embarrassing about that at ALL. "But you know what?" I truly had lost the ability to speak at this moment. "Now that you are in a relationship with my daughter we are even more family so I expect you to forget these formalities." I nodded rapidly; afraid if I actually did try and open my mouth that some sort of uptight apology would fall out of it. "Good! We're having a feast tonight! Oh and grab yourself some of the koffie verkeerd for you and Brittany. She asked for some earlier and I thought who else to take it to her other than her favorite person?" He pointed to the two glasses of brown liquid with thick foam on top.
"Yes si…I mean Klaas." I quickly clutched onto the glasses so tight I was afraid I was going to break them and then headed upstairs towards Brittany's room.
"Soo…" The dad started. "How long before she spills or drops something?" His wife playfully hit him. "What?"
"Give the poor girl a break. I'd be nervous too if I were gay having dinner at my girlfriends house after them finding out that I've had a thing with their daughter for years without telling them."
"But we've known something was there forever, they're not very quiet and…Just give me a second to envision you with a girlfriend." She hit him again. "WHAT?!" They both smirked at each other.
"Can you get the door Britt? My hands are full." Brittany's bedroom door opened to reveal an only partially dressed version of herself. "Okay…" I gave her a slow once over. "You can't do that."
"Do what?" She feigned ignorance as she took one of the hot beverages from my hand and gave me a peck on the lips before closing the door behind me.
"You know what."
"We've talked about this Santana." She gave me a stern look. "You need to work on expressing your feelings in a clear way."
"And with the state of undress you're in I'm a little too close to expressing them in a way I need not to with your parents in the house." She took a few sips thoughtfully.
"That never stopped you before."
"I was never trying to impress them before." She gave me a smirk. "What?"
"You're like…being super duper cute right now."
"Please stop flattering me whilst not wearing pants." And the ray of sunshine Brittany Susan Pierce smile broke out. God, I was so hopelessly in love with her. Considering my high level of obsession with her, the smile I returned was painfully dopey. Christ, I'm really embarrassing aren't I?
"What if I wear a skirt?" She stated as if trying to bargain with me.
"Depends on the length." I took a few sips of what tasted to be similar to coffee but milkier.
"So if the skirt was just over my ass, can I still flirt with you?"
"No, that would be rude."
"Knee length?"
"You don't even own any skirts that long."
"And I wonder why?" She gave me one of those painfully sexy winks that were known to make my panties drop and stepped out of view into her walk in closet.
"You're not allowed to do that pantsless either."
"Oh really? What's my punishment Auntie Tana? The whip or the handcuffs?"
"Jesus, Britt." I sat on her bed about to hyperventilate. I was not prepared for this evening. If only she could turn down the hot for one evening, then I would only have to deal with being scared shitless of fucking up with her parents and could more easily ignore my overwhelming need to see her naked…and have her sit on my face. Brittany's head popped out of the closet.
"Honey?" I was lying down on her bed with a hand over my eyes.
"Yeah?"
"What's wrong?"
"N-nothing." She glided out of her clothing housing facility in a mid thigh length skit that was very fuckable secretary. She grabbed my cheeks and made me look her in the eye.
"What's really bothering you?"
"It's stupid."
"You don't like it when I call myself stupid so I'm not going to let you do that to your feelings. They're not stupid. So I'm going to ask you again, what's wrong?" I gave a big sigh because let's not pretend I had much willpower when it came to her.
"I'm scared." Her head quirked to the side in confusion.
"Why?"
"Because of…of your parents."
"But my parents love you and you've known them for years. What's there to be scared of?"
"I told you it was stupid." She sighed in the way she only does when she's frustrated with me being difficult and stubborn.
"Stop saying that!" Her hands fell from my face and she intertwined them with my own. "I just don't understand, that's all."
"It's just different now, you know? I'm not just your friend anymore. I'm your girlfriend and it just…changes the whole dynamic and puts more pressure on everything." Her face softened and looked even more angelic than normal.
"Sweetie, you were never just my friend and you know that. We're out and open and happy and now I get to share with people why I love you so much; otherwise it's the same. My parents saw it there and had been questioning it for years. They knew honey and they loved you because how could anyone not love you?" She gave me a kiss on the forehead that lingered deliciously long. The exaggerated popping sound she made when she dislodged her lips from my forehead made me giggle in a ridiculously dorky way only she could make happen. Brittany Pierce was so good at calming me down it was scary.
"You're really charming Britt." She bit her lip and I caught her giving me that look. The 'I just charmed your clothes off, didn't I?' look. "Don't even think about it."
"But you're so hot in…and out of that dress babe."
"UGH, I tried to be conservative! Kurt said it was classy but alluring." A big grin invaded her face again. "What?"
"You went shopping with Kurt just for this occasion?" I sighed dramatically and nodded embarrassedly. "I love when you admit you've made friends and actually like them." I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "It makes the panties I almost always forget to wear fall off my ass." I gulped. "Now, come on," She grabbed my hand. "Let's go downstairs before my parents think we're getting it on…Which we will be if we don't get in a public setting right away."
"BRITTANY!"
"What? You look really really hot right now."
She truly did make this impossible, didn't she?
-Ten minutes later at the dinner table-
Brittany and I sat across from each other. I was beside Brittany's little sister's boyfriend Wes Brody and Brittany's parents were at the heads of the table.
"So Santana, I hear you're having to share cheer caption this year with someone else. How is that going?" Brittany dad questioned.
"Oh yeah Becky…she's kind of…" Don't call Becky a bitch. Don't call Becky a bitch. Don't do it. Doesn't matter that that she would be one no matter if she had downs or not. Be polite. Remember most people would be disgusted if they knew Becky had downs and you'd still call her a bitch. But that's because those people are stupid assholes that would treat her differently for the same reason when she would be a bitch either way. And Brittany's parents aren't assholes…but they are outrageously nice. Just try to be charming Santana. CHARMING. And not Brittany pants off charming, just regular innuendoless PG movie charming.
"Santana," Brittany began. "Are you okay? You look super gassy. Like Finn level gassy." To this I gave Brittany a 'Thanks a lot for embarrassing the shit out of me in front of your parents' look to which she replied with a 'You're being incredibly silly right now' facial composition.
"Okay, what's going on?" Brittany's little sister Briana blurted out in an attempt to spot the polka dotted elephant in the room. What? She's a Pierce. Trust me, the elephant had polka dots.
"Yeah, your girlfriends being super weird." Wes offered. "You should have stuck with me Brittany…OWW." One would only assume Briana had hit him under the table…But, it was actually me. Boy needed to learn to keep his nonexistent bits in his ill-fitting pants and appreciate that he had bagged himself a girl that in the future would be far too good looking for him and to therefore stop looking at mine. Don't side eye me for becoming jealous via something an eight year old said, homie needed to learn this shit sooner or later, so why not sooner? I stand by my decision to inflict pain upon his boney hairless shin.
"Stop giving Santana a hard time." Hennie ordered.
"Umm anyway," I tried to break the tension that I had obviously created. "It's hard because Becky's ideas are…not very effective and I've proven I can win without any help so…I wish I could just do it myself but I have to deal with the situation so…" I shrugged.
"Which she has so well! I'm so proud of her. She's been so demonic."
"Well, her nickname IS Satan." Wes Brody stated and was mysteriously kicked again. "OWWWW!" Brittany gave me her well used 'Stop hitting small children' look. I responded with a 'Stop accusing of me of things you have no proof of' expression. But soon, I sighed in resignation and decided to try an honor her request anyway for the rest of the evening. Getting caught being violent towards unruly children that need to shut the hell up was not likely going to go over so well with any set of parents.
"I think she means diplomatic." I offered.
"No, I think she does mean demonic." Klaas giggled and then yelped "OWW!" I glanced over to Hennie who had a look on her face that highly resembled Brittany's 'Stop it' expression. Clearly, the Pierce women were very skilled at controlling their significant others via their looks. And I mean that in every possible way.
"May we go and play?" Briana asked hopefully.
"Sure guys." The two little ones left the table leaving the four of us in an even more awkward but slightly less embarrassing situation.
"How's Maribel Santana?"
"Oh umm, she's great as usual."
"I hear from Brittany that she's been very accepting and supportive of this relationship."
"Oh yeah, she loves Britt like a second daughter."
"I know the feeling." Hennie offered me a tender smile. I tried my best to return it but noted Brittany giving me an expression that clearly stated 'San, seriously, you still look gassy. Should I get you some antacid?'. "And how's…Nina doing?" I sighed.
"She still doesn't really care or talk about it or acknowledge it…She tried to set me up with this guy named Rico the other day at mass."
"Rico was kinda hot."
"Brittany!" I yelped. She simply shrugged her shoulders in return.
"What?" She replied in fake cluelessness clearly trying to get me to loosen up. I rolled my eyes and couldn't hold back my smirk.
"I'm sure she'll come around."
"Yeah…maybe. I'm not sure if it's better or worse than the situation with my Abuela. At least my Abuela was honest with me and believes me. Cruella De Vil just pretends it's not there." I slapped my hand over my mouth. Fuck, I had gotten so far without saying anything mean. I glanced at Brittany who seemed to be trying like a son of a bitch to not laugh and then at Brittany's dad who simply smiled brightly at me. "What?"
"I wondered when you were going to start acting like yourself."
-Thirty minutes later-
Brittany's parents were getting dessert in the kitchen which was a very good thing because my nerves were officially fried. They asked us a lot of questions, some simple and some not so simple and while they all were polite and warranted; oh my God I felt like I was going to throw up. I felt like that dude who knows that if he says the wrong thing around the girl's father he may or may not cut his below average sized schlong off.
"You're so adorable."
"Britt-Britt…"
"And sexy."
"Britt…"
"And I want to rip your clothes off and have my way with you right now on this table." I felt her foot rub up against mine under said table.
"BRITTANY!"
"Yes, Santana?" She feigned innocence.
"Stop."
"Stop what, baby?"
"You know exactly what!" I whisper shouted. "Your parents are in the other room."
"Which is my point." She knocked off her heel and I felt her foot reach my calf. "They're not in this one."
"They might even be able to hear this conversation."
"Then let's stop talking." Oh Jesus.
"Britt."
"Shhhh." Her foot was at my knee when the parental units reentered the room to my complete horror and since Brittany didn't stop moving her foot…arousal. Okay, that sounded really wrong but you get my point.
"I just want you to know…" Brittany's dad started as he sat down. "I was ecstatic when Brittany broke up with the robot and got together with you."
"Oh…" I breathed deeply as my girlfriends foot hit my thigh. I looked up at her face that was completely deadpan and gave her a 'You're being cruel' expression. She only replied with fake confusion. "I'm…happy to umm…hear that." I gulped when I felt a second foot join the party that shouldn't have been happening while talking to her parents.
"He treated her like a little girl and while Brittany will always be our baby," He gave his daughter a warm smile. "You treat her like the woman she is and with respect and I want you to know how much we value that." Oh she was a woman all right, a woman who had her foot up my dress rubbing dangerously close to an area of my body that was starting to burn.
"S-she deserves th-the best always." Brittany's mom gave me a curious look.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Annnnd…Brittany's big toe hit my clit.
"PERFECT!" My voice had that teenage boy going through puberty quality about it…It was oh so attractive I'm sure.
"Santana, I know this must be weird for you but we really do think you are a great pair and we support you so there's no need to be so on edge." No NEED? I was so wet I was about to slide off my chair! I had to grip the thing for dear life all the while Brittany gave me an innocent expression as if she were also saying 'Yeah, there's nothing to worry about'. When her big toe slowly traced my entrance I knew I had to stop this. I wasn't going to make it. I was legit going to come in front of her parents if I didn't get the fuck away from that table within the next point two seconds.
"Umm…I…I'll be right back. Excuse me." I tried to get up quickly but my legs were all wobbly and it took great effort to get to the bathroom without tripping. Once I entered, I breathed deeply and put my hands over my face. I locked the door and proceeded to do something I never thought I would be doing.
Rubbing one out in Brittany's family's guest bathroom. I was in there a minute or so when I heard a few knocks followed by my girlfriend's voice.
"Honey? Are you okay? Can I come in?" There was no answer from me. "San, if you're peeing it's okay, I've seen everything. Remember that camping trip we took when you got your high heeled boot stuck in that cowpie and then freaked out about having to take a piss behind a bush complaining that it was indecent and that a bear might see?" Still no answer. "If you're pooping you really should have used my bathroom. I mean, I'm sure the result isn't like Finn when he took a dump at Pucks house and then for the rest of the party people had to pee and barf outside for fear of walking into the bathroom and having their noses fall off…." Okay, if I let her stay out there any longer she is going to embarrass me into the grave. I took my hand out from under my dress and unlocked the door. She entered and swiftly locked it again behind her. When she got a good look at me she knew exactly what had just been transpiring. My face was all flushed and my dress looked newly fucked without even needing a partners help. There was a moment of silence before she spoke. "Sooo…" She stepped towards me, getting closer and closer until I was pressed up against the wall. "Is my naughty girlfriend fucking herself in my parent's guest bathroom?"
"Brittany…" It left my mouth breathlessly.
"Hmm? Is that what you're doing?" Her lips were right on my ear. "Do you need to come baby?"
"Oh my God…" It came out as an aroused whisper. Her left hand slowly made its way down my front; inching closer and closer to the area that needed her desperately.
"Is this why you've been so uptight all along babe? Did you just need me to relieve a little…" She stroked just above my core for a second. "Or a lot of tension?"
"Brittany…we…we.."
"We what babe? We what?" She ripped my lace undergarment down with little caring.
"We can't." It came out in an outrageously unconvincing tone.
"I was ready to fuck you under the table with my foot…You think being in the bathroom with you just because my parents are here is going to stop me now? I can and will prove to you very quickly that we very much can." Her voice was so low and sexy and predatory and oh my God it was doing things to me I couldn't even process.
"B-but they'll know." She turned me around, pushed my front forward against the wall, and pulled my ass into her hips.
"Santana," Her lips grazed my neck and then she kissed and bit her way up to my ear again. "I don't give a fuck." Two fingers entered my core from behind.
"Oh shit!" I yelped.
"I don't give a single fuck." Her open hand grabbed my right tit roughly and started kneading. "I don't give a fuck if anyone sees." Her thumb played with my incredibly hard nub.
"Damn baby." I panted out trying to control my moaning but failing miserably.
"I don't give a fuck who hears." She pinched my nipple and a hiss of delicious pain exited my mouth. "I want my sexy, caring, beautiful girlfriend right now and nobody on this planet has a chance in hell of stopping me." And a third finger entered and her other hand groped my ass and because I had been teased so much for so long I came so fucking hard I fell back into her with force. Legitimately everything turned white as I fell off the edge. She held me in her arms as I shook violently and repeated her name over and over. Once I was left gasping for air and looking very much like a newly fucked mess, Brittany pulled her fingers out of me and put them directly into her mouth; humming in approval of the flavor. "You taste so.." Her fingers left her mouth with a pop. "Delicious." She then proceeded to give me a passionate kiss in order to prove her point. The kiss got even deeper and her hands found their most desired place; my tits, and squeezed and I was up against the wall again and my temperature was rising and this was going to become a fuck-a-thon if I didn't do something and fast. With what little strength I had gained back, I pushed her away gently.
"Britt…honey.." I panted out in desperation. "If you don't stop now we are never leaving this bathroom."
"Oh yes you are!" We heard outside the door. I immediately turned white and for a person as tan as me trust me, that's a feat. "We have dessert, so when you are done defiling my daughter please come… out….and not in either of the ways you're experienced in…and have some dessert." I couldn't speak; my brain had just short circuited and was on the verge of meltdown. In that moment the inside of my skull looked like Chernobyl.
"We'll be out in just a sec Mom."
"Good, because your father is worried Santana is going to get you pregnant and you two are just too young to have children. We will not have you pulling a Quinn around here."
"We know how to use birth control Mom." OH. MY. GOD. I AM GOING TO DIE. I AM SERIOUSLY GOING TO DIE FROM PURE EMBARRASSMENT.
"I think we'll go over that after dinner. Be out in a few minutes or your dad will be removing the door." Footsteps could be heard moving away from our location.
"Kill me. Actually murder me right now."
"Honey," I slid down to the floor and she knelt in front of me. "It's not that big of a deal."
"NOT THAT BIG A DEAL?! THEY KNOW WE WERE HAVING SEX! And they think I was fucking their beautiful innocent little girl in their OWN BATHROOM! SO YES BRITT. IT'S A BIG FUCKING DEAL!"
"They know we've had sex Santana. This is not the first time they've heard."
"Wait…What?" My eyes bugged out.
"My mom came to me when we were fifteen and had that cheerios sleepover and told me that it was impolite to have sex with other unsuspecting people in the room."
"OH MY FUCKING GOD."
"And one time she told me to stop holding onto the headboard when we 'Make love' because Dad has to get up early for work and they can hear it in their bedroom."
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT." My hands were now permanently covering my face.
"Honey," I shook my head over and over and over not wanting to hear anymore. "Honey, look at me."
"NO." Brittany gently tried to pull my hands away to no avail. She quickly put a lot more force into it which caused my bright red face to be revealed.
"Santana." Her voice was stern and if I wasn't so horrified, I would have thought it was sexy. "LOOK AT ME." My eyes slowly traveled up to meet hers.
"What? What could you possibly want to say to me right now?"
"What could I want to say to my girlfriend?" She almost looked offended. "I want to say that I love you and you love me and they know that. They respect that. They get that we are two young people who really are deeply in love. That is why my mom referred to it as making love because she knows you're not actually in here defiling her daughter. She can see it in our eyes and in your actions that you love me more than anyone or thing on this earth. They both know we love each other in every way possible, including physically and while maybe my need to take you at the dining room table while you were trying to maintain a conversation with them was…maybe not the…best choice," I gave her a 'Ya think?' face. All she did was smirk back like 'You liked it.' Which well…I did. "They know that you always have my best interest at heart, no matter if they find or hear us in questionable positions. They love you honey, you're part of the family now, and even if you or we mess up, you will ALWAYS be part of the family because I will ALWAYS love you." She enraptured me in one of those warm tight Brittany hugs that I wished would last forever. Just as I got comfortable in the embrace we heard a drill and soon enough the door was removed to reveal Brittany's dad with a hand over his eyes.
"GIRLS, please make yourselves decent and join us for dessert. I made Appeltaart, Santana's favorite."
"Dad, we're dressed and just talking."
"Are you SURE?"
"Yes, dad…there are no viewable boobs and no more asses will be groped this evening in your home. I promise." I didn't know what she said but I suspected it was embarrassing and as a result my face turned another shade redder. After being given the go ahead and exhibiting a lot of trust, Klaas slowly lowered his hand from his eyes.
"OH THANK GOD." He stood the door up against the wall.
"And this was all my fault. Santana has been trying as hard as possible to be respectful so please don't judge her on this."
"I know you Brittany. Remember the great countertop incident of 2008?" Brittany's ears turned red and she nodded whilst putting her hands through her hair awkwardly. "It's your mother that still has a hard time not thinking of you as the….innocent one in these things. She's not judging, but you might want to set the record straight with her. Besides, I understand. Sometimes when you have a hot girlfriend you just gotta make it happen." He shrugged a shrug that I realized Brittany had inherited from him.
"Thanks Dad."
"Now get to the table now before your mother puts a full long-term sex ban into effect in this house." Brittany's eyes bugged out, she quickly got up, pulled me off the ground, and practically dragged me out of the bathroom.
"Like Father like daughter." He spoke to himself and shook his head while grinning.
"What did he say?" I asked on our way to the dining room.
"My mom loves you, dad loves you, I love you, and everything is perfect." I rolled my eyes at her massive lie.
"What did he REALLY say Brittany?" She stopped and looked at me seriously for a moment before speaking.
"He knows that sometimes it doesn't matter if you've brought your companion home to meet the parents and make them like them or if you're at school or on a hayride. When you've got a hot girlfriend, sometimes you just gotta tap," She slapped my derriere playfully. "DAT ASS."
Words of wisdom for Klaas Pierce that trust me,
I would never forget.
And Klaas remains flawless unlike Glee. LOL. I feel about reviews like Santana feels about pantsless Brittany. Sometimes they make me blush and swoon and I may make myself look stupid while viewing what they have to offer but nonetheless, I love the shit out of them. :D
Thanks for reading and reviewing and following and all that delicious appltaart!