[Author's Note]

It's finally here! Yay! I'm sorry it took so long; Enigma fought me for a while before I decided to write this instead. And then I had a bit of block...
But it's here now1 Enjoy it! By popular demand, it is in Deidara POV.
Read and review, guys! Reviews keep me writing, you alive, your locks not-blown-up, and your faces not-punched. Let's keep it that way. And let's also give a big hand to Akatsuki Annabell-YAOI ROCKS and MitchiMarra, who have reviewed every chapter so far.

On a sadder note, school starts a week from now, so a time of most-likely-slower updates is quickly creeping upon us.

Here's an update now though, so read and review! Enjoy!

So Help Me, Freud — Chapter Four

"Properly speaking, the unconscious is the real psychic; its inner nature is just as unknown to us as the reality of the external world, and it is just as imperfectly reported to us through the data of consciousness as is the external world through the indications of our sensory organs." —Sigmund Freud

Deidara left the doctor's office very confused.

What the hell had just happened? What was up with Danna? Why was he smiling like that? Why was he smiling at all? Something weird is going on. He's not telling me something. Why did the chair smell like rubbing alcohol?
The teenager's head was swimming with questions, most of which were about Sasori's odd behavior today. But another thing was bugging him.

"I'm not gay."

Why was that bugging him? He'd never liked guys. Never. He'd even dated a few girls. And he had been talking about Tobi; he'd NEVER like Tobi like that...God, Tobi was annoying as shit.
But he didn't like saying that to Danna. Why? He told Danna everything. Danna knew more about him than anyone in the world. He was the only one that really knew him.

But why was that?

Now that Deidara thought about it, he really didn't know.

The teen continued to think about it as he strayed toward the grocery store, huffily blowing a strand of hair off his nose. He liked his hairstyle, but he didn't like hair on his nose. He liked hiding behind his hair.
He didn't really know why he did that, either.

Just how much about himself didn't he know?

He made a note in his head to ask Danna on Wednesday.

Sasori no danna knew, like, everything. Everything. It was like he could see into his soul. Something about the redhead's dusty brown eyes just knew.

A small smile touched the blonde's lips. He really liked Danna's eyes. There was something so...old about them. And the shade was so unusual, like a piece of antique wood that had gathered dust. Deidara liked to live in the moment, but there was something really beautiful about the ageless look in those eyes.

The teen pulled out the grocery list Tobi had given him. He was supposed to do the shopping.

Chocolate cake mix
Icing

Fair enough.

Fish shaped crackers
Fish shaped candies

Deidara groaned, grabbing a box of Goldfish and some Swedish Fish.

Candy coated peanut butter pieces, shaped like fish

He was getting Reese's Pieces.

Lemon juice
Eggs

Okay.

Sediment shaped sediment

A rock?

One large rhubarb

The fuck was Tobi making?

All-purpose rhubarb

Is that even a thing?

Rhubarb juice

I don't think that is.

Granulated rhubarb

This list looks familiar...

One cross-borehole electromagnetic imaging rhubarb

Deidara dropped the rhubarb he was carrying and smacked his forehead. Tobi had him looking for Portal cake ingredients.
That bastard was going to eat fish-shaped solid waste for lunch.

As Deidara went about putting everything back on the shelves, his mind drifted back to his appointment.

"Sasori no danna really didn't seem like himself." he thought aloud, looking at the box of Goldfish. "He looked horrified when he saw me."

The snack smiled back at him.

"You know, un, that's really weird. I've been seeing him since I was 12, yeah, and I've never seen him like that."

The snack continued smiling.

"Agh, you're worthless."

The teen tossed the Goldfish back on the shelf and slumped onto the cart. Why did it bother him so much? Sasori was his therapist; he shouldn't be concerned about him. Danna could take care of himself. There was no reason to worry.
But he did.

"I'm not gay."

Why was that bothering him!?

Deidara gave the cart a frustrated push and walked away. Fuck groceries.

The teen shoved his hands in his pockets, scowling as he walked out of the store. He wasn't hungry anymore; he was too distracted to eat. He needed to think.
Caught up in his internal befuddlement, the blonde later found himself standing in a wide field on the outskirts of town. Sasori had taken him there several years ago on his fifteenth birthday.

"Are we far enough out, Danna, hm?"

The redhead took a look around. The closest building was miles away.

"Yes, I suppose. I don't think we'll disturb or hurt anything out here."
He paused for a moment, then added, "Except for ourselves."
His voice was a lazy monotone.

Deidara rolled his eyes and smiled.

"We'll be fine, Danna, un. This one detonates with a voice command!"

"Isn't that dangerous?" the man asked, raising an eyebrow. The teen just grinned wider.

"Not at all, yeah! It only responds to my voice!"

Sasori gave a solitary nod, his eyes thoughtful, and Deidara pulled a sculpture out of a pouch on his hip. It was an egg-shaped doll of sorts, and it looked fairly disturbing. The teen carefully placed it in the middle of the field and ran back.

"C'mon Danna!" he shouted excitedly. He hurriedly grabbed the man's arm, pulling him past the edges of the clearing. "Ready?" he asked.

Sasori shrugged. "Don't kill us."

The teen nodded, his blue eyes fiery.
3...
2...
1...

"KATSU!"

A smile touched Deidara's lips as he remembered the explosion. It had been absolutely gorgeous. The best gift ever. And it had segued into one of the best conversations he had ever had with his danna.

The doctor's eyes were...intrigued when the smoke cleared. He cocked his head to the side, catching a falling ember in his hand.

"Why?" he mumbled, staring at the ember as it flickered away. He didn't seem to feel any pain from the burn he was almost certainly getting.

Deidara raised a brow. "Why what, Danna, hm?"

"Why do you like these explosions?"

The doctor turned his head to the teen, who was looking out at the field. The ash had settled into the dirt and the smoke was completely gone —only the scorched earth remained. A satisfied smile crossed the blonde's face.

"Because they're beautiful." he said, his gaze focused on the barren aftermath. "Absolutely gorgeous, yeah. They're art."

Sasori scoffed.

"Art? You call that art? It's already gone." the man said pointedly, gesturing at the site of the blast. Deidara nodded.

"Art is transient, danna. One moment it's here and it's not the next. Art is something fleeting and elusive, something we pursue, knowing we'll never catch it. It's the moment of explosion. You can practically see your life slipping away when the blast flares out around you, feel death kissing your lips...but then the smoke clears, the ashes fall, and you live on. The threat disappears, but you'll always carry the memory of it. It changed your life. That's what art does: it touches you in a way words can't."

A silence fell upon them as the teen finished, smiling contently. Sasori looked dumbstruck, and the blonde couldn't help but wonder if he had actually impressed his danna.

"Oi. Danna." he said, prodding the redhead's forehead. "Whatd'ya think?"

The man blinked in amazement. "You spoke perfectly. Not a single 'un'."

Deidara smacked his forehead, staring at his danna in disbelief.

"I meant, what do you think of what I said, hm?"

The doctor's face returned to a disapproving scowl.

"You're absolutely wrong. Art is something eternal and everlasting. Art is something that lasts forever; not for mere moments."
Deidara opened his mouth to object.
"But," his danna continued, putting a finger to the teen's lips. "You are entitled to your opinion. I won't try to change it."

The blonde smiled, sitting down on a toppled tree. He loved that about Sasori no Danna; he always accepted him. Even when they disagreed, even when their opinions were literally opposites of one another; Danna still accepted him.

"There is nothing you can't say to me, nothing that I can't take. If I'm to help you, I have to understand what you're experiencing. I will be the puppet for all of your emotions."

That's what Sasori had said to him when they'd first met, and it led to him having a strong trust in his doctor. He knew he could tell him anything. He always did.

So why did he feel like there was something he couldn't?

[Author's Note]

I actually had some Saso POV written, but I decided it would detract from the effect of Deidara's flashbacks and thoughts. It'll probably be included in the next chapter.

Music I wrote this chapter to:

First bit:
[I Like It Rough — Lady GaGa]

The middle:
[Because You Live — Jesse McCartney]

The rest:
[Appreciation and the Bomb — The Spill Canvas — Suggestion by Akatsuki Annabell-YAOI ROCKS]

Keep suggesting songs, guys! I use them! I really do! In case you haven't noticed (because you don't care about my other work), I have used [Welcome To My Life — Simple Plan (gabrielsangel23)] and [Cello Suite 1i - Prelude — Bach (Solace In The Chaos)] in my drabble series. So keep it up!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Anyone that doesn't review has to eat the cake*!

*Note: YOU DO NOT WANT TO EAT THAT CAKE.

I don't own Portal, by the way.