[Author's Note]
Well, I almost didn't write this. My wonderful fans that gave me an average of 9 reviews per chapter only gave me two. I was sad. I checked my email the day after, expecting the usual deluge of stuff from FF, and there was nothing there. Nothing.
I actually decided that I wouldn't write this chapter until I got 5 reviews for Ch. 10, but alas, I have people IRL that are waiting for this chapter and I decided that it wasn't fair to not write it without giving you some kind of warning. So I hope you like it.
Please review.
Also, I get emails when you follow and favorite. People that do so without reviewing: I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
To the chapter! ヽ(；▽；)ノ
So Help Me, Freud — Ch. 11
"Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness." — Sigmund Freud
The man and his patient sat there in silence for several minutes, searching each other's eyes for any sign that they would break the silence, but there were none to be found. Deidara had said all that he had to say. Sasori couldn't find a way to phrase his words. All of the options just seemed so...blunt.
Several more minutes passed and the blonde was growing sick of the silence.
"Well, Danna?" he asked, propping his chin on his hand. His body was reclined in the plastic chair so that he was almost falling out of it, kept in place by the foot he had pressed against the bedside table. His eyes were fixed in a glare, and his other leg was on the bed, the treads of his shoes imprinting on Sasori's leg through the bed sheet. It was probably uncomfortable for the doctor, but Deidara didn't care. Danna deserved a little discomfort.
"Well?" he repeated. "Spit it out. Talk."
Sasori lowered his head, breaking their eye contact. Quietly, he mumbled something into his hospital gown.
"Huh?"
He mumbled it again, and Deidara smacked the bedside table.
"Speak up, damn it!" he shouted. The teen's blue eyes seared angrily through the golden strands of his bangs. "Talk to my face!"
The doctor raised his head a little, showing his face but leaving his eyes obscured by red hair and shadows. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, opening his lips to speak.
"I love you." he whispered. Deidara narrowed his eyes, clenching his teeth angrily.
"Yeah, and I love you too. Otherwise I wouldn't have brought you here, yeah?. Of course we love each other, we've known each other approximately forever now so loving is practically requisite, I mean, I've known you longer than most people have dogs for, we're practically—"
Sasori grabbed Deidara's wrist, which had been gesturing haphazardly with the blonde's rambling.
"Dei," he started, interrupting the teen. "I don't mean platonically."
Silence spread over them again as Deidara lowered his arms to his lap, his face blank as he understood what the man had just told him. He blinked a few times, half-expecting everything to dissolve into the bizarre clusterfuck of letters, numbers, and jumbled sounds that he imagined dyslexic nightmares were like.
"...really, un?" he said dumbly. He didn't know what to say. He just stared plainly as the red-haired man slowly nodded in response.
"Yes."
The blonde boy blinked again and looked down, tasking his eyes with finding patterns in the denim of his jeans. He didn't know where to look sometimes, and looking at the other man felt strange and uncomfortable. Sometimes he wished that he could make senses and parts of his body vanish and reappear at will.
"Why...didn't you tell me..." he asked, his voice trailing. "Is that why, why everything..."
The rest of Deidara's sentence didn't make sense, but Sasori understood, and he pulled his legs up to sit with them crossed. Once situated, he leaned his face on his knuckles, looking up to meet the gaze of the teen. The blue eyes had just diverted from his jeans.
"Yes," the doctor said again. "That's why...that's everything."
Deidara shook his head.
"I don't follow, Danna. I don't see how loving me got you in that hospital bed. Tell me the whole story, everything. I need to understand. I need to know."
Sasori nodded.
"Fine. But don't...don't judge me."
"Of course."
"Alright then...where do I start..." he murmured, mostly to himself. Deidara raised his hand a little.
The blonde made a suggestion of where to start, and Sasori began, explaining everything. He recounted everything from the past week: how he tormented himself with his thoughts, how he was ashamed of what he felt, how he was sure that he was sick in the head. He told Deidara about how his heart was shattered to pieces by the remark that he made as he left the office. He explained that sending Hidan away wasn't entirely relevant to their situation; Hidan was just a dick and he was sick of it. He mentioned how he had teemed with jealously over Tobi. How he had actually slept that night and woke up after dreaming about his patient. How he had sought comfort in the words of Sigmund Freud, but found that they did nothing but tear him down. He told about how he became little more than a puppet, shutting out everything around him. He explained how his heart nearly climbed through his throat when the teen came to his door, and how his world twisted into a nightmare, making his life unlivable.
"...and that's when I decided to make it stop." he finished, looking up at Deidara. "Then you saved me, I guess, and that brings us to where we are now."
Deidara looked up at his doctor, once again not knowing what expression it was that he needed to make.
"Thank you." he said quietly. "I understand now."
"I'm glad you do," Sasori murmured, his eyes shifting down again. "So then...will you explain now? What the doctor says happened and what really happened are entirely different."
Deidara sighed. It was his turn now. "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt for you to be in on the story. Be a shame if you messed it up after I've already gotten everyone to buy it—"
"Unh uh," Sasori said, shaking his head. "I don't need to know what you told them; Kankuro took care of that for you. I want to know why you told them what you did. Why not tell them the truth? If I had died, you could've been arrested for manslaughter!"
Deidara pushed out his lower lip, crossing his arms and looking away.
"But if you died, I wouldn't care."
"What!?" Sasori shouted, making a wide sweeping gesture with his arm. "What are you talking about? You would go to jail!"
"So?"
"You have no one that would help you get out!"
"Exactly." the teen hissed. He paused for a moment before turning back to the red-haired man. "You're the only one I have."
The two men exchanged looks, and Deidara continued.
"I told them that because I knew that if I told them the truth, you would lose your job, and I couldn't do that to you...I couldn't make you lose your job, un, you love it too much, and besides..." the teen trailed off. "If you lost your job, un...you wouldn't be able to see me anymore. You couldn't be my doctor anymore, and I need you there for me. You're the only one that I can talk to, and I love you."
Deidara stood up and sat down on the side of the bed, moving to put his arms around the red-haired man. Pulling him close, the blonde leaned over to whisper in his ear.
"Not platonically."
[Author's Note]
Well? What do you think? Should that be the end? Should there be another chapter? What should be in the next chapter? Talk to me! I reply to ALL REVIEWS that I get; ask anyone that's reviewed with FF account. I do. Always. So review, and tell me what you think. Tell me if you there should be more to the story, and I'll happily chat with you about it.
Let me know! Review or I'll see to it that you get nothing more.
Also, I hate pronouns. I'm also running out of applicable Freud quotes. But I write anyway!
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